54. My Lone Wolf Thing
54
MY LONE WOLF THING
Jake
I walked.
Did I ever walk. I covered the entire length of Seven Mile Beach that evening. Fine, that wasn’t some huge feat of physical fitness, but I needed to burn off some frustration. I was mad about the case. Mad about the way everything had come up empty.
Most of all, I was angry with myself.
As I neared the end of the beach, my phone buzzed with a reminder to call Kylie back and find out how the test went. At least that was one relationship I couldn’t fuck up.
I didn’t even have a chance to ask my question. As soon as we connected, her joyful voice blasted out of the phone.
“ I got an A on my test! Can you believe it?”
God, I needed this happy news. I beamed, even with no one to see it. “Yes, I can believe it. I’m so proud of you. I knew you could do it.”
“It was all thanks to your friend. That convo with Ruby the other night helped me a ton.”
I flinched at her name. Tried to keep it out of my voice as I stopped to watch the ocean crashing against the shore. “I’m glad to hear that.”
Kylie’s enthusiasm was like electricity over the phone. “Yes, half the test wound up being on the topic she helped me with. But the way she explained it just clicked. Is she there so I can thank her?”
I’d stuck the knife in with the stupid way I’d handled things, but Kylie’s question twisted it. “She’s not here right now.”
“Okay!” my sister said cheerfully. “Will you tell her thanks for me, then?”
I mumbled something noncommittal.
“Uh-oh,” she said. “What did you do?”
“Who says I did anything?” Wow, that wasn’t defensive or anything.
“Oh, I don’t know…your past?” she teased. “I bet you pushed her away because of your whole lone wolf thing.” She dropped her pitch like she was mocking me. “ The job is everything. I can’t trust anyone. I can’t trust my girly love emotion s. Which is kind of misogynistic, FYI But you’re my brother and I love you anyway.”
Wow. That felt like ten years of therapy in a few choice sentences. “Um…that’s a lot.”
“So, what did you do?”
“Nothing,” I lied. “We had a misunderstanding.”
Kylie’s silence was condemning.
I relented. “Okay, maybe I pushed her away because I didn’t trust my emotions. But I don’t think love is girly,” I grumbled.
“Well, did she cheat on you? Betray you?”
I heaved a sigh. “No,” I said unequivocally.
“Then I’m guessing it can be fixed. And she’s really awesome, so you need to try to fix things.”
“I’ll take that under advisement,” I said, then I stopped, realizing where my feet had taken me. The Pink Pelican. My therapy, I suppose. Not the liquor, but the drown-your-sorrows vibe intrinsic to a good dive bar. “Hey, congrats on the A. I’ll talk to you soon.”
“Love you, Jake.”
“Love you too.”
It was nine at night, so the place was busy, but Maris headed my way and slapped down a napkin. “What’ll it be?” When she raised her face, she grinned. “Jake the fisherman! How are you?”
“I’ve had better days.”
“Pale ale, then?”
“That’ll help,” I said.
She poured a beer from the tap, then set it down and parked her hands on the counter. “Fish not biting today?”
“Nope. Not a one.” I took a drink. Ah, this cool beer was the one bright spot in my shitty day.
“Bummer. Such a shame,” she said. She frowned in sympathy, but her smile didn’t stay away for long. I guessed it was an occupational hazard of being a bartender. You wanted to commiserate, but what if you were having a good day?
She sure seemed to be and since mine was a lost cause, I focused on hers. “But looks like fish are biting for you.”
That smile widened into a grin. “My boyfriend got a promotion and a raise,” she said, like she’d been bursting to share the good news. She probably didn’t get many customers asking about her day.
I lifted my glass in a toast to Maris’s man. “Congrats. That’s always nice to hear.”
“It’s not every day when you can help catch a thief.”
The glass nearly slipped from my hands. “Sorry. What did you say?”
She dropped her voice, sounding eager to share. “Remember that robbery we talked about the other night?”
“Of course,” I said quickly, eager to get to the news.
“It was all a setup to catch the real thief. Turns out that the assistant manager at Sapphire tried to steal some diamonds today from Ruby’s stepfather. But they were fake. Too bad for her. Going to jail for a lot of nothing.” She didn’t even pretend to sympathize with Clarissa’s incarceration.
I gripped the edge of the bar, shaken by this revelation. “Who’s your guy?”
“Oh, just this very sexy Brit. Nigel Harris,” she said proudly. Holy shit. The other night she said a very sexy guy with a snake tattoo. I had no idea, of course, that Nigel was her guy. She never said as much, not that it would have made a difference in the investigation then. “He did everything he could to help catch Clarissa and Tristan. They’re both behind bars now. The police move fast in this town when it comes to helping Eli Thompson.”
Is there anything you might have said, inadvertently .
I was a world class jackass.
I’d all but suggested it was Ruby’s fault Clarissa knew when all along Eli, fucking Eli, had been orchestrating a game of diamond-encrusted chess. And none of that mattered—the jewel thieves, the embezzlement…I’d been callous, hurtful, and the real tragedy wasn’t letting the diamonds slip through my fingers, but Ruby—the best thing that had ever happened to me.
As Maris hustled over to a new customer, that celebratory smile on her face, I picked up my phone, ready to call Ruby. To say I’m sorry, I fucked up, forgive me .
But I stopped.
Was that enough?
Just to apologize?
No way. I had to do more than say I was sorry.
I had to get down on my knees and grovel. I’d flown off the handle all because of my past, my wounds, my own prideful emotional scars. That was no way to start a new relationship.
And I really wanted to start a new relationship.
I returned to my hotel room, devastated by the silence. She had a key, of course, so she’d already come by and taken her things. No more scarves, no more bikinis, no more lotions and potions.
No more Ruby.
She was gone. The room was empty. Like how I felt without her.