32. Nolan
Nolan
M y head objects as I open my eyes. The sun is too bright. The room is too damn bright. And way too fucking cold. Even without the sun or the chill, the terrible noise keeps me from trying to go back to sleep.
I sit up, and my stomach roils.
I haven’t had a hangover since freshman year, following my breakup when Lenny took me out to get shit-faced drunk and Pops had to sneak us back into the dorms. I still have a scar on my ankle from where Pops cut the corner to the elevator too close and peeled off a layer of my skin.
Through squinted, bleary eyes, I look toward the source of the noise that sounds like a broken train engine, and spot Lenny passed out on a couch. He’s lying on his stomach still dressed, with one shoe on.
Fuck.
I’m on the damn hardwood floor.
I climb to my feet on unsteady legs, my stomach sloshing violently as I peer down at my jeans, shoes, and bare chest. “Where in the hell’s my shirt?” I ask.
Lenny’s snore breaks into a loud snorting.
Bile rises in my throat. It takes every ounce of my energy to get to the bathroom before I lose the contents of my stomach. Twice.
I lie on the bathroom floor, the cold a now welcomed reprieve.
“You’re out of practice,” Lenny drawls from the other side of the door.
“I feel like death.”
“You’re a fucking lightweight.”
I mumble incoherently.
“You need another shot,” Lenny says. “It’ll make you feel better.”
It’s a welcoming thought as I recall the pain and disappointment that alcohol ate away last night. I don’t allow myself to think about it or consider drinking more. Instead, I clear my head and lie my head on the bathmat.
Sleep. Sleep is going to make me feel better.
Cold water sluices over me, startling me to a sitting position.
“Oh, good. You’re up,” Grey says, Hudson and Lenny behind him. Lenny laughs, his hair looks like he stuck his finger in a light socket, and he’s still wearing yesterday’s clothes.
“I had to take a piss in the kitchen because you wouldn’t wake up.”
Disgust has me shaking my head.
Hudson’s arms are crossed over his chest; jaw set with disappointment.
“What the hell, Grey?” I accuse.
He sets the bowl he’d used to douse me on the counter. “You’re lucky it was me and not your sister. She’s looking for you, by the way.”
I rub a hand across my brow, still feeling ill and exhausted. Slowly, I brace myself on the tub and haul myself to my feet.
“Where’s your shirt?” Lenny asks. I don’t know how he’s standing.
“You look terrible,” Hudson says.
“I feel worse,” I assure him.
“Good,” is his only response. “What the fuck, man?”
“What time is it?”
“Nine,” Hudson says.
“It’s only nine?” Lenny says. “Man, we must have just gotten home.”
“It’s fucking Monday,” Hudson spits the words.
“Where in the hell have you guys been?” Grey asks.
“It’s Monday?” I ask.
Hudson scoffs.
“Shit. I have to go. I need to call Hadley.”
“Hadley’s cool. She’ll understand,” Lenny says.
Hudson’s expression of disbelief kills the tiny ember of hope Lenny passed me. “Cool or not, you two assholes disappeared for a day and a half.”
I reach into my pocket and find my phone, the battery dead. “I have to go.” I pat my pockets again, searching for my keys. “Where are my keys?”
Hudson’s look of disapproval becomes disappointment.
“They’re still at the facility,” Lenny says. “I drove.” He looks at me. “Where in the fuck’s my truck?”
Grey shakes his head. “You two are pathetic.”
“I’ll drive you home,” Hudson says.
“Get a shirt first.” Grey won’t meet my eye. “And a fucking shower. You smell”
“I just need to get home,” I say, turning to Lenny. “Can I borrow a shirt?”
Lenny nods, and trails down the hall to his bedroom, each step entirely too slow. He returns with a back Nirvana tee. “I like that shirt. Don’t lose it.”
Grey follows Hudson and me as far as the parking lot before heading for a class.
I get into Hudson’s passenger seat, wishing I had a coat. I’m dehydrated, exhausted, and my whole body aches.
“What in the hell happened?” Hudson asks, starting his Jeep.
“All I remember is shots. Lots and lots of shots.”
“That’s not what I mean.” We stop for a crosswalk.
“Wait. Is that?” I have the passenger door open before I can think twice.
“Nolan!” Hudson yells from the driver’s seat, but I’m swinging out the door, ready to tear across the street. Several turn around to look at me, including the brunette I mistook for Hadley, who upon second glance looks nothing like Hadley aside from the dark hair.
Someone honks as Hudson slowly eases forward, the passenger door still open.
“What in the hell are you doing?” he asks.
“I thought it was Hadley.”
“It’s Monday. She’s in class and then she’s meeting Evelyn for lunch.”
I swallow. “She’s going to be pissed. Did she reach out to Evelyn?”
Hudson nods. “She was worried about you.” He shakes his head. “What in the hell provoked you to go out with Lenny? You knew that would lead to a bad decision and worse mistake.”
“I fucked everything up. I ruined our chances of winning this year. We aren’t even going to make it to the playoff. I fucked up.”
“You fucked up by going out with Lenny. Peters fucked up by benching us.”
“Every goddamn thing we’ve worked for. It’s all over.”
“It’s not over. We have two games left and so do the other undefeated teams.”
“We were a shoo-in.”
Hudson eyes me. “We both knew there was a chance we’d lose even if we played. Until we’re allowed to do more than a couple of basic offensive plays, our skills won’t be enough.”
“It’s bullshit.”
“It’s absolutely bullshit, and I’m pissed, but I’m also pissed at you. We had no idea where you were. You literally dropped off the face of the earth without a goddam word to anyone.”
“I was in the dorms,” I point out.
“We tried calling you like a hundred times. Katie was ready to file a missing person’s report. You missed practice this morning…”
“I fucked up, okay?”
“You’re damn right you did.”
His scolding doesn’t end until we pull up to the house. Hadley’s car is gone, but Katie’s is in the driveway.
“I’d wish you luck, but you deserve whatever wrath she delivers.”
“Are you going to be moody all day?”
“All fucking month,” he promises. “I had no idea what to do. I lied to the coaches for you. I swore to Hadley and Katie that I’d find you and I had no idea where you were or if you were even okay.”
I want to tell him, I’m not okay, that my future is bleak at the moment, instead, I apologize again and get out of his Jeep, my muscles fatigued and aching from dehydration and lack of movement. “Thanks for driving me home.”
“I’ll wait if you want to shower and get something to eat and drink. I can take you back and get your truck.” He’s a better friend than I deserve.
“You want to come in?”
Hudson shakes his head and pulls out his phone. “Nope.”
I eye the house, knowing the longer I avoid this conversation with Katie, the worse it’s going to be.
Katie looks up from where she’s sitting on the couch, phone balanced in her hands. She gets to her feet in a second.
I’m caught off guard by the tears in her eyes. “What happened? What’s wrong?” I ask.
Katie walks over to me, shaking her head as tears streak down her cheeks.
“What happened?” I ask again.
She hits me, square in the jaw. It’s an impressive hit that rings my bell and makes my already aching head hurt even worse. “Where have you been, you asshole?” She shoves me, but I’m prepared for it and lean forward.
She pushes me again. “I thought you were dead, you big stupid, thoughtless, jerk.” She shrieks and pushes me again. “You’re out, Nolan. You’re not living here anymore.”
“I’m sorry, Katie. I wasn’t trying to scare you. I messed up.”
“No. You just reminded me how impulsive and selfish you are.”
“Katie—”
“No. I want you to move out. You weren’t supposed to be living here past October, anyway. Get your stuff, and leave.”
“Can we just talk about this?”
She shakes her head. “I’m done talking. I’m done listening. And I’m done giving you chances.”
“Can I just wait here and talk to Hadley?”
She shakes her head. “If you bothered to charge your phone, you’d know she doesn’t want to see you right now.”
“Katie, I wasn’t thinking. I wasn’t trying to hurt or worry anyone, I was just—”
“I don’t care. I’m so mad at you right now, I literally can’t care.
I was about to call Mom and Dad and tell them you might be hurt or maybe kidnapped.
Hadley was sick with a migraine most of yesterday because she stayed up all night waiting for you.
” Her words are like a million paper cuts crossing every inch of my body.
“Is she okay?”
“She wants you to move out.”
“She does or you do?”
“I told Hannah and Hadley that if they were ever uncomfortable with you staying here, I’d ask you to leave.” It’s an ambiguous answer.
“I just need to talk to her.”
Katie shakes her head. “She’ll be glad you’re okay, but she made it clear she doesn’t want to talk to you right now, and honestly, I don’t want to, either. Get your stuff and leave.”
“I don’t even have my truck.”
Katie scoffs. “Of course, you don’t. Go back to the dorm. Text me when you can get your things and I’ll make sure I’m here so you can get all your belongings out.”
I know Katie’s too mad and I’m too sick to discuss my staying here, besides it doesn’t even matter at this point. Right now, all I can think about is how badly I fucked things up with Hadley.
“Can you please tell Hadley that I’m sorry and that I didn’t mean to hurt her? I was selfish and stupid, and I wasn’t thinking.”
“Obviously,” Katie retorts.
“Katie, I know you don’t believe me, but I love her. I can’t just walk away from this—from her.”
“That’s the thing, I did believe you. I honestly thought you did love her, but your actions this weekend spoke way louder than your sorry apology.”
“I lost my entire future. Can’t you give me just a fraction of understanding?”
“Whose fault is that?”
Anger is my immediate default, and for a second I want to lash out at Katie like she’s lashing out at me, but I know that won’t make things any better, not between us and not between Hadley and me.
“I’m sorry.” I leave without another word, feeling Hudson’s stare.
“How’d it go?”
I buckle my seat belt. “It’s over.”
“What is?”
“Everything.”