6. Soren #2
We sat side by side next to the open window, and I might have started sweating if not for the cool breeze drifting into the room. Had he deliberately chosen this seat for this exact purpose? Something in the way this man carried himself with confidence told me he didn’t do anything by chance.
“Thank you,” I said softly, clenching my hands in my lap.
“Whatever for?”
“The other night when I had a meltdown. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cry like that, and I promise I usually don’t.”
“I can’t help feeling special then,” Jude said. “And you’re welcome. Helping subs in distress is what I’m here for.”
The disappointment in knowing that he would have done the same for anyone else landed heavily in my gut.
“So I’ve heard. Dean couldn’t stop gushing about you.”
He gave an embarrassed chuckle. “They exaggerate. The only thing that matters is whether or not I’m good for you.”
“It’s too soon to tell.”
“Fair enough. I assume, since you agreed to us meeting, that you’re open to the possibility Phoenix mentioned to you?”
I dug my nails into the fleshy part of the palm of my other hand. “I…guess so.”
“You don’t sound so sure?” Some of the light left his eyes. “You understand if there’s any hesitation on your part, we won’t be able to go through with this?”
“It’s just that we’re strangers. I don’t get why you would want to take on such a responsibility.”
“Are you kidding me? There’s nothing more fulfilling for a caregiver than to provide for their sub. In my case, I thrive on giving guidance and building independence in those who need it most.”
He sounded so sincere. Given the way everyone spoke about him, I believed him.
“I spoke to a couple of your previous subs. They said you helped them to be where they are now.”
“They had the potential all along. I’m just more experienced at life and willing to share that wisdom with them.”
“Okay.”
“Did Phoenix explain what would happen under our arrangement?”
“Just a bit. He said you usually like to explain.”
He shifted, turning toward me and hitching one knee up to rest on the space between us. It also put us face-to-face with each other. He was so unfairly attractive that I couldn’t look away.
“I’ve been a sponsor of Halo House for a decade,” he said, his voice soft and hypnotic.
“Phoenix usually recommends subs to me who are struggling to bridge the gap between youth and adulthood. Those who are struggling to find jobs and live independent and financially stable lives. With my background, I’ve successfully helped over a dozen subs achieve financial independence, most of whom have gone on to have healthy relationships. ”
“And during that time you have a Daddy relationship with them?”
“Yes, a temporary one that provides the parameters in which we learn respect, trust, kindness, and how to be vulnerable without being a victim of the world.”
I let out a shallow breath. Everything he was saying sounded too good to be true.
I was already tempted to tell him yes. It was one thing to live at Halo House, but one of the reasons I was in my current mess was the disaster I’d created trying to navigate living in this country alone.
It was so different being in California than living in Belvaria.
“There will be rules, of course,” he continued. “For one, I require my subs to live with me full time.”
“I’d have to leave Halo House?”
“Yes. We can do it in gradual steps where you spend a night or a weekend with me before you fully decide, but if I am to help you manage every aspect of your life, I find it works best when we live together.”
“And I wouldn’t be required to-to-to have sex with you as payment for everything?”
“Absolutely not.” He reached out a hand to touch me, then paused just before he made the connection. “May I touch you?”
I nodded slowly, my heart pounding in my chest when he finally took my hand in his. The pulse in my wrist was beating so hard there was no way he could have missed it. Tingles spread from where our skin kissed, spreading throughout my body and settling in my gut.
It’d been too long since I’d gotten laid because I didn’t expect to feel disappointed at his next words.
“You are not a prostitute. Not that there’s anything wrong with someone who decides to go that route, but that’s not what this is. If you agree to be my boy, I will take care of you and help you grow. That’s all. If there’s anything else, it will only happen with mutual consent. Do you understand?”
I chewed on my bottom lip. What he said was a bit different from the versions Phoenix and Dean had told me.
They’d been certain that this relationship with Jude would only be platonic.
According to Phoenix, Jude didn’t do relationships.
He looked forward to releasing his subs into the world after his time with them was up.
Phoenix had said it to reassure me the arrangement wouldn’t be sexual, but Jude’s words just now hinted that there was a possibility if we both wanted.
Did he want to…?
I searched his face, trying to find the answer there, but he gave me nothing.
“Little one, you still haven’t answered me,” he said gently. “Though there is something I forgot to mention. I want you to think about it before you give me your answer tomorrow night.”
“Tomorrow night?”
“Yes. I’d like to invite you to dinner at my home so you can get a feel for the place. I’ll cook us a nice meal, and at the end, we can go through our contract and tailor it to your needs.”
“Okay.”
He squeezed my hand once, then released it. I had to clench my hand to stop myself from reaching out to him. His touch, his voice, and his very presence were so comforting that I wanted to lean into him.
“There’s something—”
“Wait!” I cried, cutting him off. If Jude was going to tell me something that might make me change my mind about doing this, I wanted one thing from him first.