19. Theo
19
Theo
‘ W ell, this is just great!’ Jessica hissed. ‘If you hadn’t followed me down here, we wouldn’t be in this mess.’
‘I didn’t follow you! Edwin invited me. Maybe if you hadn’t been trying to sneak around, this wouldn’t have happened either.’
‘ Sneak around? ’ She folded her arms over her chest, and I tried to keep my eyes on her face. ‘I was doing research. What I choose to do to win this presentation is up to me. I don’t answer to you.’
For once, I had no argument. She was right. If she chose to come and look at something to help her get ahead, that was up to her. But equally, as her competitor, if Edwin tells me that she’s in the basement doing some research, it’s my duty to go and see if she’s found out anything useful. I wanted to win this just as much as she did.
Jessica was still scowling, and ordinarily that wouldn’t bother me. But the fact was, we were going to be stuck down here for several hours, maybe even overnight. That was hard enough. The last thing I needed was a hostile atmosphere. I needed to do or say something to break the ice.
‘It was an accident. I didn’t know the handle was going to come off.’
Silence.
So that didn’t work. Time to try again.
‘Had any ideas for the talent show?’ No response. ‘Right now you’re doing a very good job of staying silent, so maybe you could mime?’
Jessica’s glare deepened and the silence stretched.
‘Bet you wished this basement was filled with books,’ I said, hoping this would be third time lucky. At least I’d picked a relevant topic.
I didn’t know much about Jessica, but I knew she must love reading. That was why she was so keen on this library. But instead of smiling, she continued scowling. ‘That way you could spend time reading and wouldn’t have to sit here glaring at me.’
‘I don’t read anymore,’ she snapped.
‘What?’ My brows shot up. ‘You want to open a library but you don’t read?’
‘Nope.’ Sadness filled her eyes and rather than grimacing, she avoided my gaze. ‘Not anymore.’
I should be happy to hear this. It was ammunition that could be used against her in the pitch. Edwin loved harping on about community, integrity, authenticity and all that bollocks. So imagine what he’d say if he heard that Jessica didn’t even care about the very thing that was central to her pitch.
Creating a library with zero interest in books was like a vegetarian opening a butcher’s .
But instead of feeling delighted that I’d found another weakness, I felt a strange need to find out what had happened to make her stop reading. I knew why I had. I wondered if she had a similar story.
‘I’m really sorry to hear that,’ I said softly. Jessica’s head snapped up in shock. ‘What happened?’
‘You really want to know?’ She frowned.
‘Yes.’
‘So you can use it against me?’
‘No.’ I shook my head. ‘It just seems like a shame, that’s all. I’m genuinely interested.’
She narrowed her eyes and stared at me like she was assessing whether or not she could trust me. I wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t, but I meant what I said. I really wanted to know.
‘I used to love reading romance,’ she sighed. ‘I loved the warm fuzzy feelings they gave me, the meet-cute—y’know, the moment where the characters see each other for the first time. I loved the chemistry, the banter, the conflict, the will-they-won’t-they tension when they’re trying to fight their feelings, the excitement when they finally get together, their first kiss, the spicy scenes, when they have a temporary break-up which often leads to the hero grovelling to win the heroine back, and of course, the happy ending.’
‘All romances have that, right?’ I asked.
‘Yeah. A true romance will always have a guaranteed happily-ever-after, or at least a happy-for-now.’
‘Thought so.’
‘And it wasn’t just the escapism and excitement that I loved about reading. I loved everything about books. Touching them, even smelling them. Might sound weird, but you can’t beat the smell of a new book. As soon as I first started working when I was fourteen, I used to spend every spare penny I earned on books. Even when I got my own place and knew I couldn’t afford to buy more because I needed to keep money aside for bills or a rainy day, I’d still end up breaking my book-buying ban. And although I knew I should definitely read the books I had on my shelf first before I bought new ones, I could never resist buying the latest novels. I was a sucker for a pretty book cover.’
‘Sounds like you built up quite the collection!’ I smiled.
‘Yeah. I had hundreds of books. Before I met my ex, I used to devour at least three books a week. Then when we started dating, that slipped to one or two. He used to make little comments about romance novels being stupid and a waste of money because they weren’t “proper” books, but I ignored it. I told him my books were important to me.’
‘Good for you.’ I nodded. She’d only just started the story, but so far her ex sounded like an ignoramus.
‘I loved reading in bed or in the bath. It was my alone time. I could just lay back, relax and get lost in the pages.’
‘Nice.’
‘Anyway, one night I read a particular steamy scene and it made me… well…’ Her eyes dropped like she was embarrassed. ‘It made me horny. So I mentioned it to my ex and said it might be fun to recreate that scene, together.’
‘Like it,’ I said, thinking I’d always been attracted to women who knew what they wanted in the bedroom. ‘Sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt.’
‘It’s okay. My ex asked to read a section of the book, and when he did, he completely lost his shit. He tossed the book on the floor and said he hadn’t realised that all this time I’d been reading porn.’
Jessica’s voice started to crack and my chest tightened. I didn’t like the direction that this story was taking. I was right. This man was an idiot.
‘Go on,’ I said, trying to keep my voice level.
‘I said it wasn’t porn. It was romance with a bit of spice, that was all. But he wasn’t having any of it. He stormed off to the living room and started pulling all my books off the shelves.’
‘You’re joking?’ I ground my jaw.
‘Nope. He went crazy. “Is this porn too?” he shouted. “And this? You tricked me! I thought you were just reading silly, innocent romances, when all this time you’ve been locking yourself away in the bathroom, masturbating to this filth like a dirty whore!”’
‘Are you serious ?’ I clenched my fist, wishing her ex was in front of me so I could knock him out. Jessica nodded.
‘I couldn’t believe the words that were coming from his mouth. He watched porn. Regularly. I saw it all the time on his computer and never said anything. But that was completely different to romance. If I was reading hardcore erotica novels, I could see why he might compare it to porn, but romance stories were completely different. I’m not saying that the steamy scenes don’t make you horny, but that isn’t the main goal. Romances have plot, character growth and development. It isn’t all about the spice.’
‘Romance novels focus on the romance and the love story, whereas with erotica everything revolves around the characters having sex, right? ’
‘Exactly. I read romance for the love story. The spice was just a bonus. I tried to explain this. Told him that there were like fifty chapters in the whole book and only about two or three chapters had sex scenes, but he wouldn’t listen and insisted I get rid of the books. I refused.’
‘ Good . You should be able to read whatever the hell you want.’
‘That’s exactly what I thought. But then a few days later when I came home from work, I smelt burning.’
‘Shit,’ I muttered.
‘When I went to the garden, my ex was standing in front of a bonfire. He’d burned my books. Every single one of them.’
‘Fucking hell.’ I shook my head.
‘When I screamed, asking why the hell he’d done that, he turned to me, smiled and said: “I told you to get rid of them and you didn’t, so I did it for you.” I felt like someone had ripped my guts out. I’m ashamed to say it, but I wanted to push him in that bloody bonfire. Luckily I didn’t, but I knew that was the last straw. I’d ignored all the other red flags in our relationship because I thought he loved me. But after what he did, I had to leave. So that night, when he was in the shower, I ran. I didn’t even stop to take anything with me. I had to get out of there.’
‘Jesus.’ I swallowed hard. ‘I’m sorry you had to go through that. When you say you didn’t take anything, you mean you left with no clothes?’
‘I mean I left everything behind. My phone. My clothes. Everything I owned. I knew I didn’t have time to pack properly. I knew if I took my phone he’d try to track me. I knew if I didn’t go there and then, somehow he’d charm me and I’d stay. That was why I ran. ’
‘Where did you go?’
‘I just got on a train and waited to see where it took me. That night I slept in the station and the next morning I had to figure out my life.’
‘Didn’t you have any family or friends you could go to?’
‘That’s a story for another day.’ Her gaze dropped to the floor.
‘Fair enough.’ I nodded. ‘Well, your ex sounds like a twisted, narcissistic arsehole and you’re better off without him.’
‘Yeah.’
‘And you haven’t read anything since you left?’
‘Nope. And it’s a shame because I was really enjoying that book.’
‘So you don’t read anymore because you find it too triggering?’ I asked. Jessica nodded.
‘Sounds silly, but every time I go to pick a book up, I have his face and voice in my head, judging me.’
‘It doesn’t sound silly. He sucked all your joy for reading away. Made you feel ashamed. But you have nothing to be ashamed of. He’s the problem. Not you. Have you tried listening to the audiobook of that novel instead? Maybe hearing it read aloud might be different. I used to love my mum reading to me and my brothers.’
‘How many brothers do you have?’
‘Two.’
‘It’s nice that she read to you. Did she do it often?’
‘Every single night. She was brilliant at it. She used to really get into the story and do different voices and accents for the characters. It was so fun.’ As I remembered being tucked up in bed with Mum beside me and her warm smile, my heart swelled. ‘Having a bedtime story was the highlight of my day. That was one of the things I missed the most when she died.’
‘I’m so sorry.’ Jessica’s eyes widened and her voice softened. ‘I…’
She paused, opening her mouth like she wanted to say something, then quickly snapping it shut again. Didn’t surprise me. Whenever I told people, they didn’t know how to react and always worried about saying the wrong thing.
‘Thanks,’ I said, filling the silence and trying to let her know that she didn’t need to feel awkward. ‘She died of a brain tumour.’
‘Shit. That’s awful. How old were you?’
‘Nine.’
‘Oh my God, Theo.’ She reached for my hand, instantly setting my blood on fire. ‘Losing a mother at any age is devastating, but it must’ve been even worse to lose her so young.’
‘Tell me about it. So, yeah, I know it’s not the same, but I remember the joy that reading books can bring. When Mum passed and Father hired a nanny, I used to ask if she could read to me, but he told them not to. Said it would make me soft. He believed that filling my head with fairy tales wouldn’t help me in the real world. Then I got shipped off to boarding school…’ My voice trailed off. I hated that place. ‘I wish I could read more now, but I basically live at the office, so there’s never any time.’
‘Maybe you could try audiobooks too. Or get a Kindle so you can read in between meetings or something. That reminds me!’ She reached into her handbag and pulled out an e-reader. ‘Look at this! It was Mrs Davis’s Kindle. ’
‘That’s the woman you’re representing for the library, right?’
‘Yep. Anyway, guess how many books she has on here?’
‘How many?’
‘Three thousand!’ she gasped.
‘I didn’t even realise you could store so many books on a Kindle!’
‘Me neither. I’m trying to pluck up the courage to start reading some of them. She’s got every possible book I could ever want to read on it.’
‘Really? Including the one you never finished?’
‘Yep. I almost started reading it yesterday. It’s that one.’ I pointed to the screen.
‘Would you… never mind.’ I clamped my mouth shut.
‘What? Tell me!’ she shouted. ‘What were you going to say?’
‘It’s a stupid idea.’
‘Tell me!’
‘Well, seeing as we’re going to be stuck here for goodness knows how long, I was going to suggest that maybe I… read some of it to you.’
‘What?’
‘Told you it was a stupid idea.’
‘No, I’d love that. If you don’t mind?’
‘Like I said, I understand the joy people can get from books, and it’s a shame you stopped your passion just because of your idiot ex. And if it’d help you get back your love of reading, that wouldn’t be a bad thing.’
‘That’s actually really sweet.’ A huge grin spread across her face and a warm feeling flooded my chest.
‘ Sweet? ’ I grimaced. ‘Don’t be mistaken. I’m still a grade A arsehole, remember? Actually now you’ve told me about your ex, I should be downgraded to grade B or C, because clearly he’s the biggest wanker alive. We don’t have an internet connection, so I’d just be doing it to kill time. I don’t really want to help you, because obviously you’re still my competitor.’
‘ Obviously .’
‘Call it a temporary truce. Just for tonight.’
‘Deal.’ She stretched out her hand and I shook it, trying to ignore the softness of her palm and the way my body lit up.
‘Well, until we get out of here.’ I pulled my hand back. Having any form of physical contact with Jessica wasn’t good. ‘Which might be tomorrow or never. Think how ironic it’d be if we died in the building we were both competing for!’
‘Not funny!’ Jessica stifled a smile.
‘It wasn’t a joke. I’m starving and thirsty. I was on my way to get something to eat when I saw Edwin. I don’t think I’ll last until the morning.’
‘ So dramatic! ’ Jessica rolled her eyes. ‘I have snacks. And water.’
‘Really?’ My eyes widened like she’d just told me she had the keys to an unlimited desserts factory.
‘Yep. I never go out without snacks.’ She reached into her bag. ‘I’ve got custard cream biscuits, an apple and a packet of salt and vinegar crisps.’
‘Salt and vinegar?’ I shook my head. ‘Everyone knows cheese and onion is the superior flavour.’
‘Ugh! Not if you plan to speak to anyone. That’s like eating a plate of garlic before a first date.’
‘Nothing wrong with garlic either. ’
‘This is explaining why you’re single.’
‘Who said I’m single?’ I cocked my head to the side.
‘Aren’t you?’
‘Why do you want to know?’ I teased.
‘Just… curious, that’s all.’ She dropped her gaze. I noticed she did that a lot when she was embarrassed.
‘And you?’ I asked. ‘Are you single?’
‘One million per cent. I’m never dating again.’
‘Ah. Yes. I get why you’d feel that way after your last experience.’ I paused. I wasn’t a violent man, but if I ever met her ex I’d knock him out for what he did to her. ‘Shall we tackle these snacks and then have story time?’
‘ Story time? ’ She laughed again. The sound sent a warm feeling to my chest. It was nice to hear her laugh, and I liked how it brightened her face. I definitely preferred it to the normal scowls she gave me. ‘You make it sound like I’m five years old!’
‘That’s just what my mum used to call it.’
‘Oh.’ She winced. ‘Sorry. I didn’t realise. Story time it is, then. Although you might want to rename it smutty time after you’ve read this book. Actually, maybe you should read a few pages to yourself before you agree. I’m not sure you know what you’re letting yourself in for.’
‘It’ll be fine. I might look innocent, but when it comes to sex, there’s nothing sweet about the things I like to do in the bedroom…’ I fixed my gaze on her and as she bit her lip, my dick twitched.
Under different circumstances, if Jessica was willing, we wouldn’t be spending the rest of our time in this basement talking.
I’d pin her against that wall and bury myself inside her.
‘Is that so?’ She cocked her head to the side .
‘Correct.’
Jessica held my gaze, then handed me the Kindle.
As I skim-read the page she selected, I swallowed hard. She wasn’t joking. This book was steamy.
It wasn’t the sexual content that bothered me. Like I said, she should read whatever the hell she wanted. Romance, erotica or nursery rhymes—it was her choice.
No. The issue was that I was trapped in a basement with Jessica, who I found incredibly attractive, and was about to read out loud about a woman getting fucked against a wall. Which was exactly what I’d just been imagining doing to Jessica.
Working out how I was going to read this without getting turned on was going to be hard.
Pun totally intended.
Here goes nothing …