Chapter 25
25
Sloane Elizabeth’s Post-It Note for Sunday’s Important Tasks
1. Go underwear shopping.
2. See #1.
3. Also, consider massage, yoga, meditation, and any other techniques for shutting off that annoying brain that’s getting in the way.
4. Ooh! Idea! Tickle the pink ivories before you see him. No pressure then, right?
5. Make time for #4.
6. Text Piper and tell her everything.
* * *
Sloane: So that’s everything.
Piper: And that’s interesting. Can we call it Project No More Thing?
Sloane: How about we refer to it as Eradicate the Orgasm Thief?
Piper: That does have a nice ring to it. Or maybe just Reversing the Thing?
Sloane: The Thing Reversal?
Piper: Love it. It feels like something that happens in a superhero movie when he has to turn back time to change the fate of the world.
Sloane: Yes, the future of humanity and climaxes have a lot in common.
Piper: Both are noble causes. However, I have one piece of advice . . .
Sloane: Of course. ;)
Piper: I’m an advice giver. It’s what I do!
Sloane: It’s what you do so well!
Piper: Here goes: have an open mind.
Sloane: Trust me—the mind isn’t closed. The mind may even be too open. Too much is going through it at that critical moment.
Piper: What I mean is this—if this man is really committed to giving you pleasure, see what you can do to get there too.
Sloane: Like herbs, mantras, chants, voodoo, offerings, séances, and Ouija boards?
Piper: That, and maybe also just letting go of some of the past.
Sloane: Past what? What past am I clinging to?
Piper: Past boyfriends, sweetie. Let’s be honest. You’ve dated kind of selfish pricks.
Sloane: Whoa. Tell me what you really think.
Piper: I’m just being blunt.
Sloane: AS YOU DO.
Piper: Why, thank you. *curtsies* Look, you know I’ve never been fond of your exes. You tend to go for guys who are a little distant, a little removed.
Sloane: That is true. I can’t argue with you there.
Piper: And hey, we all have issues. I have my fair share of issues. Big thorny issues.
Sloane: True, your issues are bigger than my issues. *sticks out tongue*
Piper: You know it! Mine are a mile high. But at least I’ve been to the mile-high club. :)
Sloane: Show off.
Piper: Anyway, all I’m saying is have an open mind to what you want in your body, your mind, and your heart. Also, it may not have felt entirely right being intimate with the dickhead jerks you dated.
Sloane: And do you think I feel better being intimate with Malone?
Piper: I don’t think it’s any surprise he’s the one you’re playing “Midnight Train to O-ville” with.
Sloane: Perhaps he’ll be the one to get me to that destination.
Piper: You know where orgasms lead.
Sloane: To bliss?
Piper: That, but also intimacy. Watch out.
Sloane: I’ll consider myself warned. On that note, want to meet me at that sexy lingerie shop on the Upper East Side?
Piper: I thought you’d never ask.