Aldrich #2
“That’s the muthafucka that OD’d or wrapped his car around a tree or something, right?
” I’d barely paid attention to the news because a washed-up QB who was a piece of shit in the first place didn’t really move me.
When I’d heard that Ladson’s ass had gotten drunk and hit a tree, killing himself I was happy.
Judging by the smile on Billy’s face she was too.
“That’s the one. And I have to tell you this even if you don’t want to hear it.”
“What’s that?”
“You need to talk to someone.”
I moved away from her because I was damn sure taking offense to her words. “Billy—”
She held up the universal Black woman pointer finger that meant I needed to shut the hell up.
“I already acknowledged that you wouldn’t want to do it, but that doesn’t mean I’m not right.
What you’re feeling right now? It’s not going away until you take the steps to get your mind right.
Yeah, you’re a football player, but that doesn’t mean this bitch didn’t violate in the worst way.
And to be honest, she needs to be in jail. ”
“I can’t believe I’m going to have a kid though, Billy.
My entire theme of life was young, Black and rich but now I gotta figure out diapers and formula?
I haven’t even gotten my brain wrapped around this shit because she’s fucking eight months and I found out a few weeks ago when the rest of the world did. ”
Her phone interrupted what I was saying and she glanced at the number before looking back at me. “I need to take this.”
I nodded my understanding and pulled out my phone.
I had put all social media on hiatus so I was honestly just flipping through random apps on the phone not really focused on anything.
My leg was jumping and even though I’d worn casual clothes like I was going to work out after this, I knew deep down I was going to go home and further stress out.
“Money.”
My head snapped up and something in Billy’s tone had me on edge. “Yeah?”
“It’s sad to say but it seems like you don’t have to worry about some of your problems anymore.”
“What you mean?” I prayed that she was going to say that she’d found out the test had been rigged and I could just go after this bitch for slander. Maybe even assault. But the grim look on her face made me feel like none of that was going to be the case.
Her face looked completely devastated but she cleared her throat and then fixed her face back into one of ruthless self-possession.
I needed her to teach me how she could mask her emotions the way she did.
I felt like she probably did it because she had Murda’s ass to take that stress off her when it got too heavy. I probably wouldn’t ever have that now.
“Your stalker was involved in a single-car crash earlier this afternoon. They rushed her to the hospital and the baby was delivered via C-section. But the mother coded on the table. It was apparently too much for her body to handle and she died. We need to get you to the hospital.”
“So she gets to die and leave me with the consequences of her actions?” I was speaking through clenched teeth because I couldn’t believe that this situation would somehow get even worse than what I thought it was when the day started.
Her steely gaze broke into one of sympathy and understanding. My heart was pounding in my chest and I could hear the blood rushing in my ears. “I know it’s unfair and I’m so sorry. I can’t even…fuck. This is out of my depth.”
“You got siblings, Billy.”
“Yeah but Yzzy’s big problem was something far less dramatic than this. I don’t even feel any kind of way about all the rude shit I was saying about her in my head either. Bitch deserves it for what she did to you.”
“Is…is the baby okay?” I might not have wanted it and certainly not this way but I wouldn’t wish death on an unborn baby. Especially not one that was born early and was now potentially hurt by the accident.
All this I have and the kid is still coming out behind the eight ball.
Billy nodded as she stood up from her desk the red business suit she wore making her look powerful and picked up her keys.
“The information we have said nothing about the health of the baby just that he or she was delivered. You’ve already been proven to be the baby’s father.
You can get the information at the hospital.
They won’t release this type of information over the phone. Do you want me to go with you?”
“Do you mind?” Now wasn’t time for me to act like I didn’t need anyone, I did. I needed someone who would give me tough love but also force me to lead with love. Since my mama couldn’t get here on this type of short notice, Billy was the best choice to stand in her stead.
“Nope. I’ll have Isis handle my stuff for the rest of the day. I’ll drive.”
“Billy—”
“Do you have a car seat in your car? Of course you don’t. On the off chance they release her into your care today, you’ll need one. I have the twins’ infant car seats in my cargo area because we were going to donate them. Clearly God put them in the car for a reason today.”
“I can afford—”
Billy stopped in her tracks and turned to me like she was going to pop me in the mouth.
“Money, I negotiate your contracts so I know what you can afford. But you can also use this temporarily until you get your mind right and have the time to pick one out. You said you were going from being young, Black and rich to diapers and formulas. Well, this is one less thing for you to worry about right now. Okay?”
“I hear you.” She was right because right now I wasn’t sure I knew what the hell I was even supposed to be doing. I needed to shut up and follow her lead.
Billy jiggled her keys and motioned for me to hurry up. “Good. Now come on, we have to go see what’s what.”
I stood looking inside the NICU window at the little baby strapped in with little white circles all over her.
I’d put the call in to my mother to let her know what was going on and she started praying immediately.
I knew she couldn’t get away but having her protection even from afar was enough.
I was still staring in this window almost afraid to go in.
My life was completely different and I always felt that when I had a kid I would be excited.
My father was a great example of a man. He was strong and did everything he could to make sure we had enough of everything: love, attention and joy, even if money sometimes came up short early on.
He worked himself to death and I felt the need to pick up and take care of the family since he no longer could.
Times like this, I wish he were here to guide me.
He would understand what I was feeling. I had no attachment to this baby.
It hadn’t been made during the heat of passion or even a sloppy hookup.
My ass was drugged and didn’t even remember any of this happening.
Not even when I watched it play out on the screen.
“Are you going to go in?”
I didn’t look at Billy and kept my eyes on the little bundle that was seemingly peaceful in the incubator. Little tubes were hooked up to its chest and even though I couldn’t feel a connection I still felt moved by the way this kid was having to fight so hard just as it had entered the world.
“I don’t even know what to do. Or how to move. I’m a stranger to that baby, Billy.” I lowered my voice to match the level she’d spoken in. I knew she was being careful not just because of who could eavesdrop but she was also worried about the kid.
“I get it. I’m sure you envisioned this happening many years further down the line and with someone you loved. But no matter how it got here, that baby is innocent. So even if you don’t want to keep it—”
My eyes went to hers and I had a frown on my face because she had me fucked up. “The fuck you mean? I’m not about to let a baby go into this fucked-up system.”
A small smile was on her face and damn I felt like she’d just tried to pull my card to make sure I wasn’t gone be a fuckboy. Knowing her she’d have my kid as a part of her brood if I tried some shit like that.
“I was just giving you your options.” She shrugged but I knew she had been pushing my buttons to check and see where my head and my heart were at.
“The only option I need is a trustworthy person to help me take care of it.”
“You really need to find out the sex and pick a name so you don’t keep calling the baby an it, Money.
” Billy squeezed the bridge of her nose like she was sick and tired of my shit already.
When she looked at me again, I glanced back at the baby with no name because Billy wasn’t judging me but I could tell that my lack of desire to be all in with this kid wasn’t winning me cool points.
And since Billy was a woman I respected a lot, I didn’t feel bad letting her know how I was feeling.
“Going in there makes it real, Billy.”
She put an arm around me and rested her head on my shoulder. In her heels, she wasn’t much shorter than me so she didn’t have far to go. Despite how despondent I felt, I appreciated her trying to comfort me.
“It does. But one thing I’ve never thought was that you were afraid of anything.
Walking through that door is probably the bravest thing you’ll ever have to do.
It’s you being selfless and putting someone else’s needs above yours.
It’s the first sign of your being a good parent.
And your caring enough to realize what’s at stake lets me know you’ll be fine. ”
I wanted to believe her, but I couldn’t.
I knew nothing about babies and even if I had a crash course how was I expected to take care of her on such short notice?
We only had a few months until camp started and this wasn’t something that I had planned for at all.
Even when the shit popped up on me, I hadn’t expected my life to change at all.
My finances maybe, but not my day-to-day life.
“I’m not very sure.”