26. Hadley #2
“We’ll talk about it later, after your game,” I tell him.
“Want a breakfast sandwich?” he asks, reaching into the bag.
My stomach is tight, and the hollow space in my chest is agape, my hands trembling, the waning adrenaline no doubt the cause.
“We’re going to breakfast,” Katie interjects, placing a hand on my shoulder. “Carsen accidentally grabbed my phone last night, and we had to go grab it from his car, but we’re going to get ready and go to breakfast with Hannah.”
Nolan swallows, his unease visible as his eyes jog to mine. Again, I recognize a silent plea to tell me what in the hell is going on and why we’re acting so weird.
“They’re looking for us,” Hudson says, reading a text. I wonder if it’s the green light from Corey or Palmer. He pushes to his feet, and the others follow.
“I’m going to take a quick shower,” Katie says, heading for the stairs.
Hudson and Grey gather the garbage and discard it into the trash before looking back at Nolan expectantly.
“Give me a couple of minutes,” Nolan says.
Hudson glances at me and nods. Once again, I have no idea what his expression conveys. I don’t know any of them well enough to even pretend to know.
When the front door closes behind them, Nolan studies me for a long minute. “How are you feeling?”
That fire that danced in my veins, sparks, reminding me of the last hour. “Better.” It’s the truth. I do feel better.
“What do you remember about last night?”
“Most of it… I think.” I try to hold back a cringe, but it comes anyway. “Some of my memories feel a little distorted like maybe I’m remembering things I wanted to do but didn’t.”
“Do you remember who gave you the edible? The pumpkin cookie.”
“Can you make me a promise?”
Nolan shakes his head. “Probably not.”
Like most things with Nolan, his response catches me by surprise, and I chuckle. “What kind of answer is that?”
“An honest one,” he says.
“What if I told you that I already took care of it?”
“Is that where you went?”
I nod, slowly.
Anger churns in his eyes. “Who was it? What happened?”
“We’re going to talk about it. I promise, I’ll answer any questions you have, and you can fill in the strange, muddled memories I have because most involve you … but let’s do it tonight or tomorrow when you’re not distracted and running from real-life wrecking balls that are trying to flatten you.”
He scoffs. “Let them try.”
“Let’s not.”
“Cutlass—”
“I know. I’d feel the same way. I do feel the same way, knowing Hannah was involved.
I get it. But we’re okay, thanks to you and your friends, we’re fine.
And later, I’ll tell you everything, I swear.
Just not right now because if you got hurt from this taking up your headspace, I would hate myself. ”
Nolan breathes in deeply and then releases the breath slowly, and I contemplate if not telling him now is the right decision or if it will cause an even greater distraction.
“I’m fine,” I tell him again. “I swear.”
He stares at me for another beat, indecision clear in his gaze. Standing in front of a crowd terrifies me, rattles me to the point it’s hard to construct a full sentence, but there’s something about Nolan and his presence that makes me feel bold and brave that has me forgetting to fear the fall.
“Did I kiss you last night?” My question fractures his anger and hesitation.
He shakes his head.
“Did I try to kiss you?” The memory is foggy, similar to the one I’d shared with Katie about swimming. I’m not sure if I actually kissed him or if I’d wanted to and my imagination has created a memory that feels real.
“You asked me if you were a bad kisser.”
The memory seems to solidify in my thoughts. “That’s right, and then you suggested we should skinny dip and I told you that wouldn’t be safe in my current condition.”
Humor sparks in his gaze.
“Then you asked if you could sleep in my bed every night because it doesn’t feel like a meat freezer like the basement does, and I told you that that might be too tempting for you and our current arrangement because I sometimes sleep in nothing but my underwear…”
Nolan takes a step closer to me, and my heart beats chaotically in my chest. “Cutlass, you should know, there’s no distracting me when I set my mind to something.
You can be cute, but you’re going to tell me everything tonight.
” His eyes drop to my lips. “And we both know you’re lying.
You sleep in sweats with socks on, regardless of how warm it is outside. ”
“That’s only so I don’t tempt you to cross that friendship line we’ve so carefully drawn.”
“What line?”
My heart spins and then eddies. “I may not be able to go to your game tonight,” I tell him. “I need to see how Hannah’s feeling.”
He gives a tight smile. “That’s okay. You probably need the extra rest, too. I’ll see you after the game.” He strides to the front door and leaves me with an ache I’ve begun to recognize, a separate one that appears every time he’s gone.
I head upstairs, my thoughts still in a daze, sorting through memories of last night and this morning. Katie meets me at the top of the stairs already dressed, her hair wrapped in a towel.
“Is something going on between you and my brother?”
My stomach falls and my nerves crackle as I stare at her, feeling like I’m supposed to give the biggest public speech of my life.
“Do you like him?” Katie asks, her tone is light, hesitant. She doesn’t seem angry, almost confused.
I wince, guilt washing over me because I know how much she doesn’t want me to say yes. “I didn’t mean to. I swear. I keep trying to be friends with him, but—”
Katie shakes her head. “It’s not going to end well.”
“I know you’re worried, and I am truly, genuinely sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner, but, Katie, I really like Nolan. Like a lot. And I know he’s your brother and that makes me the worst friend for falling for him. Trust me, I know.”
“You don’t understand. He dated my best friend in high school, and it didn’t just end badly, it ended in flames. Literally. She started a bonfire in our driveway with everything Nolan or I had ever given her.”
“I know.”
Katie looks shocked.
“I mean, I didn’t know about the bonfire, but about him dating your best friend, I knew.”
“Hadley, I get this. If you want to date him…” she cringes, “do it. Get him out of your system, just don’t get attached. And don’t think he’s in love with you.”
Her words seem so cruel and detached that my brow furrows.
“I did the same thing last year before realizing guys like Carsen are the guys for us. Dependable, sweet, consistent…” I don’t know the backstory she’s referring to, but my heart aches with protest. “But can’t you pick someone besides Nolan? Another guy on the team or some frat boy?”
“I like Nolan.”
Katie groans. “He’s going to hurt you. He’ll break your heart and then you’re going to hate me.”
I shake my head. “Nothing will change our friendship.”
Sounds coming from Hannah’s room effectively pause our conversation. “Let’s talk about this more, later.”
I’m happy to shelve the conversation. I only wish we could allow it to grow dust and cobwebs. “What are we going to say to Hannah? You don’t think she’ll want to date Ethan still, do you?” I ask.
Katie shakes her head. “I sure as hell hope not.” She rubs a hand over her forehead. “Maybe we should convince her to break up with him before telling her we assaulted him?”
“Maybe we should make pancakes.”
“I don’t think pancakes are going to soften the blow that the guy she liked is a complete dick.”
“Did we overreact?” I ask. “I mean, everyone smokes or does edibles. He probably just assumed we did, too.”
Katie shakes her head. “No. Absolutely not. He drugged you, Hadley. What if Nolan hadn’t come and gotten you?”
Shame and uncertainty twine around the naivety that’s been taunting me since I woke up, not only from being dumb enough to eat the admittedly awful cookie but because a part of me says I should be more okay with what happened since I wasn’t hurt and everyone I know has been high—does it frequently.
“He had no right,” Katie says, shaking her head. “You heard Palmer. They distracted Nolan because they know he would have flipped his handle—which makes a lot more sense now… If you think we overreacted…” She shakes her head but doesn’t finish the sentence. She doesn’t need to.
“What do you think’s going to happen to Ethan?”
Katie shakes her head. “I don’t know. He’ll probably be cut from the team. Nolan has clout and Hudson’s ear, plus, Ethan’s second string. But who knows? Money makes people bury the truth.”
At the end of the hall, Hannah’s bedroom door opens. She’s still wearing her black leotard, and like when I woke up, her makeup is smeared. “Tell me that was a really weird dream.”
“Part of it might be,” I admit.
Hannah looks at me, eyes glassy with tears. “What did we take? Did someone drug us? Was it roofies?”
“Edibles,” I say. “From the cookies.”
“Ethan?” Her pleading expression begs for me to deny it, but I nod. “Do you think he knew?”
“You can’t exactly pick up edibles at the grocery store,” Katie says.
Hannah groans, clasping a hand across her face. “He drugged us?” Her tone is filled with shock and accusation. “I slept with him. I thought he…” She shakes her head, pursing her lips with anger though her eyes fill with tears. “I feel so stupid.”
“You weren’t stupid. He was,” I insist.
Katie nods, moving closer and placing her hand on Hannah’s shoulder. “The stupidest.”