Chapter 3 #2
I may be retired, but based on the wide eyes and flushed cheeks, I still had it.
I tossed the hammer in the air and caught it, a move that made them giggle.
If I flexed a few muscles for their viewing enjoyment, that was only natural, right?
A couple of the slats went up easily, and I looked up again to see them still at the window watching my every move.
So I straddled the fence like a fuckin’ rodeo cowboy and then bent over to hammer in the next slat, giving them a nice view of my ass.
Their responding shrieks made me chuckle.
I was hammering in the last of the slats, my back to the Fletchers’ house when footsteps interrupted my show.
Ah, the women had decided to come a little closer.
I guess if retirement failed me, I could always look into being part of a male review in Las Vegas.
Checking the last slat was secure, I stood up and turned around, right as a woman’s voice sliced through the air.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
My brain screeched to a halt. Not because there was only one woman instead of a whole gang, but because this was the only woman in Blueball that could steal the flirty words right out of my mouth.
Shae Fletcher stood before me.
Hands on ample hips, auburn hair up in a messy bun, black glasses jammed onto the top of her head, breasts swaying freely under a sweatshirt with a stain on the front, and sweatpants that had seen better days at least a decade ago.
She was barefoot, pretty pink toenails looking out of place in the dirt.
“I was, uh, fixing the fence?” Yeah, it came out a question, as if I didn’t know what the hell I was doing outside even with a hammer in my damn hands.
A single eyebrow went up her forehead and a thousand memories of Shae came flooding back. She folded her arms under her breasts, which only made my gaze drop to check her out again.
“You need to be shirtless to fix a fence? Stick your ass out for my friends? Really?”
That got a bark of laughter out of me. Fuck, she was hotter than I remembered, all stuffy and homely, even as she gave me shit. She’d always had an air about her, like she was better than me just because she was basically a genius and I was just a dumb jock.
“Calm down, wiz. I wasn’t going to strip anything else off for your friends.”
Her jaw went tight, her lips puckering up like a constipated asshole. “My name’s not wiz.”
That made me grin harder. I always called her wiz, mostly because she was a wiz, you now, like, crazy smart. But also because when she was younger, she used the phrase “oh, Cheez Whiz” to keep from cursing, something her parents would have killed her for. Shae was the ultimate nerd girl.
“My apologies.” I gave her a mock bow. “I’ve been gone for a few years, so I haven’t kept up with the small-town nicknames.”
Her eyes narrowed, hearing the insult I intended with my words. “What are you doing here? Back to living with your mommy?”
I clutched my chest. “Oh, wiz. You wound me.” Then I looked back at her house, her friends still clustered around the window. “I could ask you the same thing. Still living with Mommy and Daddy?”
Shae’s expression went stone cold. Clearly, I’d hit a nerve. Ah, I got it now. She hadn’t moved away like she always planned. She’d stayed right here in Blueball and lived a sad little life, jealous of the guy next door who traveled all over the world.
I opened my mouth, feeling like I should take pity on her, but got cut off by the bleat of an animal.
My head whipped to the side, just in time to see that fucking non-blinking goat lower his head and ram his rock-hard skull right into my thigh.
I howled in pain and shoved him away from me.
He stood his ground and raised his head to stare at me.
“Oh, no. Not getting tricked into doing that again,” I told him, rubbing my thigh and hoping he didn’t break anything.
Shae’s snicker had me breaking eye contact and glaring in her general direction.
I didn’t dare give the goat my back, in fear of another ramming.
A slightly smaller goat trotted over and now I was officially scared.
I could probably fend off one, but fight off two ?
Not even twenty years in the big leagues could prepare me for a tag-teaming goat gang.
Except this goat didn’t give me the staredown.
It just came over and rubbed itself against my leg like a giant cat.
The mean one lurched toward me like it was going for round two and I shouted obscenities in its face.
It backed off, but I also took a step back.
Sadly, the other goat was right behind me, still rubbing my legs.
I stumbled over it and had to put a hand down on the ground to keep my balance. Shae’s laughter had turned maniacal.
“What the fuck, Shae? Help a guy out!” I barked, trying to fend off the friendly goat and not succeeding when it plopped itself on me, pushing me to the ground. “I’m getting love bombed by a goat here.”
I tried pushing the goat away from me, but it didn’t budge from my lap.
Looking up, I saw Shae doubled over in laughter.
Then an ominous honk came from behind me.
The honk was followed up by at least a dozen more honks.
My eyes went wide and I watched as Shae straightened up, only to look behind me and burst out laughing all over again.
Look, I had taken a line drive to my shin before.
Been hit in the wrist by a ninety-five-mile-per-hour fast ball.
Flipped through the air as someone slid into third and took my legs out from under me.
I’ve even looked into the sullen eyes of a teenager who thinks her life is over.
And never ever have I been as scared as when those honks surrounded me and the flapping began.
I jumped to my feet, goat in my arms, and I ran.
I barely got my legs over the fence to step onto Shae’s property when the geese started pecking through the fence slats I’d just nailed in place.
Shae was fucking hyperventilating with laughter while the girls back in the house were shrieking so loudly I could hear them over the honking.
“What the fuck is going on?” I wondered out loud. How had I gone from my chic condo in the best part of Dallas to getting assaulted by farm animals?
“They’re…really…obsessed…with you,” Shae managed to say around her guffaws of laughter.
Then the goat in my arms turned its head and swiped its rough tongue across my cheek.
What the actual fuck was I doing here?