Chapter 19 #2
“Yes, you should,” Myles says, then puts his arm around my shoulders. “Let’s go, Tom Brady. Before you cause yourself any more damage.”
“You really don’t have to come back with me,” I tell him after we say goodnight to his dad and his moms. “I’ll be fine. You should spend time with your family.”
“I’m not leaving you on your own. You might have a concussion.
” He’s still got his arm around me. And it feels…
nice. This enemy who’s my friend. I slide my arm around his waist and for a moment he freezes, but then carries on walking.
I can feel the heat of his skin through his long-sleeved Henley, and it makes my heart do a weird flip.
“I’m sorry we didn’t win,” I say, mostly because I want him to reply.
“I never realized you were so competitive.”
“I’m not usually,” I muse. “I guess you bring out the best in me.”
“Or the worst?”
My lips twitch. “Maybe. Anyway, you’ll just have to trounce them all at the Salinger Olympics.”
“Well at least you won’t be competing in that.”
“Would that be such a bad thing?” I frown. “I’m as good as the rest of them.”
“Of course you are. But every time you get the slightest scratch I’ll have a fucking heart attack. And I don’t know how many more of them I can take.”
“I’m sorry,” I say softly. “I just wanted to join in. I should know better at my age, but I didn’t get to do stuff like that growing up.”
“What?” His brow pinches. We turn a corner past the large oak trees and his cabin comes into view.
There’s a light on inside but apart from that everything is dark, illuminated only by the moon.
It’s reflected on the lake, a shimmer that moves every few moments as though insects are diving below the surface.
“I didn’t have many friends.” I shrug.
“I don’t understand. Everybody loves you.”
“No they don’t.”
He blinks. “Yes they do.”
“You didn’t. You hated me.”
“What makes you think that?” His brows pull in tight as we reach the steps to his deck.
“Oh, the way you looked at me like you wanted to kill me every time we were on a conference call.”
“How did I look exactly?” he asks slowly.
I try to form my expression into an approximation of his on all those meetings and video calls. My eyes are narrow, my lips pursed, and there are furrows in my brow about three feet deep.
He’s studying my face like it’s a map of somewhere he’s never been before. Taking in every line.
“You mean like this?” he asks hoarsely, forming his expression into exactly the one I’m referring to. A little moody, a lot angry. It’s like we’re back in the conference room again.
“Yes!” I say triumphantly. “Exactly like that.”
“That isn’t a hating expression,” he says, his face easing as the moodiness melts away.
“Then what is it?”
“You don’t know?” he asks, his hand curling around the door handle. There’s a depth to his eyes that I can’t quite fathom.
“No,” I say quietly. “I don’t.”
“It’s a…” He exhales heavily. “It’s a this woman is fucking gorgeous, but she’s out of my league and she wouldn’t want me anyway because I made a really bad first impression and every time we see each other I just make it worse expression.”
Absolute shock takes over me. “That’s a very specific expression.”
“It is,” he agrees.
“Do you use it on all the women?”
He closes his eyes for a moment. “Let’s go inside before all the bugs get in.”
Myles flicks a light on as we step into the living area. I follow him, his words still echoing in my brain. He thinks I’m gorgeous. It’s like a hundred-piece orchestra has taken up residence in my mind, playing the most beautiful piece of music I could have imagined.
“You liked me?” I ask, my voice tight. “Why didn’t you say something?”
He closes the door behind me, his arm brushing my shoulder. He’s close enough for me to smell his cologne, mixed with the sweet smell of fresh perspiration.
“Go to bed, Ava,” he says.
I shake my head, my jaw set. “But I have questions.”
“You think you have questions?” he asks. “I have a ton of them.”
“Like what?”
“Like why didn’t you have friends when you were younger?”
“I guess I had a few friends, I just didn’t get to spend time with them out of school. A lot of the other moms didn’t like mine.”
He winces. “Why not?”
“Because she has very specific views and isn’t afraid to demonstrate them.” I’m leaning back against the door and he’s so close our chests are almost touching. I have to look up to catch his eye. “What else?”
“Why were you chased by cops?”
“Same reason. My mom has very specific views and…”
“Isn’t afraid to demonstrate them,” he finishes. “But you don’t seem to have specific views,” he points out.
“I do,” I say softly. “But maybe I’m afraid to demonstrate them.”
“Why are you afraid?”
“Because I like to be liked.” I’m feeling exposed. How come I’m the one answering the questions? All I want to know is if he was joking when he said I’m gorgeous.
“I noticed that,” he says softly. “Why is that so important to you?”
“Who doesn’t want to be liked?”
He shrugs. “Me.”
I reach up to cup his face. His skin is warm and bristly against my palm. He closes his eyes as I trace the line of his jaw with my thumb, his breath exhaling in a pant. And it makes me feel like he wasn’t joking.
He was deadly serious. And so am I.
“I like you.”
He squeezes his eyes shut even tighter. “You should go to bed.”
I ignore him, so sick of this push and pull between us. I need to know what he’s thinking. I need answers, dammit. “Do you like me?” I ask softly.
He swallows hard, his throat bobbing. Up close it’s like watching a miracle. A testosterone filled one.
“You said something to me a minute ago,” I whisper. “That me getting hurt gives you a heart attack. What does that mean?”
“That I’m almost certainly going to be in the hospital before the end of the weekend.
” He’s still not giving anything away and it’s killing me.
There’s this frisson between us that’s making my skin feel electric.
He’s big and he’s masculine and he makes me feel so achy inside.
I’ve never been into power plays between men and women, but right now if he flung me over his shoulder and carried me into the bedroom I’d be putty in his hands.
I roll onto the balls of my feet, my face inches from his. Myles’ lips part enough for him to exhale softly. His gaze is wary, as though I’m a wild animal and he has no idea what I’m going to do next.
To be honest, I have no idea either.
“Myles, do you like me?” I ask him again.
“Yes.” His voice is strangled, like he’s admitting it against his will. “But I’m not going to do anything about it.”
I frown. “Why not?”
“Because we work together. And I’m the asshole you love to hate.”
“You’re the asshole who’s going to be my baby’s father. And I don’t hate you. Quite the opposite, in fact.” I want him. My body wants him. Damn, my mind wants him, too.
He’s silent, but his eyes tell me everything his lips won’t. They’re hot and they’re piercing and I feel like he can see into my soul. I want to dive into them.
“Ava…”
“Kiss me.”
I know this is stupid. If Lauren was here she’d be screaming at me to stop. It will complicate an already messy situation. But I can’t help it, I burn for him.
I want him like I’ve never wanted anyone else.
He closes those beautiful eyes, squeezing them tightly as though in pain. His jaw is so tight I could cut cheese on it. He opens them again, inhaling sharply. “It’s been a long—”
My lips tremble because I already feel the rejection. Then he shakes his head and says, “Fuck it.”
The first thing I feel when his body presses against mine is the thick ridge of him digging into my stomach.
If I wasn’t winded earlier, I am now, because it’s more than in proportion to this big, strong man.
He brushes my hair over my shoulder, his fingers trailing over my neck, sending a pulse of electricity directly to my nipples. They harden against his chest.
Even on my tiptoes, he has to stoop to align his face with mine. His eyes blaze into mine, and I can feel every emotion that’s running through him. I open my mouth to tell him to hurry up, but before I can say anything his lips crash into mine.
I think I let out a little moan. My arms curl around his neck and his slide down my back, cupping my behind before he lifts me up against the door.
I’m the filling in a Myles and door sandwich, my back jammed against the wood, my front pressed into his beautiful, muscled body as he rocks his hips against me.
His lips part, his tongue sliding into my mouth, and this time my moan is loud. Whatever this man is doing to me, my body likes it. No, it loves it. My skin is tingling and sensitive, and the blunt force of his erection against my stomach makes me want to sing with joyful abandon.
The rough growth of a day’s beard scrapes my chin as I kiss him back, my fingers playing with the short hair at the nape of his neck. Then I pull my mouth from his, dipping to kiss the hard lines of his throat, and for the first time he lets out a groan that rumbles through my body.
He tastes so good I think he might be my new favorite meal. With one hand still under my ass, he pushes the other between us and under my hoodie, sliding the base of his thumb over my breast, letting out a throaty noise when he feels the peak of my nipple.
But then he pulls back, leaving me breathless and aching. I look up at him, confused, and see the fire in his eyes.
“I kissed you,” he says, as he struggles to catch his breath. “So now you should go to bed.”
“But…”
He brushes his fingers against my jaw, his touch so light I barely feel it. “Ava, please, go to bed.”
My heart is beating so fast I’m scared it might fly out of my chest. My skin is tingling and desperate for more of this man. I’m so confused and turned on and desperate to feel the weight of him on me.
I think I might die without it.
“Myles…” I whisper.
“Don’t say anything,” he urges. “Just go.”
“But you… we…” I take a deep breath, trying to calm my speeding pulse. “Why did you stop?”
“Because if I don’t stop now, I’m not sure I’ll be able to later.”
My breath is still unsteady. “Then don’t. Don’t stop. I won’t stop you.”
His eyes flash. “Don’t say that.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m trying to be a gentleman,” he rasps. “And I haven’t forgotten why you’re here.”
“Why I’m…” It dawns on me. “To get pregnant?”
He swallows. “Yes. And you’re not ovulating yet.”
“So if I was, you’d still be kissing me. Touching me. Would you take me to bed?”
He squeezes his eyes shut. “Please stop. I’m on the fucking edge right now. Do you know how impossible you are to resist?”
“Then don’t resist me.” It seems simple. I want him. He wants me. Why can’t we do this? “I want to feel you inside of me.” There it is, the truth. I want this man like I’ve never wanted anything before.
“If I slide inside you, I’ll come. And I don’t want to come.”
My mouth opens but no sound comes out.
“If I’m going to impregnate you this weekend, I’d like the odds to be good,” he continues. “And I’m not lessening our chances now. Not when I’ve been abstaining for a week.”
“A week?” I repeat. “But you…” I stop because I have no idea how to say this. “You must have, you know, relieved yourself?”
He lifts his head from my shoulder, his smile crooked. “How come you can beg me to take you to bed but you can’t say masturbate?”
My cheeks redden and his grin widens. “Why haven’t you…” I take a deep breath. “Masturbated?”
“Because I read that it can reduce sperm count.”
My brows lift. “You’ve been reading up about it?” I don’t know why it surprises me. This is Myles we’re talking about.
He shrugs. “I like to know what I’m getting into.”
“What else have you been reading?”
He runs his palms up my back. It feels warm and good. “I like to research a subject before I go all in.”
I’m intrigued now. And more than a little bit touched by him being all in. “Tell me the weirdest thing you’ve read.”
He dips his head to press his lips softly against mine. My whole body sighs. “There’s a study in Evolutionary Psychological Science which concluded that the duration of cunnilingus predicts the amount of a man’s ejaculate.”
“There’s what?” I whisper. I’m floored. Not just because Myles said cunnilingus and now I’m picturing him doing exactly that. And yes, he’d be good at it, because Myles Salinger is good at everything he does.
But also because people study this. There’re actually people who volunteer to be… um… orally pleasured in the name of science. I’d take my hat off to them if I was wearing one.
“You heard me,” he says, his voice thick. Yes, I did. Now all I can think about is that Myles has been reading up on men giving women oral sex for scientific purposes.
“How many people did they study?” I’m literally fascinated. And more than a little turned on. He’s still holding me loosely. I shift against him and he steadies me again. Yeah, he’s turned on, too.
“If you’ll stand still I’ll tell you.” He slides his hands down my thighs. Why didn’t I wear shorts tonight? Oh yeah, because of the bugs.
“I’m still,” I point out.
“They reached the conclusion by watching porn. Measured the length of time the man gave head to the woman, then compared it to the ejaculate volume.”
“They must have had their eyes glued to the screen.”
He grins. “It’s a hard job…”
“Literally.”
He laughs and it sends a shot of warmth through me. When he kisses me this time it’s so soft it makes my chest ache. “You really should go to bed,” he murmurs.
“Yeah.” I nod. “But I don’t want to.”
His gaze is like a warm blanket being wrapped around my body. I feel so needy yet so safe with him. It’s disconcerting.
“When I’m ovulating…”
He exhales heavily, his eyes never leaving mine. “Then we’ll talk.”
“About…”
“I wish you’d use complete sentences,” he says. “It would make it so much easier for me if I didn’t have to guess what you’re thinking.”
“I’m sorry. I just find talking about this stuff difficult.” I press my lips together and give myself a silent pep talk. “Okay, when I’m ovulating will you kiss me again?”
The corner of his lip twitches. “Yes.”
“And will you… touch me?”
He blinks. “Yes.”
“And if you wanted… and I do want... would you do more?”
“Define more.”
Oh, he’s going to make me work for this. I keep my gaze on his even though I want to look away. I’m not going to let him beat me. “Would you slide your hard cock inside of me until my eyes roll back and I’m gasping your name?”
His eyes widen with shock and I feel a thrill of victory. “Fuck, Ava.”
“Exactly. Will you fuck Ava?”
He swallows, his eyes dark and narrow. “Yes,” he rasps, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers. “Now will you go to bed before I lose my goddamned mind?”