22. Jess #2
“What’s that guy’s deal anyway?” Conor busies himself pouring me a glass of wine, but I don’t miss the shadow that crosses his face.
“He’s Johnny’s little errand boy. And I know they’re both pathetic, but still, it gets under my skin that Johnny wants to keep tabs on me.
” I rub the back of my neck as I speak, tired and weary.
“In all honesty, I’m surprised that Johnny hasn’t texted me.
He loves interjecting when he finds out that I might actually be happy without him. ”
“What do you mean?”
I flush and look at the ground. I’m one to share this kind of information lightly. To this day, very few people know this about me and Johnny. But, there’s something about Conor… though we’ve only known each other a few weeks, I feel like I can trust him.
I take a deep breath. “We broke up once before. He didn’t call me for two months and I heard he was dating around. Then, I went on a date with a guy I really liked and, all of a sudden, Johnny was calling and texting and sending flowers.”
“And you got back together?” Conor swirls his wine in his glass, gazing into the whirlpool he’s created.
“Like an idiot.” I shake my head as shame overcomes me. “I’m such an idiot.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, remembering that time.
It was a couple of years ago now. Despite my striving for independence, my desire to be strong and confident, it turns out that I’m just another sob story.
Guy breaks girl’s heart. Girl breaks up with guy.
Girl takes guy back and he ends up breaking her heart all over again.
I mean, I took back my lying ex. Let him hurt me twice. Who does that?
“You’re not an idiot,” Conor says sharply. “You’re a human being and you guys had a history together. It’s understandable why you’d try again. Especially if he tried so hard to win you back.”
“Maybe,” I venture. If only he knew everything that happened.
“Do you think he’d try to win you back again now, even when he’s engaged to someone else?”
“I don’t know.” I pick at my thumbnail, frowning.
“One of the reasons why I left New York in the first place was to put enough distance between us to make sure we were done for good this time. But, even now that he’s engaged, he’s still sending Mark after me to check up on me.
Like, he doesn’t want me, but he doesn’t want me to move on. ”
Conor sets his glass down with a clatter. “He’s the one who’s an idiot, if that’s the case.”
Despite the heaviness of my confession, I love how much Conor dislikes Johnny simply because he knows he hurt me. His concern fills me with that special kind of light you get when the people you care about care for you too.
“Um, tonight, I—I wasn’t scared of the physical, uh, part of everything,” I stutter. “Like, when I thought you were taking me upstairs.” I swallow awkwardly. Pause.
Conor takes my hands in his. “Go on,” he says gently.
Unable to bring myself to look in his eyes, I stare at our clasped hands, my cheeks warm. “It’s more that I was scared that it was all you wanted me for. That you were being nice to me for that reason only. After Johnny, my confidence is a little… lacking.”
“You should be nothing but confident, Jess.” Conor’s thumb traces the edge of my hand, and the movement makes me dizzy in the best way.
“You should be confident in yourself first and foremost. Only then can you be confident in anyone else. In me, and my intentions. And, for the record, we don’t need to do anything physical until you’re completely ready.
As long as that takes. Like I said, I want to get to know you. Everything about you.”
I peek up at the beautiful man in front of me, telling me to believe in myself.
That I’m worth believing in. He sits patiently, his eyes gazing openly at my face, and I realize just what’s so special about Conor—not only does he believe in me, but he’s giving me space and confidence to grow my belief in myself.
He’s not demanding that I tear down my walls, he’s simply asking me to open a window. Take a breath of fresh air.
And, all of a sudden, I want nothing more than for him to know me… And I want to know him, too. Every little piece of what makes him who he is.
“Purple. Trevor Newton, tenth grade. At the movie theater. I had a piece of popcorn in my mouth when he leaned in, and I was so surprised, I swallowed it whole. He almost had to give me the Heimlich Maneuver.” A small smile crosses my lips.
“And I don’t necessarily think there’s one meaning.
More that we’re here to do good, make things better. Be happy.”
Conor blinks. “Huh?”
I almost burst into laughter at his baffled expression. “You had questions for me, and those are my answers.” I smile, delighted to have caught him off guard. “How about you?”
Conor bites on his bottom lip, an innocent gesture that sends a swirl of butterflies through every one of my internal organs. “Blue. Rebecca Sanderson, seventh grade, on a dare. I had no idea what I was doing and I knocked my teeth against hers. Luckily, I’ve improved my technique over the years.”
“And the meaning of life?”
Conor’s eyes meet mine. “Finding someone you truly care about, and waking up every single day wanting to give them the world. Building a home with that person.”
Energy rushes through my being at his words, at his sincere expression. He’s right, I might not be ready to fully let him in yet, but I am 1000% sure I’m ready for one thing.
He sees me staring, and he tilts his head. “What?”
“I was just thinking about how I was promised a proper kiss.”
Flares appear in his eyes and he pulls his hands from mine. My stomach drops deliciously as he slowly, painstakingly, begins to slide his hands up my arms. I inhale shakily, breathing in his woodsy, warm scent. One of his hands tangles in my hair, while the other cups my chin.
He moves towards me, and my heartbeat quickens. I take in his strong, angular jaw, his sexy stubble and mussed up hair. He’s the most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen.
And he wants to kiss me .
“Is that so?” Conor says quietly.
He moves a touch closer. Still not close enough.
I make an impatient noise, and he smiles. That sexy, sexy smile. He lowers his head towards mine and his lips skim my cheekbone.
The sensation sparks fire on my skin and I suck in a sharp breath.
“Should I kiss you here?” he asks, teasing.
I shake my head, try to twist my mouth to meet his. But, his hands hold me steady.
He drops his head further, his lips pressing little kisses along my jawline, making my head spin. I bite my lip to stop from yelping out loud.
“Here?” he asks again, his voice lower. The obvious desire in his tone stirs a fresh wave of desire in me.
“Please,” I say softly.
It’s the magic word.
His mouth covers mine, warm and sweet and strong.
My breathing immediately quickens and I coil my arms around him, pulling him closer.
As close as I can get. But still, he kisses me slowly, tantalisingly.
Takes his time. His hands move through my hair and I slide my palms over his back, feeling the corded muscles tighten at my touch.
“Conor,” I breathe against his mouth.
He pulls back for a moment, eyes swimming with a sea of emotions. “Is this okay? Are you okay?”
The concern in his tone is the loveliest sound I’ve ever heard. Seeing that he wants me, but that he’s trying to take things slow to make me feel respected and cherished, is enough to make my heart explode. I have never, ever met a man like Conor Brady.
I smile. “More than okay.”
I tilt my head back towards his, wanting more. And he obliges. It’s the best kiss of my entire life, and I’m dizzy and shaking when we finally come up for air.
Conor runs a finger down my cheek. “It’s getting late, I’d better get you home.”
I shake my head. “I don’t want to go home yet.”
My drooping eyes must give me away, because he laughs gently and kisses my forehead. “You’re about to fall asleep on your feet. Plus, it’s not a date unless I drop you home and walk you to your door.”
And so, like a true gentleman, Conor drives me home, walks me to my bedroom door, and gives me the softest, sweetest kiss goodnight I could have ever dreamed of.
“I had a great time tonight, Jess,” he says, his voice husky.
I smile up at him. “Me too.”
“Can I take you out again sometime?”
“I’d like that.”
“Good.” Conor squeezes my hands, then turns to leave. “Goodnight, Jess.”
“Hey, Conor?” I call after him. He turns back around.
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for a perfect second date.”
He grins. “Anytime, roomie.”