Chapter 34
CHAPTER 34
TRISTAN
A week later, Ronan and Atticus had left Shady Hills for L.A. to get back to their lives. I still had a little time before promoting the new album and other band obligations that would require me to join them. I’d renewed the lease for this house for another month and was putting off leaving Shady Hills. I couldn’t figure out if I wasn’t ready to leave Jacob or Emily-or both.
I’d arranged things so Emily and I hadn’t been alone again since the night of the barbecue. She’d left that evening soon after Ronan had come home from the bar. I’d taken the interruption as a sign that I needed to slow my roll when it came to her. So, we’d met at some of the remaining places she wanted to take me, but we hadn’t gone back to my place again. While Emily seemed open to exploring things with me again, I held out. Deep down, I knew I was fighting a losing battle because I’d done nothing but fall harder for her with each passing day. But I hadn’t yet figured out how I’d handle the guilt of betraying Jacob, or the worry of not being what she ultimately needed.
Today was the first time in a while I had no plans to see Emily at all. I’d planned to start packing my stuff so that when I felt ready to get back to L.A., I’d be in good shape. But my day was interrupted by a phone call from Carol Mahoney.
“Hey, Carol. What’s up?”
“Hi, Tristan. I’m calling because I found something I think you might be interested in.”
“Oh? What’s that?”
“Well, I’m embarrassed to say this, but I hadn’t cleaned under Jacob’s bed since he passed away. Today was the first time. I found another journal and peeked inside at the dates. He was writing in this one just before the accident. I figured you’d want to read it.”
Holy shit. My heart came alive. This was a gift.
“Wow. Yeah, I’d love to come by and get it, if you don’t mind.”
“Absolutely. I’ve just put some coffee on and made a fresh cherry pie, if you’d like to stay a bit.”
“That would be awesome. See you soon.”
***
After I got to the Mahoney’s, I sat with Carol in the kitchen, eating pie and drinking coffee as she told me stories about Jacob’s childhood. Rick was at work, so it was just the two of us.
Once I left Shady Hills, I knew I’d have to come back here to see them periodically. There were too many things I’d yet to learn, and I appreciated having Carol and Rick as a connection to Jacob.
“Did you read the journal you found?” I asked her.
She shook her head. “No. I haven’t been able to read any of them. Like I said, it’s always felt like an invasion of Jacob’s privacy. I know that sounds silly since he’s not here anymore, but once he turned eighteen, I stopped butting into his business. Or maybe that’s just an excuse because it would be too painful to read.”
“I hear you.” I took my plate to the sink. “Do you mind if I hang out in his room for a while and read it? I feel close to him in there.”
“Of course not. Take your time. Our home is your home.”
“I really appreciate your hospitality and kindness through all this. I can’t imagine if Jacob had parents who didn’t support my wanting to learn about him. I’m very grateful to you.”
Carol smiled. “We have Emily to thank for finding you.”
“That’s for sure…”
The mention of her name caused an ache in my chest, a reminder that the end of my time here was looming. I went into Jacob’s room, took my shoes off, lay back on the bed, and looked out the window for a moment, taking in the view that was once his.
I finally opened the notebook and skimmed through the pages. It was only halfway full. It hurt my heart to think about why it was left unfinished.
As I started to read, I realized there were some things in this one that Emily didn’t know, namely just how much his feelings had grown for Piper, the girl he’d been dating at the time of his death. We’d tried to contact her so I could meet her while I was here, but her mother said she’d just moved away for a new job after graduating college.
My relationship with Piper is making me realize some things when it comes to Emily. I will always love her. But I used to think she was the love of my life, even after she ended things before she went to college. I’m now beginning to see why she broke up with me. We were way too young when we got together. We loved each other but weren’t IN love with each other. The fact that I am falling in love so easily with Piper now proves that Emily was right. (Emily usually is.) I was nowhere ready to be with one person for the rest of my life when I wasn’t even out of high school. Emily and I weren’t meant to be boyfriend and girlfriend forever. But she was always meant to be my best friend. I hope she and I can get back someday to the kind of friendship we had when we were younger. And I hope Emily can find a good guy who cares about her as much as I do and makes her happier than I ever did. She deserves that and has no idea how special she is. Piper is going to have to accept that Emily will always be in my life. The strange thing is, I have this urge to call Emily and tell her all about Piper right now, but that might be a little weird. Yeah, maybe not.
Jacob had been falling in love with Piper when he died. Who knew if that relationship would’ve lasted, but this was news to me and would be news to Emily, since she’d told me Piper was someone Jacob had just started dating. It seemed he’d been holding back from Emily, maybe because he didn’t want to hurt her feelings. I wondered if knowing this would upset her or bring her peace, since she still had some guilt about ending things with him.
The most surprising thing about this new journal was the lyrics he’d written, mixed in with the entries. Jacob had apparently been teaching himself to play guitar, too. I couldn’t have been prouder. Many of the songs he was attempting to write focused on love, belonging, and finding yourself. One was about feeling like someone else in your own skin. I got stuck on those pages, trying to imagine a melody to go with his words. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree.
Then I came upon a passage that knocked the wind out of me. I had to read the first sentence multiple times to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating.
I met my biological father today.
What?
I read it again.
I met my biological father today.
Finally, I garnered the courage to read past that line.
I met my biological father today. It was wild. Delirious Jones played the Eclipse Pavilion in St. Louis, and I scored tickets. It was rare that they played such a small venue. My cousin on my dad’s side works there and gave me inside info about when the band would be exiting the club. I didn’t tell Eric the truth. I lied and said I wanted a chance for an autograph.
There were only a few of us in the private hallway outside the band exit. When Tristan came out and walked past me, I yelled his name. I don’t think I’ve ever been that nervous in my entire life. It was a miracle the word even came out. I figured maybe he’d keep walking, but he stopped and turned to come over to me. Instead of seeming frustrated, he smiled. He asked me how I liked the show, and I told him it was great. It was. I really like their new music, and Tristan killed it out there. He signed the CD I brought. Then he handed me back my marker and told me to have a good night. I think I said something like, “You, too, man.” And then he left. I wanted to scream out, “Wait! You’re my dad!” But I couldn’t do that to him. It wasn’t the right time or place. But meeting him today made me feel like someday I could tell him. He doesn’t seem as scary as he once did. So wild.
Tristan fucking Daltrey.
My father.
Wracking my brain, I couldn’t for the life of me remember meeting him. I could barely remember that show in St. Louis. Thousands had stopped me for autographs in the past several years, and they all blurred together. I rarely looked anyone in the eye, because that might prompt them to ask questions I didn’t have time to answer. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk to my fans, but I only had so much time in a day and would never get from point A to B if I stopped to chat with everyone. So, I’d be cordial, sign what I needed to, and walk away. But boy, was I damn glad I’d taken the time to be friendlier than average to him, even if I hadn’t looked closely enough to see myself in his face. Even if I’d somehow noticed a resemblance, I’d have likely thought it a coincidence.
How I wished he’d given into that whim and yelled after me that day. Hearing the words “ you’re my dad ” would sure as hell have gotten my attention. But I could understand why he didn’t.
The fact that he’d started to come around and liked my music? A huge win. His opinion was everything.
Jacob Mahoney said I killed it.
Jacob fucking Mahoney.
My son.