Chapter Thirty-One
The awful tension in the air is sucked out the second Evan leaves. I turn toward Rowdy, sliding a palm up his chest. His heart hammers inside his ribcage, vibrating through my hand with each pump.
“He’s gone,” I assure him, rubbing at the center of Rowdy’s chest. “You’re okay.”
He takes hold of my wrist, careful to avoid the healing wound. “I am not okay. He may not be a murderer, but I want to kill him. With my bare hands. Fuck, I hate him.”
“Me too. But now that he knows where you stand and with how firmly you were tonight against him, it’s likely he’ll not come back. People like him thrive on being feared and intimidating others. When they can’t, they’ll find another victim.”
“I wonder if he treats his boyfriend the way he treated me,” Rowdy says, voice tight and shaky. “It disgusts me, but I don’t know what else to do about it. I would tell Alex, but he already thinks I’m trying to swoop in and steal his man. It’ll only make things worse.”
“That’s not your problem to worry about,” I assure him. “Right now, worry about taking care of Rowdy.”
He growls as if my words frustrate him. “I want to take care of you.”
I slide my palm up to his neck. “You do. Just by being you.”
“I let him break your cane,” he mutters, a crack in his words. “What kind of protector am I?”
I’d heard the crunching of the aluminum but hadn’t confirmed it until now. While it sucks, I can purchase one at the clinic. They have tons of them. Evan breaking my cane was nothing but an asshole move to upset Rowdy. It worked.
“I’ll grab another one on Monday.” I stand on my toes and tilt my head back. “Kiss me. You’ll feel better.”
His lips press to mine and I feel the smile on them. I can’t see him, but I just know he’s sexy. Everything about him makes my pulse pound and my flesh heat. He smells divine and all his sculpted muscles feel like stone when I touch him. Rowdy is beautiful.
He moves his hands down to my ass, squeezing me and pulling me closer to him. My breasts are smushed against his chest. I think he likes them there. His tongue teases and torments mine, reminding me of just how good he is at licking other places. Will this fire I feel for him ever be snuffed out?
Never.
It’s as if each day, hour, minute, second it burns hotter and brighter and bigger. One day, it’ll completely consume us both and I’m perfectly okay with that.
I know, eventually, people will find out about us. With us being in town, that could be a legal problem for both of us. And though it helps having a Knox as police chief, he can’t protect us from a scandal like that.
Gwen knows. Somehow she sees straight through our relationship, finding and bringing to light what she deems inappropriate or abusive.
Because she cares deeply for her patients, I don’t think she’ll suddenly avoid probing this topic with me.
In fact, I think she pushes harder each time we’re together.
If we weren’t together, I’d be free to learn everything there is to know about my disability and use all the resources available to me. But us being together jeopardizes that.
And while Wild knows about us and seems to be handling it well, that’s not to say Uncle Atticus and Aunt Eve would. They’re already such sticklers about our sleeping arrangements. If they knew what we did alone, they’d croak.
But what does returning home look like for us? We’re relatively safe from outsiders. Dad does his best to make sure of that. However, that freedom to be who we truly are, like Ryder, Ronan, and Raegan, comes at a price, specifically for me.
I lose this.
Candy stores and truck rides and milkshakes.
No more clinic or internet or phone.
There will be isolation from the outside world, hard, demanding physical work, and family who can be overbearing. With expansive wilderness all around us there, I’ll feel caged and claustrophobic.
There’s no better situation here.
If it involves Rowdy, it’ll be complicated either way.
Is it worth it?
“I want to show you something I made,” Rowdy says when he pulls away from our kiss, ending my rampant thoughts. “You may hate it, but it’ll at least get you by through the weekend. Wait here.”
Scout, no longer excited by our visitor, pads away down the hallway and then hops onto Rowdy’s bed. I hear the tag on his collar jangle against the metal loop as he finds a comfortable spot to lie in.
“Okay, close your eyes,” Rowdy instructs in a teasing tone when he’s near again.
I stick my tongue out at him, which causes him to laugh. His laughter is rich and warm and rare. I could wrap up in it like my favorite cozy blanket.
He finds my hand and then guides it to something smooth.
I take it from him and inspect it. It’s as long as my aluminum cane and about as thin too.
From the smell of it, it’s a branch from a tree, carved to perfection.
At the top, I feel a familiar arrangement of dots.
I just learned my name in Braille this past week and it’s somehow been etched into this cane.
I’m not shocked at the craftsmanship, but I am immensely impressed that Rowdy was able to obtain this information.
“This is beautiful,” I tell him, voice wobbly. “How did you know the Braille?”
He grunts. “Took me far too long searching the internet, but it was there.”
My gruff, possessive, protective brother-turned-lover made me a walking cane.
“When did you plan on giving this to me?” I ask, testing the weight of it and swiping it out in front of me like I do with the aluminum one.
“Never.” He chuckles at my gasp. “I started on it before they gave you one at the clinic. Felt kind of stupid in comparison. But I kept working on it anyway. Just in case I worked up the nerve to give it to you.”
I throw myself into his arms and give him another kiss. This man is worth all the complication and hardship there’ll no doubt be for us. There’s no one else on Earth like him. We’ll figure it out together.
A blast of cold air hits us and then Wild groans. We quickly pull apart to face him.
“Evan was here,” Rowdy blurts out, guilt in his tone.
“I know,” Wild deadpans. “I had to make sure you weren’t dead over here.”
“Nope. He murdered Dez’s cane, though.”
“I see that,” Wild says, heavy footsteps thudding closer to us. “What a fucking prick.”
Scout, unable to keep from saying hi to Wild, bursts through the hallway, shoving past us. He gives Scout smooches and words of praise, which melts my heart.
“When are you going to do these dishes?” Rowdy asks. “This place is starting to smell like ass.”
Wild snorts. “That’s the smell of fucked-up sibling love.”
A giggle erupts from me.
“Speaking of which,” Wild says, a grin in his voice. “Mom told me to send you back to the cabin when I got in here. Better cover up that hickey if you don’t want her to bitch you out.”
Letting Rowdy suck on my neck was worth any potential gripe session.
Still, I pull my hair over on that side and yank up the hood of my sweatshirt to help hide it.
I’m still flying high on sex with Rowdy and then his sweet gift. No need to ruin that.
Why won’t they go to sleep?
I can hear their voices as they talk about Evan and the day’s events. How they’ll miss Wild when he goes back to college. They even discuss how I’m thriving here. Eventually, the sounds get softer. Just when I think they’re asleep, I hear moaning. My body trembles as a thrill shoots down my spine.
It’s kind of weird to think about them having sex, but the sounds are so primal and raw and passionate. It makes me want to create those sounds with Rowdy.
Will we always have to be quiet?
How long must we keep our secret? Forever?
I’m frustrated that we can’t be open about our relationship. I want to tell everyone that Rowdy is mine and I’m his. That we plan to sleep in the same bed every night, kiss in public, and behave like every other normal couple out there.
Except, we’re not normal.
And just because we want something, doesn’t mean we’ll get it.
I hear the soft sounds of a window opening. Scout’s tail starts thumping the floor. He does that when Rowdy creeps up on me, always signaling his approach. Jerking my head toward the window, where cool air is now rushing in, I hold my finger to my lips.
“They’re still awake,” I whisper.
He says nothing and closes the window behind him. I hear him pulling off his shoes and then he pads over to me. His rough fingertips find my jaw and he leans in so his breath tickles over my face.
“I couldn’t wait any longer. I missed you.”
I smile as he crashes his lips to mine. It’s not like they’ll notice anyway since they’re busy with each other. If we’re quiet, we should be fine.
We don’t speak, since it’s not safe to, and choose to quietly rip at each other’s clothes while kissing. Soon, Rowdy’s strong, hot body covers mine. He’s greedy as he touches me everywhere. I’m drunk on the feel of him and his smoky pine smell.
Our time could be limited and we both know that.
He doesn’t waste a second. The sound of him spitting into his hand sends a shiver of want through me.
He works his cock with his hand, the sounds of his wet hand jerking it unique, and then uses his fingers to lubricate my pussy.
I’m anxious and desperate to have him inside me.
Sure, I love when he licks me between my thighs, but sometimes you just want the connection.
As Rowdy eases his cock into me, my body willingly accepts him. He’s thick and I don’t think I’ll ever stop being sore from the intrusion, but I love the feel of him filling every available inch inside me. When we’re connected like this, I feel like we’re one being.
His hand finds my throat as his mouth descends on mine. He massages my hickey with his thumb as if to say, “I did that.” I like that he wants to claim me. The way he owns my whole body each time we’re together is beautifully maddening.
Rowdy makes me forget the past and think of a future.
He loves my body more than I ever could.
I hope that he can feel how much I adore every single part about him. He’s perfect to me, even when he’s far from perfect.
“I love you, sweet Dez,” he whispers against my lips before he kisses along my jawbone. “So fucking much.”
I shiver as his mouth latches onto my earlobe. “I love you too.”
He nips at my ear and growls, the hot tickle of it sending me straight to the precipice of bliss. “It’s more than I can explain. It’s a need I’ll never fully have filled. A hunger that’s never satiated. I ache for you, Destiny. It fucking hurts.”
I stroke my fingers through his hair, doing my best to comfort him as he sorts through his complicated emotions.
Nothing about us is simple or usual. It’s too big.
Catastrophic and claiming. A massive, obliterating Alaskan winter storm for the almanacs.
Except, instead of ice and deathly cold, we’re a blazing inferno. The end result is the same.
Destruction for anything in our way.
Rowdy sucks on the side of my neck as he attempts to hold off his orgasm until I come first. For once, it’ll be nice for him to lose control, taking this one thing just for himself.
I squeeze my pussy in an effort to urge him along.
Then, with a barely suppressed snarl, his cock swells and starts throbbing cum into me.
I hold his sweaty body to me, squeezing him tight to let him know this is exactly what I need. He slows his thrusting and turns boneless, crushing me to the mattress. I can’t breathe and I love it.
We stay locked in love, his cock buried inside me for a few minutes. But then the sound of pipes squeaking has Rowdy lifting up.
“Someone’s showering,” he whispers. “I should go in case they come check on you after.”
I know he’s right, but I hate it.
Will we always have to sneak around?