17. Jess
17
Jess
I ’d just messed up.
As I watched Theo storm out of the pub, my stomach twisted.
I shouldn’t have said what I had. I’d taken it too far.
If I’d known I would’ve touched a nerve, I would’ve reined it in. Theo just got under my skin. I hated how he always made me fumble my words.
When he said he was good with his hands and mouth, I immediately pictured him touching and kissing me.
After more than a year of my feeling zero desire for any man, Theo appeared out of nowhere and sent my lust levels off the scale.
And when he asked what my talents were, he might as well have plunged a knife in my chest because I didn’t have any.
Yeah, despite my shitty childhood and losing my mum when I was sixteen, I’d managed to take care of myself and keep a roof over my head, but that wasn’t a talent. That was just survival .
If I thought about it, the only thing I seemed to excel in was picking the wrong men. That was something I’d clearly inherited from my mum.
Yep. If choosing the worst boyfriend and, after eventually escaping him, deciding to fancy some rich guy who was wrong for me in every possible way was a sport, I’d be an Olympic gold medallist.
I sighed, downed the rest of my drink and headed back to the B&B.
Once I was in my room, I heard the shower going next door and tried not to imagine Theo naked.
This was crazy. I needed to calm the fuck down.
I wondered if I should go and apologise. I shouldn’t care about upsetting Theo, but I did. I knew from experience the damage that people’s words could do. I should’ve known better.
After I kicked off my shoes and slumped on the bed, my gaze shifted to the Kindle resting on the desk.
It was like it was taunting me to pick it up. I stared at it, weighing up whether or not to give in.
Things were different now. I was single. I was free. No one could make me feel like shit anymore. There was no need to be afraid.
Rising from the bed, I stretched out my hand and rested my hand on the front of the screen.
Maybe if I’d used a Kindle in the first place instead of buying the paperbacks I loved so much, I would’ve avoided what happened. I could’ve read what I wanted without fear. I wouldn’t have lost everything I owned.
Then I caught myself and remembered what Sarah kept reminding me of. I wasn’t the problem. It was my ex. I’d never let anyone control me again .
I picked up the Kindle and pressed the power button, unlocked the screen, then selected the library button.
As a flurry of books loaded on the screen, I gasped. Even though Mrs Davis had said she had thousands of books on here, seeing them in real life still shocked me.
Where would I even start? I scrolled through rows upon rows of romance e-books. There was everything here, from sweet romcoms to the steamy romances that I used to love so much.
When I saw Office Delight pop up from my favourite author, D. D. Desire, I froze. That was the book I was reading when everything blew up with my ex. I never got to finish it, and that broke my heart because I was really enjoying it.
Since that day, I hadn’t been able to pick that or any other book up again. It was too triggering. It brought back all the memories of that day, and I couldn’t deal with it. So I’d avoided all books ever since.
I locked the screen. I thought I was ready, but I wasn’t.
I was about to put the Kindle back on my desk but decided to put it in my handbag instead. Just in case.
Tomorrow I had a meeting with Cecil and then I was hoping to visit Seaview High later that afternoon.
Edwin may have been studying me and Theo closely, but I’d been studying him too.
It wasn’t just the community that was important to him—Seaview High was too.
There was a reason why he’d held on to it for so long, and I thought it ran deeper than wanting to find someone who fit in with the community. He seemed emotionally attached to it.
I also remembered that during our first meeting, he’d asked Theo whether he planned to renovate the building. When Theo had said he planned to tear it down and build something new from scratch, I’d noticed how Edwin had flinched.
I’d put money on him wanting to keep the building intact. Which worked in my favour. I doubted a million pounds would be enough to buy the site, create a completely new building and cover all the other costs, so I’d need to make the most of what we had.
It wasn’t feasible for me to do everything at once. I’d have to get the main library up and running first, then start generating money fast to develop the rest of the building bit by bit.
But in order to work out what was feasible and how to maximise the existing building’s potential, I needed to know it inside out. I wanted to explore every nook and cranny.
I needed to fall in love with the building just like Edwin had. If he saw that I was emotionally invested and wanted it to thrive for generations to come, that’d put me in a good position.
Yes. Good plan.
It was too late to call or text him now, so instead I fired off an email.
Hello, Edwin,
Hope all’s well. I was sorry not to have seen you at the Seaview Arms this evening. You missed a very memorable night! Thanks for the invite. Theo and I are currently brainstorming ideas for our act. I know everyone’s excited to see what we come up with.
Anyway, I was hoping that I could visit the site tomorrow afternoon around fourish? I’d really like to get to know the building better. I’d like to preserve as much of its original beauty as possible, and to do that, I’d love the chance to see all the rooms and every part of it personally.
I know you’re a busy man, so I wouldn’t take up too much of your time. I’d just need you to give me access for an hour or so.
Please let me know if that’s okay.
Warm regards,
Jessica
Done.
Hopefully after my visit tomorrow, I’d be one step closer to winning this presentation.