Chapter 2 #2
‘You were. And that’s fine,’ he interrupts, patting his pocket for his phone and looking between each end of the carriage,
squinting to read the signs. ‘Nothing wrong with admiring the view.’
While he’s on the hunt for some food and I’m trying to soothe my violent pulse, I take out my sad, foil-wrapped cheese sandwich.
There’s something unnecessarily embarrassing about eating a packed lunch in public, so I eat as quickly as I can. I didn’t
have time to buy nice bread yesterday to make a fancy baguette because I ended up hanging out with Tahlia all afternoon instead,
filling out some uni forms while Mamma Mia! played in the background and she explained in graphic detail how both Sophie and Sky in Lay All Your Love On Me were her combined sexual awakening.
Crumpled foil in hand, I check my phone to find we’re somewhere around Cardiff. Soon, our train will start moving along the coast. I think that’s when it’ll feel real. The moment I see the sea.
I’m drinking from my trusty green water bottle when the carriage door opens and Max ducks under the doorframe. His attention
is immediately drawn by a pretty woman near the door, and he rests a forearm against the shelf above as they chat. His other
hand clutches his haul against his chest, and I’m reluctantly impressed by the sheer quantity of items he’s managed to carry.
Eventually, he meanders my way and reclaims his seat, dropping his snacks on to the table and sprawling so aggressively that
he takes up almost the entirety of the two seats with the width of his legs.
‘Did you know that woman?’ I ask.
‘Huh?’ He leans on one hip and removes a tube of Pringles from his pocket. ‘Oh, no. She was . . .’
‘Another fan?’
He removes the plastic lid and gives a quiet laugh. ‘Well. Of sorts.’ He peels back the foil and, at my silence, says, ‘She
saw me get on the train earlier and wanted to give me her number.’
How do people have the guts to do that? What if you offer your number and the other person doesn’t want it? Worse, what if
they do? What happens then? ‘Did you take it?’
He cocks his head. ‘What do you think?’
Yes, then. I eye the selection he’s offloaded on to the table, mostly made up of crisps, with at least two sandwiches, and some
chocolate too. ‘Get enough food?’
‘I’m having a growth spurt,’ he says flatly. He leans forward to dig through the pile, encroaching on my space even though he has two whole seats to himself. ‘Help yourself. But not to the Doritos. I can’t be
held responsible for my actions if you eat those.’
A few seconds later, he swipes them out of the pile, like he doesn’t trust me.
Every so often, I hear a voice in my head that sounds an awful lot like my ex’s.
It says things like, We should be fuelling properly.
Are you sure it’s a good idea to eat that?
The voice has quietened over the past few months, but it still surprises me whenever it pops up.
I hear it now and grab a packet of crisps in retaliation. The crunch sends it scurrying away.
I’m taking a photo of the view when the door behind me opens, bringing with it a sweet and sultry scent that makes me immediately
jealous. Try as I might, those dupes I buy for expensive perfumes never quite stick the way I want them to. Not like this.
‘There is absolutely no need for your legs to be spread that wide.’ The voice matches the perfume somehow; slightly husky,
deep for a woman, and just the tolerable side of posh.
‘I beg to differ,’ Max says carefully, eyes on the new arrival.
She steps forward and sends another cloud of perfume my way. ‘Budge up, you little shit.’
‘It’s always such a delight to see you, Jude.’
‘Wish I could say the same.’ A woman drops into the seat next to Max, nudging at him to close his legs. She’s all perfect
proportions and wildly intimidating off-duty model beauty, and I brace myself for the inevitable moment where she casts me
a judgemental side-eye, but she just throws me a smile that’s fifty degrees warmer than the expression she gives Max, and
I relax.
She tosses long, chocolate hair behind her and looks at me with thick-lashed eyes. ‘I’m Jude. Since Max doesn’t seem inclined
to introduce us.’
I catch him rolling his eyes as I reply, ‘I’m Dylan.’
Jude Lamarra. I’ve seen her face on posters lining the Underground, advertising some makeup brand. How does she look like
this in real life? I thought those were filtered, edited photos.
‘I don’t mean to be rude,’ Max says, in a tone that implies that he fully intends to be rude, ‘but why are you here?’
‘Did you forget I’m a content creator too? Haven by the Sea is calling my name.’
‘Okay, but why are you here, in this carriage?’
‘You wouldn’t believe it, actually,’ she makes an effort to direct her eye contact to both Max and me, even though he was the one who asked the question, ‘but I got kicked out of the quiet coach for being too loud.’ She lifts her shoulders in an exaggerated shrug, then looks between us. ‘What’s the story here?’
‘Dylan’s my plus-one for the trip,’ Max offers. ‘A friend of my sister’s. Ash was meant to be coming but he dropped out because
his girlfriend’s pregnant.’
‘Saw that. They haven’t been together that long, have they?’
‘I mean,’ Max wrinkles his nose, ‘I think it’s been, like, six years.’
‘Oh.’ She pretends to wipe a tear from her cheek. ‘Another friend lost to teen parenthood.’
‘He’s twenty-eight,’ Max points out.
‘Exactly.’
‘Well, Dylan was free, so she took his place.’
‘How do you two know each other?’ I ask. On the one hand, I could be convinced they’ve hooked up; they’re two attractive people
in the same industry who clearly have some sort of history. But on the other, they have the petty bickering of siblings. This
is, understandably, a confusing dynamic.
‘We’re under the same management,’ Max says, shadows from passing trees flickering across his face. ‘We met years ago at some
event. I used to go for the goodie bags. The free shit made for perfect apology gifts.’
‘This was when he was particularly unhinged,’ Jude says conspiratorially.
‘Hey,’ Max says in mock offence, ‘when we were both unhinged.’
Jude nods solemnly. ‘Look at us now.’
‘I haven’t blacked out at an event in years, so I consider that a win,’ Max says.
‘I kind of miss getting wasted at work events to cover up my repressed trauma,’ Jude says through a sigh. ‘Anyway, what about
you, Dylan?’
‘How do I . . . cover up my repressed trauma?’
‘No, that’s a topic for next week, when we know each other a little better.
’ I let out a quiet snort that I hope neither of them notices, and Jude leans forward.
‘Are you together? When did you meet? Wait, was it last year? I thought Max might be doing a one-eighty and finally settling down with someone because he went completely MIA for a few months, but then he came back online like nothing had happened.’
‘Uh, no, it’s not like that at all,’ I splutter, hoping Max will help out. Instead, his expression is unreadable, his brow
furrowing. ‘We’d only met once before today, at a party. And we were drinking, so I don’t even think that counts, because
neither of us really remembers it.’
‘If you were both drunk, it unfortunately does still count.’ She grimaces and points a thumb at Max. ‘He knows all about that.’
‘She’s messing with you, Dylan,’ Max drawls, that strange expression gone. ‘Jude, Dylan and I are going to be housemates,
and housemates only, in our lovely family cabin.’
They exchange a look and I swear they have an entire silent conversation through it. It ends with Max’s eyes landing on me
again, his mouth pulled up at the side, and I feel a little like Red Riding Hood trapped by the Big Bad Wolf.
‘So you’re essentially strangers living together for six weeks? Oh, this’ll be good,’ Jude says with a cackle, and the sound
is so out of sync with the rest of her that it’d make me want to laugh too, if she weren’t directing it at me. ‘Well, if you
ever want to escape, Dylan—’
‘What if I’m the one who wants to escape?’ Max interrupts.
She doesn’t even acknowledge him. ‘If he’s too messy or gross or whatever, you can come and stay in my cabin.’ She purses
his lips and adds, ‘Although I’ll be honest, this isn’t an open-ended invite. I live alone for a reason.’
Her bluntness throws me momentarily, but it kind of reminds me of Ava, so I feel like I’m in familiar territory. ‘What’s the
reason?’
‘The idea of living with people makes my skin crawl. No offence.’ She flashes a dazzling smile, and it warms me to her even
more. ‘But temporarily, I’d be more than happy to have a guest.’
‘Well, thank you.’ I inhale deeply and look out the window, where London’s grey and beige has long since given way to a blur of green and brown, and, in the distance, a burst of blue.
Max gives a flippant wave of his hand and says, ‘I doubt Dylan and I will be doing the same activities, anyway. I assume we’ll barely see each other. ’
‘You assume? Have you not discussed this?’ Jude asks, hair rippling like she’s in a shampoo ad. ‘Max, what’s on your list?’
‘I dunno. I haven’t really checked properly. But I’ll try everything that’s available, especially if it’s in the water. Surfing,
canoeing, whatever.’
Jude sets her eyes on me, and I reply, ‘Same, pretty much. I’d like to spend as much time outside as possible.’
‘Abseiling?’ she asks.
‘I’m not the best with heights, but I should probably try, right?’
‘Hikes?’ she pushes.
‘I think so.’ I know so. Months ago, long before I agreed to this, I came across a video of an ancient chapel on a cliffside and for some reason,
I just couldn’t forget about it. It was only when I read through the itinerary for this trip that I realised there’d be a
hike to that very spot included. Tahlia must be rubbing off on me, because I couldn’t help thinking it was a sign.
Max looks me up and down, curiosity overtaking his features. ‘You’re not like Ava, then?’
I give him a closed-mouth smile. ‘Definitely not. She’s way cooler than I am.’ Funnier, surer of herself, more confident.
All of the above.
‘Not what I meant.’ It’s jarring, how certain he seems about this. ‘I mean that I assumed you’d be similar. I never thought
she’d be friends with outdoorsy people. She’s, like, morally opposed to being outside.’
‘We go on walks together sometimes,’ I reason. ‘And she’s with Finn, isn’t she? He’s always convincing her to get out and
about.’
He frowns, and the grumpiness of his expression makes him look about six years old. ‘How is it that I’ve been trying to get
her to do this kind of thing our entire lives and she’s always said no, but now she’s doing it with all these people she’s
only just met?’
‘Maybe they’re more persuasive than you are,’ Jude offers.
‘See, that’s where you’re wrong. I think you’ll find I can be very persuasive.’
His eyes flit from Jude to me, and he holds my gaze for a beat too long as my pulse roars in my ears, before looking outside, the train slowing as it approaches the next station.
I am far too monogamous to have spent much time around men like Max. I’m sure he’s flustering me intentionally just because
he can, and I don’t know how to handle it. There’s no weakness, nothing to grip on to. Just pure, smooth ego.
And men whose main personality trait is an ego the size of Jupiter are not for me. I need roots dug into earth, and foundations
I can build upon, and a place to watch the seasons pass, year after year. I need plans, and someone I can rely on to share
them with.
I need a future, not a right-now.