Chapter 18 #2
Sabine entered her room and closed the door, relieved to finally be away from Rainer.
Normally, she’d curl up on her bed with Harta.
However, since the dog wasn’t there, she was truly alone.
Instead of dwelling on that fact, she went out on her balcony and began pacing.
She needed to find out more about Neron.
His wife hadn’t seemed friendly, and Sabine didn’t know if they were even staying at the palace.
Regardless, she’d extend an invitation to the couple.
It dawned on her that Axel was well aware she wanted to prevent Lynk from going to war.
Perhaps he’d recommended Neron to replace Felix because the man’s beliefs were more closely aligned with hers rather than Rainer’s.
The problem was that she didn’t trust Axel because he always seemed to have an ulterior motive.
The candles inside Sabine’s room simultaneously went out, casting her bedchamber in darkness.
She froze. If an assassin was in her room, he might not have seen her.
The last thing she wanted to do was bring attention to herself out on the balcony.
With nowhere to hide, she started to slowly move to the side, wanting to blend in with the shadows cast by the palace wall.
A figure dressed in black pants, a black shirt, and a knitted hat appeared in the archway. “Sabine, it’s me,” Evander whispered.
Relief coursed through her. “You’re back.” She ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly.
After a minute, he kissed her temple then held her at arm’s length, flinching when he noticed her neck. “What happened?” he demanded. Then he lifted her arm, spotting the bruise there as well. His eyes darkened, transforming his face into someone she didn’t recognize—someone terrifying.
If she told him Rainer did this to her, that the king had almost strangled her, Evander would kill him. “There’s been a murder in the palace,” she said, trying to change the subject. “It happened yesterday. And we have an Avoni assassin in the dungeon. I think he’s from your guild.”
“What happened?” he said again, annunciating each word slowly.
“It has been handled.”
“Sabine, answer the question right now before I lose it.”
Sliding her hands to his shoulders, she squeezed him and said, “Rainer got upset with me, but Commander Felix stepped in and diffused the situation. Unfortunately, the commander was found dead yesterday. They’re saying he died in his sleep, but I know he was poisoned.”
Evander pulled the cap off his head, running his hand through his thick, red hair. “And you believe Rainer had him killed?”
She shrugged. “It’s a possibility.” It would make sense if the king ordered the commander’s assassination, but it also seems reasonable that it was an Avoni assassin since there have been a string of military officers murdered.
“Has a healer looked at your neck?” His fingers gently touched her skin.
“No, but Lady Regina tended to me. It will heal.”
“Why didn’t you fight him?” he asked. “I told you to have a weapon on you at all times.”
Most of her outfits didn’t accommodate a dagger. However, after the incident, she would make sure to always have something on her. “It all happened so quickly,” she said. “I’m not trained like you. It’s not second nature to whip out a knife and stab someone.”
He closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath. When he opened them, they’d cleared, the anger gone. “I’m sorry this happened and that I wasn’t here to help you. Will you at least consider leaving with me? I can get you out of here tonight.”
“I can’t.” If she left, no one would stand up to Rainer and try to stop the war.
Evander nodded, as if he expected that answer. “I have something for you.” He pulled out a letter, handing it to her. “This is from Otto.”
She took the letter, seeing her family seal intact, thankful for this distraction and that Evander didn’t storm off to kill Rainer. She tore the letter open and read it. “It’s from my mother. She implores me to visit Bakley.” Folding it back up, she contemplated her mother’s words.
“What’s the matter? Is someone sick?”
The letter hadn’t been written in code, but Sabine felt there was a hidden message.
“Everyone is fine,” she said. “My mother writes that the Lynk soldiers have all withdrawn from Bakley, the children have been returned to their families, and that my brother, Viktor, is getting married and wishes for me to be there.” She turned it over, making sure nothing was written on the back.
“When does she want you to visit?”
“Immediately.”
“What are you going to do?” he asked.
“I don’t know.” She wanted to go but didn’t think Rainer would let her. Not only that, but there was too much going on here for her to just take off and leave again.
“You should go. Right now.”
She eyed him. “Is this because Rainer hurt me? Or is there something else you’re not telling me.” If his family planned on assassinating the Lynk royal family to stop the war, and that included Sabine, Evander needed to tell her. Hinting that she should leave wasn’t enough.
“Sabine.” Evander clutched her hands. “Go and visit your family. I know you miss them.”
“I do.” She squeezed his hands. “I’ll think about it.”
He leaned his forehead against hers. “I should go.”
She stood there, reveling in his warmth and the steadfastness of him. “How was your trip?”
“Productive. We signed off on my sister’s marriage to your brother.” He righted himself. “We also decided what to do if Rainer proceeds with attacking other kingdoms.”
“How does that work with Anton there?” It didn’t seem prudent to have the prince of the kingdom causing all the problems there hearing what the other kingdoms planned to do to stop it.
“Anton is involved in making decisions. We all are. He knows what’s at stake. He has a role to play, and I hope he can do it.”
When he didn’t elaborate, she realized he wouldn’t be telling her any more than that. It grated on her nerves only knowing bits and pieces of everything.
A soft breeze floated into the room.
“Where’s your dog?” Evander asked.
“Rainer sent her back to the kennels for some additional training.” At least that was the reason she was given. In reality, she knew it was a punishment. He’d taken away her safety and companionship because she’d had Lottie arrested and tried for treason.
“Can I ask you something?” Evander said, pulling her farther into the room. He sat on the edge of her bed, so she did the same.
“You can ask me anything.”
“We’re friends?”
She nodded, wondering where this was going.
“Do you like me more than a friend?”
Smiling, she said, “Yes.”
“But you are loyal to King Rainer? You wish to stay married to him and be faithful to him?”
They’d gone over this in Avoni. “Yes. You know I want to keep the peace among our kingdoms. If that means I need to be here with Rainer, then so be it.”
“Let’s say he didn’t plan on invading the other kingdoms. Would you still want to be here at his side? Be loyal to him? Or are you only here out of obligation?”
She understood what he was implying and why. “I can’t think about hypotheticals.” She could only look at the facts and decide accordingly.
He slid his cap from his pocket and put it back on, covering his hair. “Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if you hadn’t married Rainer.”
“If my sister were still alive, if I hadn’t taken her place, I’d like to think the two of us would have found each other.” It was wishful thinking, a dream. There was no place in her life for what-ifs and dreams.
He nodded, not meeting her eyes. “I have to marry Lottie in a couple of days.”
Hearing those words sent a jolt of panic through her. She’d secretly hoped that Lottie would have been found guilty before her marriage to Evander took place so their marriage contract would have been severed. But that plan was slashed to pieces.
“And unlike your situation, I don’t have a legitimate reason to put off sharing her bed.”
His words felt like a boulder had been dropped on her head. Her stomach twisted with nausea at the mere thought of Evander sharing a bed with Lottie. She stood, wrapping her arms around her body, unable to face the man she’d fallen in love with but could never have.
Soft rustling sounded behind her.
“I’ve done a lot of things I haven’t wanted to,” Evander whispered, his voice right behind her.
She closed her eyes, feeling the warmth of his body next to hers.
“The one thing I want more than anything, I can’t have. And that kills me.” He trailed his fingers up her bare arm. “I’ve had no choice in so many things.” His body pressed against her back, his breath caressing her ear.
“Please don’t ask me for something you know I can’t give,” she whispered.
“I’m not. I won’t.” His hands slid to her hips. “I just don’t think it’s fair. We take care of everyone else, but not ourselves. How can such sacrifices be asked of us?”
She didn’t know. She pressed her body against his, and his arms wrapped around her waist, his face nuzzling her neck.
“I just wish I could make love to the one person I love.”
Tears filled her eyes because she wished for the same thing.
“I want my first time to be with you,” he mumbled.
Shock filled her. She hadn’t realized he hadn’t been with a woman.
His right hand splayed across her stomach, the feel of his callouses pressing into her soft skin.
“Sabine,” he whispered into her ear. He kissed her neck.
Each touch sent a jolt of fire into her body. She wanted to cave in, give herself to him, but she couldn’t. She twisted to face him, her hand cupping his cheek.
“He doesn’t love you,” Evander said. “He’s probably with another woman right now.”
Her heart hurt because he was right.
“Why deny yourself this?” he asked.
“Because it’s the right thing to do.”
“I wish I could argue with you, but I understand—especially if your parents are anything like mine. And, honestly, I probably wouldn’t love you as much as I do if you weren’t so loyal.
” He kissed her cheek. “Just know, I wish it was you. I’ll always wish it was you.
” He kissed her forehead and took a step back.
She had a strange sense that he was saying goodbye.