Chapter 44
44
A few days later, I finish jujitsu, exhausted, muscles aching, but at the top of my form.
Jason glances at my sister as the three of us leave, heading down the block. “Should we tell him?”
I arch an eyebrow. “Tell me what?”
“We had the tournament this weekend. We talked about you,” Truly says.
I stop to face them. “How was the tournament?”
“I won,” they both say in unison.
“Congrats.”
“But listen, here’s the thing,” Jason says, patting me on the chest. “We need you to get your shit together.”
“Yeah, tell me something I don’t know,” I say drily.
He shakes his head. “You don’t get it. The problem is, you’re too good.”
Truly chimes in. “You sing better now than you did before things ended with Sloane.”
Jason takes his turn. “You play softball better than anyone now.”
Truly swings once more. “And you’re better at jujitsu than you’ve ever been. It’s just not fair. You were already great at all those things beforehand, and you aren’t allowed to be astronomically better now that you’ve been pummeled by love.”
Jason waves in the general direction of the rest of Manhattan. “We need you to become human again. You’re making all of us look bad with your excellence, even if it benefits us as your teammates. We don’t care. Because it’s not benefiting you. Go resolve your stuff with your woman.”
I sigh, wishing it were that simple. “How do you want me to do that?”
Truly parks her hands on her hips. “That’s up to you, but do it, and do it soon. I need to kick your ass in class again.”
But I don’t know how the hell I’m supposed to be “ass-kickable” again. I don’t have any answers.
I head to the place where I feel most myself, where I know how to solve problems. Maybe that’ll give me a flash of clarity. I go to the clinic, making calls to clients, inquiring how their little four-legged family members are doing after surgeries and procedures. I check on paperwork. I answer emails.
But none of that makes me any happier.
None of that soothes the ache in my heart.
I turn and talk to the photo of my dad. “So there’s this girl. I work with her. In the same damn space. I’m madly in love with her. What would you do, Dad?”
I close my eyes, wishing to hear him, longing for his advice. It’s been eighteen years, but that hasn’t stopped me from wanting it. I try to listen to what he might tell me.
A throat clears. “Tell her father you’re in love with her.”
In a flash, I sit up straight, open my eyes, and stare at Jonathan, who’s standing in the doorway of my office.
“What are you doing here?”
“Sam left her phone, and I came to pick it up for her.”
“That was nice of you.”
“That’s what men and women do for each other when they like each other. They help each other. They tell each other things. They do things for each other. You could do that for Sloane, too, if you would actually take the next step and make things happen.”
Up is down. Right is left. Everything is inside out. “Jonathan, are you seriously giving me relationship advice?”
He nods vigorously. “Just tell Doug. Go for it. I swear, your generation makes such a big deal of everything.”
I scoff. “You do realize I’m only nine years older than you? That’s hardly a generation.”
“Feels like a lifetime.”
“And you do realize you want me to pay your vet school bills?”
He smiles, a big, cheesy grin. “I do. I do want you to pay my vet school bills. But I also want you to be happy. I saw how you were with Sloane. I don’t know what the big deal is. Just go figure it out.” He gives a quick wave. “I need to jet. The woman wants me.”
He leaves, and I’m all alone.
I stare at the photo once more, but this time I don’t need to ask. I know what my dad would tell me. He put my mother first. He put us first. He put love first.
He prioritized that over his practice. Maybe that’s why he was never able to open his own clinic.
Because work wasn’t his first love.
He was excellent at his job, but he ended each day at five and came home to be with us and my mom. He savored every moment of the years they had together.
Funny—that’s what Doug is doing now too. Savoring.
I’m the one who’s been obsessed with work. Driven mad by a dream my dad never asked me to fulfill.
Maybe he had his biggest dreams—his wife and his family—and having his own clinic wasn’t worth sacrificing those things.
He wouldn’t want me to chase a dream if it made me feel so damn empty.
Right now, that’s how I feel without her. Like a part of me is missing. A part she irrevocably owns.
A part I need back desperately, and I need her to bring it back to me, and to say it when she does.
Because she’s the dream.
I grab my phone and dial Doug’s number, but it goes to voicemail. I bet he’s already left for his trip.
I can’t do anything to fix this here, so I get the hell out of the office.