Chapter 17
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
PENELOPE
Normally by midafternoon on a Tuesday, I was in full-on Zen mode.
Of course, normally, I wasn’t still remembering the feel of Declan Steele’s lips under mine or how his fingers had dug into my ass or how good he’d tasted.
The library had always been my happy place. It had a way of calming me…of recentering me. Today, though, I was still a complete mess, even after being in my sanctuary for hours.
I was flushed, flustered, and far too aware of my own body. Every brush of fabric against my skin, every shift of my thighs, every flutter in my belly made me think of Declan. Of last night and this morning and the kiss that somehow rearranged my freaking DNA.
“Someone’s distracted,” Holly singsonged as she stepped behind the circulation desk, and I nearly jumped out of my skin.
An involuntary squeak left me before I clamped a hand over my mouth, eyes wide. “Oh god, you scared me.”
She chuckled low, her eyes dancing. “Sorry. Seems like something else is occupying your mind.”
Yeah. Something like how well your son can kiss and how hot he sounds when he comes and all the filthy things I want him to do to me…
I cleared my throat and averted my gaze. “Just, um…story time. Want to make sure everyone loves this week’s book selection.”
“I know they will. They always do.” Her grin widened and she winked. “And if they don’t, that’s nothing a hedgehog and bunny puppet show can’t fix.”
Huffing out a laugh, I shook my head. “I think you’re overselling my acting skills.”
“Nonsense! The kids love spending time with you. And their parents love the reprieve you give them.” She placed her hand on my forearm and squeezed gently. “Honestly, you’ve been a godsend for our library.”
A grin I couldn’t tamp down swept across my mouth as warmth bloomed in my chest. “Thanks, Holly. I really love working here.”
“And I love having you.” She wrapped an arm around my shoulders and squeezed me into her side, her easy, motherly affection something I’d been missing for more than half my life. “I couldn’t have asked for someone better suited to eventually take my place when I retire.”
A rush of emotion caught me off guard, nearly stealing my breath. This library had been my refuge from day one. It had offered quiet when I needed peace, structure when I needed stability, and purpose when I felt adrift.
And Starlight Cove…this sweet little town I’d been drawn to by pure happenstance? It had started to feel like something I didn’t know I’d been searching for.
Something I’d never expected to find.
After a year here, I was finally building a life that felt fulfilling.
I’d never made friends easily, but Sutton, Chloe, and Willa had practically dragged me into their lives, refusing to let me lurk on the outside.
They’d turned their little trio into a foursome because they wanted me to feel included.
And now, here was Holly admitting she saw me taking over her position as lead librarian when she retired. Holly, the woman I admired and respected. The woman who’d lovingly looked after me since my first day in town.
The woman whose son currently starred in every single one of my dirtiest fantasies and whom I’d agreed to enter into sex lessons with.
God.
What if this whole thing with Declan blew up in my face?
Would I still be able to work with his mother?
Would I still be able to see him every day as he strolled in with that don’t fuck with me vibe and sexy scowl and watch as he hugged his mom and kissed her on the head and left without a backward glance toward me?
Yes. Yes, obviously, I could do that.
I just needed to keep this…arrangement…with him strictly professional. Purely educational—all business, zero feelings. I could do that for the three weeks we had left in the apartment.
I’d managed to keep Eden Foxbury a secret for years. Surely I could do the same with Declan’s and my little entanglement.
“Oh!” Holly said, pulling me out of my thoughts. “I almost forgot—can you make it to book club tonight, or are you busy again?”
Um…yes, I did have plans tonight.
A wave of heat washed over me, and I turned away from her, focusing instead on straightening the already perfectly aligned stack of bookmarks on the counter. I couldn’t look at her. Not when said plans consisted of allowing her son to defile me. Hopefully.
“Uh, no. I can’t make it tonight.”
“We’ll get you there one of these months! You always have the best romance recommendations. I don’t know how you stay on top of them all, especially the indie titles.”
That would be thanks to the help of my secret identity and the necessity of staying up-to-date with my peers I felt wildly underqualified writing alongside.
But I obviously couldn’t tell her that.
“Oh, you know…” I offered a helpless shrug and waved a hand through the air as if that explained everything. “Anyway, I should get set up for story time!”
I practically bolted to the kids’ corner, clutching today’s book selection and a couple puppets that looked like they’d been through a war.
My face was hot. My thoughts? An inferno.
I had no business leading a room full of toddlers in a spirited rendition of my usual woodland friends’ sing-along.
Not when my brain was unhelpfully serving up all the ways I might be spending my evening and which items Declan and I would check off my Fucket List.
I tried to focus. I really did. There were puppets to wrangle, songs to prep, a room full of tiny humans about to demand my full attention and every last ounce of my woodland creature voice arsenal.
But none of it—none of it—was enough to silence the loop playing in my head that all revolved around one thing.
Declan.
My brain was a traitor, dragging me straight back to this morning’s kiss.
My very first of that kind. I’d read them…
written them. But I’d never experienced one—a kiss that had curled my toes and made my stomach flip and left me completely breathless.
And I couldn’t believe it, but nothing I’d read or written thus far had done it justice.
Which only confirmed my fears about being a fraud by writing what I’d never experienced.
Because that kiss with Declan? It had undone me. Leveled me completely. Rearranged something fundamental inside me.
One second, I’d been rambling, panicked, blurting every humiliating truth I’d never said aloud, and the next…
The next had been extraordinary.
From the moment his lips had landed on mine, I’d melted. Into his body…his arms…his kiss.
I’d never known it could be like that—all-consuming and anchoring all at once.
It was probably wishful thinking on my part, but when I’d opened my eyes and met his, he’d looked just as shaken as I felt.
So far, he’d been good about my inexperience. Actually, he’d been surprisingly and unexpectedly…great. He hadn’t laughed or teased or ridiculed me. He hadn’t condescended.
But when we continued forward, would that change? Would he make fun of me and the things I was curious about? This was the most I’d bared myself to another person in more than a decade. What would happen when he saw behind the mask? Would he laugh? Pity me? Grow bored? I didn’t know.
And the truth was, I was terrified to find out.