Chapter 29
“That’s easy for you to say when you aren’t the one who would suffer the most from the truth coming to light,” their mother retorted once she regained control of her senses.
“I was the one who made the decision, and I did it to protect the two of you from the kind of ugly disputes over titles that can destroy families.”
“And we appreciate that,” Nicholas assured her.
He doubted either he or Theo would ever be the kind of power-hungry prick who would tear apart a family for the sake of a title and fortune, but their parents couldn’t have known that at the time, and they’d made what they thought was the best choice—even if it was somewhat unconventional. “But—”
“You don’t understand!” She bolted upright, the mask of bitterness disappearing as her true fear surfaced. Tears filled her eyes, and she stalked to the window, her chest heaving as she struggled to get herself under control.
Nicholas started to stand, ready to go to her, but she pivoted toward them, her fists clenched at her sides
“You’re a man,” she wailed. “You don’t understand what it is to be vulnerable. Sometimes, our reputations are all we have, and we depend on them to survive.”
Nicholas opened his mouth, thought better of it, and closed it. She was right. He didn’t fully understand, although as the younger twin, he suspected that he had a better idea of her circumstances than Theo did.
“It was one thing when your father was alive because I knew I had his care and protection,” she went on, a flush creeping up her cheeks. “At least if I were ostracized, I had him to provide for me, and I wouldn’t lose my most trusted confidante. Now that he’s gone….”
Her sob broke Nicholas’s heart, but she patted her eyes with a handkerchief and glared at them, making it clear that sympathy was unwelcome.
She cleared her throat. “Now that he’s gone, I’m reliant on the goodwill of my son and at society’s mercy.”
“That’s true,” Nicholas allowed, getting up and walking over to her despite her continued glaring. As he moved closer, he went on, “I’m also dependent on Theo, so I know that can be challenging, and I admit that I have greater latitude with the ton because I’m a man.”
She nodded, her lips pursed as if ready to argue at any moment.
He stopped in front of her. “But if the secret didn’t come out with the scandal between Theo and Kate, and—as far as we know—it hasn’t come to light as a result of our elopement, then it isn’t likely to do so at all.”
She put out her hand to stop him before he tried to touch her. “What happens when you return to society and are subject to their scrutiny? You can’t be certain they won’t notice something amiss.”
“Sophie and I intend to wait until next season to rejoin society.” He waited for that to sink in. “I’ll keep my hair long and continue to grow my beard, if that’s what it takes to make you comfortable.”
Lady Blackwell didn’t seem swayed. “You still look alike. It’s incredible that no one has put it together so far.”
Nicholas made a sound of disagreement. “Not as incredible as you might think. You and Father worked hard during our childhood to preserve the secret, and many years have passed.” He lowered his voice and added gently, “The truth is, no one is looking. And unless we give them an obvious reason to, no one will.”
“A reason like scandal?” she asked archly.
“You’ll always have a place with us.” Kate spoke from her chair but pitched her voice for it to carry. “I think Nicholas is right about the odds, but if something did go wrong, we would always support you.”
The dowager sniffed. “What kind of life would it be for me if I were cast out of society and aimlessly rambled the corridors of Blackwell Hall?”
Nicholas grimaced. There was the melodrama he’d expected.
“You’d have your family,” Sophie snapped, far less patient than Kate. “That isn’t something to dismiss. Not everyone is so fortunate.”
“Fortunate? I—”
“I understand your concern,” Kate interrupted smoothly. “Society is the only thing you have for yourself. Everything else in your life is governed by someone else, but you’ve worked hard to carve a place for yourself in the years since you lost your husband.”
“Y-yes,” Lady Blackwell replied falteringly, caught off guard by the astute remark. “That’s exactly right.”
“But reputations can be rebuilt.” Kate approached tentatively and put her arm around Lady Blackwell.
The older woman stiffened at first but didn’t push her away.
“You are one of the most cunning society ladies I have ever met, and I know you could meet the challenge and reinvent yourself if you had to, rising from the ashes like a phoenix.”
Nicholas looked away so his mother wouldn’t see him grin. The imagery was a little too fanciful for him, but Lady Blackwell seemed intrigued by the notion.
Clever Kate, appealing to her vanity and boredom.
He wasn’t finished getting everything off his chest yet, though, so he powered on. “You and Father claimed we were born a year apart to protect our relationship with each other. Your intentions were pure.”
She nodded, a furrow forming between her eyebrows.
“Which is why I’m certain that you never meant for me to have to hide who I am and shy away from attention.
” He glanced around, wishing he had a drink to moisten the inside of his mouth.
“I never begrudged the decision you made even though I would have liked to attend school with Theo and celebrate more publicly with him at each of his weddings.”
“You were there,” she protested.
“Not as much as I wanted.” He wouldn’t sweeten anything for her benefit.
Not now. This was too important. “But I didn’t mind as long as it didn’t interfere with any major decisions in my life.
I didn’t even resent the prospect of remaining single because there were no particular women of interest to me until I met Sophie. ”
Behind him, Sophie sighed happily, and he wished more than anything that he could tuck her under his arm and take comfort from her closeness for the remainder of the conversation, but that would make his mother feel too much like they were facing off against one another, and he wanted to avoid that as much as possible.
“It wouldn’t have been fair of you to ask me not to marry her.” He met his mother’s gaze. “I won’t apologize for marrying the woman I love, and you shouldn’t expect me to.”
“You love me?”
The question didn’t come from Lady Blackwell but from Sophie.
Nicholas turned toward her, confused. “Of course I do. I risked my family and ran away to Gretna Green with you.” When she just beamed at him as if this was new information and she couldn’t be more thrilled, he strode over and pulled her into his arms. “I love you, Sophie Blackwell.”
She kissed him, her lips curving and a smile that couldn’t be denied. “I love you too.”
Lady Blackwell huffed. “This is all such a mess.” She rubbed her temple, then dug her thumbs into the muscles of her jaw and massaged them.
She didn’t seem able to raise her eyes. “I never wanted to hurt either of you, Nicholas. I just…. Without your father, I don’t know how I would function if I lost my position in society. ”
“Hopefully, you won’t have to.”
That came from Theo, and Nicholas was glad that he was finally speaking up because all Nicholas could do was gaze at Sophie and think about just how goddamned lucky he’d been that she hadn’t given up on him sooner.
“I’m… pleased you’ve found someone you care about enough to marry,” Lady Blackwell said to Nicholas. He could tell she was trying to put on a good front even though she was still worried. “I adored your father, and if you can find even a fraction of the love we shared, that’s a blessing.”
That got Sophie’s attention. She kissed Nicholas once more and stepped around him to address his mother.
“Lady Blackwell, you should know that I received correspondence from my mother, Lady Carlisle. While I didn’t tell her the precise details, she’s aware that there is a secret that you fear may harm your standing in society if it would come out.
She has assured me that she and Lady Drake would stand by your side even if everyone else were to cut you. ”
His mother sniffled and blinked rapidly as tears filled her eyes. “Ladies Carlisle and Drake have never been particularly close to me. Why would they do such a thing?”
“Because we’re family,” Sophie said simply. “And family stands together.”
Lady Blackwell’s expression crumpled, and her daughters-in-law sandwiched her between them, holding her as she sobbed out all her fears and many years of repressed emotion that Nicholas suspected she’d been holding in all this time.
“It will be all right,” Theo said as he came to join them.
He stood shoulder to shoulder with Nicholas, and his own chest felt tender and raw. Discussing the loss of their father was never easy. Perhaps he and Theo had let their mother down because they didn’t like to do so when maybe she needed to.
After all, she’d been wearing mourning colors ever since Theo had returned on that terrible day and broken the news that Lord Blackwell was dead. What else was that, if not a cry for help?
Nicholas would remember now, though. He wouldn’t fail her in that way again.
When Lady Blackwell finally calmed, she dried her eyes—or attempted to—with her sodden handkerchief and bared her teeth in a brittle approximation of a smile. She drew in a breath and released it on a shudder.
“I daresay I’m disappointed to have missed your wedding ceremony. Perhaps we might have a private ceremony within the family to celebrate.”
Nicholas’s heart swelled, and he swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. “I’d like that.”
It meant a lot to him that she wanted to participate and celebrate his relationship with Sophie even though it was clearly a struggle for her to relinquish the beliefs that she’d held for so long.
“Katherine can design a wedding gown, and we’ll get the minister from the next town over to officiate,” she continued, warming to the subject. “Not Mr. Norman, of course. He and his wife may be more civil than they used to be, but it would be best to avoid them, nonetheless.”
“I’ll also create a wedding portrait,” Kate said, smiling at Nicholas and Sophie.
“No, that sounds like far too much work for you,” Sophie protested.
Kate just shook her head, still smiling. “I’ll only enjoy it. I loved painting the family portraits for everyone else. And designing your dress will be a pleasure too.”
Nicholas mouthed a silent “Thank you” to his sister-in-law as he wrapped his arms around Sophie in a display of affection that would have been out of place in most households, but here, no one other than his mother looked the least bit surprised.
“The roses are already beginning to bloom.” He’d noticed earlier that the late viscountess’s gardens were flourishing. “Perhaps we could hold the ceremony there later this month.”
“This month?” His mother was clearly appalled that they would act so soon, but then she sighed. “I suppose it’s going to be an intimate affair, so this month isn’t out of the question. Just leave it to me.”
He nodded. “I trust that you’ll use your best judgement, Mother.”
They migrated back to the furniture and talked for a while longer. By the time Nicholas took Sophie’s hand and led her to his bedchamber, he was reasonably confident that everything would work out for the best.
For the first time in his life, he wasn’t afraid to hope.