Chapter 19
ADDISON
Two days ago, I walked into Louis’s office and found Tatiana straddling him with her red dress hiked up around her thighs.
Her lipstick was smeared on his neck and face.
Even though I should’ve walked out, I was committed to delivering the love note I’d written him without a word.
Since then, I’ve avoided him. I’ve avoided the east wing and have pretended not to hear the soft taps on my cottage at midnight.
Sleeping has been impossible. I’ve not had an appetite, and it’s been too hard to finish my paintings that are due soon.
I need this horrible feeling that I’m not good enough to disappear, but it has nowhere to go.
Everywhere I look, I think of him and the life he’s supposed to be living.
Maybe I should go home, like he suggested in the beginning.
After a delicious seafood dinner with the other painters, I take the long way to my favorite bench at the far edge of the grounds, avoiding the main path, where I might run into him. The detour adds ten minutes, but ten minutes of peace is worth it.
I’m passing the conservatory when I hear a voice, muffled but unmistakably distressed, coming from behind the gazebo.
I should keep walking because whatever drama is unfolding in there has nothing to do with me. I’ve got enough of my own.
But then I hear Tatiana’s voice, and my feet stop moving.
“I tried, Papa.” Her voice is thick and unsteady, nothing like the polished princess I’ve seen gliding through the palace.
“I did everything you asked. I wore the dress, I said the right things, I went to his office, and I—” She breaks off, and the sound that follows is unmistakably a sob.
“He doesn’t want me. He’s never going to want me. Please, let me come home.”
I press myself against the wall, barely breathing.
“I know what’s at stake.” She’s crying now. “I know what happens to our family if this falls through. You’ve told me a thousand times. But I can’t force him to—” A pause. “Yes. I understand. I’ll try harder.”
The line goes dead, or maybe she hangs up, and I hear her take a shaky breath. Then another. Then the sound of her pulling herself together, piece by piece, like she’s reassembling armor.
I move before she can catch me eavesdropping, slipping down the path.
Yesterday, I wanted to claw her eyes out.
I still do, honestly. She was straddling the man I love with her dress hiked up and her lipstick on his neck.
But that phone call sounded like a woman who’d been shoved into a role she never wanted, performing for a father who treated her like she was disposable.
Tatiana will do whatever it takes not to be sent home, even seduce Louis.
But still, it doesn’t erase the sinking feeling I have that I’m making his life more difficult than it should be.
This situation we’re in doesn’t excuse what she did, but it makes her harder to hate. Part of me resents her for it.
At the end of the path, the roses mix with lavender, and the cliff drops off to the sea below. The sun sets, painting everything in shades of orange and pink. Usually, these colors bring me joy, but I can’t find beauty in anything right now.
The worst part is, I’m not full of anger.
I’m lost. And when I feel like this, it’s best for me to work through it alone until I’ve sorted through the mess in my head.
I don’t want to say something I’ll regret or make decisions based on emotion.
I’ve learned that words spoken in pain can’t be taken back, and I refuse to become someone who lashes out because I’m bleeding.
So, I sit with this feeling of not being good enough for Louis, and I let it hurt.
I give myself space to feel and process everything that’s happened.
It doesn’t seem like enough time, but it also feels like an eternity has passed.
I’m no closer to clarity than I was when I walked out of his office.
I keep replaying the events of that afternoon.
I stood in the queen’s private chambers and painted her while we talked about art and life.
She laughed at my jokes and asked about my family.
I received compliments about my work and how she enjoyed chatting with me.
I floated out of that session, feeling like maybe this impossible thing between Louis and me could actually work. I’d impressed his mother.
I was so stupidly hopeful that I asked her for a piece of stationery. Then I wrote six of the most truthful words that were in my heart.
I’ve fallen in love with you.
I was going to slip it under his door, but when I heard he was in his office, I thought I’d deliver it myself. Then I found a princess grinding on his lap.
I pull my knees up to my chest and stare at the water as the waves crash against the rocks below. I try to match my breathing to the rhythm, but it doesn’t settle me. Nothing does. I’ve tried meditation, wine, screaming into a pillow, and a three-hour bath that left my skin pruned.
Footsteps crunch on the gravel path behind me, and I don’t turn around. I already know who it is.
“I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” His voice is tired.
I hope he’s as miserable as I have been.
“Congratulations.” I keep my eyes on the water.
He moves closer, and I track his footsteps, counting each one until he stops a few feet away from me. I don’t look at him.
“Addison, please speak with me.”
After a few seconds, I finally look up at him, immediately wishing I hadn’t. Even now, even after everything, some stupid part of me wants to run to him. He looks wrecked with messy hair. The crown prince of Montclaire is disheveled.
I want to reach out and smooth down his hair, cup his face, and tell him it’s okay.
“And say what?” I keep my voice neutral, like I don’t know what he’s talking about, even though the thought makes me sick.
“What you’re feeling,” he says.
After a deep breath, I speak. “When I walked into your office, it hit me that maybe there was someone better suited for you out there.”
He takes a breath like he wants to say something, but he lets me keep going instead of interrupting.
“Seeing you two alone together made me question everything. Before you explain, I know she did it to trap or blackmail you. I heard her speaking to her father.”
His jaw tightens at my words.
“I hope we can survive this,” I say numbly. “For once, we felt possible, but now …”
“But now?” he asks.
I suck in a deep breath. “I’m questioning everything.”
He’s watching me with a soft expression as he listens. Not once does he try to defend himself or interrupt. He absorbs every word that leaves my mouth.
“Everyone wants you with Tatiana, Louis. I will never be accepted as yours.”
Silence stretches between us while the waves crash below. At least five minutes pass.
“Have you expressed your thoughts?” His voice is gentle and patient rather than dismissive. He’s genuinely asking if I’m finished making my points. It’s not something most men care about.
I take a shaky breath. “Yes.”
He moves toward me, giving me time to back away if I want to. I don’t. He sits beside me, turning his body toward me fully. “I’m so fucking sorry you had to see that.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“Tatiana entered my office and mentioned the blind item, said she knew I was trapped and offered to make things easier. She’s willing to do whatever I want if I give her the crown.”
His finger brushes against my arm, and goose bumps follow.
He pauses, and something shifts in his expression.
“There are cameras in my office for security purposes. I’ve already turned the footage over to officials and filed a complaint for harassment.
Tatiana said she’d be my wife, that we’d be married, that the council had already decided. I want to test that.”
I stare at him.
“What she did is an intolerable offense. I refuse to allow anyone, princess or not, to behave that way toward me without consequences.”
“What will happen to her?” I ask.
“I don’t know. The harder I make it for the council, the better.”
I let out a long breath, feeling guilt for ignoring him rush through me. “No one should have to go through this.”
“I’ve had enough,” he states.
When he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a folded piece of paper, I realize it’s the note I wrote on his mother’s stationery. He unfolds it carefully, and my eyes scan over my handwriting.
I’ve fallen in love with you.
“We need to discuss this,” he says, tapping it against his fingers. “I’ve read this a hundred times over the last two days. Every time I started to lose hope, I read it. Because”—his voice breaks—“I’ve fallen in love with you too, Addison.”
I wasn’t expecting this conversation right now.
“I’m so fucking in love with you that I’m willing to risk it all for the chance to be with you,” he confesses.
The crown prince of Montclaire is sitting in front of me, confirming he feels the same, and I can’t make my brain process the words.
“I thought I was broken,” he continues. “I thought I wasn’t capable of feeling like this for another person. And then I met you, and you changed everything.”
Tears stream down my cheeks, and he reaches over to wipe them away.
“I can’t imagine my life without you in it,” he says, like he needs me to believe it. “Not seeing you has been awful.”
I wrap my arms around him, and he holds me tight.
“I’m so sorry.”
“Please don’t apologize,” he says.
All the doubt and walls I’ve been building crumble to nothing.
Our mouths crash together. The kiss is messy, and it tastes like salt from my tears. He pours everything he has into the moment. His hands thread into my hair, and he pulls me closer, like he’s afraid I’ll disappear. I hold on to his shirt, feeling like he might float away if I let go.
When we break apart, we’re both smiling.
“I want to spend forever with you,” he whispers, pressing his forehead to mine.
A laugh escapes me. “I’d like that.”
“Yeah?” His voice is raw and hopeful, all at once.
“Yes.” I grip his shirt tighter. “Without you, I can’t think straight. I keep trying to protect myself. But it’s impossible.”
“I’m aware,” he says, cupping my face. “What hurts the most is knowing you were capable of pushing me away.”
It’s not a question. I can hear years of being misjudged in his tone.
“I wasn’t handling it well. I needed time to work out my thoughts,” I whisper.
“When I saw her on your lap, every fear and insecurity I had when it came to us rushed in. Every warning Patterson had given me, every tabloid story, and every voice in my head told me how stupid I was for believing we could be something real. A princess would be easier for you.”
His brows furrow. “Those voices in your head can shut the fuck up. I only want you. I want you to be my wife, Addison. I want to raise a family and get a dog and rule Montclaire with you by my side. No one knows what’s best for me other than me. I choose you.”
“I choose you too,” I say, wanting all those things as well.
He searches my eyes. “If we’re going to do this—really do this—you can’t run from our problems. You have to give me a chance to explain, but know I’d never throw away what we have for anything. Not Tatiana. Not my family. Not the crown.”
I swallow hard. “I’m scared, Louis. I’ve never let anyone this close before, and there is so much to lose.”
“I know.” He presses his forehead to mine. “But I’d rather be terrified with you than safe with anyone else.”
“That’s either the most romantic thing anyone’s ever said to me or the dumbest.”
He laughs. “Probably both.”
I wrap my arms around his neck. “I can’t promise I won’t freak out again. This is a lot. I’ll try to let you explain before I spiral and get in my head.”
“That’s all I’m asking.” He kisses me. “And I’ll try to make sure you never have a reason to doubt the way I feel again.”
The tenderness of his words makes me want to cry.
His voice shifts, suddenly firm in a way that makes me pay attention, when he says, “If the council tries to force me to be with someone else, I’m prepared to walk away from this.”
I blink. “Louis—”
“I mean it.” He holds my gaze, and there’s no hesitation there, no doubt, nothing but absolute certainty. “I’ll give up the crown, the palace, and the power. I’ll move to New York and learn to take the subway. None of it matters without you.”
I shake my head. “You can’t.”
“I can.” He grins. “I’ve spent my whole life doing what I was supposed to do and being who I was supposed to be. And I was fucking miserable, Addison. Empty. Going through the motions.”
“But the crown—”
“Is a title.” He shrugs like he’s talking about giving up a watch, not a kingdom. “The palace is just a building. None of it means anything without someone to share it with.” His thumb traces my cheekbone. “Without you to share it with. You’re the only choice.”
The magnitude of this is almost too much.
“Louis …” I don’t have words because no one has ever loved me enough to sacrifice everything. “I don’t want you to give up your life. That’s not what I want.”
“It’s not what the council wants either. I will call their bluff, so be ready.” He presses his palm against my cheek. “But know when the final moment comes, and I’m asked to choose, it’s you. Every time. Without hesitation. So, please win that fucking contest and stay.”
I lean into his touch and close my eyes, letting this sink in. This man would walk away from centuries of legacy, from family expectations, from everything he’s ever known for me.
“So, we continue to play the game?” I ask.
“Yes.” He kisses my forehead. “And we try our best to win.”
He pulls back and studies my face, and something shifts in his expression. The intensity softens into something warmer. A slow smile spreads across his lips.
“What are you doing tonight?”
The energy around me changes, and things don’t feel as heavy as they did when I arrived.
“I don’t know. I planned to eat a pint of gelato while plotting revenge on a princess.”
“Sounds like a villain origin story,” he says with a laugh. “Cancel your plans. I’m taking you somewhere.” He presses a kiss to my knuckles.
“Is that so?”
His eyes are warm and mischievous and so full of love. “I miss you.”
I look at this man who told me he’d give up his kingdom for me. Who held space for my hurt and met it with patience. Who carried my love note in his pocket like it was a compass leading him back to me.
“I miss you too,” I tell him. “So much.”
He laces his fingers through mine. “Then come with me.”
We slip back toward the palace through the shadows. Nothing has changed on the outside. Our relationship is still a secret and still forbidden, but everything has changed between us.