22. Mihir
MIHIR
“ T his is boring,” I whispered to Sona as the priest droned on, mantra after mantra, vow after vow. She sat between Mom and me, conveniently ignoring my protests.
After what had happened in her room that morning, we had two more people privy to our relationship. I was in a relationship! It felt strange, but not claustrophobic as I had always assumed it would be. Quite the contrary—it felt liberating. To be able to share myself in a real way with Sona felt like a privilege I had never had before.
The main ritual of the wedding was in progress. The guests were off eating and chatting while family and close friends sat around the floral mandap bearing witness to the ceremony, mainly so the family didn’t feel abandoned. It was ritualistic, monotonous, and didn’t involve anyone but the marrying couple and their parents.
“Let’s sample the food,” I suggested. “I helped Tara finalize all items on the menu.”
“No,” Sona whispered back. “Tara might need me. And it’s not polite.”
“Let’s get away for a bit. I’ve been dying to touch you,” I whispered.
“Then do it,” she said, adjusting the dupatta in her lap.
She’d glided all evening in her regal dark purple lehenga. The jacquard green sherwani Mom had chosen for me was the exact shade of her dupatta. Mom was very thrilled by the coincidence and complimented me several times that evening on how good we looked together.
“Don’t tempt me,” I said. “I have nothing to lose. I’m the one parents warn their daughters about. Ask anyone at this wedding.”
She ignored me and turned her attention back to the ceremony.
“Mom, I’m hungry,” I said, leaning across Sona.
“Go ahead,” Mom said. “You can get a little something before dinner. Sona, you’ve had a long day, and it’s going to be a long night. Go, keep your energy up.”
I thanked Mom with a smile as Sona rose in deference to her words. “Well played,” she said as we walked toward the buffet tables.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said and saw Mike in the distance. I nodded at him. He raised an enthusiastic hand and walked toward us with a South Asian woman in a designer Indo-Western gown.
“Mikey,” I said as he patted my shoulder.
“Mir, I want you to meet my friend, Saavi. She owns the bakery in Plano I told you about.”
“Very nice to meet you, Saavi,” I said, shaking her hand. “Mike couldn’t say enough great things about your cupcakes. I must try them.”
She gave a luminous laugh. “Thank you,” she said, giving Mikey a look I knew too well. “Dr. Williams has told me so much about you and Grant. It’s so wonderful to finally meet you. And you’re always welcome at the cupcakery.”
“This is my girlfriend, Sona.” Sona’s eyebrows jerked at the tag I’d so casually tossed around before she shook hands with the couple. In a bit, when I found the two women chatting, I took the chance to pull Mike aside.
“ Friend? ” I demanded in reference to Saavi. “What’s going on? Does Grant know about her?”
“No, why? No!” he said. “She’s…a friend.”
“ Sure. She just looked at you the way Tara swoons over Sameer.”
“She did?” He turned to steal a glance at Saavi, who had found her way to the appetizers with Sona.
“Well, if you want to fool yourself and others, here’s my advice. Bridle the silly smile that’s reaching all the way to your eyes, Dr. Williams. ”
He smiled again, the single dimple in his left cheek growing deeper. “I like her, Mir, but it’s complicated. And don’t tell Grant, not yet. He’ll scare her off like he does Len’s boyfriends.”
Len, Lenora, was Mike’s younger sister and the only person who had the guts to stand up to Grant. We were a family, and Grant cared about us more than he did for his real family. He had assumed the role of the big brother, always watching over us and looking out for us, and we let him.
“I’m glad he’s not here tonight,” Mike said. “Where is he anyway?”
“In London, I think. On business.”
“Probably acquiring another publishing company he doesn’t need.”
I shrugged. Grant’s latest weapon against his family was buying up dying publishing houses.
“What about Sona? Does Grant know about her?”
“Yes, the bastard showed up at my parents and asked her out right away.”
Mike laughed. “I bet he did. So, it’s real this time around?” he asked with his typical-Mikey kindness, throwing a quick glance at Sona.
“I’m afraid it is, but she isn’t there yet.”
“What does that mean?”
“Long story, best shared over scotch. Next weekend?”
“Sure thing,” Mike said, and I heard a smooth, sultry voice in the distance.
“Mihir.” I knew who it was even before I turned around to see her glamorous face.
“Hey, Anju,” I said as dispassionately as I could and turned my attention back to Mike.
“Uh-oh, she’s walking over. Brace yourself,” Mike cautioned.
Unfortunately, Sona and Saavi chose that exact moment to return with several different appetizers on small plates.
I quietly signaled Mike to get Saavi away from Anju’s prying eyes, and he promptly redirected her toward other acquaintances. Meanwhile, oblivious to Anju’s presence near us, Sona offered me a kabab dotted with a smooth green cilantro sauce. “Try this.”
“Looks delicious,” I said as I attempted to nudge her away, but not soon enough.
“Oh, so this is your latest toy.” Anju stepped closer, holding a feta and olive phyllo roll between her long fingers capped with bright nails.
Sona frowned. “Excuse me?”
“Ignore her,” I said softly to Sona. The grin on Anju’s face widened as Sona’s eyes flitted between us.
“Oh, don’t worry,” Anju said, leaning toward me. “I won’t divulge the dirty secrets of our sexscapades.” When I didn’t respond, she turned to Sona, her eyes filled with pure, vile delight. “Oh, I bet you have no idea about his wild side, darlin’—the one I got to see.”
“Walk away, Anju,” I warned, but she remained undeterred.
“When you dumped me, you thought you could do better, but she seems…quite ordinary,” Anju said with an evil smile.
I sneered. “You misremember. I believe it was you who declared you would find a better man.”
Her rather hasty marriage had ended in a disaster.
She cringed with a grin. “Ouch, below the belt.”
“Excuse me,” Sona said. “I’ll let you both sort out…whatever this is.” She looked at me as she placed her plate on a nearby table and walked off.
Anju’s expression grew nasty. “Wow, you went all desi this time? Easier to manipulate, I guess. Is that what turns you on these days, Mihir? Fat chicks?” Anju said, shifting the weight of her svelte body to push out a slender hip.
Furious as I was at her words and that she’d managed to drive Sona away, I responded not with a snarl but with an even tone.
“This is why we could never be, Anju,” I said with a vengeful sneer. “You have no clue what turns me on. That woman you called ordinary is the most exciting, stunningly brilliant woman I’ve ever been with. She’s experienced me in ways you never did and never will. It’s pathetic that you’ve held onto the idea of us after a lousy one-night stand.”
She tried to retain her fake smile of bravado but instantly gave up with a growl. “I wasn’t a lousy one-night stand, you bastard. We were together for over a month.”
“ Together is taking liberties with the language.”
“You’re ruthless, Mihir. You’re a real fucking bastard.”
“I am, but you knew that before you jumped into bed with me,” I said, then turned my back to her and marched toward Sona.
“Hey…Sona!” I caught up with her just before she stepped into the mandap. “I’m sorry about that.”
She pressed her lips into a forced smile. “No worries. It’s all fine.”
“Can we talk?”
“We really don’t need to. It’s none of my business.”
“Well, you’re in my life now. I want it to be your business.”
Mom turned around in her chair and waved at us. Sona smiled back and started walking away from the mandap.
Sona frowned. “She’s an ex, I’m guessing?”
“Yes.”
“Still hung up on you, it seems.”
“I hooked up with her like I did with other women, but she assumed we would marry. When I ended it, she married with haste to someone in Atlanta. It didn’t work out, and now she’s back here, divorced and out for revenge.”
Sona stopped walking and turned to me. “She’s not looking for revenge! Don’t you see it? She’s in love with you.”
“Yeah, too bad, because I’m not in love with her.”
“That’s coldhearted, Mihir,” Sona said, shaking her head in disapproval.
“I’m sorry, but what do you want me to say? I don’t love her, I don’t empathize with her, and I don’t forgive her for what she said about you.”
“I don’t think she wants your love, Mihir. I think she’s looking for validation that she meant something to you. That she wasn’t just a toy you cast away when you were done playing with her. Isn’t that why she used that precise term? Toy? ”
My brows furrowed. I had never thought about it in the way Sona was suggesting. I had known Anju since we were kids. One night after a party years ago, we were in bed, and then we weren’t. For me, it had been pretty straightforward. Maybe it hadn’t been for her, but that still didn’t excuse her reprehensible behavior toward Sona.
“All this is…just too much for me.” Sona heaved a sigh. “This isn’t my lifestyle. These are not my ethics. I’m not interested in catfighting, especially with women who think I’m somehow inferior to them. And even so, I’d never hurt another woman, in any way, over a man. It’s just not worth it.”
A spark of anger ran up my spine straight to my head. “Are you saying I’m not worth fighting for?”
“You’re twisting my words, Mihir.” She began walking away, then stopped and turned to me. “And you didn’t think I was worth defending either. I expected you to be enraged when she said those things about me, but you were just your cool, detached self. You smirked! That’s how much I mean to you.” She shook her head. “But then, I don’t know why I thought I would mean anything at all!”
I held her arm. “That’s what she wanted, to see me angry and bothered. I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of having hurt me. If you had stayed, you would’ve heard what I actually said to her. But you chose to walk away, because, apparently, I’m not worth the angst.”
She frowned. “That’s not what I said.”
“But that’s certainly what you thought. I didn’t expect you to confront her. I can fight my own battles. I just need you to stand by me, with me. I need you to trust me. Don’t you expect the same from me? But that’s what you always do, just walk away when shit starts getting real. I introduce you as my girlfriend, and you take the first opportunity to run away from me.”
She looked straight into my eyes, and her deep plum lips parted in shock.
“Maybe we should take a step back, Mihir. Sameer was right. We are really different people. This proves it. It was fun while it lasted, but this is messy and unwieldy for me. So maybe it’s for the best.”
I drew my brows in, deep with anger. “This is fucked up, Sona. This is unfair. You keep flinching, pushing me away, retreating at every step. Every time I think we’ve taken one step in the right direction, you turn and sprint in the opposite for four. I’ve accepted you with your flaws. Why can’t you deal with mine? I’m assertive and at times, aggressive. I’m not unkind, but I will stop at nothing to protect the people I care about. Right now, that includes you.”
She brought her hands to her waist. “ Flaws? Did you just say you accept me despite my flaws? Did you also make a list of my flaws like that jackass?”
I stood tall with indignation. “I didn’t say despite,” I said emphatically. “I said with . I want you to accept me with my flaws as I’ve accepted you with yours, like trying to run away from me the moment it starts to get real.”
My temper was already in flares after Anju’s nonsense, and now this shit was getting out of hand real fast. I knew Sona’s past held up red flags before her but I wanted her to pause and give us a moment to mull it over. Instead, she was already pulling up her guard again and running away from me.
She frowned. “And I’m so bloody grateful to you for accepting me!”
That was it. The lid was completely blown off.
“You’re deliberately missing the point, Sona,” I grumbled deeply. “And if this is yet another tactic to push me away, you win. I’m done trying to convince you. You want out? There you go, you’re free.”
I stormed away without waiting for her response. I had many virtues, but keeping a cool head in the face of anger wasn’t one of them. But anger wasn’t the only reason I was walking away from her.
One thing I’d learned about Sona was that I needed to give her space. I couldn’t force upon her the realization that she wanted me in her life. No amount of words, cajoling, or persuasion was bound to sway her decision. The closer I pulled her, the farther she would recoil. She would have to arrive at the conviction on her own accord that I wouldn’t forgo her like her asshole ex. Yes, she thought she was playing with fire, but I wanted her to recognize that this fire was committed to nurturing her, not burning her down to ashes.
And if she decided she wanted me, I needed her to voice it in precise words. I had to hear that she desired me to the same degree that I coveted her. She had to walk back into my arms of her own will.
I wanted her to fight for me, even if it meant fighting herself for it.