Chapter 4
Daniel
Despite telling myself that I wouldn’t stay for the week, I did, and I saw her when she was leaving after the lesson with Cara on Saturday.
She waved at me with a wide smile, just like before, I found myself in a juxtapose situation: I was happy for the small glimpse of her and sad that I couldn’t keep her from leaving.
Neither did I have any idea where she was headed.
The idea that she was likely headed to her boyfriend ignited a furious storm in my mind, a jealousy I'd never known taking hold. It didn’t help when Cara couldn’t give me any more personal information about her.
My best course of action was to avoid her, and I did it perfectly. With Cara’s help on her schedule, I strategically planned the days and time to leave and be home.
Despite that, I started becoming irritable.
A part of me hoped she would run late or stay behind schedule with Cara, and I would get to see her, but that didn’t happen.
She was always on time and fucking punctual to a fault.
I wanted her to break the rules so I could convince myself that my running into her was coincidental and the more days that passed, the more my longing to do more than just see her increased.
In the last few days just to convince myself she wasn’t the source of my edginess; I made a quick stop to my usual house, seeking the woman I'd convinced myself I wanted: big boobs, long blonde hair, a woman who’s main task is to wipe the name of another from me —perfect on paper— yet, something in me hesitated.
My body performed while my mind wandered elsewhere.
Her theatrical moans should have been validating, instead I felt like an actor in someone else's play.
I left feeling hollowed out, like I'd betrayed someone or lost something. Only certainty is I didn’t gain what I'd come for.
Ms. K was all I could think about, my craving for her having become unbearable. Only she could quench my desire for her.
It's time I faced reality; my body and soul craves her. So, I changed tune and decided to see her at least twice a week. I started returning in the evening about ten minutes before her time was up, so I could see her, and like before, I got a smile, a wave or a simple “Hi, Uncle Dan”.
A part of me was calm and happy just seeing her but I needed more. I ached for more than a wave and a smile. I was at a loss on how to get closer to this woman. I should say something, I’ve never been at a loss for words, but with her, I’m tongue-tied. I can’t even think at all.