Chapter 60 Ben
BEN
‘Jesus!’ Sarah winced. ‘What could be worse than that?’
I dragged my hand over my face.
God, this was really hard.
‘So when she jilted me, she also left the apartment we shared and thankfully I didn’t see her. Which was obviously a good thing.’
‘Course. If you kept bumping into her, it’d be like reopening the wound, right? Having to relive the pain all over again.’
‘Exactly.’ I nodded. I knew Sarah would understand because she’d also done her best to avoid seeing Trent and Esme after they betrayed her. ‘I hadn’t seen her for years, which suited me just fine. But then about four months ago I bumped into her with her husband. And their daughter.’
‘Fuck!’ Sarah’s eyes widened.
‘Of course, it’s never easy seeing someone you were in love with cosying up with another man.
But I was over her. And although it stung that they had a child, because that was what we’d planned, I still could’ve dealt with it.
Especially because I’d realised that my brothers were right.
Back then, I was too young to settle down. ’
‘So did you speak to her or walk away?’
‘I spoke to her. She introduced me to her husband and daughter, which as you can imagine was rather awkward. But I survived and was about to go on my way unscathed when the little girl, who I guessed was around three, so must’ve been conceived less than a year after she jilted me, ran off.
That’s when the dad called her name.’ I swallowed hard and tried to compose myself.
‘Sorry, but I don’t understand.’ Sarah frowned. ‘What was her name?’
‘Eleanor,’ I said softly, and Sarah’s frown deepened. ‘The name of my dead mother.’
Sarah gasped and her eyes popped. She reached for my hand and squeezed it tight.
‘I’m so sorry. And I’m guessing that she knew that was your mum’s name.’
‘Ha,’ I laughed. ‘She more than knew. We used to talk about having a family together and I always said that if I had a girl, I’d like to name her after my mother.
And she agreed. She knew that name was special to me.
Yet she deliberately named the child after my mother.
She wasn’t content with crushing my heart and humiliating me in front of my loved ones.
She had to do that too. Then to add insult to injury, the child’s father, not realising who I was, unwittingly revealed that they’d just bought a house, two streets away from where I lived. ’
‘For God’s sake!’ Sarah shouted. ‘That’s fucked up!’
‘She could’ve chosen anywhere to live. But she decided to return, not just to the same town, but right on my fucking doorstep to rub everything in my face.’
‘Some people are sick. She’s not right in the head!’
‘I tried to make sense of it but I couldn’t believe how she could be so cruel.
How I could’ve got it so wrong. And it started to eat away at me.
So that’s why I stopped believing in love, romance and happy endings.
I treated her like a queen. I was ready to give her the fairy tale and she repaid my kindness by shitting all over me.
I knew when she lied, cheated and jilted me that I was done with relationships, but after realising the true extent of her callousness, that sealed the deal.
I’m never getting attached or sucked in like that again. ’
‘I can understand why you might feel that way. I used to feel the same.’
I wanted to ask Sarah what had changed, but I was exhausted. Dredging everything up had taken a lot out of me.
‘So, when Theo said he needed help with the library, it felt like a sign,’ I added. ‘I already knew that I couldn’t stay in that neighbourhood and was considering moving to another city. But I decided I’d come here for a bit and help him instead, then figure out my next move.’
Sarah’s face fell before she nodded her understanding.
For a moment I considered telling her that I was glad that I’d made that decision because my time in Sunshine Bay had been incredible and that was mainly because of her. But I was worried about leading her on.
I liked Sarah. A lot. More than I should. But I had to stick to the agreement. This was only temporary.
‘Thank you,’ I said. ‘For listening. For not judging.’
‘You’re welcome. And I’d never judge. I’ve been there, remember.
I know how shitty it feels when someone betrays you.
You feel worthless and stupid and embarrassed, but I’ve learned that it’s not on us.
Our exes didn’t deserve us and we are enough.
The right person will see that. And like I told you when we got back from Spain, you’re amazing. ’
‘In the bedroom,’ I sighed.
‘No!’ Sarah protested. ‘I mean, yes. Clearly, you’ve got skills, that’s obvious. But you’re so much more. You’re one of the kindest men I’ve ever met. I’ve been meaning to thank you for ages for what you did for me the first time I had my period pains.’
‘You already thanked me for that.’
‘I thanked you for looking after me and the supplies you bought, but not for paying for the honeymoon suite just so that I could have a bath.’
‘I didn’t realise you knew about that.’ My eyes widened.
‘Glenda told me. It was such a generous thing to do.’
‘It was nothing.’
‘No,’ she said firmly. ‘It was everything. And when I had another period a couple of weeks ago, you took care of me at your flat too. Without me even asking. So like I said, you’re amazing.
I came for the sex and the inspiration, but I stayed for the man.
For you. Because of the person that you are. ’
I swallowed hard, looking her deep in her eyes.
She meant it.
‘Thank you.’ I nodded. ‘That means a lot.’
‘I’m only telling the truth. I really hope you don’t let what that bitch did ruin your joy for relationships in the future.
I know it’s easier said than done, but if you can, try to rewrite the script when it comes to weddings.
It’ll be painful at first, but if you can find a way to get more involved in Jess and Theo’s wedding, you can start to replace the negative feelings with more positive ones, y’know? ’
‘You’re right. I’m really going to try.’
‘And now I know what you’ve been through, I feel terrible for asking you to come to my brother’s wedding!’
‘Like I said before, you didn’t ask. I offered.’
‘I know. But it must’ve been so hard for you.’
‘It wasn’t easy, but if I didn’t go, we wouldn’t have got involved, so it was worth it.’ I smiled.
I needed Sarah to know how much she’d helped me. It was like a ten-tonne weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
‘That’s true.’ Sarah kissed me softly on the cheek, then squeezed me tight.
‘Right.’ I straightened my shoulders and wiped my eyes.
‘That’s enough doom and gloom for today.
I’ve already taken you away from your writing for long enough.
How about you return to the flat and spend the afternoon catching up?
And I’ll ask Theo if he wants to head to London for a spot of suit shopping. ’
‘Are you sure?’ Sarah said, her voice laced with concern.
‘Remember, it’s me. You don’t have to pretend.
If talking about everything has left you feeling like shit and you want to be alone in your flat so you can mope, that’s totally fine too.
I can just go back to the B&B. You’re probably sick of me hanging around anyway. ’
‘No,’ I said quickly. ‘I love having you there. And I’m okay. I want to move forward. I don’t want to keep letting my past dictate my future. Suit shopping with Theo is a positive first step. It’ll be good for me. Then when I get back, we can start planning their wedding.’
‘Really?’
It was sweet of Sarah to keep checking, but I genuinely felt so much better.
Stronger.
More resilient.
I was going to be fine.
‘Absolutely.’