15. Truth And Exes
15
Truth And Exes
Haze isn’t the type to take long showers, but for some reason, this one seems to last forever—and by forever, I mean the “I swear this class started an hour ago but the clock says it was five seconds” kind. I draw in a breath when the water stops. The few minutes he spent in there felt like years, and I’ve never been more nervous to see someone walk out of a dang bathroom.
So many questions eat at me.
Why didn’t he tell me that he got in touch with his ex-girlfriend slash possible baby mama? When did that happen? How did he even find her? Is that where he went yesterday? To see her?
Is he cheating on me?
I mean , come on , we haven’t been dating for a whole twenty-four hours yet.
This one is not funny, Universe.
I know I need to confront him if we want this relationship to survive the day. It’s one thing that he might have a kid, but going behind my back to contact his first everything ? I don’t think I can take it.
I inhale when Haze turns the corner and walks into the room with nothing but sweatpants on. I watch the water slowly cascade down his pecs. Of course, he has to look like that when I’m about to go off on him.
What? Just because I’m mad doesn’t mean I’m blind.
I make sure to keep my eyes off his body. He smiles at the sight of me sitting on the bed in one of his many black T-shirts. I wasn’t comfortable sleeping naked last night, so he tossed it to me before we passed out. It goes without saying that it’s too big for me, which resulted in him constantly laughing and asking me how many villages I can fit in there .
The smile is slapped off his face when he lowers his eyes to my hand and sees what I’m holding: his phone.
Instantly, he understands.
He knows that I know.
“I was going to tell you,” he says.
I appreciate that he’s not playing dumb.
He walks toward me and sits on the edge of the bed, holding out his hand in my direction to get his phone back. I give it to him, and he reads the unanswered messages on his locked screen.
He completely ignores Bianca’s miserable attempts at getting his attention—like he’s wired to ignore her, like it comes naturally to him—and he scrolls down to the real problem.
“I swear I would’ve told you as soon as I saw her reply. Nothing was official. She hadn’t texted me back yet.” He unlocks his phone and pulls up the text conversation.
It’s true. He’s only sent her one message, and she’s just replied now. His message basically reads somewhere along the lines of “Vic gave me your new number. Said you live in the next town over now. We need to talk. I’d like it if we could meet tomorrow at such place and such time.”
I look up at Haze and ignore all the questions crushing me. He takes my hand. I don’t remove it, but I don’t welcome his touch either.
“So that’s where you were yesterday? You were with Vic?”
“Yeah.” He brushes my palm with his finger. “I just can’t live with the questions anymore. I asked him if he’d heard from her, and he said that she reached out to him a few months ago. He was the only one who knew that she was back. He didn’t want to tell me unless I brought it up.”
“He didn’t want to tell you that the possible mother of your child was back in town?” I arch an eyebrow. “What a good friend.”
“He is a good friend, Winter. He did it for me. I made him promise to never talk about it.”
He made his best friend promise not to bring up this painful period again. Makes me wonder how many other things his friends can’t bring up; how many wounds Haze Adams refuses to open.
“What does this mean?” is all I can bring myself to say.
I’m confident that he can see the doubt in my eyes, and the way he smiles sadly tells me that he can’t provide me with the comfort I need.
“I don’t know.” He sighs. “I’ll know tonight. I didn’t want her to tell me anything over the phone.”
I articulate what he truly meant. “You mean you didn’t want her to tell you that you have a kid over the phone.”
He rubs at the back of his neck, obviously as uncomfortable with the idea as I am. “Yes.”
The fact that this is even an option stirs up a bunch of unexpected emotions in me. Yesterday, it seemed like a distant memory and a problem destined to remain unresolved, but today, it’s here.
Today… it’s real.
“Listen, for all we know she had the abortion and she’s going to laugh at me for wondering all these years.” He squeezes my hand.
“Vic doesn’t know if she had the kid?”
“She didn’t say. She hadn’t talked to him in so long. I guess that’s not something you casually slide into small talk. He said that she was in a rush, too.”
Yeah… in a rush to ruin my life.
I curse myself for feeling this way about her. She doesn’t even know me, but I still feel threatened by her mere existence.
“What would you do if it turned out to be true?”
That scenario doesn’t seem to enchant him, but I know under his tough exterior, he has a big heart. And she’s the first girl it beat for. He’ll deny it, but that means something to him. He’s not fifteen anymore. He wouldn’t run… not this time.
“Well… I guess, I’d learn how to be a dad.”
This is real. My first boyfriend, the first person I fell in love with, might have a kid…
I tell myself that it all happened before me. That he had no idea that he’d meet me and that I shouldn’t feel this way, but the truth is, dating someone who has kids with someone else is something you usually experience when you’re older.
Not when your life’s just begun.
“I have to ask”—he looks down—“can you handle it?”
I’m at a loss for words when his eyes meet mine and he stares. Only one question comes to me.
Can I?
“Because… I get it if you can’t.” His voice weakens. “The last thing I want is for you to leave, believe me. But I’ll respect your choice if you do. That’s a lot I’d be asking from you.”
He’s giving me an out right here, right now…
An out that I can’t take unless I know whether or not I need to in the first place.
“How about you save that speech for when we find out the truth?” I muster a small smile and press my lips to the tip of his nose. His entire being seems to relax, his shoulders going from tight and firm to laid-back.
“What were you thinking?” he murmurs, letting me sparkle his face with light kisses.
“What do you mean?”
“I know you. A lot goes on in that stubborn head of yours. What were you thinking when you saw the message?”
“I don’t know. That, maybe… you were picking things up where you left off.”
He shakes his head like I’ve just told him unicorns exist. “You have to understand it’s not her I want to see.”
I know what he means by that.
When he goes there tonight, it’s not to meet her.
It’s to meet his potential child.
“I’m with you, Winter. I’m all in.” He reaches for my hand. “Don’t ever doubt that again.”
“Don’t text your ex-girlfriend behind my back and I won’t.” I give him a smirk that he returns.
“Noted.”
I open my mouth to answer, but the only sound breaking the silence is my empty stomach growling.
“Come on, we’ve got to get some food in you.” Haze smiles, gets off the bed, and pulls me to my feet.
I groan at the effort. It’s too early to move. We didn’t get nearly enough sleep last night. He hooks his arm around my waist and presses his lips to mine. I search for a morning breath but can’t find any.
“Did you brush your teeth yet?” I ask.
“No, why?” He looks a bit amused by my question.
“No reason.”
No big deal. Just one more thing to add to my “proof Haze Adams isn’t human” list.
When my stomach grumbles again, I give up on taking a shower before eating, and we decide to go down to the kitchen for breakfast. I shiver when my feet merge with the cold kitchen tiles. Haze motions to lead the way and—let’s pretend that we’re surprised—smacks my ass really hard when I step in front of him.
“Ouch,” I cry out.
Of course that’s the kind of boyfriend Haze would be.
“Had to. It was calling my name.” He puts his hands up, and I elbow him in the stomach. He pretends that it hurts, holding his stomach in “pain.”
“You’re even more annoying as my boyfriend. Who knew?” I roll my eyes.
He stops dead in his tracks.
He turns around and backs me up into a corner until the distance between us is nothing but a sheer memory.
“What?” I laugh.
“You just called me your boyfriend.” A small smile tugs at his lips
“So?”
“Say it again.” He leans forward.
This giggly look on his face…
I could get used to it.
“What? Boyfriend?”
He nods.
“Boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend. Hazie’s my boyfriend,” I repeat like an annoying child and he laughs.
“You’re damn right I am,” he says, a victorious expression covering his face as his mouth finds mine again. Hands start to wander, and kisses start to linger. Before I know it, he’s throwing me onto the couch and getting on top of me…
Looks like we’re not eating anytime soon.
The familiar sound of the bell hanging above Beck’s front door rings in our ears as we walk into the tiny yet crowded breakfast restaurant. This isn’t new. It’s almost always this packed, but for some reason, today’s worse than the last few times we were here.
After making out for like thirty minutes, we tried cooking but I burned everything I touched, so we opted for the lazy option.
The waitress—who we’ve seen so many times, I’m beginning to wonder if I should learn her name—greets us and displays the same reaction seeing Haze as she always does. Except that, this time, his undeniable sexiness isn’t the only thing she focuses on. This time, she sees something else…
Haze’s hand in mine.
She frowns, and I’m reminded of the little white lie I told her a few days ago.
Right. I told her he was gay.
She looks up at me, and I can feel her disapproving look piercing my skull. Completely unaware of the rather funny moment happening, Haze pulls me closer to kiss my cheek. I can hear her thoughts from here.
Yep, definitely not gay.
She clears her throat. “Table for two?”
Haze nods.
At around the same time, an older man wearing a badge that says “Manager” joins her and grabs something at the front desk.
“Don’t forget to tell them about the promotion, Rita,” he says and quickly disappears back to wherever he came from.
“Are you a couple?” Rita forces a smile.
Man, can this get more awkward?
Haze turns his head to look at me and smiles. “Yes.”
My heart sings in happiness.
She says something about our drinks and any extras being free, but I stop listening halfway. I find a hint of humor in the fact that this complete stranger somehow witnessed key moments of our relationship without even knowing it.
She leads us to our table, but what I see when I turn the corner freezes me in place.
Ryder.
Sitting at a table with a girl.
But seeing him isn’t even what sets me off. It’s what I hear him say to the tall and gorgeous girl that triggers me.
“You deserve so much better than him. He’s a jerk if he doesn’t see the great girl that’s right in front of him.”
No way.
The pained features the girl displayed vanish, and she gives him a faint smile.
“Listen, I’m in town visiting my grandparents, and I just happen to have two passes for the fair. Would you be interested in joining me?”
Oh, this is going to be good.
My hand abandons Haze’s, and he stops walking. He sees what I’m looking at and clenches his fists. He wants to go over there. I place a gentle hand on his chest to stop him.
“It’s fine. I’ve got this,” I say, and he nods faintly.
I take all the nonexistent courage I have and walk toward Ryder’s table. His new conquest sees me coming. He has no idea that I’m about to destroy his miserable attempt at picking up sad girls.
“Really?” I intentionally raise my voice to get the attention of the people around us. Heads quickly turn. “This is what you do to me? After everything that we’ve been through? You cheat on me. Is this all five years is worth to you?”
The seductive smirk is washed off his face.
“What about the baby?”
His jaw hangs, and a wave of gasps runs around the room.
Don’t laugh, don’t laugh, don’t laugh.
“She’s crazy. I only went out with her once, I swear,” he stutters, and I see Haze pressing his clenched fist to his mouth to stop himself from bursting out into laughter.
“Let me guess, he randomly sat with you, offered to buy you breakfast, then told you that he had two free passes to the fair? That’s how it all started for me, too. I did everything for you. Do you still have self-esteem issues? Is that why you’re doing this? I told you size does not matter.”
The second round of gasps hits us, and it hurts not to laugh. Every eye in the restaurant, without exception, is on us. The brunette’s face twitches in disgust, and she gets up, grabbing her glass of water and throwing its content in Ryder’s face. She walks away, rushing out of the restaurant while Ryder just sits there, soaked, with his mouth wide open. I smile widely and walk back to Haze, who can barely breathe as he howls with laughter. That’s when we see the owner, Rita’s father, speed walking toward us. Haze and I exchange glances.
We are so kicked out.
“You are no longer welcomed in here, and we will make sure not to serve you if you come back.” That’s what the very angry man spat before showing us the door. We were kind of bummed out because we were starving and Beck’s is a nice place, but we quickly rebounded—and upgraded, to be honest—by picking another restaurant.
I didn’t dare ask Haze if his father owned parts of the restaurant we chose, but the way the staff treated him answered my question.
Everybody in Colton Gate knows he’s the Adams kid. They probably think that he could ruin their business with just one bad comment to his father.
“When’s your date with Riley?” I play with the strings of my sweater and lean back into my seat.
“You know it’s not a date,” he corrects me.
“Yeah, yeah, what time?”
He glances at the clock on his car dashboard. “Four thirty.”
It’s almost time. Only fifteen more minutes. We’ve been driving around town with no direction for a few hours. We spent the afternoon singing along to random songs on the radio and discussing topics that are probably way too dark for such a beautiful day. The conversation went from “What’s your favorite holiday?” to “What’s the point of life?” and “What was the first guy who thought it’d be a good idea to drink what came out of a cow thinking?”
Overall, today’s been a very simple day.
But I can’t remember the last time I was this happy.
“So… Riley.” I try to look unbothered. “What’s she like? Let me guess, tall, thin, gorgeous?”
“Now, Kingston, I might be dumb sometimes, but I’m not that dumb. I’m not answering that.” He pretends to zip his lips and throw away the key.
I laugh. He’s right. This question has no right answer. I can’t believe that I even care about that stuff.
“Clever boy. Picked up on a few of my tricks, didn’t you?” I crinkle my nose.
“I’m starting to.” He grins and takes a left, pulling up next to a coffee shop. He parks the car and kills the engine.
“So this is it, huh?” I read the sign above the building.
“Yeah.”
I don’t reply, staring ahead at nothing in particular.
“What is it?” He seems worried.
“What?”
“Something’s clearly eating at you. Spill it.”
I shift in my seat. “It’s nothing.”
He arches an eyebrow.
“Fine. It’s just that you said you were going through a rough patch when you broke up with her. So, technically, you two didn’t break up because you didn’t love her anymo—”
“I love you.”
An idiotic grin spreads across my face.
“I know exactly where you’re going with this, and the answer is no, I don’t have feelings for her anymore. I’m head over heels in love with you, Winter Kingston. Are we clear?”
My mouth falls open, and I find myself gawking at him like he’s just told me I can eat whatever I want for the rest of my life without ever getting fat.
Again with the food comparisons.
I’m so glad the scared-of-commitment Haze is gone.
“Yes, I did have feelings for Riley. But in an ‘I’m a stupid teenager who only wants to play video games’ kind of way. We were so young. It seems like another life. And whatever I felt for her is not even close to what I feel for you.”
“Why’s that?” I’m just pushing it for him to keep telling me all these wonderful things at this point.
“I guess… I never really knew love until I knew you.”
I swoon.
“You know you’re going to have to pay a fine for that, right?”
“Pay a fine for what?” he asks.
“Stealing lines from whatever cheesy romantic comedy you got that from.”
He rolls his eyes.
“You are so good at ruining our moments, you know that?”
“You love me for it.” I kiss him. He welcomes my lips, per usual. In that moment, I want to forget about Riley. I want to forget that we might be doomed from the second he walks inside that coffee shop. I want to think about us and us only.
The perfect kiss ends a lot faster than I would’ve liked when we pull away for air.
It’s 4:25.
In a few minutes, my boyfriend has a date with his ex-girlfriend that he possibly has a child with.
In a few minutes, everything could change.
“It’s time.” He sighs.
“Okay. I’ll wait for you in the car.” I get my phone out of my pocket. “Great, my battery’s almost dead. I’m going to be bored out of my mind.”
“What?” He glowers. “You’re not staying in the car. Not a chance. You’re a part of my life; I’m not hiding you.”
I’m instantly touched that he would even consider bringing me in to witness such a personal moment.
“Haze, do you really think that she’ll be comfortable talking about the possible kid the two of you conceived in front of your new girlfriend, not to mention a complete stranger?”
He looks down, understanding my point, and nods. I don’t want him to go alone, but it wouldn’t be right if I tagged along for their reunion after years of questions.
I have to put myself in her shoes. He’s the one who contacted her wanting to know more about his child. If she really is a mother, she’s only doing this for her kid to have a father.
“You know what, there’s another coffee shop on the other side of the street.” He points to something. I turn my head to see the shop he’s talking about. Two coffee shops facing each other? These two are obviously competing with each other. “I’ll get a seat by the window. If you do, too, you’ll be able to see us.”
I laugh. “Are you suggesting that I stalk you?”
“Hell yes, if it’s the closest thing I’ll have to you being there.” I know he meant for it to be sweet, but it only makes the situation more real. He notices my frown and captures my hand into his.
“You know the first thing I do after this conversation is introduce you to her.”
Sure. Unless you look her in the eyes and fall in love all over again.
I smile unconvincingly, and we get out of the car. He enters the coffee shop while I cross the street to reach my creeping spot. I order a latte and sit by the bay window as discussed. He’s got the seat he wanted, too.
He makes silly faces at me, and my lips struggle to shape a somewhat believable smile.
Twenty-four girls walking into the shop and making me wonder if they’re Riley later, I’m beginning to think we dodged the bullet. It’s 4:50. Maybe she got scared and skipped town again. Maybe she’s not coming.
Then, I spot her on the sidewalk and I know…
This is Riley.
With my luck, the tanned dark-haired beauty that looks like she escaped from a Victoria’s Secret show just has to be Haze’s ex.
Her perfectly straight black hair falls down her back, and she’s wearing heels that I could never even dream of walking in without breaking both my legs. She doesn’t need the heels. She must be around five foot eight.
For a second, I dare hold on to the hope that the real regular-looking Riley is simply hidden by the giant model, but I’m quickly proved wrong when she pulls on the door and walks into the coffee shop.
I see her stop in front of Haze’s table, and my suspicions confirm themselves. She seems to expect him to get up and give her a hug of some sort, but he doesn’t move a muscle.
When she realizes that he’s not going to stand up, she awkwardly slides into the seat in front of him. They start talking and that’s when I realize that Haze’s plan has one big flaw: I can’t hear them. He should’ve given me a microphone.
I’m kidding.
No, I’m not.
After five minutes of what seems to be an incredibly serious conversation, Haze looks down and covers his face with his hands. He’s upset.
What did she tell him? It can’t be that he has a kid. Haze was prepared for the news. In some ways, he expected it. No, he’s way too upset. This is something else.
He just realized that he still loves her and now he’s wondering how he’s going to dump me.
Stop it, Winter .
She stops talking, apparently as sad as him, and places her hand on top of his. I really wish that he’d move away, but he doesn’t. All I can do is sit there and stalk—I mean, watch— while wondering what just happened.
The conversation seems to drift to lighter topics, and eventually, she gets a small smile out of him. He even laughs at some point. I can’t stand that I feel bothered by such stupid things.
They finish their coffees and both pay for themselves. Riley gets up and initiates a hug.
He hugs her back.
When he gets his phone out of his pocket and starts typing, I know what he’s about to do. Seconds later, I receive a text.
Haze : Come on over.
He’s going to introduce us.
I get up and walk out of the shop with a sharp fear in my chest. I cross the street and push the door leading to my own personal nightmare open. Haze’s face lights up when he sees me. He greets me by pulling me into his arms.
I don’t dare look up at her to see her reaction.
Does she hate me? I would hate me.
“Winter, this is Riley,” he says and takes my hand.
“Hi,” I say and glance at her.
She smiles. But she looks uncomfortable, disappointed. She even looks a bit sad. I almost feel bad for the girl. At least she doesn’t look like she hates me. That’s a start.
“Riley, this is Winter, my girlfriend,” Haze says just in case the giant hug he gave me wasn’t clear enough.
“Hi,” she almost whispers. It gets awkward a lot faster than I expected, and I’m thankful to hear her phone ring.
She peeks at the screen.
“I’m so sorry. I have to take this. It’s the babysitter.” She picks up and distances herself from us.
Only in that moment does it hit me.
Only then do I realize that this is real.
Haze has a kid.
From now on, she’s back into his life.
They’re back into his life.
He’ll see Riley frequently, probably trying to make up for the lost time with his child. It’ll never be just me and Haze in this relationship ever again. It’ll be me, Riley, Haze, and their kid.
Even if Haze and I do have a family someday, it won’t be his first time. We won’t get to experience that together.
And things will never be the same again after today…
We’ve been driving in silence for the past ten minutes. I’ve wanted to ask him a million questions from the very moment we left the coffee place but thought he could use a second. He’s still upset. I’ve been holding his hand in the hope of bringing him a tiny bit of comfort. So many options have been bugging me. Maybe she lost the baby.
But then, why did she say the babysitter was calling? I doubt that she had a kid with someone else after she skipped town.
“There were two of them,” he finally says when he pulls up into the driveway of the lake house.
I wait for him to carry on, my mind sticking to the word were.
“Twins. One of them died at birth.”
I hold my breath.
“I wasn’t there. Because I was too stupid to be responsible.” He clenches his jaw. “I wasn’t there when my sons needed me.”
Sons. Plural. That means he has a baby boy right now.
“Stop. You were so young, Haze. Do you realize how much of a big step having a child is? She ran away after she promised to get an abortion. How could you know that she didn’t?”
“I should’ve looked. I should’ve been there. I left them like a coward.” He kills the engine and turns to me. “My son’s two. His name’s Jacob, and he’s never had a dad.”
I don’t know how I feel about this, but it doesn’t matter. How I feel isn’t important. Haze is the priority right now. When we get out of the car and step inside the house, I give him a hug. He’s so tall I have to get on my tiptoes to wrap my arms around his shoulders.
“It wasn’t your fault, okay?”
He holds me tighter.
When we let go, I ask him the burning question.
“When are you going to meet him?”
“Two days.”
He proceeds to tell me all about his son like he’s memorized every single detail Riley’s shared with him. Apparently, the kid’s a genius for his age, his mother calls him Jake, and he’s terrified of Santa. We spend the rest of the night sitting on the couch and talking about everything but the one topic driving me crazy: What does this mean for us? I glance at the time on my phone and know that the day Haze meets his child will be here before we know it. And I’ll never say it to him…
But I’ve never been so afraid of the clock ticking.
I watch my boyfriend pace back and forth around the house and have no choice but to admit my attempts at calming him down are useless. He hasn’t stopped thinking about meeting his son since Riley told him about his existence. She just texted him that she’s on her way, and he can’t control his nerves.
I’ve never seen him like this.
“Haze, calm down. It’s going to be okay,” I say softly.
“What if he hates me?” He fidgets with his clothes, still walking around the house with no specific direction.
“He won’t. He’s a kid. He probably likes everyone. Plus, it’s impossible to hate you.”
I mentally laugh. I might not be able to hate him, but it’s very possible for other people to despise him. Ask the East side and they’ll write you a book about it. My heart sinks when my cousin and the boys creep inside my head. The way things ended was far from perfect. I haven’t contacted them once. Am I a terrible person for not wanting to deal with their judgment?
I know what Kendrick would do. I know what he would say. He’d call Haze every name in the book and try to convince me to leave him. My cousin has to know, somewhere deep down, that Haze would do anything to keep me safe. He can say what he wants, but Haze has proved that he cares about me many times in the past. He had to trust that wherever he took me, I’d be okay.
I find myself wondering if the guys found a new fighter to replace Blake, if Kendrick and Nicole are still dating, and I even wonder if Will is still a tactless jerk. Probably. No matter how afraid of their judgment I am, I have to admit: I miss the East side.
“He’d have every right to hate me. I abandoned him.” He sighs.
“Didn’t know of him—big difference,” I correct him.
“What do you think he looks like?”
“I’m sure he’s gorgeous. I mean, kid’s got good genes.” I picture the beauty that is Riley in my head. She couldn’t just be normal. She had to look heaven-sent.
“You’re right. It’ll be fine. So what if he doesn’t like me? We have forever to work on this relationship.”
His words echo in my brain.
This is forever.
Jacob will be here forever. So will Riley.
I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to wrap my head around that. He has a kid.
A kid!
A kid who’s coming to the house right now.
My thoughts are interrupted by the doorbell. This is it. Haze’s going to meet his son. I try my best to ignore the painful pit forming in my throat. I can’t be selfish. I won’t. Haze gets up and lays a shaky hand on the handle. He glances back at me one last time before opening the door. My jaw drops at the sight of the person standing on the other side.
“Missed me?” He smirks.
I can’t believe it.
“Kendrick?”