Chapter 33
Freya
“Maa?!” I shriek. I leap away from Archer and Julian, caught somewhere between terror and excitement as I stare into the eyes of my mother, who I haven’t seen in almost a year.
I sprint off the elevator and wrap my arms around her neck, squeezing her tight. Then I pull away and stare at her again as if she’s a mirage and not really here.
Amelia is standing by her side, sheepishly waving to me.
“What are you doing here?” I shout.
“Surprise,” my mother says with a little show of fanfare.
My gaze shoots to my best friend. “Were you in on this?”
She shrugs with a coy grin. “Maybe. We wanted to surprise you for your big day. We went to your place first, but you weren’t there, so then I figured you’d be at Julian’s.”
She gestures to the two men standing behind me, and all the blood drains from my face. This can’t be happening. Not like this.
I still have sticky white cum drying against the skin on my legs, probably noticeable if she were to look, so I slam my legs together, hoping to hide it.
This is not how I imagined telling my family about my relationship. Granted, it’s just my mom right now, but she’s the one I’m most terrified to tell.
Her gaze flits over to Archer first. “You must be Julian?” she asks with a hint of confusion in her voice.
“No, ma’am,” he replies politely as he puts a hand out to shake. If I could climb out of my skin, I would. “Archer Wilde. It’s nice to finally meet you.”
“Nice to meet you too,” she replies with uncertainty.
“I’m Julian,” the man on my other side says as he puts his hand forward. She’s still shaking Archer’s while giving me a look with her brows pinched together.
“Julian?”
Everyone is waiting for me to say something. I know they are. But I can’t move. I can’t speak. The walls are suddenly closing in around me, and it’s getting hard to breathe.
“It’s late,” Amelia says. “Lucien is waiting out front to take Mira to her hotel. Freya, I’m sure you want to catch up with your mom.”
I blink, feeling my mom’s gaze on my face.
Quickly, I shake myself out of my stupor as Archer’s hand reluctantly drops away from my shoulder. With a heartbreaking realization, I know in that moment that he knows.
Both of them do.
I never told my mother about them. I never told anyone about them.
Not in six months, and given another six months, I probably never would have.
“Uh, yeah sure,” I stammer. “Maa, I’ll meet you in the car, okay? I need to use the bathroom first.”
“Sure, sweetheart,” she says with a hint of hesitancy.
I give Amelia a quick look that she clearly picks up on, because she guides my mom to the elevator. Once they’re gone, Julian marches to the door and unlocks it. I’m wringing my hands in front of me, the urge to run so intense that I can’t think straight.
“Are you okay, Freya?” Archer asks.
Julian opens the door with a stern expression. He seems as tense and freaked out as I feel, and I know he’s in his head. I stomp into his apartment, keeping my back to him as I run toward the bathroom.
“Freya!” Archer calls, but I hurry to close myself in and start frantically running water down my legs to clean the stains away.
What is wrong with me? What have I become? Tears swell in my eyes as I scratch my skin roughly. I’m a fraud. I lied to my family. I lied to Archer and Julian.
“Freya,” Archer calls on the other side of the door. “Can we talk?”
“No,” I bark.
Quickly wiping my tears, I dry my legs and open the door, brushing past the man standing there. It breaks my heart to see the pained look on his face.
“What the fuck happened?” he asks.
Leaving him behind, I start gathering my things that I’ve left here.
All the while, Archer follows me, trying to understand what is happening.
Julian is stationed in the middle of the room, arms crossed and with no emotion on his face.
His chest is moving at a frantic pace, but other than that, he’s guarding his emotions.
To him, it’s easier to hide than face what his fears have prepared him for this entire time.
“Is this all because your mom doesn’t know we’re together?” Archer asks. “It’s fine, baby. There’s no rush in telling them. You can do it when you’re ready.”
For some reason, my fear starts to materialize into anger. Archer and Julian truly act like everything is so easy. But it’s not. None of this is easy.
Frantically, I spin on Archer and point a finger in his direction.
“What if I’m never ready? It’s so much easier for you.
You have a poly relationship in your family already.
Mine may never understand. What if it ruins my relationship with them?
I’m not like you, Archer. I can’t go as long without speaking to mine as you do with yours. ”
His brows furrow with hurt, and I regret everything that just came out of my mouth, but it’s the truth.
“Is this about being open with your family, or is it about being ashamed of being with two people?” Julian cuts in.
“Julian, you have no idea what it’s like, so don’t pretend you do,” I say with a sob caught in my throat.
“What is that supposed to mean?” he fights back.
“Both of you stop!” Archer bellows. “This doesn’t make any fucking sense. Freya is not ashamed of us. Julian, you’re putting up a defense for nothing. Everyone, just calm down.”
I let out a sound of defeat because Archer will see the good no matter what. In everyone but himself of course, but he doesn’t understand. Relationships are easy without conflict, but now…there’s conflict, and Julian will pull the rip cord before getting left behind.
“Neither of you gets it,” I say. “Life doesn’t just magically work out because you want it to.
I wasn’t handed everything the way you were.
Parents don’t always accept everything. My parents sacrificed a lot for me, and now I have to tell my mother that the only reason I have that restaurant is because I fuck a couple of millionaires! ”
Tears stream down my face, and before the words are even out, Archer is there, gripping my face in his hands. “Stop it. That’s not why, and you know it.”
“I’m sorry,” I sob as I try to pull away. “I just need time.”
“I don’t want you to leave like this.” He’s blocking my path with panic in his eyes. “We’re having our first fight, and you’re just going to go.”
I blink my wet lashes before wiping the tears away. Then with a surrendering sigh, I drop my arms to my sides.
Across the room, Julian scoffs. “This isn’t a fight.”
Archer flinches as if shocked. “You don’t think this is a fight? She’s crying and you’re over there stewing. I’d call this a fight.”
“No, Arch,” he replies with a despondent sigh. “Fights you recover from.”
The emotion drains from Archer’s face, and it guts me to see how affected he is. “What is that supposed to mean? You’re saying it’s over? Just like that? What the fuck?”
With a wince, I shut my eyes, because I know exactly what is happening. Julian is cutting loose. He won’t go down with this ship, so he’s ending it before he becomes the one getting left.
Archer looks up at Julian with rage on his face. “Tell her you love her. Tell her she has time to tell her family. Tell her, goddammit.”
Sobbing, I turn toward Julian. He only stares back, emotion swirling behind those cold, empty eyes. Emotion only I can see because I feel it.
“Well?” I ask.
There’s nothing on his face. No love. No regret. No fear or fight, and it infuriates me with a paralyzing anger. But how could I be angry? I’m doing the same thing to him, aren’t I?
After everything, it’s never been more abundantly clear. We are all the same. The walls. The doubt. The fear. We will be the first to run at the smallest instance of conflict.
We throw love away before being given the chance to lose it.
“You should go,” he says coldly without looking at me.
“Julian!” Archer shouts, but I only let the tears flow.
“You don’t mean that,” I say, quietly pleading with him. “You don’t want it to end like this, Julian.”
Julian’s gaze bores into me as he cruelly replies, “If you loved us, you would have told them.”
Those words hurt more than anything. To hear him doubt my love when I thought I expressed it so clearly. “That’s not true, and you know it.”
“You’re ashamed of us,” he adds, and I hear the quiver of fear in his voice. “You always were.”
“That is your anxiety talking,” I say, hiccupping with a sob. “This isn’t you.”
“This is me,” he says without emotion, and I suddenly see a reflection of the man I first met, the man who so mercilessly tried to crush my dreams out of spite.
Something about his denial stings the worst. This whole time, he was supposed to feel safe with us, and now he’s shoving us away.
“You think you have it under control, but you’re letting it ruin everything.
You’re letting it ruin us. You’re afraid, Julian.
You think because I didn’t tell my mother about us that it means I don’t love you enough or that you are putting your heart out more than I am or than Archer is, but you know that’s not true. You don’t have to be afraid.”
He scoffs, but I see the tremble in his lip.
“Yes, I do! I don’t have a choice, Freya.
This is who I am. I told you I couldn’t do this.
I told you I couldn’t stand the thought of being hurt.
I’m not going to be the one who gives more, Freya.
You clearly don’t care about us as much, and I can’t be the one left behind. ”
Archer breathes heavily beside me, and I see the indecision on his face. He doesn’t know what to say. “Julian, stop it.”
“Stop what?” Julian shouts. “Stop denying what we all know is true? That this was just a fling. It was fun, but now the party is over. Why don’t you two just stay together, but I’m not going to be caught up in this if you think we’re nothing but a dirty secret.”
His hands are visibly shaking, and his voice has taken on an erratic tone. I should stay. I know I should stay, but I can’t if he won’t open up to us. If he won’t let us in…
“What is happening?” Archer asks in a raspy plea, running his fingers through his hair.
“He’s pushing us away,” I say, wiping my wet face with the back of my hand. “Because for one second, things aren’t perfect. And if it’s not perfect, then Julian doesn’t want it.”
“We are perfect,” Archer shouts. He glares down at me with nostrils flared and eyes narrowed. “Why are you both doing this? Because of your mom? Because you’re scared? We love each other, Freya. Snap out of it, for fuck’s sake, Julian. Don’t ruin this because you’re scared. Don’t ruin us.”
Defiantly, I march toward the entryway table. Opening the drawer, I pull out the orange pill bottle and slam it on the counter.
“Don’t touch those,” Julian growls.
“No,” I argue. “It doesn’t have to be this way, Julian.
You don’t have to live like this. You hold yourself to these impossible standards, and now you’re holding us to them too.
So what? You’re going to throw away what could be a lifetime of happiness because I messed up?
Because I’m not perfect enough for you. Because you’re afraid this means you’re not safe with me. ”
Staring at him across the large room, I wait for him to move. He’s struggling so much to bite back his emotion, it’s clear on his face. His nostrils flare and his eyes grow moist, but he won’t let his facade down. Not for one second will Julian take off his steely armor.
Instead, he quietly mutters, “Your mom is waiting.”
Archer rushes to my side. “Don’t go.”
I squeeze my eyes closed and press my face to his chest. There’s a tremble in his hands as he holds me to him tightly, and I so wish it was as easy as Archer thinks it is.
“Don’t leave,” he whispers. “Please don’t leave.”
“I have to,” I reply, pulling away and wiping tears from my eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
“Then go to her tonight, but this isn’t over, Freya. Not because you haven’t come clean to your family. You can do that later. I know you can.” Archer is holding on desperately to something while Julian and I have both shut down.
“Don’t leave him tonight,” I whisper. “Don’t let him push you out like he’s pushed me out. He needs you.”
“Why am I the only one willing to work on this? Me. The one who never wanted to settle down in the first place, and suddenly, I’m the only one holding us together. This is bullshit.”
I can’t face him. I can’t face either of them. Maybe it is just a fight, or maybe it’s proof that something that felt too good to be true was.
I don’t want to believe it’s over, but I don’t have the same optimism Archer does. I’m not sure what any of this means for our future.
Leaving Archer’s arms is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but I must. As I walk to grab my bag, I pass by Julian, who is standing like a statue in my path. I wish he’d wrap me up in his arms like Archer did, even after I said all those awful things.
But he won’t. I know it. He has to protect himself, so he’s shutting himself off before I have the chance to turn him down. It’s just Julian’s defense mechanism.
“Here,” he says, pulling out my underwear and holding them in his hand.
Wanting to cry again, I reach out and take them.
His voice is so quiet and sad that it cracks me in two. I can’t look back, because I know I won’t be able to leave. So without another word, I rush out the front door.
Wiping the tears from my eyes, I get on the elevator—alone.