Chapter 23 Ben
BEN
Iput the last box on the floor, then closed the door behind me and exhaled.
I’d finally moved out of Theo and Jess’s into the studio above the library and had my own space.
The large, open-plan flat had dark wooden flooring, exposed brick walls and high ceilings.
I loved that there was a partition separating the bedroom area from the living room and kitchen. The bathroom was a decent size and was elegantly decorated with stone walls and flooring and a generously sized waterfall shower.
Yes. I was going to enjoy staying here.
No more third-wheeling or sleeping with headphones to avoid hearing my brother and his missus-to-be scream each other’s names.
Thank God.
It was embarrassing that I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d got my leg over. When I was in California, I doubted I went more than a week without getting my dick wet. But since I’d come to Sunshine Bay, it was like I’d taken some kind of involuntary and unconscious vow of celibacy.
When I’d first agreed to take the job, I thought I’d be like a kid in a sweet shop. With the hundreds of women that flocked to the library every week, I was sure that I’d have rich pickings.
But then I’d realised that wouldn’t be a good idea.
I’d still assumed that I could just hook up with some of the locals instead.
Kara, the hairdresser, had given me the eye. So had a few others, but for some reason, I wasn’t interested.
Maybe I was unwell.
The same thought had crossed my mind earlier when I was packing up the last of my boxes and found myself asking Jess how Sarah was.
I hadn’t seen her properly for over two weeks and I… I didn’t miss her per se. It was more her teasing. The banter. And her laugh.
It was unlikely that I’d get to spend more time with her anytime soon. She had a bank of the videos that we’d made, so she wouldn’t need my help for a while.
And I was all good with the renovation works too. The retreat would be ready in a few weeks. There was still a fair bit to do for the bar, so that would take much longer, but nothing required me to work with Sarah.
I hadn’t even seen her to discuss the book she’d given me. I’d been busy in meetings with Theo and the site managers and also been away from the library visiting potential sites Theo could invest in.
After Father had cut him off, he’d tried to find other revenue streams to build up his income. Especially as he and Jess needed to pay for their wedding and wanted to buy their own place.
Once I’d done a little unpacking, I flopped down on the sofa, pulled out my phone and looked up the library’s Instagram page.
There was still no sign of the videos we’d made. Same went for TikTok. When I’d asked Jess, she’d said that Sarah hadn’t posted them yet because she needed her to focus on promoting some other events they had coming up.
I locked my phone screen, then went and got the latest book Sarah had left on my desk. It was just okay. I’d wanted to love it so that I could have a reason to call and arrange to meet her to gush about it, but I still hadn’t been won over.
Maybe what I’d said from the start was true: I was just better suited to other genres.
If I finished reading it tonight, though, I could message her to ask for another book and arrange to meet up.
God, I just heard myself. I sounded like a saddo.
I was very disturbed about how much not seeing Sarah bothered me. Especially considering that in four days we’d be heading to her brother’s wedding, so I’d see plenty of her that weekend.
My pulse quickened and I willed it to calm down. I couldn’t start catching feelings. It was pointless. Once the renovations were complete, I’d need to move on. I didn’t have a choice.
And I promised Theo I wouldn’t create chaos amongst the team or the library’s members, so I couldn’t go back on my word.
But I wasn’t interested in the members or the other women in town.
The only person I was drawn to was Sarah. And she was off limits.
Maybe I was just horny. Now I had my own space, I’d be free to have a wank if I needed to. Once I’d got myself off, I’d think much clearer.
And if I saw Sarah and chatted to her briefly, I’d crave her less.
I’d said before that I had no reason to speak to her, but now that I thought about it, there was something really important that we needed to discuss.