12. Before The Storm
12
Before The Storm
WINTER
FOUR MONTHS LATER
“Haze, wait, don’t go.” My footsteps echo in the empty apartment we used to call home . Everywhere I look is a reminder of how bad we screwed this up. A reminder that, in the end, our best shot still wasn’t good enough.
“I can’t. I… We’re a lost cause, Winter. It’s best if I just go.” His hand lies on the doorknob.
“But why? What happened? What changed?” I can barely see him through the tears. “We were so happy.”
He stops, his back facing me. He stands still for a quarter of a second, until, finally, he ushers himself back to me. “Were we?” He cups my face and wipes a rolling tear off my cheek with his thumb. “Or were you?”
What?
“Deep down, you know something’s wrong, don’t you? You’ve known for a while now.”
“No, I haven’t. I don’t… I—”
“Yes, you do. You just refuse to see it.”
“See what?”
“The truth.”
“What truth?” I hold on to him for dear life. In every way that I can—his clothes, his arms, nothing is off-limits. He reaches for the handle again. I’m sobbing at this point. “Haze, please.”
“I have to go.” He opens the door.
“Why?” Desperation eats me whole.
This time, he’s the reaching one out for me. He grabs my shoulders and shakes them, hard, as if to knock some sense into me.
“Winter, wake up!”
My eyes jolt open. I can’t breathe. I can’t think. Where am I? Doesn’t matter. I have to find Haze. I have to understand.
“I said wake up, you lazy head,” a high-pitched voice says, and I slowly come back to my senses. Maika’s face is the first thing I see. I sit up straight, rubbing my eyes and taking in my surroundings. I’m on the couch. In my parents’ living room.
Relief pours over me.
It was a dream.
Just a stupid, meaningless dream.
Why am I here again? Shit, that’s right. I’m babysitting. Or at least, Iwas.I’m assuming falling asleep on the job terminated my shift.
“And they say I’m the one who needs to nap.” Maika teases.
“How long have I been asleep? Did you—”
“She didn’t set the house on fire if that’s what you’re wondering.” I recognize Jaden’s voice. My eyes dart across the room to my brother. He’s looking at me with a mocking grin, sitting in my dad’s leather armchair. “You’re lucky I showed up when you fell asleep.”
“Thank God.” I exhale. I would’ve felt awful if I’d left Maika unattended. I study the couch, which is covered in opened notebooks, and beat myself up. I had one job. One job and I couldn’t do it properly. School’s been so demanding recently, I thought I could catch up on some of my assignments while Mai watched a movie. I must’ve closed my eyes for a few seconds, if that, and I was gone.
There’s a knock on the front door.
“Hazie’s here,” Mai squeals like an overexcited fangirl, and I rejoice in energy at the sound of Haze’s name, or should I say , Hazie. She heard me call him Hazie once, and from that moment forward, everything was lost. Haze shall be called Hazie for the rest of his life whether he likes it or not.
An unpleasant feeling throbs in my chest, the dream I just had leaving a bad taste in my mouth. What was that all about?
“Come in,” I call, and the door opens. Haze walks into the room with that breathtaking smile of his a few seconds later. He frowns at the sight of me.
“Did you just wake up?”
“No.” I try fixing my messed-up hair.
Jaden snorts. “Did you want fries with that lie?”
Haze grins. “Sleeping on the job, huh? I thought the kid was supposed to nap.”
“Hey! I just said that,” Maika giggles, running into Haze’s arms—the way she’s been doing every Wednesday night for close to four months now.
“No way. Fist bump!” Haze picks her up, and my sister obliges, more than happy to partake in the cutest fist bump I’ve seen in my life. He gives her a spin that turns up her laughter and puts her down. Seeing this guy interact with kids will never, and I mean never, stop being the most adorable thing in the world to me.
When Haze’s eyes land on me, I know it’s my turn.
“Hey, babe.” I walk over to him and peck his mouth. Annoyed, he doesn’t say a word, pulling my chin forward for more. His lips brush against mine, awakening butterflies I didn’t even know resided in my stomach.
“ Eww .” Maika covers her eyes but still ends up watching through her fingers. I laugh. She’s curious, I get it. I remember being little and wondering what it would be like.
Jaden gets up to greet Haze. “What are you doing here? Winter said you were working tonight.”
“Hey, man.” Haze and Jaden bro hug like they’ve known each other their whole lives. “Yeah, they let me off early.”
That awkward moment when your brother loves your boyfriend more than he loves you.
Haze and Jaden’s relationship sure changed during the past four months. Especially considering the way it started. Jay didn’t like Haze—he made that very clear when he brought up my fight with Caleb within five minutes of meeting him.
God, it all seems so far away now.
After much consideration, I decided to see this journalism thing through. I’m in my second semester now, and even if I’m not one hundred percent sure I can see myself in this field in the long run, I’m giving it another chance. I have four classes a week and spend the majority of my off days wondering how the students who have more classes than me find time to breathe. I picked up an online job as an English tutor. It doesn’t pay much, but at least I’m making something.
Kendrick decided to extend his vacation and stay in Canada. Even though his mother was born here, he didn’t get the dual citizenship at birth—doesn’t work like that. He’s our “kind of official but not really” roommate now. Since Kendrick and Haze got into the country as visitors, they will both have to go back to the US after six months, which means, two months from now, we’ll be saying goodbye. Just for a short while, but still. There’s a small chance they’ll be denied entrance to Canada at the border when trying to get back in, which sucks, but we should’ve known leaving their entire lives behind on a whim would come with consequences.
Kendrick’s decision to stay didn’t come as a surprise to me. Or to anyone. He didn’t tell us much, just that he didn’t miss the drama back home and loved his new life here. We all know what he really means is: he loves Allison Gardner. Plain and simple.
I had my doubts about these two at first, but after one insufferable summer of them denying their feelings and chasing each other, they finally made it official. Kendrick spent the summer living on the rather large sum of money he had left from the fights, but he drained all of his savings paying his half of our ridiculous rent. When he got into school, Maria sent him the money she saved up for his studies. He also got himself a construction job that pays in cash—it’s a bit shady but it’s something—since he can’t get a regular one as he’s American. Long gone are the street fights days, and I believe this move to be the best thing that’s ever happened to him—except for Allie, of course.
As for Haze, he’s still living on his “my rich parents didn’t know how to give me love, so they gave me dollar bills” money, but he got a side job to keep himself occupied since I’m rarely home due to my hectic schedule. I came to find out that Bea, Haze’s best friend’s girlfriend, got Canadian citizenship and, more recently, a scholarship to the University of Toronto. It motivated her to move away from Colton Gate. Vic agreed to come with her and get a student visa to enroll in school. Since a bit of Bea’s family lives here, they know people, which allowed Vic to get himself and Haze hired at some auto-repair shop. Same as Kendrick, these two are not allowed to work in Canada, which is why they’re paid in cash.
Haze still has to get his residency to stay in Toronto long-term. He’s not aiming to become a citizen for now, just a permanent resident. Heaven knows the process can take forever, especially for Haze, who, thanks to his bank account, falls under the entrepreneur category. A lot of money means a lot of questions: Do you plan on investing here? What are you going to do with that money? It goes on and on. Immigrating to Canada is a killer headache, that’s for sure.
We haven’t heard from Will much since the day he packed his bags and left. We know he’s still alive from Alex, who’s now seeing Morgan, Kass’s best friend, I think. Speaking of Kass, last I heard she was kicking butts in law school. We still text, just not as much as we used to. I miss her, but she seems to be doing well. She told me she moved out of Maria’s house and into a dorm with her friend Ethan.
Sometimes, I wonder what happened between her and Will. Did they get back together? Did Will go home to her that day he left? All I know is Will and Kendrick don’t talk anymore. It’s sad. These two used to be like brothers.
“You got time for one game?” Jaden asks Haze, throwing himself on the couch and turning the TV on.
Oh hell no.
“Nope. Not losing him for another five hours,” I cut in.
“You heard her.” Haze circles my waist with one arm and pulls me to his side. Last time they played “one game,” I had such a hard time getting Haze to leave, I asked myself if I still had a boyfriend. Almost signed up to Tinder for a second there.
I had no idea when I agreed to babysit Maika every Wednesday when my parents go on a date that Haze would tag along almost every time. He first started playing video games with my brother, then it was basketball in the backyard, and, just like that, the Haze and Jaden bromance was born. I think we all know the day Haze beat Jay at video games is the day my moody little brother started respecting him.
Haze pretty much has my entire family wrapped around his finger at this point. All except my mom, of course. She’s still a monster in human form, but my dad likes him, and that’s a big deal. Keep in mind we’re talking about the man who once asked my fourteen-year-old date, “Do you have any intention of touching my daughter tonight?” then gave us a ride to the theater and watched the movie with us.
“Just one game,” Jay begs.
“Not tonight. Mom and Dad will be here soon. It’s 8:00.”
“Mom said they’re coming back at 8:30,” he says.
“If mom says 8:30, she means 8:15, you know that.”
Jay sighs and starts a game by himself. I watch Maika lose interest in our conversation and stroll off to play with yet another headless Barbie. One day, I’ll find out what she does with them, I swear it on my life.
Haze yawns his jaw off next to me. I have no idea what they’ve got him doing at the shop, but he always comes home physically and emotionally drained. He’s also never there when I wake up, and some nights, he only shows up when I’m already asleep.
“Long day?” I reach for his hand.
“You have no idea,” he groans. I plop down on the couch next to Jay, and Haze follows. He hooks his left arm around my neck and kisses my temple. Maika’s eyes widen from across the room, and she makes her way to us.
“What’s that?”
“What’s what?” Haze asks.
“That.” Maika points at something. The sleeve of tattoos on Haze’s arm.
He smiles. “These are tattoos.”
“What’s a tattoo?”
Haze gives her a quick summary.
“Did it hurt?” She blinks at him.
“Yeah, at first.”
“Did you cry?” She climbs on top of Jaden without a care in the world. Where most people see a teenager,my sister sees a seat.
Jay protests for a second but quickly gives up, tilting his head to the left to see the screen as he plays.
“Nah, I put my big-boy pants on,” Haze grins.
Her beady eyes grow even bigger as if she can’t imagine getting one of those without crying a river.
“Do you have one?” She turns to me.
“Me?” I laugh. “No, I’m too much of a chicken. Plus, Mom would probably never speak to me again.”
“Does that mean you want one?” Haze asks.
“Yeah. I’ve always wanted one. I just never had the guts. Maybe one day.”
“Why not now?” Maika urges.
“I don’t know. I guess I’m waiting for the right moment.”
Jay blesses us with his feedback. “Not to mention that you’re poor.”
I swat his arm. “Shut up.”
The front door opening stops our bickering. My parents are home. I glance at my phone . 8:15 sharp. I get up from the couch and hold out my hand to Haze, who doesn’t react. He whines when I pull on his arm, forcing him to get his ass off the couch. We’re both exhausted. As we head for the kitchen, Maika pushes past us, her energy uncontainable. Putting her to bed is going to be fun.
“Hey, guys,” my dad greets us. “How was the studying, pumpkin?” My mom doesn’t spare us a look, walking past us and straight into the kitchen. Well, hello to you, too, sunshine.
“Dad, I dressed up as a pumpkin for Halloween once. Once. You need to let it go.” I’ll never admit it, but I got used to the nickname. Wouldn’t trade it for the world.
“Sorry, you’re going to be my pumpkin for the rest of your life. Deal with it.”
I chuckle.
“I’m still waiting to see those pictures, by the way,” Haze reminds him.
“Come on over anytime you’d like, son.” My dad pats him on the back. Images of Haze and my dad bonding over pictures of me on the potty flash in my mind.
“You will never see these pictures as long as I’m alive, thank you very much,” I snap, and Haze laughs.
“Okay. Fine. What about high school pictures?”
“In your dreams, Adams.”
Jay walks into the room. “Wait, has he never seen you with braces? What a shame.”
“Wait, you had braces?” Haze asks.
“Okay. That’s enough. We’re leaving now.” I drag Haze to the door.
“No, stay! We have pictures of Winter wearing the same princess costume for ten days in a row,” Jay mocks.
“I was five. Give me a break.”
“Mom, Mom! Can I get a tattoo?” Maika chimes in.
My mother’s mouth falls open.
She glares at Haze. “Now, who put that idea inside your head?”
A smile tugs at the corner of his lips. “It’s probably me, I’m sorry.”
“You know what? Maybe bringing your boyfriend on Wednesdays isn’t such a good idea after all,” she says, picking Maika up into her arms and storming out. Thankfully, we’re so used to her unpleasant behavior, it barely affects us.
“She doesn’t mean that. You know you’re always welcome here.” My dad apologizes on her behalf, per usual. Haze nods, and I hug my Dad again, then my very uncomfortable-with-human-touch little brother. We say our goodbyes and depart from my parents’ driveway a minute later. Haze turns up the radio, resting a hand on my thigh.
“How was your day?” I intertwine our fingers.
He shifts in his seat and offers me a small smile. “It was fine.” That’s what he always says. No details, no anecdotes on his job—he stops at fine. “How was yours?” He brings our linked hands to his lips, pressing a kiss to my fingers.
“Oh, you know. Same old. Went to school, babysat, fell asleep on the job, and somehow convinced my five-year-old sister to get a tattoo.”
He laughs. “Your mom is never going to forgive me for that one, is she?”
“I wouldn’t get my hopes up. She still hasn’t forgiven me for being born.”
We laugh. Then Haze stops.
“Shit. Do you realize how dark that was?”
“Wow, you’re right.”
A few seconds of silence.
We start laughing again.
Ten minutes into the drive home, I ask him, “So, have you thought about it?’” I make my best puppy eyes at him. Key word: puppy.
A smile stretches his mouth. “Stop looking at me like that. We’re not getting a dog.”
“But… But… why?” I pout. “It’d be so cute. And the landlord’s fine with it. Plus, it gets lonely at home when you work late. Kendrick’s always at Allie’s. Please, please, please.”
“No.” He shakes his head. “It’s too much work. You have to walk it at least once a day. Then there’s the barking. We’re not getting a dog, Winter. Let it go.”
“Then how about a cat? You don’t have to walk it. It’s relatively low-maintenance. Please .”
“You know what’s not low-maintenance?” He shoots me a look at a stop sign.
“What?”
“You.”
“Ouch.” I bring a hand to my heart and dramatically wipe away nonexistent tears from my eyes. Haze scoffs. “Please, I’ll do anything,” I say as he pulls up into our apartment parking spot. He kills the engine, but we don’t get out right away.
“Anything?”
“Anything.” I smack my palms together and beg.
He doesn’t move, chewing on his lip as though he’s actually considering it.
“Nah.”
Oh my God.
“I hate you.” I climb out of the car and rush to the entrance. Haze catches up to me, leaning in to kiss my cheek. I try to dodge his lips, fake-mad at him, but he gets me anyway. We walk inside, teasing each other, wrestling in the elevator, and finally making out against our front door for five minutes.
The last four months have been a dream. The transition from dating him to living with him was surprisingly easy. Dangerously easy. He practically became an extension of my arm. Sure, we annoy each other. We get into silly arguments like this one—arguments that usually end in intense makeup sex—but overall, it’s been perfect. We’ve been happy: no fights, no problems, no street fighters or crazy brother, just genuine happiness.
Still, it feels like I’m waiting for hell to come pouring down on us. For something to go wrong and blow my heart into a billion pieces. And that dream? The one where I cried my eyes out and begged him to stay? It’s not helping my nerves.
I love him. More than I thought possible.
And that’s exactly what scares me.
Because when the sun’s been shining for too long, a storm is waiting around the corner.
“Holy shit. Guys, wake up. You need to see this!”
You know how in the morning you have that moment of complete oblivion? That very short instance of peace. That little while when you don’t remember a thing? Then, progressively, the memories wash over you, and piece by piece, your problems come crawling back into your brain. That’s what happening to me right now. And my problem is…
I still live with my pain in the ass of a cousin.
“Guys, you need to see this! Come on,” Kendrick calls from the living room, and his footsteps rush down the hall. A loud knock on our bedroom door makes me jump. I open my eyes with a wince and reach for my phone on the nightstand.
8:05 a.m.
Really? He has nothing better to do at 8:05?
“Get your ass in here.” Kendrick hurries back to the kitchen. I glance at Haze, whose head is buried under not one but two pillows to muffle Kendrick’s voice. His hard, defined back is all I can see from this angle. And his arms . God, he’s hot. Eagerness slices through me. Our schedules didn’t align last week. He came home when I was sleeping almost every night. It must’ve been a week and a half since we’ve had some action.
His exposed muscles call out my name, and I’m happy to answer. Sadly, I’m reminded that I didn’t wake up at 8:05 to check out my boyfriend when Kendrick yells, “ Guys! Come on! ”
Haze rolls onto his back, his eyes still semi closed, and says in a raspy voice, “Dear Winter, I’m sorry I killed your cousin. It’s not my fault he was the most annoying person in the world.”
A chuckle leaves me.
“ Guysssss !”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Haze hisses, then raises his voice. “We’re coming.” We painfully drag ourselves out of bed, sharing each other’s frustration. I’m off today, and Haze only works this afternoon. We had plans to sleep in. As soon as we open the door, the sun pulverizes our eyesight. We both wince, blocking the light out with our hands as we march down the hall and into the living room. That’s when I see it.
The first snow.
Slowly falling on the other side of our window, a soft snow covers the city, not giving a damn that it’s not even November yet. I laugh at Kendrick’s hanging jaw.
Seeing snow for the first time will do that you.
Every year, I can’t wait for the snow to melt. But then, every year, I also get excited for the first snow to come. It’s a never-ending cycle. Approaching the window until his nose is merely inches away from the glass, Haze joins Kendrick in his staring session.
“It’s beautiful,” Kendrick states. “I don’t know why you guys complain all the time.”
“Ah. Just wait until you step outside. Shovel for three hours straight to get into your car, and then maybe we can talk. Canada, come for the culture. Stay because your car won’t start .”
Haze and Kendrick snicker, unable to take their eyes off Mother’s Nature show.
“Don’t get too excited. The first snow never stays. Most of it will be gone by the end of the day,” I point out and Haze’s smile transitions into a frown at my statement.
“Aw, don’t worry. Soon, it’ll be here to stay, then you’ll realize what a huge mistake you made and run back to Florida.”
“Don’t hold your breath.” He opens his arm for me, and I move toward his bare chest. He didn’t bother to put on a shirt yet. His skin is burning hot—no surprise there—but I still find myself sighing in relief at the sensation.
Once the guys are done fangirling, we all eat breakfast. Haze is more than happy that, once we’ve brushed our teeth, I’m willing to kiss him.
“What do you want to do before work?” I stalk to him in the kitchen. I’m hoping I can convince him to visit an animal shelter. He pulls me into his arms and cups my ass through my pajamas.
“I have some ideas.” He leans forward.
Kendrick gags next to us.
Haze and Kendrick exchange glances, and I can tell from the way Kendrick rolls his eyes that they did it again. Recently, all they have to do is look at each other to communicate. Don’t ask me how—I don’t get it either. Usually, their eye conversations concern Kendrick going out for a little while so we can have some alone time.
I’ll probably never get used to how close these two got during the past few months. Haze might call Kendrick annoying, but we all know they kind of like each other now.
“Nope. Not happening. I wasn’t home last night. You should’ve done it then. Gee.” Kendrick throws himself on the couch.
Haze doesn’t budge.
“I said no. I’m staying. Deal with it, you filthy animals.”
“I’ll give you twenty bucks,” Haze says.
Kendrick arches an eyebrow. “Forty.”
“Done.”
My cousin keeps trying. “Fifty?”
“Don’t push it.”
“Forty-five?”
“Forty. Final offer,” Haze says.
Kendrick caves. “How long?”
Haze grips my hips, turning his full attention over to me. “I’ll text you.”
“Can you hurry up? I have shit to do today,” Kendrick hisses.
“No promises.” Haze jerks my body forward, not giving a single fuck that we have an audience, and my breath jumps. The way he’s looking at me… like he’s imagining exactly what he’s going to do me and how… Jesus, I need a minute.
“Use protection, kids” is the last thing Kendrick says before he shuts the front door. A smile lifts the corner of Haze’s lips, and he swirls me up into his arms. He carries me to the bedroom, kicks the already halfway door open, and lays me down on the mattress, no questions asked.
His body sinks into mine and demands for more of me. I give it to him, parting my legs until his knees find the sweet spot between my thighs. I’m wearing a T-shirt, silk shorts, no underwear, and this mind-spinning lust like a bodysuit. Everywhere he touches me, my skin cries out with shivers. He pushes my head forward, takes my lips prisoner, and I want him so bad I let myself have him. I grab the already solid budge in his sweats, and he groans inside my mouth. I trace him, tease him, squeeze him. But only for a second.
Because a stroke of genius hits me the next.
I free him, lifting my hands to his chest and pushing him back. His breathing is clogged with need when his eyes sway across my face.
“Can we get a dog?”
Horny, shocked, confused, he’s many things, but the main one is irritated.
He frowns. “What?”
“Can we get a dog?”
“Are you… seriously doing this right now?”
I tug at the waistband of his sweatpants, a painful reminder of what I was just doing to him, and he sucks in a breath. “Just say yes and it’s back to fireworks.”
“I can’t believe it. You’re using sex to blackmail me into getting a dog?” He’s scandalized.
I give him a big wide smile.
“That I am.” I push him off me.
His lips part.
“What are you saying? No sex until we get a dog?”
The look on his face.
“No sex. No kissing. Nothing.” I stride out of the room. Haze’s footsteps closely match mine.
“Please tell me this is a joke.” He pins me against the bathroom door before I can open it. Slamming both his hands on each side of my head, he keeps me drilled into place. He’s still hard as a rock, aching for my touch.
“Do I look like I’m kidding?” I slip from his reach through the void under his arm. I’ve never, in my entire life, walked into the bathroom and locked the door so fast.
“Fucking hell, Winter. I hate you so much right now.” He tries the knob a few times and pounds on the door.
“I love you, too.” I start the shower.
“Don’t play this game with me. I promise you’re going to lose, and defeat is going to hurt,” he warns.
“How about this? First one to touch the other loses. If it’s you, we get a dog. If it’s me, you’ll never have to hear the word dog again. Now if you’ll excuse me. I have a shower to take.”
“Just open the door. I swear to God—”
“What was that? I can’t hear you.” I slide my shorts to my feet and enter the shower’s hot steam. He doesn’t answer for a while. Then, finally, just before he walks off, he says words even hotter than my shower.
“Game on.”