26. Jude
JUDE
For the first time since I’d known Phoenix, I wished he had called someone else to help with the flooding problem in the washroom instead of calling me.
Hungover from the night before and feeling like shit, I crawled into the bathroom to take a shower so I didn’t smell like a distillery when I arrived at Halo House.
No one else needed to know how much Soren’s lies had affected me.
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. At some point in the middle of the night, when he still hadn’t returned home, I might have done a bit of both, lying in bed, surrounded by the smell of him while missing him.
After leaving the police station, I’d gone home to research everything I could about Belvaria and its royal family. I’d learned the truth about the boy I’d taken under my wing almost a month ago. He wasn’t the ordinary, helpless man I’d thought he was.
Nope, he was fucking royalty.
Who omitted to tell someone they were dating that they were a prince?
You would have thought that topic would have come up at some point during the discussion about his family, his mother’s and brothers’ deaths.
I’d read the whole sordid tale about having his title revoked because of treason and a more recent article about him being wrongfully accused of the crime, which meant he would be reinstated as the crown prince.
No wonder he hadn’t come home at all last night. All this time, I never tried to keep a sub permanently because I expected them to leave one day when they found out I wasn’t enough. And now that Soren—rather, His Royal Highness—was no longer banished, he had no more use for me.
What was a house on the beach when he had a whole palace and a kingdom waiting for him? What good was a carpenter with a criminal record when he would be expected to marry someone of similar status to his? And while not many were on par with a king, there were far more suitable men than me.
Some other man might have been ecstatic to find out the one they loved was royalty, but not me. I was too pragmatic for that. A homeless boy I could offer shelter, care, and love. I had absolutely nothing to offer a crown prince.
I shut off the shower harder than necessary, breathing through the ache tightening my chest. Soren had never promised me forever. What we shared had been built during the worst period of his life, when he had been frightened, homeless, and desperate for someone to make him feel safe.
Soren was sincere, and I believed he cared about me. He was too open with his feelings to have manufactured what existed between us out of convenience. But that same generous heart was what worried me. He might convince himself that he should stay with me longer than he should out of gratitude.
The thought made me feel sick.
I dried off, dressed, and forced myself to look presentable before leaving for Halo House. By the time I arrived, my head was pounding, and I regretted not stopping on the way to get coffee.
Phoenix was waiting near the front entrance with far too much energy for someone who had supposedly called me about an emergency. From the way his face fell when he saw me, I could only guess my mission to not look as awful as I felt had failed.
“Jude, you look terrible,” he cried, stopping me to place the back of his hand on my forehead when I would have walked past him. “Are you sick? Can I get you anything?”
“It’s just a headache,” I said, shaking off his hand. “But some aspirin would be nice if you have any.”
He kept a locked medicine chest stocked with over-the-counter medication.
Vale’s brother was a doctor and a longtime supporter of Halo House, so they rarely ran low on basic supplies.
Because some of the boys who arrived at the house had struggled with addiction in the past, Phoenix kept everything secured and handed out medication only when it was needed.
Even something as ordinary as painkillers or cough syrup could become a problem for someone trying to stay sober, and he refused to take unnecessary risks with any of his angels.
“Of course. Do you want to go up with me to get it?”
“Nope. I’ll get started on the plumbing issue.” I walked around him and headed toward the stairs. “The sooner I finish, the sooner I can head back home and sleep off whatever’s affecting my system.”
“But the bathroom can wait,” he called after me. “We should get you some medicine first.”
I drew to a stop and slowly turned to face him, alarm bells going off. “Bathroom? You said the problem was in the laundry room when you called me.”
Phoenix gave a high-pitched laugh, the color in his cheeks rising. “Did I say the bathroom? Silly me. I meant the laundry room.”
“You’ve never been able to lie for shit, Phoenix.” I frowned, placing my tool bag on the floor. “What the hell’s going on? There’s no plumbing issue, is there? And bear in mind that I have a low tolerance for bullshit this morning.”
“Alright, there’s nothing wrong with the plumbing,” he confessed. “I was worried about you after everything that happened. If I told you to come over just so I could check up on you, would you have driven here?”
“Of course not. There’s nothing I have to say.”
“Nothing? Are you sure about that, Jude? Because you just found out your boy’s a royal.”
“He’s not—” I was about to say “royal,” but knowing that wasn’t true, I ended with “my boy.”
“Oh God, Jude, please don’t take this road.
He lied to you. He lied to all of us, but I’m sure he had a very good reason.
Besides, when I spoke to Aaron, he said that Soren had told them at the police station before, but they didn’t believe him.
Is it any wonder that he decided not to tell anyone else about it? ”
“But I’m not just anyone else, Phoenix.” I clenched my hands into fists. “I shared parts of myself with him I’ve never shared with anyone else. He’s been to my home and has met my mother, and he didn’t trust me enough to tell me he was a fucking prince?”
“Would you have believed him?”
“It might have taken some convincing, but I’m sure I would have realized he was being serious. We’ll never know, though, because he never bothered to tell me.”
“And now that you know the truth, what? Are you going to end things with him?”
“What other choice do I have, Phoenix?”
“You can come to Belvaria with me,” a voice said from behind me.
I slowly turned around, and every muscle in my body went stiff.
Soren stood a few feet away from me, looking as handsome as the first time I’d seen him.
But there was something different about him.
I let my gaze wander over him, from his curly hair with the golden highlights to the shiny black shoes he wore.
He looked different, but it wasn’t just the quality clothes he had on.
His shoulders were no longer slumped beneath the weight of everything he’d lost. He stood straighter, his chin raised, carrying himself with a quiet confidence I hadn’t seen in him before.
For the first time, I could picture the man from the photographs I’d found online—a man born into the royal family and expected to become king one day.
The very thought was enough to make me start to freak out, but then his brown eyes met mine and I saw the fear in them. The confidence slipped, and I saw my Soren beneath it. The boy who burned toast, complained about taxes, and slept curled against my chest.
And somehow, seeing both versions of him at once hurt more than anything.
“Little prince,” I said out of habit, then laughed, the sound hollow as the absurdity of my nickname for him all this time struck me. “You must have had quite the laugh at me calling you that.”
“No, I liked it.” Soren started to take a step toward me but then seemed to think better of it and stayed where he was.
“You have to understand that I’ve never found a reason to enjoy being called that in my twenty-two years until you did.
You still treated me like a royal, Daddy, when my own royal family had turned its back on me, and that’s why I am here.
I want you to go back to Belvaria with me. ”
“Why would I do that?” I asked. “I’ve seen the way you came to Halo House because of how those people treated you. Why would I want to subject myself to that?”
Why would I subject him to that when I knew he would be targeted again if he ever went through with his intention of bringing me back to Belvaria?
I had a criminal record, and no amount of good deeds would change that.
I’d rather not indulge in delusions of grandeur, especially when the one who had the most to lose was Soren.
“When I was a crown prince, I was framed,” Soren said. “And when I came here as just a regular man, I was also framed. But I know better than to let that define me for the rest of my life. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”
“Sooner? Soren, you didn’t tell me at all. I was like a fool in that police station, giving my last dollar to be able to afford the best lawyer I possibly could for you when your father’s a king!”
“I’ll pay you—”
“It’s not about the money, Soren.” My voice boomed off the walls, filling the space between us. So much space. I wasn’t used to seeing Soren and not having him within reach, and the distance made my heart ache. “You lied to me about who you were.”
“I had to, Jude.” This time, he closed the distance between us and reached a hand out to touch my arm.
“I tried telling people who I was when I just got here, and it got me nothing but mocked. The police, whom I should have been able to trust, questioned whether I was on drugs or off my prescribed meds. After a while, I thought it best to put that past behind me since it wasn’t like I was returning to Belvaria anyway.
My title was useless here. Not to mention, I was ignorant about so many things that I was afraid I would do something seriously bad again, and if it were known that I was the disgraced former crown prince of Belvaria, I would cause further problems for my father. ”
“Were you ever going to tell me the truth?”
Soren hung his head, his hand tightening on my arm. “I don’t know because you were good at making me forget that life. And with you, I didn’t mind losing everything once I had you. Please don’t let me have to live without you, Daddy. I need you.”
My heart lurched, and it took everything in me to peel his hand away from me. “That’s the thing, Soren. You really don’t need me anymore, so my role as your Daddy has naturally ended.”
Soren’s eyes filled with tears, and he shook his head. “You said we were going off script.”
“That’s when things were simple between us.”
“It doesn’t have to be difficult,” he whispered, tears streaming down his face.
“You are a crown prince.” Unable to resist any longer, I took his face into my hands. “I love you, Soren. It’s too late to pretend I didn’t fall for you.”
“Then what is the problem?”
“You are going to be a king someday. You can’t love me. I am not enough.”
“But you are. Daddy, please. I don’t want to be without you.”
I gathered him to my chest, holding on to him for what I knew would be the last time. Clamping my eyes shut tightly against the tears burning behind my lids, I inhaled deeply, branding his scent and the shape of him forever in my mind.
“You don’t need me.” I put him away from me even when he resisted. “You are smart and sweet. Someday, you will find someone worthy of all the versions of you.”
“But I’ve already found him.”
I chuckled softly, surprised the sound came out when all I wanted to do was beg him to stay. “And when you become king, what would that make me?”
“In the eyes of the people, my prince consort,” he said. “But in my eyes, there’s no question that you will always be my Daddy.”
Sincerity laced his words, making me yearn for things that could never be. I glanced up to tell Phoenix I was leaving, only to find he’d left without me noticing. I turned back to Soren, took his chin in my hand, and kissed his nose and then his forehead.
“You will be great, my future little king,” I affirmed gently. “Forever was not meant to be ours. I’ve done my job with you, and now I release you from our contract.”
I grabbed the tool bag from the floor and headed for the door.
“Daddy.”
I kept walking.
“Are you really going to abandon your boy? I don’t want to be released from our contract.”
The words struck hard enough to stop me for half a second because he was right. Every promise I had made about being there when he needed me meant nothing if I walked away now. But I forced myself forward anyway, tightening my grip around the handle of the bag.
Someday, when Soren stood beside a prince consort worthy of him, he would understand why I had done this.
He would understand that letting him go had been the only loving choice I had left.
So why did the thought make me so bloody unhappy?