Chapter 30
CHAPTER THIRTY
SOPHIE
It was dark. Silent. Yet warm. I pushed myself to sit up, not feeling my arm that had been wedged against the sofa. And when I reached to massage it, a soft fabric fell from the other one. Blinking several times, I tried to regain my memories.
I’d come home, tried to work on a fax that my assistant had sent me, couldn’t concentrate, decided to take a nap. That was at five in the evening.
And now? I looked toward the window—it was dark outside, so past midnight?
As I stood, the blanket fell away. A shiver ran through me, and I brought it up to cover myself. Its smell made my knees shake.
Viktor. This was his cologne.
Had he covered me?
Did he see me asleep?
I looked around for a mirror, knowing full well there was none. I’d refused to have one put in. Why, when there was a bathroom right in the corridor? Though I’d prefer not to run into Viktor if he happened to be in his office and decided to come out. At least not when I was unsure of my appearance.
I reached for my hair, feeling the messiness by touch alone. Hopefully it wasn’t as messy as it felt. And my face was probably puffy from sleeping on a decorative cushion.
The mirror wasn’t merciful. But at least Viktor was nowhere around—probably asleep.
And the clock in the corridor confirmed my suspicions. It was around two in the morning.
I had no desire to sleep. And when I swallowed, I could almost taste Viktor’s coffee. I wanted it so badly, but neither Ms. Hale nor I had ever managed to recreate it. It was similar, but different.
Knowing I’d fail, I still went to the kitchen, trying to move on my tiptoes. Not that I would wake anyone, especially not Viktor. His room was directly above his office. But it still felt wrong to make noise or to keep extra lights on.
While the coffee machine was warming up, I ground fresh beans, hoping I hadn’t messed up the dose.
At least the smell was always delightful, and I let myself enjoy it a little longer before filling the portafilter and tamping.
Not as elegant as Viktor, with his pulled-up sleeves showing off the veins on his forearms, while the tip of his tongue slipped between his lips.
Would his lips be firm or tender? Maybe soft? And gentle?
I closed my eyes. Breathe, Sophie! Breathe.
And his hands around my waist would be warm and steady.
I clenched my fists against my chest, biting my lip.
The coffee smell lingered in my nostrils.
Right! Coffee.
When the sound of the machine ended, the room rested in quiet peace. But I didn’t hurry to take my mug, my gaze wandering around the room. It was so… lovely? Calm.
So I let myself enjoy that moment.
At least for a second, before Edmond’s words echoed in my mind. You’ve changed.
I pushed the image away. It wasn’t like I was ashamed of that.
In fact, I felt so proud of myself for standing up to him.
And even more for defending my husband. I’d wanted to talk with Viktor about my hypothesis once he returned.
But I guessed this was better. I had time to think it through with a calmer view.
The heat of the cup nearly burned me, so I changed my hold and went out to the terrace. Though that was probably not the smartest decision, as any sound would go directly to Viktor’s room. But I had no intention of making noise.
I sat, adjusting the blanket on my shoulders that carried Viktor’s cologne, and buried my face in it, unable to fight the urge.
It was then I noticed an ashtray with three crushed cigarettes and an empty glass of whiskey.
Had we had guests? I’d never seen Viktor smoke. But the glass was his.
A strange anxiety rose in my stomach. What if Edmond had told someone about my suspicions? Or maybe Anne had told Rafa. And Rafa had come. He was a smoker. But he surely wouldn’t refuse whiskey, nor would Viktor.
I was probably overthinking. I’d ask once he was up.
But the anxiety didn’t vanish. It curled tighter.
I sipped from my cup. Not bad, much better than my previous attempts. But still far from Viktor’s.
Or maybe I was being picky. And the only thing that was different was the fact of knowing it was prepared specially by Viktor.
I wanted to talk to him! Feel his presence. And even the fresh air with the clear starry sky didn’t help to make that strange ache vanish.
I couldn’t even go to sleep to make morning come faster, especially not after coffee.
So instead, I went to my room, changed into more comfortable clothes, then back to my office. At least this way I had a chance to finish what Ms. Lind had sent me earlier.
By the time I looked up from the documents, the sun had risen without me noticing—probably because of the office light I’d turned on.
When Viktor entered the room, the clock read just after five.
“You’re awake,” I exclaimed as my lips curled up.
He looked me over. “I see you’re in a good mood?”
“Yes?” I tilted my head, standing from my seat. “Is everything all right?”
But something stopped me from going toward him. Was it his gaze or his shoulders that looked heavier than usual? And his cold hum only made me more aware.
“Did we have guests?” I asked, remembering the crushed cigarettes on his terrace.
“No? Are we expecting any?”
“No… no. I just saw an ashtray.” I gestured toward his office.
“Ah, no. It was me.”
“You… smoke?”
He rubbed his eyes. “Not really. Only when…” He shrugged. “Good to see you’re feeling well.”
Ah, was he worried about me? I tried to hide my smile by biting my lip. But I failed. Though it didn’t last long. His eyes were… distant?
Or maybe it was because he’d just woken up?
“How did you sleep?” The question was awkward, but it slipped out anyway.
He didn’t answer, but didn’t move from the doorway either. So I tried another approach.
“Did you know someone leaked that I’m behind Atlas?”
“Was that a secret?”
Finally a normal answer. But his tone was still cold.
“Mm…” Wasn’t it? “Edmond heard about it yesterday.” I wasn’t sure.
“Then it might be me who leaked it,” he stated. “So how did it go?”
“What do you mean you leaked it?” My brow furrowed.
“Someone complimented me on how I managed to revive the company. And I corrected them.”
“Oh.” So we were getting noticed! Atlas was starting to gain recognition? That was nice.
No. It was incredible.
A smile once again lit up my lips. “What were they saying?”
He narrowed his eyes. “You didn’t answer my question.”
“What question?”
“About your… conversation… with your ex-fiancé.”
What? He couldn’t mean—I squinted at him. “Are you seriously jealous?”
I expected him to laugh, maybe say no. But not just turn around and leave the room.
What was he, twelve?
My jaw clenched. I’d never thought of him as possessive. Or insecure. And I wasn’t sure how I felt about his reaction. Irritated? Yes. Triumphant? Perhaps. Just a little. He wouldn’t react this way if he had no feelings.
Stupid! Of course he had feelings—he showed it in every way possible.
I cursed at myself, scurrying after him. “Viktor!”
The light in the kitchen was on, and when I went in, he was pouring water into his glass.
“You can’t possibly be jealous of Edmond.”
He looked at me like I’d said something ridiculous. “Jealous of a man you were supposed to marry? Who was supposed to be your one true love?”
The words made me uncomfortable. I didn’t even ask when he’d heard that phrase. Not when I’d been repeating it at every opportunity. But I was nineteen, freshly engaged. He couldn’t hold that against me!
“First, I’m married to you,” I noted. “Second, do you really believe I still have any feelings for him?”
“The last time I asked, it seemed like a yes.”
“I didn’t say yes.”
“You didn’t say no either.”
I shook my head in disbelief. Had he believed I was in love with Edmond this whole time? He couldn’t be that obtuse.
“I don’t have any feelings for him!” I stated. “And nothing happened today for you to worry. I only went to talk to him because of Atlas. Even had a guard outside.”
His shoulders dropped slightly. “You don’t need to explain. I know this is irrational. It’s just—” He put his hands on the counter and shook his head. “I’ll be in my room.” He took his glass, ready to leave.
Was he really going to avoid me this way?
“I’m not in love with Edmond,” I repeated. “I wasn’t even then, when you proposed.” I inhaled. “You can’t be naive enough to think I’d have any feelings toward him when we never spoke beyond ‘hope you’re well’ and other empty courtesies for five years.”
His brows pulled together. “The day I came to propose, his ring was still on your finger.” He didn’t raise his voice, but I probably would have felt better if he had.
“That was… because… he was my first in everything,” I confessed, as my eyes drifted to the window.
“Because of that I was—I was…” I wet my lips, trying to ignore the weight in my limbs.
“Now that I think about it, that was the only reason I was clinging to him. Or perhaps it was the only thing that remained under my control.”
Pain flickered in Viktor’s eyes when I looked back at him.
“But if that was love, how was I able to move on so quickly after learning he got another woman pregnant?” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “All I felt was disappointment. Perhaps a bit betrayed… But love?” A soft laugh escaped me. “That feeling… I have only for you.”
Viktor froze, so I said it more clearly. “The only man I love is you.”
But this time he flinched, and the water from his glass spilled on the ground.
He looked down, staying still. I didn’t move either, waiting for his response.
I wished our confession hadn’t happened this way.
And preferably for him to say it first. But if this was what was needed for him to come to his senses, I didn’t mind being the one to say it.
I loved him. I knew that. And I stood by it.
But his eyes dimmed, his expression going blank.
Without a word, he turned and walked out through the patio.