Chapter Thirty Rome
M Y PHONE WAS in my hand before I could think better of it.
The press conference room sat just down the hall, ready and waiting, filled to the brim with reporters currently listening to Emma drone on about whatever.
I just wanted to be sitting next to Alex on his mountain of cushions on our couch.
Instead, we moved up the timetable of my big reveal.
Emma’s team applied only a light amount of makeup to my face.
Ricky had only put one hit on my face and the stitches across my eyebrow were obvious, but Emma’s team hid the bruising that occurred around it.
I’d get questions about it and Emma insisted I stay away from any details.
I should have already been in the conference room. Should have been waltzing in like I always did, stoic, even-keeled, and answering questions with the calculated, cold eyes I typically gave those vipers.
Instead, I tucked myself into a corner of the locker room as I thumbed the most special number on my phone for words of encouragement.
Alex answered the microsecond I heard it ring. “Hey. You okay?” He sounded so concerned.
“Yeah. Um. No,” I said into the receiver. Bombastic laughs cut through the silence as some teammates passed by. I slunk down the hall and found a utility closet that I slipped into. I stood there in the dark next to dank mops and dusty brooms.
“What’s going on? Where are you?”
I laughed at the circumstance. “In the closet.” Laughed a little louder. “In the friggen closet. Literally. Figuratively.”
Alex giggled in confusion. The sound helped unbuckle some of the tension strapped to my shoulders. “Please don’t make me laugh. I hurts too much. Why are you in a closet?”
“I’m scared,” I said. Saying the words hadn’t alleviated me from the burdensome feeling. Wasn’t admitting something supposed to take away its power? “I’m scared,” I repeated.
He tsked , then sighed. “Oh, honey.” The way he spoke, so concerned.
I could hear him thinking that he wanted to be next to me.
“I know you are. It’s a scary thing you’re about to do.
But you have so much courage. You’re one of the bravest people I know for doing this.
Of course you’re scared. Anyone would be. ”
My lip trembled. I cleared my throat and clamped down on that silly emotion.
“Wish you were here.”
“I do, too. But you need to do this. I’ll call you afterward, and I wish I could be there for you but this is something you need to do. Is Emma there?”
“Yeah. She’s warming up the room, I guess.” I pulled off my cap and ran my hand through my hair. “You’re watching, right?”
“I am,” he said. “They’re showing the anchors right now but they’re ready to cutaway to the conference at any moment. As soon as you get there.”
I breathed out heavily through my nostrils. “I’m really scared, Alex.”
He sighed into the phone. I could picture him. On our couch swallowed by cushions, bandaged and bruised, eyes closed, pressing his face into the phone like it was my chest. “Were you scared during your first major league game?”
“Yes. Thought I would vibrate out of my uniform. Went to the bathroom half a dozen times before first pitch.”
A slight giggle, then a croak of pain. “Stop that. How did you deal with the fear?”
“I… I guess I just…” What did I do? The game had been a blur. We lost, but that’s not what I remember most about it. “I played. I went out and I played.”
“Were you nervous while you played?”
“No. Only before,” I said.
“Mmhmm. And when did the fear stop?”
I remembered the moment. “The second my cleats hit the diamond.”
“The conference room is your diamond, Rome,” Alex said.
“The only courage you need is to step into that room. The rest is easy. Answer whatever questions you think you can, but like the outfield, it’s in your control.
Only you can drop the ball. Only you can catch it.
You’re in control, Rome. You always have been.
You just need to see that this is the same. ”
I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I blinked. Wiped it away. “I love you, Alex. Ti amo tanto .”
“ Ti amo , Romolo, ” he said in his attempt at using an Italian accent. It was terrible and an offensive caricature. And it made my heart melt. Knees weak. “I’ll be watching. Remember when you realized I started watching all your games? This is the same thing. It’s practically like I’m there.”
I pressed my hand to my heart. “You’re always here with me, aren’t you?”
“Always. Go and do what you were born to do, Rome. You’ve got this.”
“I got this,” I said. Told him I loved him again and again. Ended the call.
And stepped out from the closet.
?
Inordinate flashing as I walked into the conference room.
Emma waved me over to the table. The head coach sat there as well and, to my surprise, Devin on the opposite side.
He gave me dual thumbs up as I walked over.
A bit unorthodox to have a training coach at the bench but no one seemed to question it.
I knew exactly why he was there, though.
I was so happy I could have hugged him. I knew I would afterward.
The second my rear hit the cold metal of the chair behind the table, I shifted.
The knot in my stomach loosened, though it didn’t go away entirely.
I stared ahead at a sea of reporters dotted with live cameras.
Emma had been speaking, an introduction of some kind that I didn’t exactly hear.
My mind repeated the words I had wanted to say and how I wanted to say them.
We had rehearsed this. Emma, the coach, and myself.
I cleared my throat into the microphone. Took off my ball cap and ran my hand through my hair. I swallowed and leaned in.
“Hey everyone. Thanks for being patient with me. I, um… I was just on the phone with someone special.” I looked right at the camera as I said that part, the one for the channel I knew Alex watched.
I could almost feel his eyes on me. Could almost hear the whisper of his encouraging words in my ear.
The heat of his hands on my shoulders. The press of his lips into my cheek.
“The rumors are true,” I said, my voice as clear as a bell. “I am gay.”
An eruption of questions. The words left my mouth almost like a battle cry, daring anyone to come at me.
They gave me strength. Emma quieted the crowd so I could continue.
“Always have been. Always will be. You guys have come to know me well enough that I keep my private life private. I will continue to do so, but given the rumors, the unfortunate reaction of other teams, and recent personal issues that have made the tabloids, I felt it was time to come out so we can be done with talking about my personal life, and focus on the greatest game there is.” I sighed, nodded, and leaned back. “I’ll take a few questions.”
Emma had prepped me on the questions likely coming my way. We walked through the best response for each, but she encouraged me to speak from the heart and off the cuff, if I could.
To the question about performance impact, I answered, “Hopefully I’ll be playing the same way I was when you guys didn’t know about my dating life. My focus on the field is unwavering. I don’t expect any impact.”
Logically, the next question was one I had to sidestep. I said, “I’m not here to talk about how and why the fight with the Brawlers happened.”
Which only led to another, similar question.
I answered as I pressed the pad of my forefinger onto my split eyebrow.
“If you think this is bad, you should see the other guy.” That got me a round of laughter.
I looked at the camera and winked, knowing Alex would see it.
How could I not borrow that awful joke he made when we first met?
The crowd moved on. A stupid question next.
Close-minded and bigoted. Before I could answer, my coach jumped in and said, “The whole team knows about Romo and nothing has changed with their dynamic. The locker room is still the same locker room it always has been. Nobody has changed the way they react around him. Next question.”
I liked the next question. I answered, “I hope I can be a role model for a lot of baseball youths out there who are struggling the way I did. I want them to know that baseball is about the game, first and foremost. You should focus on your skill as a player. I never let my closeted life get in the way of my success and I know being out won’t change a thing. ”
For once, I didn’t mind talking about my family with the next question.
“My family is the greatest support system I could ever ask for. They’ve known, ever since I was a teenager.
Morettis don’t tell, so I know they always have my back, no matter what.
The coaches have been incredible and Emma has been a rockstar.
I have every support system I could ever need. I’m really lucky. Really.”
A question about the fans had me pause in consideration.
“If I lose fans because of this, that’s on them, not me.
I’ll still hit postseason with the same exuberance and lightheartedness you’re used to seeing from Romo.
I think the fans will be okay with it, to tell you the truth.
” I shrugged. “And if I hear them all singing ‘Roam’ the next time I step up to bat… well, I’ll know for sure, then. ”
Then, the inevitable question. “No, you guys know I’m not comfortable getting too far into my personal life.
Yes, I have someone. No, I won’t talk about him out of respect for our privacy.
” Beside me, Devin moved slightly. These clips would be viewed and reviewed a hundred times.
Any indicator from him would be scrutinized.
Someone returned to asking about the fight with the Brawlers. They got out their question before I could answer, specifically asking if a Brawler used a homophobic slur.
Emma finally stepped in to end the questioning. I thanked everyone for their time, shook my coach’s hand as well as Devin’s, and left the room. I floated out of that place. I don’t think my feet touched the ground as I glided effortlessly. My phone was ringing before the door closed.
“I did it,” I said to Alex. “ I did it .”