Sterling
ALDRICH HAD BEEN acting weird since we’d gotten back from the Grayson’s Halloween party.
We’d spent more time with one another because of the bye week and headed out to have a brief vacation in California.
I’d been plenty of times before but this was different.
This was someone who loved the area and had lived in all the places he’d shown me.
We stayed in a hotel but made sure to spend plenty of time with Miss Sonya and the twins.
Aldrich visited his old high school and they were more than eager to have him speak to their team.
Ami and I watched, well I watched Ami napped, as he motivated the team to have a good practice.
They hung on his every word and then the entire family got together to watch Cassie’s volleyball game.
His mother insisted that we go out on a date and instead of driving into LA, which would only bring a bunch of attention to us, we found a small local sushi spot and chilled.
It was honestly an amazing night and I hated when we had to head back to Texas because I really enjoyed spending time with his family.
We were getting everything put away and organized when he told me we needed to talk.
My heart had been in my ass the entire time we’d gotten Ami ready for bed.
I went to shower in the bathroom by her room just to give myself time to think.
I just knew he was going to break my heart after an amazing week and I was trying to brace myself for this.
Could this all have been a game to him?
He’d sent a text to my phone to come to the bedroom when I was done and I was taking my time, dreading the inevitable.
I finally pulled on my big-girl panties and took the walk to the other hallway and noticed there was an odd light coming from inside. When I opened the door I was shocked at what I was seeing. Rich sat with his head down damn near to his chest, as the light flickered over him.
“You wanted to talk?”
He nodded slowly before he motioned for me to come into the room. Part of me wanted to tell him I’d been good by the door but he seemed to desire me being close to him so I let it ride.
I took a few steps to satisfy him before I paused and waited to hear what he needed to say.
He sighed and I braced myself for what he was going to say.
“I told you that Ami’s conception was…coerced.”
My heart started to race because we never spoken about this. Not since the first night I triggered him or after he told me the truth about Ami’s egg donor.
“Yes, you did. Is there something you’re leaving out?”
“No, it’s the truth. I’ve been thinking about our relationship a lot and wondering if you see me differently because of what you know.”
“We’ve discussed this.”
“I have a favor to ask of you.”
“Okay, what is it?”
“Would you like to come to one of my sessions with Doc? We never talk about what happened and I know you have feelings about it. I feel like we've gotta clear the air before we move forward.”
I’d been harboring a lot of feelings about Ami’s egg donor but I was surprised to hear him bring it up. Normally we just floated through life but I wasn’t opposed to wanting to speak to him abut it.
“Why do you think we need a professional in the room with us to talk about it?”
He sighed and I knew he was giving himself a minute to choose his words.
I was thankful for his consideration and that he simply didn’t want to lash out.
“I don’t want to say the wrong things, and I feel as though a guided conversation would be the best way for us to talk.
Not about everything, but this is not something that I think I can navigate well. ”
That was probably the most vulnerable thing I’d ever heard anyone say. “Okay. I’ll figure out where I can take Ami—”
“Tiana will watch her while we talk to him.”
Not that I doubted Tiana but I didn’t want Aldrich to be asking for favors when that lady needed to work. “How you assume that?”
“Because she already agreed when I asked her.”
I nodded feeling comfort that she would be with someone we knew while we handled this. “Okay, just let me know when you want to talk to him.”
“It’s good to see you, Money.”
I was so uncomfortable being here. I wanted to run away but I held onto the hand that had its fingers entwined in mine.
Both of our palms were damp so I wasn’t sure who was the most nervous of the two of us.
He was here to reveal his pain and I was here to hear it.
Damn, I thought I was just coming to nanny for this man.
But now I’m a nanny and an emotional support pussy.
Not really complaining about that part but still.
“Good to see you too, Doc.”
Doc, which is what he told me to call him despite the multitude of degrees and awards behind him on the wall that bore his real name. I appreciated his ability to remain casual despite his obvious success. I understood now why Aldrich wanted to see him.
“And of course you’re Sterling.” His smile was bright. The warm and welcoming type of bright that instantly made you relax.
“Yes sir, I am.” I cleared my throat and crossed my legs thankful that I’d worn pants in this office because it was cold in this office.
“You look nervous.” His observation was made in a gentle manner and I smiled as I heard the clock continue to tick.
“That obvious?” My laugh was nervous, and Aldrich squeezed my hand trying to keep me calm.
“It’s the normal state of things when people come and see me. I know it’s a great undertaking helping someone move past assault and Money’s case is complex for multiple reasons.”
“Because he’s famous?”
“Because he’s a man. And I’m sure that there are many feelings that are brought up when he thinks about it.” Doc looked to Aldrich who nodded his agreement but still didn’t speak.
“May I ask a question, Doc?”
“Of me or Aldrich?”
“Aldrich.”
Doc looked to Aldrich who turned to me. “You can ask me anything, Sterling. That’s why we came here.” He was dressed for practice because he was heading there directly after we left this meeting. We’d driven separate cars so that he didn’t have to stress about how I was getting home.
“How are you handling this?”
When he squeezed my hand again I gripped it back hoping that there was a little of my strength transferring to him through our bond.
“I feel less in control than I assume other people do because I don’t remember anything.
Because it’s just a blank. To me…in some twisted way I feel as though I have greater control when I at least know.
Not anymore powerful but less powerless, I guess.
There’s a video. That’s how I knew what she’d done.
I watched it and it took everything in me not to lash out.
At her and at myself for not thinking something like this could happen to me.
I’ve always protected myself from being accused of being a predator that I didn’t take proper precautions to prevent being a victim. ”
I had to wipe my eyes because I hated all of this. I wish I could drag that bitch up from wherever her parents had buried her and put a bullet in her head.
“Is that healthy? For him to have seen that? I can’t imagine that it is.”
Aldrich turned to me before Doc could answer, and he looked desperate. I’m sure he thought I was ready to bolt because of what I’d asked. “What’s bothering you, Ling? I never wanted you to know about the tape but we’re here so we might as well get it out.”
“I hate her. I love that little girl so much that the way I hate her mother is something I can’t ignore.
And then how can I help raise her with this hate in my heart?
I see what that girl’s deed did to Aldrich.
How it has him isolating himself from us because he doesn’t know how to deal with it.
I didn’t know about the tape and now so much has me angry at myself for not seeing the signs. ”
“What signs did you think you were going to see? Aldrich is a very proud man and he takes his position as head of his family very seriously. He has let you into this part of his life and I think that shows a strength that he doesn’t realize he has.
” Aldrich’s face went blank at Doc’s words and I was nodding and squeezing his hand even tighter.
“He’s the strongest man I know.”
“How do you feel about her saying that, Money?”
“That it’s not true.” When he shifted like he wanted to move away from me I refused to let him. If I were doing the wrong thing I was sure Doc would’ve chastised me but he stayed silent.
“How can you not be? I feel so bad because…did I pressure you into—”
“No, everything between us has been healing. I told you I didn’t like people in my space anymore after what happened but I wanted you in it.
Your presence was healing and not a codependent type of thing.
It’s like… you just make the noise stop.
Even in a way my people can’t. It’s not that corny-ass peace that people talk about because you can be hell when needed, Ling.
But you’re… comfort in human form. I see you and my body relaxes on its own volition.
When you first came around I wondered what it was about you.
And then I didn’t care because your vibe was so good and I wanted you to like me because I felt like I might ruin the side of you that made you who you were.
But after I snapped at you that one night I had to reverse course and get back to being the Aldrich that could look in the mirror.
The one who didn’t hide away or run from good things.
I talked to Doc and stopped beating myself up over things I couldn’t control and other people’s opinions.
And then you were there just being you and that shit was a balm to my soul. ”
“Does the unconventional way that you all were paired together give you apprehension?” Doc asked me that question like I wasn’t crying over how Aldrich had expressed himself so easily.
“Sometimes. I mean, I’m his daughter’s nanny.”