Chapter 23
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
PENELOPE
I didn’t know why I was so nervous. It wasn’t like this was the first—or even the second—item from the Fucket List.
But it was going to be the first where there was a definite possibility Declan would see me naked.
And that catapulted these little sex lessons from manageable to dangerous.
Besides that, I’d been off-kilter all day. Between the coffee this morning and the handwritten note with my delivered lunch, I was still feeling a bit…gooey.
Which, obviously, was not going to do.
So, when I’d gotten home after work, I’d taken advantage of the empty apartment to remind myself why I was doing this in the first place.
Eden Foxbury’s fourth book.
Eden Foxbury’s barely written fourth book.
Declan was just a stepping stone to where I needed to be.
A helpful guide on my sexual journey and my determination to bring some truth and authenticity into my work.
So I could finally quiet this voice inside me that always worried people would find out I was a fraud and had no business writing the content I did.
That was all.
Even with the window cracked to allow in the cool October air, the apartment was still stifling. My cheeks were flushed, my palms sweaty. And the heat was affecting my attention span.
I’d been stuck on the same page in this book for the past twenty minutes. I’d read these paragraphs at least two dozen times, but I still had no recollection of what had transpired.
It was just that my pulse was a giant distraction with the way it jackhammered in my ears. And my skin? It was buzzing, my nerves a minefield. Even my comfort clothes weren’t helping.
Yes, I was in my softest sleep shorts, my favorite oversized cardigan, and my coziest tee, like whatever came tonight wasn’t a big deal. But I wasn’t fooling anyone. Least of all myself.
Not when I’d glossed my lips and shaved my legs and changed my underwear twice before finally settling on another lacy pair that made absolutely zero sense with the rest of my outfit.
I hadn’t picked them out because Declan had gone feral over the last pair he’d felt. Obviously. They were just…nice. And they made me feel sexy. And god knew I needed a bit of that confidence, given what I’d asked my sex teacher for a lesson in.
A key slid into the lock, and then the apartment door opened, the sound of Declan’s boots on the hardwood filling the space.
I didn’t dare look up. I just kept “reading,” my eyes scanning this godforsaken chapter for the twenty-seventh time. But just like all my previous attempts, my focus wasn’t on it.
Instead, it was on Declan’s every movement.
His keys hit the table, his boots came off with a thud, and his jacket landed over the back of one of the dining chairs. Water ran in the kitchen sink, and I knew he was washing his hands like he always did. Probably downing a glass of water as well.
And then in a blink and an eternity all at once, his socked feet came into view, and I could feel him looming above me, all heat and danger and temptation.
Steeling my spine, I forced myself to look up at him and meet his gaze. In what felt like half a second, he clocked everything—the pinched line between my brows, the unread book in my lap, my shiny lips, my outfit, the cracked window, my no doubt tomato-colored face…
And then he raised a brow and opened his infuriating mouth. “You always get this twitchy before someone eats you out, or am I just special?”
My pulse jumped so hard I felt like it knocked something loose, but I swallowed down that reaction and stared up at him with what I hoped passed for composure instead of nerves. “Do you try to be unbearable, or is it just a gift?”
“Natural talent. I should probably add it to my résumé next to Tongue Magician.”
“I swear to god, if you say anything like that while you’re down there, I’m launching you off the bed.”
He leaned down, bracing his hands against the couch on either side of me. “The bed, huh?”
I froze, my already-warm face flaming even hotter. “Well, I mean— I just assumed you’d— Anywhere is fi—”
“The bed, it is. Guess I’ll just have to make it good enough that you forget how to kick, then.”
Before I had a chance to blink, let alone respond, Declan hauled me up and over his shoulder and strode straight for my room. He smacked my ass hard enough that I felt the reverberation all the way to my bones…and my clit.
I bit back a moan and pinched his side. “Declan! You can’t just throw me over your shoulder like a sack of flour!”
“Why not?”
“Because!”
“‘Because’? Oh, well then…”
One second, I was hanging upside down, and the next, I was tossed onto my bed. I settled with a soft bounce, my pillows shifting as he followed, stalking after me like I was his prey. And I very much ignored the flutter of interest that stirred low in my belly at that thought.
He planted a knee on the mattress, caging me in without actually touching me, and dragged his gaze over me, slowly and unapologetically.
“Since this is your show, tell me how you want your education tonight.” His voice was low and maddeningly calm. “I can walk you through it. Nice and detailed. Tell you exactly what my mouth would do to you…”
When only silence followed, I found my voice and asked, “Or?”
“Or I can skip the lecture and show you what my tongue feels like on your needy little clit.”
I sucked in a sharp breath when said clit gave a sudden, overwhelming throb. Swallowing hard, I tucked my cardigan tighter around me—mostly so he wouldn’t notice how my nipples had already betrayed me. “You’re very confident for someone who hasn’t even started.”
“And you’re very mouthy for someone who’s about to be reduced to incoherent noises.”
“I haven’t told you which option I picked.”
He tilted his head, lips curving in that insufferable smirk. “Maybe not out loud, but we both know what you want.”
“What I want is for you to shut up—”
“And put my mouth to better use? Gladly.”
I wanted to snap back at him with something sharp, but all that came out was a pathetic, breathy sound that couldn’t decide if it wanted to be a gasp of indignation or a slutty little moan. “You’re infuriating.”
Declan’s intense gaze went nuclear. “And yet, you still want my face between your thighs.”
Heat crawled up my neck. “I…never said that.”
“You didn’t have to. You’re staring at my mouth like you’re wondering if it’s going to make you scream.”
I parted my lips to tell him he was wrong. That his cockiness had gone straight to his head. But I couldn’t because he was right.
That was exactly what I was wondering.
“Get comfortable. I’ll grab the props.”
As soon as Declan headed toward the kitchen, I exhaled a sharp breath and shot off the bed like it was on fire.
Oh god. Oh god. What was I doing?
I paced in a tight circle beside my dresser, then spun back around and paced the other direction. This was fine. Probably. Totally and completely fine.
I was calm. Cool. Collected.
So I was about to have oral sex for the first time. So what?
So I was about to have oral sex for the first time with Declan freaking Steele. No big deal.
So I was about to have oral sex for the first time with Declan freaking Steele, tattooed chaos incarnate and someone who could probably unhook a bra using his broody stare alone. Nothing to worry about.
A hysterical laugh almost broke free, and I clamped my hands over my mouth as I dropped onto the edge of my bed. Fortunately, my manic pacing had sent Darcy scrambling into the living room to escape the tumultuous vibes in here. I didn’t need anyone to witness my meltdown.
“This is fine,” I muttered aloud, as if saying it would make it true. “It’s just oral. Just…tongue. And ice. And Declan. With his mouth. On me.”
Ohmigod.
What if I made a weird noise? What if I said something embarrassing? What if I liked it so much I said something really embarrassing? What if he was good at it?
That was a stupid thought. Of course he was good at it.
Besides the BDE Declan was constantly rocking, he also had big “I’ll Ruin You and You’ll Thank Me for It” energy. If he applied even a fraction of the same filthy talent he had with words to what else he could do with his tongue, I was doomed.
I pressed my hands to my cheeks and exhaled through my nose, reminding myself this was to enhance my extremely lacking education. I was doing this for book four and all the future books I planned to write. Eden needed this. I needed this.
Declan was just a body…just a vehicle for my extremely tardy sexual awakening.
And this thing between us? It was only research.