Chapter Four
I’m still pissed.
It’s been hours since we made it back to the cabin, but I can’t stop thinking about the way that woman spoke to me. As though I were an abuser or trash or like I was holding Destiny captive somehow. And instead of balking, Destiny took Gwen’s side.
The anger surging through me is hot like molten lava. Stewing in the RV while pissed as fuck feels like torture. I need to leave.
I rip open the accordion door and Wild’s eyebrows hike when he sees the feral expression on my face. Before he can ask and unfairly get my wrath, I shake my head. After pulling on my coat and gloves, I slip out of the RV, grateful for the bitter cold on my exposed face.
It’s dark out now. Perfect for a walk to clear my head.
Despite being “in town,” Uncle Atticus and Aunt Eve still live on the outskirts of civilization. Game is plentiful around their cabin, and if I weren’t so amped up, I’d go hunting. But breathing in the icy air and reveling in nature is more needed right now than grabbing a future meal.
Why did I even come back?
This place already sets me on edge, but now I have to deal with a condescending woman who clearly thought poorly of me and my family. I’m not an idiot. She doesn’t approve of our off-grid living and is going to do her damnedest to bring Destiny to her side.
Is that a bad thing?
If I’m honest with myself, the answer is no. Destiny, because of her ailments and trauma, is struggling. My parents nor my family have the expertise or “community” to help her. All we can do is love her fiercely and protect her with everything we’ve got.
But it’s not enough.
Bad people found our family and hurt the ones I love.
Our isolation and walls around our homestead didn’t keep the evil out.
And even when we destroyed them, their ghosts continue to lurk.
Destiny is a prime example of still being haunted by those people.
Our love and protection didn’t save her from herself.
She nearly fucking died by her own hand.
I hate to admit it, but she needs people like Gwen. I just wish it didn’t have to be either or.
As I prowl through the woods that thicken the farther I walk, my mind drifts to Evan.
Last time I came out here, I was love drunk over that man.
He dazzled me with his worldly knowledge and eagerness to have fun.
I’d been drawn to him like a moth to a flame.
Even when he burned me over and over again, essentially destroying my wings in the process, I kept coming back for more.
What is he up to now?
Did he give up the drugs and shit? Is he more like the guy I first kissed years ago or is he the monster he became?
Why do I care?
Because you love him.
Deep down, below the hurt and betrayal, the ache to be with my first and only love remains. I fucking hate that it exists. His hold on me is still there, even after everything he did to me.
My gut churns and anger makes my head pound. I’m not the guy I was all those years ago. At almost twenty-six, I should have moved the fuck on already. Gotten my shit together. Evolved away from the dark, sick, addictive love Evan offered.
A gunshot in the distance has me slowing to a stop. I’m so far into the thicket, driven by my inner rage, I didn’t realize how much distance I covered. I scan my surroundings, doing a quiet, three-sixty turn, trying to pinpoint the direction of the sound.
Probably just a hunter, though city people don’t necessarily hunt at all hours like we do. I’m about to head back when I hear a dark barking. It may be in the same direction of the gunfire. But soon that quiets down too.
The pause, though, is exactly what I needed to calm down. Defeated and suddenly tired, I locate a fallen log and sit my grumpy ass down on it. My pocket buzzes and I nearly jump out of my skin.
For fuck’s sake.
Stupid phone.
I’d been a little surprised when Uncle Atticus got me one too. I’m no stranger to them. When I’d been here before, Evan had one, and Wild and his family have always had them. But after a few years away from technology, I sort of got used to not being around them.
Now I have one and someone is texting me.
I pull it out and hold it to my face so it’ll open. It feels strange to be in the middle of the quiet woods, staring at a lit-up screen.
Wild: You okay? Busted out of here like your ass was on fire. Did you eat Mexican with Dad today?
A smile tugs at my lips. He knows where we went because I overheard his dad telling him, but he’s trying to cheer me up by being funny.
In the past, it may have irritated me, but right now, I’m grateful for his friendship.
I slowly type out my response to him. Yes, I know how to fucking read and write, but mashing the tiny buttons with my big fingers proves to be a challenge.
I keep messing up and have to go back to fix it.
Me: needed air heard a gunshot and a dog headed back now bye
Wild: What a thrilling evening, Mr. Jamison. Try to contain your excitement.
I type slowly, and it takes me even longer to find the middle finger emoji, but once I do, I send him like seven in a row. He responds with a picture of himself flipping me off. I’ll have to figure out how to do that.
Not bothering to reply, I stuff my phone into my pocket and make my trek back the way I came.
Maybe air truly was all I needed because I do feel better than I did twenty minutes ago.
With the absence of anger, guilt trickles in.
Being pissed at my sister and the woman who’s eager to help her is stupid.
I need to be supportive. The things Gwen spoke about will really help Destiny and I want that for her.
The cabin lights flicker between the trees when I get closer.
I smell the telltale signs of a fire smoke and find Wild squatting at their firepit as he works the kindling to produce more heat.
Beside him is a pile of sticks and paper shred he’s using, but a long, sturdy branch nearby catches my eye.
I scoop it up so I can inspect it. An idea forms in my head.
Without words, I sit down on one of the benches and pull out my good knife.
Wild, for once, doesn’t run his mouth. He must sense my need for stillness and quiet. I focus on my branch, shaving off the thick bark, sliver by sliver. It gives me something to do and keeps my mind from wandering too far.
“Here,” Wild mutters. “Something to take the edge off.”
I pause from my carving to take the pint-sized bottle of liquor from him.
It’s vodka. I don’t drink often, but tonight it’s appealing.
With a grunt, I unscrew the lid and swallow down a few fiery gulps.
This shit is nasty, but it burns a trail down my throat and settles warmly in my gut. I like that part.
“Want to talk about it?”
“Nope.”
“Fair enough.” He sighs heavily. “I’m sorry if being here is fucking you up. I know things were bad last time you lived here.”
“It’s better because you’re here,” I admit, knocking his shoulder with mine. “When you’re not being loud as fuck.”
He snorts out a laugh but then grows serious. “Can I tell you something I haven’t even admitted to myself?”
“Uhhh,” I stammer out, stiffening.
“Dude,” he groans. “We already know I want your dick and you don’t want mine. It’s not about that.”
I relax and nod. “Sorry.”
“I’m coming to terms with it. It’s fine.” He reaches for the liquor bottle and takes a long swig. “I think I’m going to quit college.”
His words are shocking to me. “What? Aren’t you like really good at the football shit?”
“Fuck yeah, I am,” he grumbles. “But I hate everything else about it. I can play football in the yard with my friends. I don’t need to be hours away.
” He sighs heavily as he hands me the bottle back.
“The thought of starting up classes back up for the spring semester soon makes me sick to my stomach.”
This time when I drink the vodka, the burn isn’t as intense. My muscles aren’t as tight either. Yeah, I definitely like this stuff, especially once you get past the initial disgusting taste.
“Why does it sound like your world is going to end if you quit?” I ask, turning to look at him. “I’m missing something.”
His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. I catch him glancing quickly at the house and then back over at me. He’s nervous.
“Mom won’t give a shit. To be honest, she’ll be happy to have me close,” he says with a cocky grin.
It melts away as quickly as it came on. “Dad, though, is going to be heartbroken. He fucking loves watching me play. Tells anyone who’ll listen how proud of me he is.
All the men in my family are taking bets on which NFL team will pick me up to go pro. ”
“Can you just skip the college crap and go right onto doing that?” I ask, frowning. Everything I know about football is what Wild has told me. I’m not exactly sure what “going pro” entails.
He snatches the bottle from me. “See, that’s just it. I don’t want to get picked up by the NFL. Football is fun, but I don’t want it to be my life.”
“Okay,” I say slowly. “What do you want?”
I’m in no position to give career advice. I live off the land with my family. There are no jobs or professional life goals. It’s survival from one day to the next. Takes the stress out of life when you’re focused on hunting your next meal rather than how much your paycheck will be.
“I’m not sure yet.” He shrugs and sighs. “That’s what’s going to suck. If I knew what I wanted to do, I’d have a better case to present to him.”
A buzzing of his phone interrupts us. He pulls it out and smirks.
“What?”
“Found out how we’re going to get out of this depressing slump.” He shows me a picture of a pretty redhead with the poutiest lips I’ve ever seen. It’s almost as if she’s having an allergic reaction from a bee sting or some shit. “Pussy.”
I nearly choke on another swig of vodka. “W-what?”
“Talia here wants to ‘hang,’ which is code for hook up.”
“Whatever happened to Freya? And this involves me how?”
“Freya’s old news, man. Keep up. Talia doesn’t want to tie me down. We’re cool like that. I told her to bring her friends. And that, my cousin, is fuck hot and needs to get laid. That’s how you’re involved being the fuck hot cousin who needs to get laid and all.”
The only sex I’ve had was with another man and I was on the receiving end. While I learned to enjoy that, I can’t deny the desire tugging at my cock at the thought of being inside a woman.
“I don’t know,” I say lamely. “Probably better stick around here and keep an eye on Dez.”
“That’s what Dad’s for. I’ll tell Tal we’ll meet up tomorrow night. No excuses.” His grin turns devilish. “And some of her friends are male who swing both ways like me, so you’ll have your pick of whatever tickles your dick.”
Memories of the parties I used to have with Evan stir at the cobwebs in my mind. They didn’t always end in trauma. Sometimes we had a blast.
“I’m in.”
Wild smacks me hard on the back. “Fuck yeah, you are.”
As he rambles about how good Talia is with her mouth and how she has zero gag reflex, I try to imagine sleeping with one of her friends. My cock is rock-hard within minutes and I’m thankful my bulky coat hides my erection so Wild doesn’t get any crazy ideas for me and him instead.
Having sex with some random stranger will cheer me the fuck up.
It’s exactly what I need.