21. Back For You
21
Back For You
HAZE
I used to laugh at the dudes who left a girl a hundred voicemails. I could never wrap my mind around it. I remember calling Vic whipped once or twice during his falling-in-love-with-Bea days. The idea that I’d end up like one of these idiots never crossed my mind. It’s impossible , I thought. I don’t do love.
Now that I’m standing alone in a house that’s way too big for one person, staring at my phone like it’s a passion of mine and hoping that she’ll deign to return just one of the four voicemails I’ve left her, I have to admit…
I’m fucking whipped.
Yep, I’m one of these guys.
When did I become such a pussy?
I rub my eyes and collapse onto the bed where I used to hold her, the bed where I first felt her. I haven’t slept in twenty-four hours. I couldn’t sleep in my room because the sheets still smell like her. Scratch that, the entire fucking house smells like her, and it’s driving me mad.
I fidget with my phone impatiently. I don’t know what’s taking Riley so long. I called her a few hours ago and asked her to come alone. She said that she’d get a babysitter and be on her way. I hate to say it… but she did seem oddly happy to hear that Winter is gone. I don’t know if I’m just imagining things.
I don’t know anything anymore.
I sigh in relief when I hear the doorbell.
She’s here.
I glide downstairs and open the door. As soon as I see the girl standing on my porch, my stomach lurches with discomfort. She’s dressed up, wearing a short red dress that clings to her skin and a full face of makeup.
Riley smiles. “Hey.”
“Hey. Thanks for coming.” I step aside to let her in. My voice reflects my mood, but she doesn’t seem to notice my tone, the grin widening on her lips. I motion to go into the living room and shift when she sits a little too close to me for my liking. I feel like I owe it to Winter to move away; then I have to remind myself that she dumped me.
That I lost her.
“So… you dumped Willow?” she asks.
I bite back the harsh words wanting out of my mouth. She knows Winter’s name. She has to be doing that on purpose.
“Winter,” I correct her. “And no. I didn’t. She dumped me.”
My statement seems to shock her.
“She did?”
“Yeah, she can’t handle being the stepmom, and I get it, which is why I asked you to come over.”
Her eyes grow bigger.
“I need to ask you something.”
“Of course. Anything,” she says and lays a hand on top of mine. I know she might mean for the gesture to be supportive, but it only makes me uncomfortable.
I move my hand away and clear my throat.
“I want a paternity test.”
Her reaction is immediate.
Her face twitches in anger. “Excuse me?”
I’m taken aback by her response. It’s been years since I saw her. She can’t seriously tell me that the eventuality of such a request hasn’t crossed her mind.
“What? You don’t believe that Jake’s your son? How can you doubt your own flesh?”
“Riley… Honestly, it’s not him I doubt.”
If I thought she was angry before, I hadn’t seen anything yet.
“What’s that supposed to mean? That you don’t trust me?”
“I want to. I’ve known you my whole life, Rile. I want to believe that you’d never lie to me about something so important, but I can’t take any chances. What’s the problem? If Jacob’s my son, then you have nothing to worry about.”
“I…” She’s speechless at first. “Okay.”
I’m surprised.
“Really?”
“Sure.” Her lips agree, but her body language tells another story. She leans back into the couch, playing with the fabric of her dress.
“All right, let’s go right now then. I have an appointment,” I lie and get up. If she’s being dishonest but has somewhat of a soul, she’ll come clean before we get to the doctor’s office. This is the oldest trick in the book. She’ll feel the walls closing in on her and spill.
She hesitantly follows me to the door, dragging her feet and letting the anxiety in my stomach hit the roof. She’s reluctant. Bad sign.
No, no, no.
Don’t let it be true.
Don’t tell me I lost her for fucking nothing.
I walk to the door and get my keys out of my pocket. I reach for the doorknob and begin to tur—
“I just wanted him to have a father.” Her voice comes out in a whisper.
I freeze in place, the dreadful truth dawning on me, and turn around to see red, teary eyes staring back at me.
“What did you just say?”
She doesn’t repeat, lowering her gaze to her feet.
“Riley, what did you say?” I ask again.
She looks up at me and tears start pouring down her face
Shit, shit, shit.
This can’t be happening.
I did not just lose Winter over a lie.
“It meant nothing.” She chokes on the sobs.
The implications accompanying what she’s saying punch me in the gut. Inexplicable moments start to make sense. Questions start to find answers. All these nights when she was working late, she wasn’t working…
“You cheated on me?” I ask, but it still comes out as a fact.
“Baby, please. It was a mistake. You have to believe me. I regretted it as soon as it happened. I didn’t love h—”
“Wait. Hold on. Are you… trying to spare my feelings right now?” I cackle in anger. “Do you even hear yourself? That’s not what I’m mad about. I don’t give a shit that you cheated, Riley. I care that you lied about me being the father. How could you do this to me? To Jacob?” I can’t help but raise my voice at her, so furious I could destroy everything within my vicinity.
“As soon as I found out he wasn’t yours, I went to his father and he wanted nothing to do with him. He kicked me off his porch into the pouring rain, screaming that this wasn’t his problem. Then, when I told you, you didn’t want him either, and I… I freaked out. I didn’t know what to do, so I left. I thought I could start over until…”
“Until recently. When I texted you,” I finish. She nods, sobbing louder. “And you decided to pretend Jacob was my son again. How sick are you?”
“You don’t understand. I can’t do this anymore. It’s hard raising a child by myself. I don’t have the means.”
I know that by “means” she’s referring to cash.
“Money?” I spit in disgust. “You did this for a damn check?”
“Haze, baby, please.” She grips my clothes. “Okay, maybe in the beginning it was all I wanted, but then… then I saw you with that bitch and I remembered how amazing you are. I saw the way you looked at her and… I want that. I want you. I want what you guys had.”
I get away from her grasp, my brain unable to decide which abomination to focus on first.
Winter…
What have I done?
“Do you have any idea what you just did? What I just lost because of you and your fucking lies?” I spit.
“What? You mean her? She’s nothing. Anything she’s done to you, I’ll do better. I can be the one you need. I was the one you needed once.”
I don’t even hear a word she’s saying, the memories of her walking out the door haunting me.
“She was right.” I break with each word. “She was right, and I didn’t believe her. How could I not believe her?”
When Riley sees my semi breakdown, she doesn’t say anything and stares, her expensive mascara rolling all the way down to her neck.
“Get out.”
“What? Haze, please. You don’t mean that.”
“I said get the fuck out!” I have to shout to get her to listen.
When she realizes that her tears aren’t making a difference and the mess she’s made isn’t this easy to clean up, she finally walks out of the door. I don’t let a second pass me by and run upstairs. I don’t know what I’m going to do, how I’m going to do it, or when I’ll do it. I don’t know anything, but I don’t care. I know the most important thing of all.
I’m going to get her back.
Winter
“How many times am I going to have to say it? I’m sorry,” Kendrick begs, following me around the kitchen and doing what he does best which is annoying me until I wish I was deaf. We’re on day two of me ignoring him. It’s as apparent as the bags under my eyes that I’m not ready to talk to him, but he won’t take a hint. He keeps saying that I should be over it by now, which only makes me angrier.
I don’t know how exactly he expected me to react to the news that he’s the one who sent Ryder to Colton Gate to start shit between Haze and me. Yes, turns out Ryder doesn’t have family in Haze’s hometown. The only thing he had was a desperate need for his leader’s approval.
He claims that everything else he told me was true and apologized. I hate that I can’t even be mad at him. He was a pawn in Kendrick’s game. He just wanted to be accepted. Kendrick said he needed a way to test Ryder, their newbie who was dying to be in the East side main fighters’ close circle, whatever that means.
My cousin called it an initiation. He talked about needing to make sure he was trustworthy. I don’t care what he says to justify it. That was a lame move and he knows it.
Apparently, Kendrick and Ryder spent a long time in Colton Gate following us every time we went out and thinking of ways they could mess things up. While Kendrick and I were staying at the penthouse, Will and Alex recruited Ryder. Kendrick called them and sent his new puppet after us as soon as he woke up in Tom’s apartment and saw that I was gone. Kendrick arrived to town shortly after Ryder did. I have no idea how they tracked us down so quickly, and I was way too angry to ask. This explains Ryder randomly buying me a dress and offering me passes to the fair. But what this doesn’t explain is his recycling of the “fair passes” trick on another girl the next day.
My guess is… he’s just an asshole.
Kendrick tried to hide behind the fact that this was partly Maria’s request. She called and asked him to go watch over me even after our phone call because she couldn’t sleep not knowing if I was okay. What she didn’t know was… he was already in Colton Gate creeping on us. Maria or not, I’m still mad. He could’ve just made sure that I wasn’t dead like she asked instead of adding “let’s ruin Haze and Winter’s relationship” to his mission description. This is on him. He has to own it.
Alex walks into the room. “Still not talking to you?”
“She’s stubborn.” Kendrick rolls his eyes.
Alex’s been waiting around the house for twenty minutes now. He got here way too early. We’re all supposed to go to the movies together today, and I’m nowhere near ready.
But what I’m even less ready for is returning to this hell they call school tomorrow. Tanner agreeing to leave me alone unfortunately means going back to my regular life, which includes school. Kendrick said Tanner promised to make good use of his contacts all around the street fighting community to get people off my back. It’s time to start living again. I can’t spend the rest of my senior year in hiding.
Plus, Maria said that I have to prepare for the finals if I want to stand a chance at graduating. I feel like I’ve missed so much. At least, now that I’m single, I’ll have plenty of time to catch up with my online classes.
I put my cereal bowl away—that I couldn’t fill all the way because Will drank all the milk again—and walk out of the kitchen. I’m in desperate need of a shower and silence, which doesn’t exist in this house since Will’s been staying with us. It’s been a few days now. He said something about needing a break from some family drama. As the overly nice person that she is, Maria said yes. I think the guys are starting to grow on her.
I wince, thinking back to Haze alone in Colton Gate. I haven’t heard from him since I left town.
I mean, you did block his number. It must be pretty hard to contact you.
Inner Winter?
Yeah?
Shut up.
I can’t stop wondering what he’s doing. If he’s seen Riley again since I left. If she finally got what she wanted. I bet she was very pleased to find out that I was gone.
The bathroom next to the kitchen is occupied, so I try the one on the second floor. Just before I can turn the doorknob, voices flare on the other side. Two voices to be exact. I press my ear to the door.
Riley at the beach and now this.
Eavesdropping is my new thing, apparently.
I can barely discern a low voice saying, “I’ll talk to him. I promise. No more lying.”
I hear nothing for a while, then footsteps. I hide in my bedroom, which gives me a direct shot of the show, and peek through the partially closed door. Someone walks out into the hall.
Kass.
Who was she talking to? I swear I heard a guy’s voice. She looks around as if to make sure that nobody saw her, goes back into her bedroom, and closes the door. My doubts turn into facts when someone else walks out of the bathroom.
Will.
It hits me.
I remember running into him in the morning a day before the fight. He was leaving the house in a hurry and looked like he’d been caught red-handed.
I can’t believe I didn’t see this sooner.
He was probably sneaking out of the house after spending the night with Kass. Something’s going on between these two. They’ve totally been shacking up behind Kendrick’s back. This might also be why Kass has changed recently. She looks freer, less uptight. More Will. When it’s not me and Haze, it’s Kass and Will.
Oh, well. Kendrick is going to be pissed, but I ship it.
I lock myself in the bathroom and ignore the unwanted flashbacks of the rather heated moment Haze and I shared the morning before everything went to hell. Thinking that this will never happen again feels surreal… impossible.
After a quick shower, I dry myself, throw on a sweatshirt and leggings, and pull my brown hair into a messy bun that makes me look like a homeless man. My lack of sleep is showing. I need to fix whatever’s happening with my face. My eyes jump to my makeup bag on the counter, and I make the effort of opening it. Yes, effort . Any possible trace of confidence or motivation I had disappeared when I left Haze. I feel like there’s no point to even trying to look somewhat cute if he isn’t there to see it. He’s the only one whose eyes I want to catch.
“Canada! Hurry or we’re leaving without you. The movie’s starting in fifteen,” Will calls out, and I run downstairs.
“Should we tell her that she accidentally used Nesquik as foundation?” Will mocks a girl passing by when we step out of the movie theater. Ryder, Alex, and Kendrick cackle at the sight of the young girl who, indeed, is wearing a foundation way too dark for her skin tone. It’s okay, girl. We’ve all been there. Or at least, I have. I used to wear dark chocolate foundation and think I was fooling everyone.
The movie only increased my annoyance with anything that rhymes with love. It was supposed to be an action movie, but, of course, the main character fell for the hot girl who can kick ass and… there goes my mood for the rest of the day.
The guys don’t want to go home just yet, but Kass and I have had enough. Ever since I witnessed Will and my cousin sneaking around this morning, I’ve been noticing them sharing glances that are packed with desire from time to time. The tension is unmissable. How long has their secret love story been going on right under our noses?
The boys suggest that we go to the arcades next to the theater, but since Kass and I aren’t in the mood, we opt for the nearby coffee shop instead. Kendrick and Will decide to send Ryder on coffee duty while they burn the very little brain cells they have left playing video games.
I haven’t really said a word to Ryder since two days ago when he and Kendrick confessed to everything, but I have to admit he isn’t too bad. He’s still the nice guy I spent a day at the fair with. I just wish our entire relationship hadn’t started with a lie.
Just before we walk away, Kendrick receives a message. He checks his phone and turns to us.
“Party at Rose’s tonight,” Kendrick reads out loud.
“Who’s that?” I ask.
“Tanner’s ex. They’ve been on and off for like two years.” He shrugs and proceeds to reply to the text. “You up for it? I know I am.”
I’m not surprised by his willingness to go. Kass said that Kendrick’s been on the rebound since Nicole broke up with him. Everybody agrees to his unexpected plans except for me. Kendrick raises an eyebrow in my direction.
“Winter?”
“Will Tanner be there? I’m not trying to die tonight.”
Will laughs. “No, I think she dumped his ass for good a month ago. She’s seeing some other guy now.”
I hesitate at first but decide I have nothing better to do than cry about Haze tonight anyway.
Oh well, I’ll watch movies and stuff my face some other time.
“Count me in.”
They nod, satisfied with my decision. Kass, Ryder, and I cut across the street, and I push the glass door to the coffee place open. We enter the very modern shop that gives me Pinterest vibes and sit by the bay window. Ryder offers to order for all of us since the line is long. I promise to pay him back. As soon as Kass and I are alone, I drop the bomb.
“So… you and Will, huh?”
Her face grows pale, and she wiggles in her seat. “Me and Will what?”
“I saw you this morning.”
She bites on the inside of her cheek.
She knows she’s busted.
“Don’t tell Kendrick.”
“Why?” I ask. I’ve never known Kass to care about Kendrick’s opinions. I had the proof of that when she dated Blake.
“Will doesn’t want him to know.”
So, this is all him.
“How long?”
“A while.” She fidgets with her phone. “He promised that he’d talk to him, but he never does. I’m so sick of this.”
We’re interrupted by Ryder coming back to the table with way too many drinks. The guys have been treating him like their service boy. That’s the price to pay for being the newbie, I guess.
Kass says she has to go to the bathroom and leaves us alone. A blonde I noticed Ryder was chatting with while waiting in line comes up to him and drops a Post-it on the table. It has her number on it. Ryder cracks an uncomfortable smile as she walks away. I laugh at his expression.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. She’s just… not really my type.”
She’s absolutely gorgeous. The guy must be blind.
“And what exactly is your type, Mr. High Standards?” I take a sip of coffee.
“I don’t know. I have a very specific type, and she’s just not it, I guess. I prefer brunettes.” His voice is full of suggestion.
Is he talking about me? I don’t have the energy to overthink it. I wasn’t into him then, and I’m not into him now.
“Hey, listen. There’s something I need to tell you.” He glances at the bathroom like he’s afraid Kass will come bursting through the door any second. I don’t reply, sinking in my seat. “I’m sorry… for the way it all started. I know you must think I’m a jerk. Truth is, that day at the restaurant, me pulling the same trick on another girl was a dare. Kendrick and I were bored out of our minds, and he challenged me to try and see if it could work again. It was wrong of me, and I felt guilty as soon as it happened. I just want you to know that.” His dark eyes seem sincere.
Ryder’s a really attractive guy. To most girls, at least. Like I said, I’d probably be into him if things were different. I know he’s probably close to Haze in the looks department but not in my heart, he isn’t. I begin articulating a reply, but I’m interrupted by an unexpected text message popping up on my screen. I furrow my eyebrows. Apart from Kass, Maria, and Allie, I don’t have lots of people to text.
This is the part where I wonder where to buy myself a life.
I pick my phone up, and worry devours me. It’s from an unknown number. I’ve never been the luckiest with unknown numbers, that’s for sure.
Unknown: This prick again? I thought you had better taste, Kingston.
My heart stops. I glance around the coffee shop nervously.
There’s no way.
No way that he’s here.
I would’ve seen him. You don’t just miss Haze Adams.
Ryder asks me what’s wrong, but his words are wiped out by my heart pulsing in my brain. My eyes refuse to stop searching for his face.
He’s here.
He has to be.
That’s when I see him.
Walking inside the coffee shop with a smug face and wandering eyes. Just like that, I lose track of, well, everything. Heads begin to turn. I hear one of the girls—who I recognized from school—at the table behind us whisper, “Is that Haze Adams?” and her friend snorting, “Yes, I heard he got back yesterday. I wonder why. No one’s seen him in a while.”
He raises his eyebrows at the sight of me and smiles. It’s that easy. With just one look, all the lies I’ve been feeding myself since I left Colton Gate crumble to pieces. They’re right.
The notorious bad boy is back in town.
But what they don’t know is…
He’s back for me.