Chapter 5
ADRIANNE
I’d stopped crying when I heard them talking about me earlier.
She’s nobody.
The words cut deep because they were true, but they also burned away something soft inside me. Something that still believed in fairness, in mercy, in the possibility that this was all some terrible mistake that would somehow be fixed.
Maybe it was my brain switching off rationality for the sake of survival. Giving me hope where there clearly wasn’t any to be found.
I wasn’t leaving this tunnel alive. It didn’t matter that I’d snatched the phone from the dead body that took way too long to be taken away. I closed my eyes, trying to erase the moment I had to pick up his cold hand to unlock the screen.
I sat in the corner of this freezing nightmare, my knees pulled to my chest, watching my breath form little clouds in the frigid air each time I exhaled as I tried to form a plan to escape. But nothing came to mind.
I clutched the useless phone with no damn reception in my hand, wishing that, by some miracle, it would start working.
Just once. I had tried calling Jimmy and Alison.
Those were the only two phone numbers I knew by heart.
I even sent a text to Jimmy, but it didn’t even send.
By the time they picked up the corpse, my last hope depleted, and I knew what my fate was.
The dried blood on my face pulled at my skin, and I tried my best not to think about it or I’d puke.
Calmness settled in my chest as time went by. More like resignation. I wasn’t as innocent as to think I’d have a purpose for them when they had clearly made a mistake by taking me instead of my sister.
As soon as I heard those footsteps on the gravel, I knew he was coming for me, so I hid the phone before they got too loud, returning to my spot straight after.
Slowly, I looked up, my eyes traveling the length of his body as he stood in the doorway.
He carried a paper bag, a package of wet wipes, and a box. His expensive suit remained immaculate despite the dirt in this place, not a single wrinkle marring the pristine fabric.
Those pale blue eyes found mine immediately, giving absolutely nothing away, just as they had earlier when he shot his friend at point range without so much as a blink.
“Clean yourself up. Having blood all over your face gives me a bad rep in the hospitality department.” He tossed the wet wipes at my feet, followed by the box.
I didn’t respond. What was the point?
Nikolai stepped into the train car, his presence making the space feel smaller. The scent of expensive cologne and cigarettes filled the air in sharp contrast to the metallic stench I’d grown used to.
“The blood makes you look weak, and weakness is… unappealing.”
I stared at the items without moving a single muscle before meeting his gaze again. “Why?”
“Because you represent an investment now. And I protect my investments. The shoes should fit. You’ll need them.”
“For what?”
“For whatever I decide you need them for.” His tone was clipped and cold, but there was a slight glint in his eyes each time I replied.
“Or do you prefer walking barefoot on the gravel? Some people are into that. Pain.” I thought I saw a snicker trying to escape that cold scowl, but soon enough, his face had that same mask of indifference back on. “Open the box.”
I hesitated first, then lifted the lid when he nudged for me to do as he said. Inside was a pair of black sneakers.
“Try them on.”
“I’m not your doll to dress up.” Why was I back mouthing him like this? How strange was it that, despite the fact that he seemed to be the one who ordered my kidnapping, he didn’t scare me?
“No. You’re my prisoner to keep alive. There’s a difference.”
He watched me like a hawk as I opened the box and slid the sneakers onto my bare feet. The warmth had an exhale of relief escaping my chest.
“They fit,” I said matter-of-factly, muffling whatever satisfaction the soft fabric elicited in me. “How did you know?”
“I’m observant. It’s necessary to stay alive in my line of work.”
“You mean your kidnapping and murder job?”
“I mean survival.” Those eyes met mine again, completely devoid of warmth. “Something you’re going to need to learn quickly.”
“Like shooting people in the head?”
Something flickered across his face, but it was too quick for me to read. “When necessary.”
“How?” The question burst out of me without permission. “How do you just… do that? Pull the trigger, and not even flinch?”
“Practice.” His voice was flat, as if the topic didn’t even deserve a reaction. “Lots and lots of practice.” The message in his words was clear. He was indeed a killer, and I’d be wise to watch my mouth and stop provoking him.
I watched his movements carefully as his hand dipped into the paper bag and pulled out a container of fries and a wrapped burger.
Leisurely, Nikolai grabbed a fry, holding it up, analyzing the thing like it held the world’s greatest secrets.
The smell of food hit me right then, my stomach growling so loud that I was sure the sound carried throughout the whole damn tunnel.
I tried my best to focus on the topic at hand, shaking my head to rid my mind of the hunger that blurred my vision, forcing myself to look straight into his eyes.
“Is that what you’re going to do to me? When you’re done with whatever this is?”
For a moment, something almost human passed through his features, like he was surprised by my bluntness. “Are you asking if I’m going to kill you?”
“Aren’t you?”
He was quiet for a long time, studying my face before popping the fry into his mouth. “That depends on several factors.”
“Such as?”
“How useful you prove to be. How much trouble you cause. Whether keeping you alive serves my purposes better than the alternative. Right now, you’re useful. But that can change.” The threat was delivered so casually that it took my breath away.
“What did you want with Alison?”
“Is this an interrogation?” I shrugged, watching his face as I tried with all my strength to disregard the scent of the food he kept casually eating. “Your sister was going to serve a purpose. Help us send a message about respect.”
“You were going to kill her.”
“Eventually. After she outlived her usefulness. Leverage only works when the other side believes you’ll follow through.”
My stomach dropped. How could anyone be so inhuman? So cold and calculating?
“You’re a monster.”
“Yes.” There was no denial, no justification. “But I’m a monster who brought you food. So do you want to keep up with the questions while I eat it, or are you going to stop and take what I brought you?”
“I’m not hungry.”
“You’re lying.” Nikolai sauntered closer, crouching down so we were eye level, coming dangerously close as he spoke. “And lying to me is a mistake you’ll only make once. Got it?”
The proximity made my skin crawl and my pulse quicken at the same time, but it was that commanding tone that drove the shiver down my spine. He stared right into my eyes, unwavering and menacing. It was like a dare, trying to make me look away first.
This close, I could see the fine details of his face. Sharp cheekbones, a small scar near his eyebrow, the way his dark lashes framed those unsettling eyes. And just as those eyes sparkled again, I pulled my gaze away from his as if it burned me.
“That’s what I thought.” He unwrapped the burger slowly, deliberately. “You know what I find interesting about desperate situations? They reveal who people really are. Strip away all the pretense, all the social conditioning. Show us what someone will do to survive.”
“Take you, for instance. Sitting there trying to maintain your dignity while you’re obviously starving. It’s… admirable. And completely pointless.”
“So sorry to disappoint you.”
“Oh, you’re not disappointing me at all. See, there are two types of people in situations like this. Those who break completely,” He held up a french fry just like the last time and bit it in half. “And those who adapt.”
Despite the rumbling in my stomach, I found my attention caught by his words.
“Adaptation requires strength,” he continued. “Clear thinking. The ability to recognize opportunities when they present themselves.” His eyes left the food to meet mine. “But it’s hard to think clearly when you’re weak from hunger.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying smart people know when to fight, and when to… strategize.” Deliberately slow, I watched Nikolai lick the half-fry he held in his hand before holding it out to me.
Vicious. Sickening. Cruel.
“Your choice. Starve with your principles intact, or stay strong enough to see opportunities when they come.”
Opportunities.
“You think I’m stupid enough to believe you’re going to let me escape, or even help me?” He was trying to allure me, goad me with food and hope. Still, my heart started beating faster. This was just another form of psychological torture.
“I think you’re smart enough to help yourself, given the right circumstances. But circumstances have a way of changing quickly. And when they do, weak people miss their chances.” He wiggled the piece in front of me, as if urging me to take it or miss said opportunity.
“Fine.” I reached for the fry, finally giving in to his little game.
Nikolai pulled it back just out of reach. “Ah, not quite so fast. Hands behind your back.”
The command sent heat rushing to my face. “You’re joking.”
“Do I look like I’m joking?” His expression was as serious as ever now, his eyes that dead shade of blue that gifted him an aura of danger I wasn’t sure thrilled or chilled me. “If you want to eat, you’ll do it my way. Think of it as… training.”
“Training for what?”
“For doing what needs to be done, even when it’s uncomfortable.” He held the food closer to my face like an owner training his dog. “Unless you’re too proud?”
Wasn’t it enough that he’d licked it, and now he wanted to hand-feed me? My cheeks burned with humiliation, and still, I was considering it.
“The alternative is starving in this freezing car until you’re too weak to stand. And then you’ll eat anyway, except, by then, you’ll be grateful for whatever scraps I decide to give you.”
I stared at him, hating the choice he was forcing me to make. But the hunger was clawing at my stomach, and his words about opportunities and strength echoed in my head in a loop.
Slowly, I put my hands behind my back, hating every second of it.
“Good girl.” The approval in his voice sent an unwelcome shiver through me, making me grind my teeth. “Now, take it.”
I leaned forward and took the fry between my teeth, the salt exploding across my tongue. It was humiliating, and necessary, and somehow intimate all at once, and I loathed him for it.
“See how easy that was?” He held out another piece. “Sometimes we have to do things that feel… degrading… to get what we really want.”
I took the second piece, my eyes locked on his. There was something calculating in his gaze, and I hated the feeling of being someone’s pet, of being controlled with something so primal as food.
“You’re learning,” He observed, holding out another piece. “Faster than I expected.”
“Go to hell.”
“I’m already there. The question is whether you’re smart enough to avoid joining me.” He unwrapped the burger, and I could feel my chest swell with the need to sink my teeth into it. “Open up.”
Each bite was a lesson in humiliation, my face burning with shame. He made me work for every piece, holding the food just far enough that I had to stretch, showing how desperate I truly was. And through it all, he watched with those cold eyes that I couldn’t stop looking into.
A strange silence settled between us as he fed me and watched me chew.
“Tell me something. When I arrived earlier, had Dmitri…”
He trailed off, something shifting in his expression. It was the first time I’d seen something remotely resembling an emotion on his face.
I swallowed hard. “Had he what?”
“Nothing. Forget it.”
“No.” Something in his tone made me press. “You want to know if he… if he hurt me.”
Nikolai’s jaw tightened almost imperceptibly, and the fact that he’d even asked made me feel strange. No. No. I cannot get soft just because he asked this goddamn question.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Doesn’t it? You killed him for it.”
“I killed him because he was disobeying orders. Nothing more. Now bite.” He was quick to counter, but there was something in his voice that contradicted his words. Something that almost sounded like it made a difference to him, too. Like the thought of Dmitri hurting me bothered him.
“You got here in time,” I said quietly. “Before he could… You know.”
Relief flashed across his face for just a moment before the mask slammed back down. “Like I said. It doesn’t matter.”
“Why did you ask, then?”
“Curiosity.” His voice was rougher now, as if showing compassion made him weak, and he hated the feeling. “Eat.”
I took another bite, studying his profile. He was rough, but there was no denying the obvious. Nikolai was a handsome man, and that dark edge of his flowed off of him in a way that I understood could be alluring to the most unsuspecting victim.
“You’re not what I expected,” I said.
“What did you expect?”
“Someone more… I don’t know. Mindlessly violent.”
His laugh was cold and humorless, almost a scoff of disdain. “Violence without purpose is a waste of energy. I’m many things, Babochka. You’d be wise not to try to analyze me.”
“What does that word you keep calling me mean?”
“Maybe one day I’ll tell you. Now, finish.” He commanded.
I took the final bite, hating him, hating myself, hating the way my body responded to food after so long without it.
When I was done, he stood and brushed off his suit. “The wet wipes. Clean your face.”
I picked up the wipes with shaking hands, cleaning away the dried blood as best I could. When I looked up, he was watching me with that same clinical assessment.
“Better,” he said. “Now you look like someone who might be worth keeping around.”
“Lucky me.”
“Yes, lucky you. I’ll be back later. Try not to do anything stupid while I’m gone.”
“Like what? I’m locked in a train car in a forgotten tunnel.”
“Like convincing yourself that the moment of weakness I just showed means something.” His voice was arctic, piercing through the hope I didn’t know had settled in my chest of the ruthless Russian actually having a heart.
“Noted. You’re still the monster, and I’m still not the princess you wanted to have caught.”
“Good girl, I knew you could do it. You’re still nothing more than a tool to me.”