CHAPTER EIGHT
Ellery
“Elle . . . I don’t understand.”
“Of course, you don’t.” My smile is tight, and my need to keep this uneventful even more so. “You and my brothers, or my dad, and whoever decided it was a good idea for you and me to get married. It was simply a merger of sorts to tie our families together personally and professionally.”
“That’s not—”
“It is.” I reach out and grab Chandler’s hand, the diamond ring on my left finger sparkling. A symbol of love that we don’t really feel.
Or at least I don’t.
“It was easy to get caught up in everything. You. Me. The promises that were made behind my back to bring you into my family business and cement the future of our families simultaneously.”
“How did you . . .”
I didn’t know. I assumed. But his response just confirmed my hunch.
That makes my need to do this even more urgent.
Our chance meeting that wasn’t by chance.
My brothers’ encouragement to go out with the man they deemed to be a great guy.
Good stock. All the right boxes ticked. The whirlwind romance and the over-the-top proposal.
Everything you’d think a girl could want. Textbook romance but with a clinical feel to it.
It was all manufactured for a desired result. A successful business merger disguised as a picture-perfect relationship.
And I went along with it. Until I didn’t want to.
The question is, what made me have a change of heart?
Maybe waking up one day after a storm to realize that I wanted more than a contract to decide my happiness.
“Elle. Sure, it—us meeting, us dating, how beneficial us being together would be for both of our families—was an idea floated by your brothers, but then we actually fell for each other.”
“You realize how that sounds, right?” My nervous chuckle fills the room.
“I’m aware. Just as I’m sure you’re well aware of how the things you’ve said in the past sound.”
“As in?” I cross my arms over my chest and prepare for Chandler of the Hurt Ego to begin his degradation of me.
“As in the fact that you don’t even believe in love. That romance is a ridiculous notion. That a relationship needs to be mutually beneficial for everyone involved.”
“You’re right. I did say that. I do believe that,” I reply, hoping those same words will be what lets him off easy. “But don’t you want more than that? Just because I don’t believe in it, doesn’t mean you don’t deserve better.”
Kill him with kindness. Make it all about him. Flatter his ego.
“Elle . . . look at you. You’re intelligent and successful and beautiful. What man wouldn’t want you at his side?”
“One who deserves love? Who wants a family? Who . . . I don’t know.”
“But our sex life is good, is it not?”
A tight smile paints my lips. “Of course, it is.”
But good sex isn’t enough.
Isn’t that what this is all about? It has to be. Because for a woman who’s only ever been left by the ones she truly loved—first my father when I was nine and then my mother when I was eighteen—I don’t exactly subscribe to the notion of love.
It only leads you into a false sense of security before it devastates you and leaves you to fend for yourself.
So yes, this arrangement of sorts would have professionally benefited us. It might have given me a leg up in my family business dynamic.
Chandler is a great guy. He’s polite and successful and yes, he’s a decent lover. I was willing to go along with it. There are worse things than being stuck with a good man when the notion of love doesn’t exist.
But I realized it also made me a pawn in a game I had no control over.
And this entire epiphany came from one damn, unexpected night.
The same night I fell asleep on a stranger’s chest after talking for hours. The same night I dreamt for the first time in forever. Dreams filled with faded memories of my parents and scenes from their unique and unmatched love for one another.
The same night someone told me nothing worth wanting is ever easy.
Ford.
Ford, named after the college and the car.
Ford of no last name, which in a sense makes everything that much more profound.
The man with the grumpy scowls and beautiful smiles.
Sure, he was attractive and sexy and all of the above, which had my stomach twisting every time he leveled me with those amber eyes of his, but it was more.
It was the words he said and the conviction with which he said them. It was watching him struggle with some unknown demon and realizing that even though we were on different paths, we were in a sense going through something very similar.
One night talking to a man I never met proved to be the catalyst for change within me. A refusal to settle. A refusal to let my brothers and father take what is rightfully mine. A refusal to be stifled. And the need to prove I can have everything I want.
I remove the ring from my finger as gracefully as possible and meet Chandler’s brown eyes while holding it out for him. “This belongs to you.”
He squeezes his eyes shut almost as if to say if he doesn’t see it, he doesn’t believe this is happening. “Can we postpone this conversation?”
“What?” I laugh the word out, my hand still extended.
His shoulders sag. “I said can we postpone this conversation? The breaking up with me part?”
“Chandler—”
“Please, Ellery.” He reaches out and closes my fingers around the ring so that it sits in the palm of my hand. “I feel like an idiot asking you, but . . .”
“The reception,” I murmur, thinking about the event next month where he’s being honored for all his work. Architect of the Year.
“Yeah. I know it’s a lot to ask—”
“It’s the least I can do.” I sigh and pull my hand back, the ring weighing heavily in it. So much for leaving here with a clean break.
“You sure?”
Why does he have to be so nice? So understanding? It would make this ten times easier if he were a dick.
“I’m sure, but after . . . I’m giving this back to you,” I say, holding the ring up.
The smile he gives doesn’t reach his eyes but is genuine nonetheless. “No. I want you to keep it. Maybe you’ll change your mind.” The hope lacing the edge of his tone feels like acid in my stomach.
“Chan—”
“Please. I insist.” He takes a step back and shrugs. “Give it a few months. Maybe you’ll reconsider. Maybe you’ll realize you can learn to love me as I have you.” When I start to shake my head, he continues. “Please. For my ego’s sake.”
“Yes. Yeah. Okay.” I nod when I already know I won’t change my mind. I gave it twelve months. And now I know we’re done.
Today is my day for starting new.
First breaking things off with Chandler.
Then, fingers crossed, everything else I’ve been working on over the past couple of weeks will fall into place at my next stop on today’s schedule.
That’s a big if, but it’s a chance I’m willing—no, I need—to take.
Funny how you can meet someone in the oddest of times to find out they gave you the advice, the hope, and the will to change something that you haven’t had the strength to change before.
One night stranded in a thunderstorm and my perspective changed. My wants have changed. I take that back. My wants have always been there; it’s more the drive to secure them for myself that has been strengthened.
I’m a win at any cost kind of girl.
As I walk out of Chandler’s apartment, past bits and pieces of me that have migrated here over the past year and into this new me, I just hope I have enough currency to make it all work in my favor.
Because falling flat on my face and proving everyone right isn’t an option I’m willing to accept.