Chapter 3
DANI
I pulled into the driveway and sat there for a moment looking at Beau’s truck. This was going to be a difficult conversation, but it needed to happen. Since I had to go to work in an hour, that would give us some space to process things.
Now that I’d made the difficult decision to break up, I wanted to rip the bandage off.
Or maybe I should check the mail first. That was one of his household chores, but it would show I was willing to work with him.
I did the cooking and cleaning, and he was responsible for paying the bills, handling home maintenance, maintaining the yard, taking care of the trash, and checking the mail.
“Beautiful day out.” Carol, one of our neighbors, greeted me.
“It is,” I agreed.
I practiced different speeches in my head as I walked to our community mailbox. He’d probably be upset and disappointed I wanted to break up, but he was checked out of our relationship, too.
Hopefully he’d let me stay on as his roommate. It’d be awkward, but Beau was reasonable. He couldn’t afford the rent without a roommate any more than I.
My only other option was to move back in with my parents. I was grateful for a safety net, but it was my last choice. I already feel enough of a failure that I don’t have a real job, a serious relationship, or any prospects in my thirties.
“Hi, Dani. Nice day for a walk,” Eric from the bank called out as he drove by.
Maybe I should refocus on our relationship. Just because we weren’t in love now didn’t mean it was impossible. Good men were in short supply around here. It might take years before I found someone else, and there was no guarantee that would turn into love, either.
I was so focused on my jumbled thoughts I almost passed the mailbox.
After the third try, I found the correct key and unlocked our mailbox slot, which was bursting with mail.
Confused, I leafed through the envelopes and noticed two that stood out: yellow envelopes with URGENT and PAST DUE in ugly red letters.
My frown deepened. They were from the electric company and our Internet service provider.
With shaking hands, I ripped open the electric bill. Somehow, we were six months in arrears though I’d picked up an extra shift at the Tavern because electric prices were so much higher this year. It was a staggering amount. The Internet bill was only four months behind, but shut-off was imminent.
With my heart hammering in my chest, I ran home. I caught my breath before I unlocked the door to Beau’s house.
Beau was in his man cave where he was playing a phone game with a smile. He took in my disheveled state with disgust.
“What happened to you?”
I thrust the mail at him, uncertain where to start.
“I don’t understand this,” I said. “The electricity and Internet are about to be cut off? Did you forget to update your debit card with them or something?”
He froze when I handed him the envelopes.
“What are you doing with those?” he demanded. “The mail is my job. Were you checking up on me?”
“No, of course not. I wanted to help.”
His scornful laugh cut me down.
“Yeah, this is so helpful. Bring a bunch of trash in here, and now I have to clean it up. Can’t imagine why I don’t ask for your help more often.”
My eyes watered, but I blinked my tears away. Whenever I cried, he claimed it was proof I wasn’t a capable adult.
“I’ll clean it up,” I said quietly. “I don’t understand why the bills say overdue when we’ve been paying them. We have been paying them, right?” I pleaded.
“Of course we have. It must be a clerical error.”
I sagged with relief.
“Good. That’s good. I didn’t understand why we’d get disconnection notices if we were paying them.”
“Are you accusing me of stealing from you?” he demanded.
“What?” His words shocked me. “No. That never crossed my mind.”
“Perfect.” He relaxed and smiled at me. “I love you, baby. We’ve both been really busy lately, but I’ve got a big surprise planned for our anniversary. You’re going to love it. I’ve been meaning to ask you an important question.”
He winked, and my smile grew. No need to mention our anniversary was two months ago. Maybe he meant the anniversary of our first kiss or when we moved in together.
Vanessa was wrong. I just needed to try harder.
I beamed at him, but then his smile turned to a glower.
“What are you doing home now anyway? I thought you were supposed to be at Vanessa’s until you went to work.”
His tone was angry, almost accusatory. This wasn’t an auspicious time for my breakup speech.
“She finished early, so I wanted to see you.”
“How generous. Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you’re never here anymore,” he spat. “Is there someone else? Are you cheating on me? Is that why you’re dressed like that?”
I glanced at my skinny jeans and plain black t-shirt.
In the past, I spent more time on my appearance.
When I first started tending bar at the Tavern, I alternated between the rockabilly and pop-punk styles my parents introduced me to since they flattered my athletic figure but made me feel pretty, too.
Beau hated when other men commented on my appearance, and it wasn’t worth a fight, so I toned down my style.
“What? No. That’s crazy. I wouldn’t do that,” I insisted.
“Now I’m crazy?”
“That’s not what I meant. I’m not cheating on you,” I said slowly. “That’s not who I am. I abhor liars and cheaters.”
The anger drained out of him, and Beau slumped in his recliner.
“You can’t blame me for thinking that,” he retorted. “You’re never here anymore, and when you are, you’re working on your little side hustle. Our schedules are complete opposites, and we haven’t had sex in months. What else was I supposed to think?”
How sad we both had the same observation at the same time but came to such different conclusions.
“Beau, listen to me.” I gripped his hands and begged him to believe me. “I wouldn’t do that to you. Please believe me. You always think I’m going to cheat on you. How many times do I have to say I’m not?”
I blinked back more tears.
“My finances are tight. With our increased expenses, I took on additional shifts at the Tavern, and I’m running ads online to get more web design customers. You know I work a lot.”
Guilt flashed across his face before his expression turned solemn.
“I believe you,” he said. “Sorry I lost my mind. It hurts to think you might do that to me, but I should know better. I trust you. I just let me insecurities get to me.”
He squeezed my hand, and his face brightened with a smile.
“We should go on a date soon. Where would you like to go? We can get dressed up the way you like and drive into the city, or go camping under the stars. You love that.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. Everything was fine.
Fine. Vanessa’s words echoed in my head, but I pushed them aside. Not everybody got the fairy tale, but I had a good enough life.
“That sounds great.” I beamed at him. “I really do have to get ready for work, but I’ll think about it tonight. It’ll be great to refocus on our relationship.”
We were busy at work due to basketball on the premium sports channel, so I didn’t have the opportunity to come up with date ideas. Maybe an overnight camping trip would be fun, though Beau wasn’t much of a camper. It warmed my heart that he suggested one of my favorite activities, though.
When I got home, he was asleep. Since he had to get up at four a.m., I expected it.
After I got ready for bed, I crept through our bedroom, hoping he put his clothes in the basket so I didn’t trip over them in the dark.
He reeked of beer, which meant loud snores and deep sleep, but there was still a chance I’d wake him.
I slid into bed, exhausted and ready to fall into the arms of Morpheus myself, but I was unable to relax. My mind whirred. On my way home, one of Beau’s earlier accusations blared in my head repeatedly.
He brought up stealing from me. Where did that idea come from?
That never occurred to me until he mentioned it, but now it was on repeat in my head.
Plus, it made no sense that two different utilities would have clerical errors at the same time.
And after months of disinterest, he wanted to take me on a date.
Something was wrong, and I ignored the signs. Because it was easier.
When I examined the situation objectively instead of worrying about my living situation and finances, an ugly pattern emerged. I was ashamed and angry at how easily he manipulated me.
But I was also smart. Smarter than he ever gave me credit for being. I got a full scholarship and a prestigious job right after graduation because I was smart.
Vanessa was both right and wrong. Beau wasn’t good for me, but he wasn’t the one who diminished me. He was the catalyst, but I let it happen.
No more.
After much internal debate, I sneaked his phone off the bedside charger. The lock screen lit up. Anxious, I held my breath, but Beau kept snoring. With bated breath, I headed for the living room to find proof of what I suspected.
Beau had become increasingly paranoid about me cheating on him, so we both created biometric logins for the other on our phones. I’d never checked his phone before, but I was confident he checked mine regularly. Since I had nothing to hide, I convinced myself it didn’t bother me.
To my surprise, my fingerprint didn’t work on his phone. Beau deliberately locked me out of his phone after making a big deal about it.
I tried every password I knew, and nothing worked.
I searched his man cave with no luck. While I was there, I went through all the mail with growing fury.
Our electric bill had risen, that part was true, but not to the extent he told me.
My ‘half’ now paid the entire amount. Or it would have if he submitted the payment.
We split our groceries 50/50. Since I did the shopping, I knew prices had gone up, so I naively trusted his word about our other bills. It was all a lie. I gave him more than ever, but he wasn’t paying the bills. Where did the money go?
I paced his man cave—a room I paid for, though I wasn’t a welcome guest—and weighed my options.
I needed answers, and I couldn’t trust him to provide them.
Exhaustion dragged at me, but sleep wasn’t on my agenda.
It would be impossible to lie next to him as if everything was normal.
The scales were ripped from my eyes now.
Around two a.m., I accepted what I had to do. After I ensured my calico, Miss Priss, was asleep in her cat bed in the living room, I tiptoed back into the bedroom I shared with a thieving liar.
I broke out in a cold sweat as I slowly moved his arm towards the edge of the bed. He rolled towards me, and I froze. After his breathing evened out again, I carefully unlocked his phone with his fingertip. Then I hurried out of the room as quickly as I dared.
By the time I found my answers, I wanted to cry and rage. Instead, I photographed everything with my phone and emailed it to myself and Vanessa.
Beau would be waking soon, and I needed to replace his phone, climb back into bed, and pretend to sleep. After he went to work, I’d have time to figure out my next steps.