19 Everleigh Wanna Be Loved—The Red Clay Strays
Everleigh
Wanna Be Loved—The Red Clay Strays
The eternal, rolling hills that rise high above Hawkthorpe resemble barren moors. Above us, angry skies roil with unshed rain. Fitting, considering the gruelling pace that Leo sets as he hikes away from our troubles.
To his credit, Fletcher owned his choice. He knew full well what kind of response he would receive by the time we made it home. Neither Sterling or Leo knew quite what to say at first, then the shouting began and didn’t stop until Fletcher agreed to the impossible.
Therapy.
He’s finally getting help.
I’d thought that lining up support would relieve some of Leo’s stress, but he’s been closed off ever since we returned from the lake. Almost a week of awkward silence and anxious fussing from afar. Not even the request for a hike seemed to quell his despair when I made it.
“Leo?” I call out. “Can you slow down a little?”
“Sorry, got in the zone.” He slows his pace, allowing me to catch up.
“Clearly I’m not as fit as you are.”
“You’re doing great.” Leo shrugs.
“I feel like I’m going to die.”
“Alright, let’s take a break.”
Sliding the backpack off my shoulders, I pull my water bottle out to take a swig. My calves and thighs are on fire. It’s a long hike over steep grassland, odd stone boulders, and public pathways, but we’re high into the Lake District’s mountains now.
“Which way is the nearest town?” I suck in a breath.
Swiping his damp brow, Leo studies the skyline. “About five miles back that way. We’re almost seven hundred meters up.”
“No wonder my legs hurt.”
He releases a laugh. “I warned you it’s not for beginners.”
“Somehow I thought you were being overly cautious.” Wincing, I rub my sore calf muscles. “Not a mistake I’ll make again.”
“We can turn back if you want?”
“No, I want to see the peak. It’s only a couple hundred more meters.”
One of several high points frequented by outdoor enthusiasts, Helvellyn is Leo’s favourite hike. He spent several hours talking about the route and its highlights while taking me to source some decent walking shoes.
Helping Cassidy cater a couple of local events with Maverick recently has given me some extra cash, though Sterling adamantly refuses to accept rent. He’s been trying to pay me for organising an online system for his invoicing and expensing, but neither of us have won either fight yet.
“You have great stamina,” Leo comments, swigging his own water. “I wasn’t sure if you’d make it this far.”
“I’m just determined,” I puff.
“Hah. That you are.”
“Is this the first time you’ve been up here this season?”
He nods, recapping his water. “I stop offering guided hikes in late autumn when the weather turns. The few tourists we get over winter come to hunker down, not brave the rain and wind up here.”
Stretching out my stiff legs helps to ease the building ache. I’m not unfit and have put on some needed weight in the last few months, but I’m definitely not on Leo’s level of fitness.
“Ready?” He watches me stretch.
“There better be a hot cup of coffee at the top.”
“I have something better in my bag.” Leo winks deviously. “Come on.”
“Do I at least get a clue?”
“Nope. Get to the summit and you’ll find out what it is.”
“Ugh, okay.”
Falling into step beside him, I’m thankful he moves a little slower so I can keep pace. When a large boulder blocks our route upwards, he offers me a helping hand to clamber over, steadying my hips with only a slightly unprofessional lingering touch.
The clouds grow thick and sodden as we ascend. Every now and then, Leo will cast a worried look up at the sky, pleading for the rain to hold off. It was clearer when we set out, but the weather sweeps in fast.
We climb in sync for the final stretch, following a worn track that cuts into the cliff.
The mountain climaxes at the end of a narrow ridge that forms a fishbowl around the lake nestled in the valley.
From here, we can see far across craggy rock faces and lush green slopes, deep into the countryside.
“Wow.” I gaze into the horizon, catching my breath. “It’s magnificent.”
“Best view around,” he agrees.
“Are you allowed to have favourites?”
“Climb these mountains for long enough and you’ll have a favourite too.”
“How many times have you done this hike?”
“Probably four or five times a year since I was a kid. We used to go hiking with Maverick’s uncle and some other friends on the weekend. Sterling and Fletch love this route too.”
Sliding off his backpack, Leo rustles inside. I laugh when he pulls out a small thermal flask, offering it to me. Inside, the smell of hard liquor makes me cough, but I still swig it down regardless.
“Attagirl.” Leo watches me splutter. “A hot toddy is good for the soul.”
“Hot toddy?” I choke and heave.
“Whiskey, hot water, honey, and lemon. Clears your chest at altitude . . . and tastes fantastic.”
“What the fuck?”
“Told you it was a surprise.”
Taking a final sip, the strange concoction starts to grow on me. It tastes like boozy cough medicine. Pleasant warmth spreads through my extremities, fighting off the wind chill that’s picked up with the weather front.
Leo accepts the flask from me and takes his own small sip, wincing a little at the taste. Sitting on a smooth rock face, he gestures for me to join him, returning the flask to his backpack.
“Congrats on finishing your first ascent. You did good.”
“Not exactly your personal best,” I joke.
“I’m a guide, not an Olympian.” He smiles at me. “My job is to go at your pace.”
“Should I settle up now or later?”
“You get a discount.” He tucks a chunk of hair back into my Vale Landscaping baseball cap.
“Then I should graciously thank my host.”
Leaning in, I plant a heavy kiss on his lips. Leo responds without hesitation, his mouth melding onto mine and tongue seeking a path inside to begin a slow waltz. He tastes like whiskey and lemon, but it’s no less brain scrambling. Damn, he can use those lips.
When we separate, our shoulders brush, both crammed onto the level surface. With nothing but empty mountains and rain-soaked skies all around us, the tension we’ve left behind feels almost illusory. But I know it’s still on his mind.
“Do you want to talk about Fletcher?”
The mood shifts, growing as frigid as the mountain air whipping into a cyclone around us.
“No,” he declines.
“You can’t be mad at him forever.”
“I can be whatever the hell I want.”
“Come on, Leo. Be reasonable.”
“Fletcher pushed us all away, stockpiled prescription painkillers, and hiked into the woods to kill himself. I’d say that gives me the right to be pretty fucking mad.”
“He’s in pain,” I point out.
“And we’ve done nothing but try to help him.”
“This isn’t on you.”
Leo kicks a pebble, watching it disappear over the ledge. “Fletcher could’ve come to me. But he chose to do something that he knew would break our family apart rather than ask for help.”
“You make it sound like he wanted to hurt you. That isn’t the case.”
“Irrelevant,” he retorts. “It was stupid and selfish.”
“Jesus, Leo. Just listen to yourself. People who deal with suicidal thoughts are neither stupid or selfish. They need love and compassion, not our judgement.”
“This isn’t about me judging him.”
“Then what is it about?” I demand in a huff.
“He’s my friend! And I almost lost him!”
Standing up, Leo walks to the nearby edge to stare down at the lake surface gently undulating below us. I know it’s his fear of abandonment talking, but hearing him dismiss Fletcher’s feelings riles me up.
“You didn’t lose him,” I say pointedly.
“I came close enough,” he croaks, stare fixed ahead. “If I can’t save Fletcher from himself, I’ll lose Sterling too. Soon I’ll be the kid without a family again, only this time, I won’t get another chance.”
Standing up, I make sure our packs are safe on the ground, then approach him. The height gives me slight vertigo, offering a panoramic vista that stretches for countless miles in every direction. But the view isn’t what holds my attention. Not when Leo is fighting his own demons.
“You’re not that little boy looking for a home anymore.” My hand tightly clasps his. “You can still help Fletcher, but it isn’t your responsibility to save him. All you can do is be a good friend.”
“It isn’t enough. I need to fix this.”
“That won’t stop you from losing the things you love. One way or another, loss is going to find its way into your life. When that day comes, you’ll regret failing to build your own life just to safeguard others.”
Leo blows out a strained breath, his gaze glassed over. “I can’t change who I am, Eden.”
Hearing him use that name is an unpleasant reminder of the mess I’ve made. One he isn’t even aware of. Fletcher knows my secret now, and though it allowed me to coax him back to the cottage, I’m more exposed than ever.
Stuffing that thought down, I focus on Leo. “I’m not asking you to. I just don’t want to watch you live for someone else and forget to chase your own dreams.”
Turning his back on the view, Leo studies me. Since day one, he’s never shied away from analysing every context clue he can lay eyes on. Under his microscope, I fear the lies I’ve woven are unravelling faster than even I anticipated.
“What if the only thing I want is you?”
“Then you’re in luck.” My smile feels like tempting fate. “You have me.”
Stepping closer to cup my face, I’m a trapped animal caught in his snare. Nowhere to run or hide. From the sad tilt of his mouth, he knows exactly what’s running through my mind.
“Do I?”
My heart contracts, beating furiously. “Leo . . .”
“You’re hiding something. I’ve been patient and let you keep your secrets, but this involves all of us now. We can’t lie to each other if this is going to work.”
“Please don’t do this. Not now.”
“Then when?” he counters.
“Soon,” I say in a panic. “But not now. Not like this.”
“What are you so afraid of? Nothing you could possibly say will ever change the way I feel. I’m confident in saying the same goes for those two fools back home. We care too damn much.”
“I know you care. This isn’t a matter of doubting your feelings.”
“Then what is it?” Leo urges.