Chapter 4 Jude #2
Still, he never quite got the sense he was welcome.
The bar was small, with squat windows and walls decorated with clumsy paintings and tacked-up village notices.
A handful of patrons were tucked around tables, nursing pints and glasses of indeterminable liquid.
Jude quickly scanned the space for the old woman who usually kept him company during his visits, but even she was absent that night.
‘Heya.’
Sean, the barman, smiled at him from behind the scored wooden counter. He raised an empty tankard, and Jude nodded. Lowering onto a bench tucked against the wall, he watched him work, trying very hard not to think of anything but the barman’s swift, practised movements.
Setting a pint next to Jude’s elbow, Sean knocked his fist on the table in two abrupt beats. Jude moved his arms under the table so Sean wouldn’t touch him. ‘Alone?’ the barman asked.
Jude nodded. It was rare he visited the pub without Elden. His housekeeper was fond of the ale, though perhaps the barman and his upstairs bedroom was the real draw for Elden. ‘Sorry to disappoint,’ he murmured.
The corner of Sean’s mouth ticked up. He tapped the side of Jude’s tankard. ‘Want me to keep them coming?’
Carefully, Jude extracted an arm and downed half the pint in one go. He stifled a grimace at the bitter aftertaste. Beer wasn’t usually his drink of choice. Once, it had been cider. Sweet and tart, a glass passed between young mouths. ‘Whisky, please.’
It’d do the job quicker, at least.
Sean studied him for a lingering moment. They weren’t friends, not even close, but Jude couldn’t be sure what Elden had told the bartender about him. Not that Elden should have said a word, but Jude suspected he might have let a few morsels slip.
‘Now,’ Jude grumbled. Guilt flooded him when Sean jerked away from the table. Before he could dredge up an apology, the barman was gone, a glass of whisky appearing a minute later.
His throat burned in protest as he gulped it down.
Warmth suffused his face, whether from the curious gaze of the bar’s patrons or the whisky, he wasn’t sure.
Coming here was a risk, but one he was willing to take.
He’d better get used to it. The iconographer would soon be watching him just as closely. Closer.
Jude raised his hand in the air, signalling Sean for another drink. Whisky or beer, he didn’t much care as long as it fulfilled its end of the bargain. He’d regret the indulgence in the morning, but he would be a mess either way. Might as well make it miserable by his own hand.
‘C’mon. You can’t stay here all night.’
Jude peeled back his eyelids, one at a time. Light danced in his vision, multiplying into a shattered dance of fire and spinning faces. His tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth. He tried to speak, but all that came through was a distorted murmur. Everything was so bright.
‘Ungh—’
‘Yep. That sounds about right.’
Someone slid their hands under his armpits and hefted him to his feet. He struggled to focus on their face. Pale eyes leering closer. A glint of a sliver chain—
‘No! No—’ Jude flailed, kicking out. He needed to get free. He couldn’t let the man touch him. Not his hair, not his back, not his wrists or hands. ‘Stop it!’
‘Okay,’ the voice murmured. Softer. ‘You’re okay.’
Jude looked up from where he’d crumpled onto his knees. The face swam into hazy focus. Familiar. Safe. ‘Sean?’
The barman nodded, unsmiling. ‘Time to get you home.’
This time, Jude let himself be pulled to his feet and guided towards the door.
He couldn’t feel his legs, and his eyes were gritty with sand.
Gold flashed disconcertingly bright with every blink.
Alcohol influenced his control over his unruly magic, which was why he usually abstained.
His loss of control was another point against the iconographer.
The freezing wind felt like a bucket of water had been dumped over his head, diluting the numbing effect of the alcohol. He blinked. ‘What happened?’
Sean propped Jude up against the side of the pub. ‘Had a bit too much, mate. You all right?’
‘I’ve got him.’
Elden materialized from the gloom with a flat cap pulled over his sandy hair. He smiled at Sean before peeling Jude off the wall, careful to keep his hand light on Jude’s elbow, knowing how he shied away from touch. ‘Let’s go.’
They made their way slowly from the village.
The first curls of nausea swarmed in Jude’s belly as the house came into view, joining with his embarrassment at Elden having to fetch him like an unruly child.
He stopped at the gate, bracing his hands on the iron.
A small, rusted plaque was mounted at the centre.
Jude ran his fingers over it, feeling the shape of the letters.
The name of the house he’d been condemned to.
áNHAGA. Solitary being. A dwelling for one.
Tears pricked the corners of his eyes as he turned his messy focus to the moors behind him. Dawn was still hours off, the sky a deep blue indigo. The old oak tree stood proud, not too far in the distance. A spectral figure with hulking branches like shadows given substance.
A wave of drunkenness swept over him, as infallible as the tide.
Fear chased it, pummelling against all his sharpened edges until they softened with weary reluctance.
His body felt weightless. Not entirely his own, like he could float away at any moment.
A restlessness in his veins that felt at once both untenable and wholly unfamiliar.
‘Elden,’ Jude asked, ‘what’s wrong with me?’
The question was quiet, hardly more than a suggestion between exhales.
But still, Elden paused. Their eyes locked.
Something in their light blue depths gave Jude pause.
He wondered if he would ever truly know the other man.
Even after three years in the same home, he still sometimes felt like a stranger, a fault that didn’t lie with Elden.
Warm, friendly Elden. Jude only had himself to blame.
‘Let’s get you into the house,’ Elden murmured.
Jude bit the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood.
He pulled his gaze away from his housekeeper and back towards the oak, further, up.
He searched the horizon for guidance, for birds.
He would allow himself that much. A desperate moment of pain and fear, a prayer sent towards an uncaring sky, before he turned and trudged back towards ánhaga.