Chapter 1
"You're really here."
The words came out as a mixture of both surprise and delight. Alethea Carter was not sure how to respond, as she looked up at the woman saying them to her.
Daphne Carter. Her sister, if only in name. Alethea stopped just beyond the carriage door. It was not a stranger calling out to her, but rather her own sister whom she scarcely had any memories of.
I am here, Alethea wanted to say in response. But the words would not form correctly, resting at the tip of her tongue. She took in the sight in front of her.
The woman resembled her very much so in her physical appearance.
That was not a surprise, as they shared the same set of parents who had now long since departed from the world.
But she did not recognize anything else about her.
To Alethea, the woman standing in front of her was effectively a stranger.
"Alethea?" Daphne spoke again, worry lines creasing her forehead at the prolonged silence.
"Yes, well," Alethea cleared her throat.
In earnest, she had imagined this moment in her mind for many weeks now.
Ever since she had gotten word that nunnery she resided in would shut down, and that she would be finally reunited with her family, the foremost thought in her mind had been one of the reunion and the feelings that may arise during it.
But now that the time was finally here, Alethea scarcely felt anything that she could articulate properly. Her own mind was a mess.
And this is your family. She reminded herself again, lest she forget that very important fact.
Even though she had been born here at Hasgrieve Estate, it was difficult for her to see it as home.
Of course, it was her home in the real sense of the word. But in earnest, it felt like a strange new land she was stepping into for the first time.
"I…" Alethea opened her mouth to speak again, but then closed it promptly.
It was not as situation that she had ever found herself in before, which was returning back to a home that she had actually never even known.
Daphne crossed the distance between them, and wrapped her into a tight embrace. Every fiber of her being seemed to emanate warmth towards Alethea, who could only awkwardly receive it, not knowing what quite to do with it.
She was not used to such overt affection, after all.
"Really, you must forgive me," Daphne said, pulling back as if she had overstepped. "It's just that none of us were certain this day would ever come. You must understand that it means a great deal for us for you to be back here after so long."
Alethea could only nod in response. She folded her arms in front of her in a proper manner.
"I can understand what you mean," she said, though she was not quite sure if she did. But it was strange for her as well, if not equally so.
A look of worry crossed Daphne's face.
"I did not mean to trouble you with my thoughts either," Daphne went on, "Oh, no. That was the last thing that I wished to do. I must apologize for that, for I wish to only communicate good feelings to you."
Alethea blinked in surprise. It was rare that she was ever apologized to, in fact it was almost always the opposite where she was from.
This was going to take a while to get used to, she thought to herself.
Behind her stood two other young women. Alethea recognized them, if only from fragmented memories.
"Felicity," said the second woman, taking Alethea's hand warmly. "And this is Joyce."
"Yes, Joyce and Felicity," Alethea tried to make it sound as though she remembered them but in earnest, she only had a few blurry memories. Much like it was the case with Daphne, she knew of their names but little else.
"You need not pretend that you remember everything," Daphne said, kindly.
"There are some things which I remember," Joyce added. "For instance, I recall a vague memory of chasing you around the house once."
Alethea wished that it registered for her as well, but it only drew a blank. She did not know what Joyce was referring to but she smiled nonetheless, knowing that she was only trying to make her feel more welcome.
"Felicity says I was terribly annoying," Joyce continued on.
"You were," Felicity said with a small smile. "But we were all children back then."
Alethea did not say much in response, only nodded once. The truth was, even she wasn't sure what parts of her life counted as the truth anymore. The nunnery had been her entire world for so long.
Her sisters had grown up without her. In fact, all of these years, they had assumed that Alethea had died.
"It is fine if you do not immediately feel at ease," Daphne said. "It
Daphne said gently, as if reading her mind. "We don't expect things to feel familiar right away. We just want you to know… you're wanted here."
Wanted. It felt strange to hear that about herself. It was scarcely something that she was used to hearing. If anything, it felt more like a privilege.
"I wish to tell you that we did not ever forget you," Joyce added. "Even though we did not have a lot of time to get to know you, as you were separated from us so early in life."
Alethea felt a strange sense of overwhelm. Firstly, she did not quite know what to say to her sisters in response. A part of her wished to asked them why no one had come looking for her earlier.
Surely, if they had not fully forgotten about her, they would have made more of an effort. But then she decided that to ask such a thing would be unfair. Her sisters had been children then as well.
It would be best, she thought to herself, to refrain from asking all of her questions right now.
"Perhaps we should all head inside," Felicity suggested with a reluctant expression that was not much different to the one that Joyce had on her face.
Alethea found herself wondering what their conversations about her would have been like.
Did they really feel happy at the news of her return, or did they have a different reaction?
You will find out in due time, she reminded herself again. It occurred to her that she was going to have to keep telling herself that for many things.
"We shall," Alethea answered, realizing that all three women were looking anxiously towards her for a response. They broke out in nervous smiles.
"Good, very good," Daphne nodded, "Right this way, then."
They led her up the steps of Hasgrieve Estate. Besides the door, two footmen stood waiting. In fact, there were staff all over the room. Alethea spotted maids scurrying about with trays in their hand, not looking in her direction but maintaining a polite distance.
One of the maids bowed to her as she passed. Even though it was a small gesture, it caught her off-guard immediately.
She had never been bowed to before. Or at least, she could not recall if she ever had.
In the nunnery, there had been no servants.
Rather, there had been chores to do and strict obedience that was expected of you.
The idea of someone being paid to wait on her felt strange and it dawned on her that life here was much different than the one that she had been accustomed to.
Daphne seemed to notice her way that her shoulders had tensed up at the scene.
"Is something bothering you?" Daphne asking, taking note of the way that Alethea had paused.
"The staff here is quite extensive," she managed to say in return.
"Oh," Daphne exclaimed. "Well, yes perhaps. But they all play their role in keeping the estate running."
"It is not something I am used to," Alethea admitted, earnestly.
"Well, then think nothing of it," Daphne said, reassuringly. "I am sure that in time you shall get used to them."
"Would you like to rest first?" Joyce asked, her eyes darting between Daphne and then Alethea. "I imagine it must have been no easy journey here."
"Yes," Alethea said after contemplating on the matter for a moment.
"I can understand," Joyce was quick to sympathize. "I always get terribly restless myself after more than an hour in the carriage."
Alethea offered a polite smile, though the journey had felt much longer for reasons other than distance. If anything, that felt like the easiest part of it all. Now it felt like things were going to get difficult.
Though, of course, she realized that it might also be her mind making things worse for herself. It was something that it had a knack of doing. Often, she conjured up the worst possible version of events playing out in her head. It did not do her good, yes. But in a sense, it prepared her as well.
So then in her mind, it was a practical measure of things. It was something that Alethea had gotten rather adept in. She was someone who took things at face value, and then tried to conjure up a darker side to it. In her life, she had known that most things have a dark side.
"I'm more tired from everything else, I think," she said, baring out her thoughts with honesty.
It took her a moment to realize that perhaps her thoughts had been too honest. But it was another habit she had. She was used to speaking her mind. The nuns had always told her that lying was a terrible sin, and must never be done. It was ingrained in her now as an ethos.
She had only really lied once, she remembered, wincing at the memory. And then quickly shut out the thought from her mind.
Felicity glanced at her, a flicker of concern crossing her features. Maybe she had not expected her to be so candid, so soon. Alethea could hardly blame her, either.
"It's a great deal to take in," she said. "Coming back to the family must feel overwhelming from your perspective. Oh, I cannot even imagine. Would you tell me? How does it feel?"
Alethea hesitated. She did not wish to offend them with her honesty, which she knew was always a possibility. But then again, lying to them seemed like a worse option.
She could feel that they were kind to her as well, as cruelty is hard to miss.
"I worry that I should not voice my real feelings," she said finally.
"You absolutely should," Daphne encouraged. "I believe that is the only way that we will be able to make some progress."
Alethea sucked in a breath.