CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Ford
This is ridiculous.
It would be one thing if she gave me an all-out cold shoulder for whatever she’s pissed off at me about.
But she hasn’t.
We work side by side. We sleep side by side. We fuck . . . well, we fuck in all different positions that are anything but side by side.
Yet . . . something is off with her. And the only clue she’s given me was the whole comment about the biography and what I haven’t told her.
Not exactly sure I believe that.
When my phone rings, I look at the screen and groan. “I’m not in the mood for your shit,” I answer in greeting.
“Wow. Hello to you too,” Callahan says.
I take a step outside of the inn for some privacy away from the craftsmen crawling all over the place.
“If you’re calling to rehash the same bullshit Ledger called about yesterday—”
“Yes, but . . . for other reasons.”
“So, we’re back to good cop then?”
“No. I’m the brother who says you have a right to be pissed. Hurt. Whatever it is you want to be. But I’m also the brother who is going to give you a little tough love and say those things but also be part of this with us.”
My hand pulling down on my neck eases some. “What was that?”
“You heard me, you fucker. Being nice is a rarity so don’t make me repeat myself.”
“Why?” It’s the same question I asked Ellery weeks ago. I have a feeling this answer will be just as important to me.
Callahan’s sigh is heavy. “Because we’re the only family we’ve got and we don’t like doing this without you.
Look, I’ll be the first one to admit Dad was a bastard at times.
It’s not exactly like the two of us got along all the time .
. . and yet, he’s still my dad. I still love him.
Just like I know you still love him too. ”
“Callahan . . .”
“I know. Believe me, brother, I know. But you’re letting what someone wrote—what someone chose not to write—come between the three of us. Mom would be fucking pissed at that.”
I stand in silence before emitting a long, drawn-out sigh and moving to a set of chairs just delivered for the café. “You know what’s the hardest?” I finally ask. “I know you guys know what Dad felt about us, but it’s embarrassing for other people to know too.”
He barks out a laugh. “Dude, the whole world knows what a fuckup I am. How I dropped out of Wharton. How I was a challenge who rebelled every chance I could and got in trouble more times than not. He even retold that story about how he caught me screwing that intern on the desk.”
“That was so bad.” I laugh. I can’t help it. And it feels so good to. “I forgot that was in the book.”
“Yeah. I didn’t. And neither did Sutton. Christ,” he mutters. “That was a fun one to explain.”
“Like she was surprised by it.”
“You’re right. She wasn’t. She knows my past.” He chuckles. “If you’re desperate for the world to see you, there’s always the leaked sex tape angle. That always works getting your name out there.”
“Fuck off.” But there is a smile on my face.
“Make one. We can have a housekeeper at your house accidentally find it and sell it to the tabloids. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to work?”
“Like I said, fuck off.”
“Speaking of sex,” he says, completely unfazed, “you and her still good?”
I pause for a beat. “Yeah. I think so.”
“You think so? Now, that sounds convincing.”
“No. It’s . . . I don’t know what it is.”
“Has it run its course? I mean, that happens sometimes. No shame in that.”
“No—”
“Is it just like a project fling? I’ve had a few of those. A little fun while you’re on-site that ends when your job there ends.”
“That’s not it. It’s—”
“Just sex. A good bang but no verbal agreement on the monogamy side. If that’s the case, man, make sure you jacket up. I mean, always jacket up but—”
“Goddamn it, will you let me get a fucking word in edgewise?” I shout at him, frustrated that of all the scenarios he’s painted, none of them describe what Ellery and I have.
“Or there’s a lot more there and either one or both of you are too chickenshit to just come out and say it. Or you have and the other isn’t sure how they feel about it—which is fucking brutal to say the least.”
“Callahan,” I warn, my voice steely as I pinch the bridge of my nose and begin to pace the small and newly landscaped garden area on the western side of the property.
“Then there’s the chance that you just flat-out love her or she loves you . . . and you don’t know what to do about it because love wasn’t on either of your radars.”
My feet falter.
I know the answer. I think I’ve known for quite some time.
It still doesn’t mean it doesn’t stagger me.
I stand there with my phone to my ear and the ocean before me, but I don’t see a single thing in front of me.
“Sometimes it just happens when you least expect it,” Callahan says, his voice softening.
I don’t have to speak or explain or refute, because he’s my brother.
He already knows. “It was the last thing on my radar, that’s for fucking sure, and then it hit me like a sledgehammer.
That I—selfish, egotistical, asshole Callahan—was in love with someone. ”
“I didn’t say a word,” I finally manage.
“You don’t have to. I know, brother. I know,” he says in quiet commiseration.
“Fuck.” I run a hand through my hair.
The woman had a silent freak-out when I asked her if she wanted to sleep in my room for a few nights. I don’t exactly think falling in love with me was part of her plans.
But it wasn’t mine either and look what happened.
“If I can give you one piece of advice—and I know it’s hard to hear coming from your little brother, but just listen and use what you want.
You can’t force love. You either feel it or you don’t.
And not acknowledging it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.
But once you put it out there, you can’t exactly take it back.
You have to live with the consequences of it.
Maybe you tell her once you’ve wrapped your head around it.
Maybe you don’t tell her at all. Maybe you wait for her to come to you.
The worst thing in the world is to give someone your love and for them to shun it. That hurts like a motherfucker.”
My smile is faint. “Look at you. When did you become an expert on this shit?”
He chuckles. “I haven’t. No one’s an expert when it comes to love. That’s the beauty and the pain of it.”
“I’ve gotta get going.”
“No, you don’t. You’re going to stand wherever you are for the next ten minutes and try to analyze and then refute but eventually accept what I’ve just said.
That’s how you are, but I’ll let you lying to me about it slide.
” He pauses. “Ford? This is what I meant. We’re always here for each other, a unified front.
We help each other when we need to. It sucks not having you be a part of this with us. ”
“Noted, man. Noted.”
“Love you, bro.”
The call ends and I stay where I am for a good few minutes. Or as Callahan stated, ten minutes there about.
My mind spins. At the things Callahan said and the truths hidden behind them.
Maybe you don’t tell her at all. Maybe you wait for her to come to you. The worst thing in the world is to give someone your love and for them to shun it. That hurts like a motherfucker.
So what the hell do I do about this?