19. Willow Delmont
Chapter nineteen
Willow Delmont
It’s my wedding day.
I stare at myself in the hotel bathroom mirror, looking different and yet the same as yesterday. My eyes are the same color, though made more prominent by the soft smokey eye makeup I did. My face is the same shape, lips the same too, except for the soft rose shade I painted on to them. There’s nothing inherently different about me, but I feel as though something has shifted.
My hand starts to shake with nerves, so I set down the makeup brush. The handle clinks against the marble countertop.
Jason booked us a suite in the Grand Bohemian Hotel for the weekend. Thankfully, it has two rooms, so we don’t have to worry about one of us sleeping on the couch or the floor. There’s no way I’m sharing a bed with him.
“You can do this,” I whisper to my reflection. “It’s just a few words in front of an officiant, then some photos. That’s all.”
I make a face and groan. No matter how I try to paint this, it still looks very much like marriage. The diamond on my finger is real, the minister is ordained, and the marriage license we got from the courthouse yesterday is as authentic as it gets. So even though Jason and I aren’t in love, this marriage is as real as any other.
“You okay in there, Lo?” Jason’s voice comes through the door, slightly muffled.
My stomach swoops. “I’m fine, just putting on some finishing touches.”
“Take your time. I was just checking on you.”
Fading footsteps let me know he’s walked away. I take in a deep breath and blow it out. My gaze snags on the wedding dress hanging on the back of the tall bathroom door. It’s a beautiful dress. Strapless and satin, with a slit that shows off the heels I bought to wear with it.
When I tried it on a few days ago, Granny told me I had to buy it or else she’d pitch a fit in the middle of the boutique. I’d quickly told the saleswoman to ring it up, but not because of Granny’s threat. No, I’d purchased it to simply get it off my body as quickly as possible. The emotions I felt while looking in the mirror were overwhelming. Tears stung the backs of my eyes and my throat grew tight. My smile was shaky at best when Granny demanded a photo to send to my parents.
I’m afraid to put it on again now, afraid that I’ll feel…something. All I want is to be numb and indifferent toward this whole day. But ever since I woke up this morning, the same feelings I had in the bridal shop have come back in full force. I’m on edge, and I’ve avoided Jason not just all day, but all week.
After we got back from the Alamanda game, I told him I needed to focus on packing up my apartment and sorting out wedding details. He offered to help, but I refused. The only things we’ve discussed are what color tux he should wear–classic black–and what kind of cake he wants–red velvet. This morning he tried to talk to me, but I went and locked myself in the bathroom stating that I needed all day to get ready. Obviously, that’s not true. But I did my best to pretend it was. I soaked in the tub until my fingertips resembled raisins. Then I got a shower and washed my hair, and even did a hair mask. That didn’t kill very much time, so I sat in one of the chairs in front of the oversized vanity and scrolled on Pinterest until my eyes were fatigued from staring at my screen for so long.
The only time I opened the door was to grab the sandwich Jason had picked up for lunch for me. I mumbled a quiet 'thank you' and locked the gold doorknob behind me.
But now my time is up, in more ways than one. I need to put on that dress and walk out of here ready to become a married woman. I can’t look as terrified as I feel. Every moment for the rest of today will be caught on camera. Brock told us we needed wedding photos to make this thing look planned instead of last minute, so Jason gave me his credit card to hire the best photographer I could find on such short notice.
My phone buzzes on the vanity. I open up a group text thread the photographer has started with Jason and me.
Soleil: I’m on the staircase! Jason, if you could go ahead and meet me down here, that would be great. Willow, once you’re ready, just text me that you’re heading down so I can have my camera ready for your first look!
My heart starts to race as I read the message. I swallow, my throat sticking.
Jason: Sounds great, thanks, Soleil. I’ll be down in a minute.
A knock on the door startles me. My phone clatters to the floor.
“I’m heading down,” Jason says.
I walk to the door, tempted to open it. I hate how I’ve treated him today. He’s done so much for me, but I’m so anxious I don’t even know if I’ll be able to look him in the eye. I place my hand on the knob and hesitate.
“I don’t want to leave without knowing you’re okay.” His voice sounds closer, as if he’s leaning against the door.
“I’m scared,” I confess.
“It’s okay to be scared, but you should know you aren’t in this alone. I’ll take care of you, Lo, if you’ll let me.”
Tears spring to my eyes. His words feel like a vow, though we aren’t in front of the minister. I’m starting to see that Jason is a man of his word. He might have a reputation for flirting and forgetting, but that’s not who he’s been since we met for the second time.
My stomach turns as I recall what he said at the beach about not keeping secrets. Suddenly, I feel as though I’m in the wrong for not telling him what he doesn’t remember. I know it’s not my fault he forgot, but it feels like this big looming balloon of secrets is hanging right over my head, and eventually it’s going to burst.
“Thank you,” I say quietly. “I-I think I’m okay. I don’t want to keep Soleil waiting.”
“Are you sure? It’s your wedding day. You can make everyone wait another six hours.”
I let out a wobbly laugh. “I think I’ve stayed in here long enough. I’m sorry for avoiding you.”
“So you didn’t need eight hours to get ready?” he asks, his tone teasing.
“Not even close.” I giggle, some of my nerves dissipating. “I spent half the day sitting around in a robe playing on my phone.”
“In a robe, huh?” he asks and my cheeks heat.
“Go downstairs, Kingsley,” I say.
He chuckles. “Okay, okay. Call me if you need anything…like help into your dress–”
“ Jase! ”
He laughs, the sound slowly fading as he walks away. I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling, but end up giving in. When I turn back to the mirror, I look almost like a true bride. My smile is wide, and my face and neck are flushed. All that’s left is the dress…
With one more fortifying intake of breath, I slide off my robe and into the dress. Once it’s on, I spray my perfume and tuck my short veil into the crown of my hair, only looking at bits and pieces of my reflection instead of the full picture. It’s probably best that I don’t have time to dwell on the magnitude of this situation any longer.
I slide on my black stilettos, then grab my phone and text Soleil.
Willow: I’m coming down.
Soleil: We’re ready for you!
On shaking legs I take the elevator from the fifth floor down to the second. We’re supposed to meet on the winding staircase in the lobby. Soleil said it would make a beautiful shot, and based on her work, I trust her. The elevator doors open and I feel as though I’m walking down the aisle, even though we’re eloping down the road at the botanical gardens.
I head toward the stairs with my head down, not ready to face this moment. Only when I touch the cool wood of the banister does my head lift. My eyes find Jason immediately. He gives me a boyish grin that makes my heart skip. I let my gaze rove over him. He looks good . His black tux is perfectly tailored to fit his muscular frame. He left off the tie, opting to unbutton the top two buttons of his white shirt. If he told me he was going to be on the cover of a magazine for the sexiest man alive after this, I’d believe him.
I step onto the landing he was waiting for me on. Jason immediately takes my hand and draws me to him.
“You’re breathtaking, Lo,” he rasps as his hands settle on the dip of my waist. Vaguely, I register the click of a camera nearby, but it’s hard to focus when he’s touching me like this.
“Thank you,” I whisper. I notice his shirt collar is flipped up slightly on one side, so I reach up and adjust it. “You look handsome,” I tell him without meeting his eyes. Once his shirt is adjusted, I settle my hands on his chest. His heart is racing, and it makes me smile. I’m not the only nervous one.
“Thank you,” he says in a low voice. I gather the courage to look up at him. As soon as our gazes catch, a voice speaks up.
“You two are stunning !” Soleil squeals. “You’re making my job easy already with all this tension.”
I force a smile, my nerves coming back once more. Now that she’s pointed out our so-called tension, I won’t be able to so much as look at Jason for the rest of the day. He’s likely smirking right now, but I refuse to check.
“Thank you,” Jason tells her.
“I want to take a few more here before we head to the gardens. Is that all right?”
I feel Jason looking at me. I keep my eyes on Soleil.
“That’s okay with me,” I answer.
“Perfect! You two can stay on the landing, but I’m going to switch up your positioning. Willow, can you lean against the wall over there?” Soleil asks.
I nod and step out of Jason’s embrace. I lightly lean against the wall, then look to her. “Is this okay?”
“Yes, you’re doing great! Just pop the leg that’s closest to me out.”
I lift my left knee a little and my leg pokes through the slit. I suddenly feel much more exposed.
Soleil gasps. “You look like a Victoria’s Secret Angel.”
My face flames. Of all the people to compare me to, she had to choose an underwear model? I’m sure it’s meant to boost my confidence, but I feel more awkward than ever since Jason also heard her say that.
“Now, Jason, go and put one hand above your bride’s head,” Soleil instructs.
My heart stops. I turn my head in time to see Jason stalking toward me. He plants his right hand above my head while his left settles on my waist.
“Absolute perfection, you two. Now get nice and close. Willow, grab your man like he’s yours!” Soleil’s instructions make my stomach somersault.
Jason presses closer to me, his body fitted against mine, my left leg hitched up to his waist. I lay my hands on his lapels, too unsure to grab him the way Soleil said to.
“Lo, look at me.” Jason’s voice is like a caress, and it sends chills down my spine.
I slowly lift my gaze. His green eyes are darker than usual, his gaze intense.
“Are you okay? If this is too much, I can tell her we want to do something more subdued. I’m not sure our friends will believe that I’m not big on PDA, but she doesn’t know that.” His smile is boyish and playful. It helps me relax a little to hear him tease like he usually does.
“Is it too much for you? I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.” I’m deflecting, and the raise of his brow says he knows it.
“I could do a whole lot more, but only if you wanted to.”
A dangerous, reckless feeling overtakes me. “Like?”
My one-word question falls between us like a lit match. Jason’s hand slides from my waist, trailing fire over my hip, then my thigh. He grips my leg and presses closer, dipping his head to whisper in my ear. “Like that.”
His warm breath against my neck has my toes curling, and I involuntarily tighten my grip on his suit jacket. I can feel him smirking. The need to catch him off guard overtakes me. He’s always making me blush. For once I want him to feel the way I do.
I hook my leg around him and pull him until we’re nose to nose, every inch of us pressed together except our lips.
“More like that,” I whisper.
His pupils are dilated, his lips slightly parted. We’re sharing the same breath, and I wonder what it would feel like if I closed the centimeters between us and pressed my mouth to his. His tongue flicks out, wetting his lips. My breath catches.
“You two are h-o-t, hot!” Soleil says, making me pull my head back. The reality of the moment comes crashing over me like a bucket of ice water. “I want to get a few more shots down here on the first floor, then we’re going to get you two hitched!”
Much too slowly, Jason releases my leg and pulls away from me, his eyes not leaving mine the entire time. He holds out his hand, palm up. I take it, my skin tingling.
What just happened?