Chapter Fourteen
“Let’s grab something to eat,” Uncle Atticus says, turning in the opposite direction from home. “It’ll give us time to chat just the two of us.”
Here it comes.
A fatherly bitch out session.
My phone buzzes and I snatch it from my pocket in case it’s Destiny. Unfortunately, it’s not.
Wild: The girls just left. Lila didn’t say much. Was the sex bad?
He has no idea.
It takes me entirely too long to respond to Wild with my uncoordinated fingers.
Me: we didnt have sex just cuddled
Of course his response is immediate.
Wild: Do you know how to use punctuation?
An eternity later…
Me: fuck off !!!!!
Wild: I’m all fucked out. Talia broke my dick. Seriously. I don’t need to get laid again at least for another week. Why didn’t you fuck Lila? I saw you both getting naked.
I cut my eyes over to Uncle Atticus, but he’s not paying attention to me.
Me: wasnt feeling it dude shes just a friend
Wild: Interesting. I’ll find out later how she feels about it. Talia will give me the deets.
I don’t know what deets are, but I imagine he means details.
Me: eating with youre dad be home soon
Wild: Your.
Me: waht
Wild: Never mind. I’ll see you later. Texting with you makes my eye twitch.
I cram my phone back into my pocket as we pull into a diner parking lot. It’s a familiar one. Sadness overwhelms me. Evan and I would come here often after a late night of partying. They had the best French toast. We called it our hangover cure.
Once we’re parked, I follow Uncle Atticus in, trying not to look over at the booth we used to sit at in the corner. Thankfully, he goes in the opposite direction. I slide into a booth with my back to that side.
Even though I have a hangover and I certainly would love a cure for it, I refuse to eat “our thing.” Yesterday, I was so eager to find him to distract myself from Destiny. Now that I’m thinking with a clearer mind, I know that’s a terrible idea. I’m glad I didn’t locate him.
I end up ordering a Belgium waffle with a bunch of eggs and meat on the side. Uncle Atticus gets the French toast. After our waitress fills our mugs with coffee, she scurries off to put our order in.
“How’re you doing, kid?” Uncle Atticus asks.
I try not to squirm under his intense stare. I’m a grown-ass man, not some child who’s in trouble.
Stop acting guilty, man.
“Tired, I guess. Your son kept me up all night fucking Talia.”
He shakes his head in exasperation. “I wish he’d stop stringing that girl along. She’s in love with him.”
“Talia says they’re friends with benefits.”
“It’s what she says to keep him interested,” he says with a sigh. “I’ve seen the way she looks at him. The girl thinks she can convince him to fall in love with her.”
I don’t know what to say about that, so I say nothing.
“What about you?” he asks, eyebrow arching. “Is that where you were all day? Hooking up with someone?”
The last thing I want to do is talk about my sex life—or lack thereof—with Wild’s dad.
“I wasn’t hooking up with anyone yesterday.” I dart my gaze down to my coffee so he can’t see the lies. “But last night, Talia’s friend Lila slept over.”
“Oh boy,” he says with a grunt. “Tell me you boys are wrapping your shit up.”
Condoms?
I don’t know about Wild, but I haven’t ever used them. With all the kids running around our homestead, Dad sure as hell doesn’t either.
“We’re taking it slow,” I say truthfully. “Lila is nice, but I don’t know if I like her enough to have sex yet.”
“You’re being smart. I like it.” He sips his coffee and then sets it down before pinning me with a probing stare. “You haven’t relapsed, have you? I know you can’t get the hard stuff you were on out where you live, but now that you’re back…”
“I’m being smart there, too. I haven’t gotten high if that’s what you’re worried about.”
He lets out a rush of air. “Thank fuck. I already let your dad down once. I can’t do that shit again.”
It sucks that so many people blame my fuckup on themselves.
Uncle Atticus thinks he should have done a better job keeping an eye on me and maybe I wouldn’t have started shooting up in the first place.
My parents think it’s all their fault for letting me go when I clearly wasn’t ready to fly the roost.
The waitress brings us our food and I inhale mine. Their waffles seem to be a cure for hangovers too at least. I’m just polishing off the rest of my sausage when I hear a familiar voice.
“Uncle Atticus? Hey, man, what’s up? Long time no see.”
I freeze, unable to chew the remaining food in my mouth.
My entire body turns to ice and dread consumes me.
Why did I think I could willingly invite this back into my life yesterday?
Am I insane? I can barely sit here in his presence, breathing the same air as him, without feeling like my world is going to smash me to the fucking floor.
“Evan,” Uncle Atticus says, fondness in his tone. “Haven’t seen you since your dad’s birthday this past summer. How’s sobriety treating you?”
I can feel Evan’s gaze burning a hot hole through my forehead. In my peripheral, I see another person standing beside him. If I had to bet money, I’d say it’s his new boyfriend.
Does he treat him well like Evan did in the beginning?
Or does he rape him when he least expects it?
Nausea has my mouth watering and the food souring in my stomach. I don’t want to be here anymore. I want to leave.
“Mind if we sit and visit for a bit?” Evan asks. “This is my boyfriend, Alex.”
“Have a seat, bud,” Uncle Atticus says, shaking Alex’s hand. “Good to meet you.”
Evan slides into the booth beside me and I stiffen, refusing to look at him. His thigh presses against mine and it warms the bitter cold inside me.
Kind of like when the golden bliss slid through your veins…
Evan was every bit as addictive as the drugs.
I cut my gaze over to Alex, who’s now sitting beside Uncle Atticus. He’s younger than me, maybe closer to Wild’s age, and has an innocence about him that makes my chest ache. Dark blond hair, blue eyes, physically fit. Evan sure has a type.
“I know my nephew is a loser who can’t keep a job,” Uncle Atticus teases, gesturing at Evan, “but why aren’t you at work somewhere on a Monday morning? Still in college?”
Alex smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I’m a physical trainer at Blue Ridge Fitness. Off on Sundays and Mondays.”
I search this young man’s eyes to see if there’s an inkling of abuse. Because, at the end of the day, that’s what Evan did to me. He used and abused me.
When he was spaced out on drugs.
Does that mean he’s better now since he said he’s sober?
Being trapped in this booth with him makes my skin crawl. I don’t care what he’s up to or with whom. I’m an idiot for almost willingly putting myself in his orbit again.
“You should come work out with us some time,” Evan says, nudging me with his elbow. “I know you miss it.”
There’s a teasing undertone in his words. I know you miss me.
“I don’t know,” I murmur, still unable to look at him.
“Oh, come on,” Uncle Atticus cuts in. “I know you boys got involved in the bad shit before, but this could be a healthier friendship.”
All he knows is me and Evan were roomies and friends.
He only learned of the drug stuff when I overdosed and nearly died.
My parents took me back home and that was the last of it.
I only ever spoke of the truth to Ryder and, more recently, Wild.
Destiny overheard most of it too. If Uncle Atticus knew the horrible things Evan made me do, I doubt he’d be encouraging me to work out with him.
“Alex keeps me on the right track,” Evan says and reaches across the table toward him. “No junk food allowed in the apartment. All we drink is fucking water. Running every morning and weight training each afternoon.”
Uncle Atticus beams with pride. Wild is going to shit bricks when he finds out we ran into Evan. Because he knows the truth, he wants to kill his cousin.
“I don’t know,” I say again, voice raspy. “I don’t even have a car.”
“He has access to one.” Uncle Atticus shakes his head. “And he had no problem driving yesterday.”
He’s not going to let this go. And I sure as hell can’t tell him why I don’t want to be around his nephew. It’s not exactly table talk. Plus, I don’t want to discuss this shit. It was bad enough admitting it to my brother and Wild.
“You got a phone or are you still a caveman?” Evan asks, nudging me again.
I can’t look at him.
I just can’t.
“He’s got a phone,” Uncle Atticus answers for me. “We’re working on making him charge it.”
Evan laughs as if this is funny to him. While still chuckling, he pulls out his phone, creates a contact, and then holds it for me to take. My fingers brush against his as I take it from his grip. A zing of warmth radiates from the place we touched.
rowdy jamison please dont call me
Then I add a string of random numbers. When he tries to call me, it won’t come to me.
“He barely knows how to text,” Uncle Atticus tattles. “I’ll shoot you over his number in case he got it wrong.”
Unbelievable.
“Sweet,” Evan says happily. “I guess we’ll leave you two to it. Talk later, Row?”
He’s the only person who calls me Row. I hate that it makes butterflies dance in my stomach. Memories of his teeth on my ear as he whimpered the word assault me. It’s painful as fuck. I prefer to remember the bad times with him. Makes it easier to hate him.
After they leave, Uncle Atticus settles up the bill, and the two of us head back out to his truck. Once inside, he looks over at me, frowning.
“You okay, kid?”
“Yeah. Fine.”
He lets out a rush of breath. “You have your dad’s social skills.” He snorts at his joke. “I’m just glad you’re not letting the past get you down. Will says Evan has really worked hard getting clean. You guys were such good friends. It’ll be nice for you to reconnect.”
All I feel is dread.
It consumes and drowns me.
My phone buzzes in my pocket as we start to drive away. Shakily, I pull the phone out and stare at the text from an unknown number.
Unknown Number: Good seeing you today. You look great. I’m happy for you.
I slowly add him to my contacts under evan knox dont answer him.
Me: we both know its best if you dont contact me ev
evan knox dont answer him: I’ve just got my best friend back. Sorry, no can do, man. We’re going to lift together. It’ll be better this time. You’ll see. Plus, I have Alex now, so you don’t have to worry about that other stuff.
The other stuff meaning fucking.
My cock chubs in my jeans because of course it does.
I don’t respond to him, instead confiding in Wild.
Me: ran into evan at diner youre dad wants us to hang out i hate this shit
Wild: You’re lucky I can understand your horrible texting skills. And what the fuck? Do I need to go deal with Evan?
Knowing Wild, he’ll beat his cousin’s ass and cause a huge scene. The whole family will want to know why he kicked his ass. Then the secret of what Evan did to me will be out. Yeah, not interested in that shit.
Me: its fine dude but if i have to work out with them your coming with me
Wild: You’re.
Why does he keep texting me this stupid shit? Sometimes I feel like a confused alien from another world, especially when around Wild.
Me: waht
Wild: For fuck’s sake. We’ll talk when you get back.