Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
S hae
Two weeks had passed, during which Boon snuck into my bed most nights of the week, sometimes for more of the hate-fucking I loved so much and sometimes for something that was just as intense but softer and deeper.
I tried not to read too much into any of it.
Boon had plenty of women in his time as a major league baseball player.
I was one of many. I simply enjoyed the orgasms and didn’t wish for more.
Today we met at Lydia’s little house for our HAGS meeting.
My stomach was unsettled, probably because it was almost that time of the month for me.
There were quite a few things I loved about getting older—the confidence, the perspective, the bank account from having a steady job—but the one I didn’t particularly care for was the wonky periods.
Every time I was late or early, it reminded me that soon I wouldn’t have a cycle anymore, which then reminded me of my failure to reproduce.
There for a few years when I’d been married, I’d wanted nothing more than to have a baby.
All the tests and perfunctory sex and peeing on sticks had consumed my life.
Not being able to get pregnant had been one of the three strikes in our marriage that had led to divorce.
With no prospects of husbands or babies on the horizon, I’d done a lot of self-reflecting the last ten years and was finally okay with how my life had turned out. There was more to life than having kids, and I was living life to the fullest according to my own desires.
“Not having any chips and guac?” Lydia asked me, the group of us sitting around Lydia’s tiny dining table, snacks and drinks liberally distributed.
Us HAGS knew how to eat. We didn’t show up with a veggie tray. We had everything savory and sweet that made us moan when we slipped it into our mouths. Life was short: eat the good food.
My stomach flipped just looking at the green goo. “No, thanks. My stomach’s being weird.”
Lydia wrinkled her nose. “I’m so glad I don’t get food aversions every month like you do. If anything, my hormones require I eat everything in sight.”
“Same,” Rosemary groaned. “I love my body, but I must say, it certainly doesn’t metabolize the same amount of calories that it used to in my twenties.”
“And not to be a downer, but wait ’til you’re pushing forty.” I made a face that made them all laugh.
Lydia scoffed. “Please. As the only one getting action, I think your body is just fine.”
At the silence following her statement, her eyes went wide and her head snapped in my direction. The color drained from her face. She mouthed I’m sorry .
“What?” Hattie snapped. “You’re getting action, Shae?”
Fifi leaned over the table, a hungry look on her face that had nothing to do with the food between us. “You better spill right now.”
I dropped my head for a second and then took a deep breath. It was fine. Honestly, I shouldn’t have been keeping a secret from my friends, nor was it fair to expect Lydia to keep my secret too. I reached over and squeezed her hand to show her I wasn’t mad.
“So, I wasn’t going to say anything because I thought it was just a onetime thing, but it’s become a bit of a habit now.”
“Get to the good stuff,” Rosemary snapped.
I bit back a laugh. “Boon and I are fucking.”
Hattie shrieked and slapped both hands over her mouth. Fifi clapped, then stood and bowed, like I’d become some sort of sex queen in her eyes.
Rosemary just shook her head. “Damn, girl. I’m trying real hard not to be jealous.”
“Is he hung like a horse?” Hattie whispered from behind her hands, eyes wide.
That did make me laugh. I felt my cheeks growing hot. I nodded, unable to speak. Hattie shrieked again, standing up next to Fifi. The two of them danced around like idiots. God, I loved my friends.
Rosemary finally laughed. “You know we’re living vicariously through you, right? You gotta spill the details.”
So, I did. I told them about the first night and how that had somehow extended into almost every night since. They were all wide-eyed and giddy by the time I got done. I wished I could have joined them, but I felt exhausted.
“Damnnn…” Fifi breathed. “So you got to use those jumbo condoms we all bought to tell the universe we’re ready for the big D? I can’t believe it worked!”
I nodded, though Boon mostly brought his own condoms with him.
“You don’t seem that happy about this turn of events?” Hattie observed, turning it into a question.
I put a hand on my stomach. “I’m just not feeling well. I think I’m getting my period. That or some stomach bug.”
Rosemary frowned. “You’re not pregnant, are you?”
The girls gasped and I grimaced. “No! We used condoms. And besides, I can’t get pregnant.”
The girls knew about my history with my ex-husband. Knew my struggles with fertility. Knew he’d blamed me for not being able to have the large family he wanted.
Rosemary put her hand on mine. “I think you should take a pregnancy test just to make sure. You’ve been having sex and they aren’t failproof.”
“I’m not pregnant,” I reassured her.
She stood anyway. “Field trip! Let’s go buy pregnancy tests!”
Fifi stood with a whoop. I looked over at Lydia, begging with my eyes for her to intervene and stop this nonsense. She just tilted her head and gave me a look that said it might not be a bad idea. The two ladies left, promising to be discrete and back in a flash.
Lydia leaned over after they left her house. “What cycle day are you on?”
I pulled out my phone, surprised to see my hands were shaking. They had me thoroughly freaked out. I pulled up my app and was shocked to see it said day thirty-six. That was a fairly long cycle, even for me.
“Oh, shit,” I mumbled, the very blood in my veins freezing.
Lydia and Hattie both stood at the same time to hug me, the three of us staying just like that until the girls were back, purchases in hand. We went into the bathroom as a group, a stack of tests lying on Lydia’s counter.
“Take all eight,” Rosemary said. “One can be wrong, but not eight of them.”
I peed in a paper cup Lydia gave me and then called for the girls to come back in.
I stuck all eight tests in the pee for the designated time on the instructions and then we waited.
Rosemary had a stopwatch going on her phone.
We didn’t even get halfway through the allotted time before some of them started turning positive.
Stars dotted my vision. Breathing was impossible. My limbs went numb and suddenly I was on the floor of the bathroom, my best friends sitting down with me, holding me upright. Rosemary’s phone dinged and she brought all eight tests down to us.
Eight positive tests.
“Well, take that, ex-husband,” Lydia said in her deadpan voice.
“Oh fudge sticks,” I murmured, thoughts absolutely spiraling. My hand went to my permanently slightly rounded belly. “I’m a thirty-nine-year-old single teacher. What am I going to do?”
Hattie took both my hands in hers, squeezing tightly.
Normally she was so quiet she was forgotten in a loud room.
But her eyes were fierce right now. Voice strong.
“Whatever you want to do, Shae, we’ll do it with you.
I can call clinics and get you scheduled or we can rotate who lives with you and helps you raise this baby. ”
“Whatever you need, Shae. We got you,” Rosemary echoed.
“I work from home,” Fifi offered. “I can be on daytime duty.”
“I have a ton of accrued vacation time,” Lydia added. “If you want to go the clinic route, I can take care of you afterward.”
The panic ebbed just the slightest bit. As I looked around at the fierce faces of my best friends, all of them willing to adjust their lives to help take care of me, I burst into tears.
They dog piled on top of me, all soothing voices and comforting arms. It took me a long time to stop crying, but when I did, they were still on the floor of the bathroom with me.
My ride-or-die best friends.
“I love you, ladies,” I said through another wave of tears.
I eventually got my shit together enough to stop crying and get off the floor.
The rest of our meeting was discussions about what I wanted to do.
I hadn’t made a decision yet and they assured me that thinking it through was the smartest thing to do for now.
But what I did decide was that they couldn’t tell a soul.
With four pinkie fingers all wrapped around mine, they swore as a group to keep my secret.
The drive home was a blur. I probably shouldn’t have been driving in my mental state, but of course, I swore up and down to the girls that I was fine and therefore got myself into this position.
I stumbled into my house, the one I’d grown up in with two loving parents who were thoroughly prepared for a baby, and fell into my bed.
The pillows and sheets smelled a bit like Boon now, even though he never spent the night.
Tears pricked at my tired eyeballs again.
Boon.
The tears immediately receded. I rolled over and stared up at my ceiling, contemplating Boon’s reaction to this news.
I thought back to his statements about Kinsley.
About how he was a terrible father and he needed my help.
We’ve been so caught up in the sex the last few weeks, I haven’t turned my attention to his relationship with his daughter.
I knew, in the deepest, darkest depth of my soul, Boon would not be happy about being a father yet again.