Chapter 21
CHAPTER
TWENTY-ONE
AVA
It’s almost evening by the time I actually get to spend any time with Myles.
We’ve started talking a couple of times, but he’s been dragged away to solve a dispute between two uncles, or to speak to the caterers about timings for the day.
Now that Eli has opened my eyes to it, I can see that everybody leans on Myles.
And I start to wonder who he has to lean on.
“Okay?” he asks me, his eyes dipping to my face. I’ve just come back from the cabin where I had to pee on another stick.
“Yep. Still not there. You can keep your pants on for a few more hours.”
He rolls his eyes but still manages to look amused. “Have I told you how beautiful you look today?”
No he hasn’t, and now that he has I feel myself warm up. “I almost didn’t look this amazing. Can you believe my date forgot to tell me there was a vow renewal ceremony?”
His eyes widen in mock horror. “What kind of man would do that? You should ditch him.”
“I’ve thought about that, but he owes me.”
“He owes you?” Myles repeats. “What does he owe you?”
I catch his eye. “Pleasure.”
Myles blinks and I try to not smile. I’ve actually taken him by surprise and I like it.
“That sounds intriguing,” he says, his voice mild. “Why would he owe you that?”
I roll onto my tiptoes and steady myself with my hand on his shoulder. He still has to dip his head for me to whisper in his ear.
“Because he promised me last night,” I tell him. “But we have to wait for the right moment.”
He opens his mouth to reply, but then his father calls out for everybody’s attention.
The crowd of people around the lake hushes and turns toward him, where he’s standing next to Julia.
She’s still wearing her dress – I don’t blame her, if I looked that good I would, too – but the train has been pinned to her waist so it doesn’t drag in the grass.
“Hello everybody,” Rupert says, curling his arm around Julia’s waist. “I promise to not take up too much of your drinking time, but I just wanted to say a few thank yous before we get into celebrating tonight.” He inclines his head at the wait staff, who are holding trays full of champagne.
They start to weave through the crowd and hand out glasses.
“And of course I’d like to toast my new-old-wife. ”
Everybody laughs.
“But seriously, a day like today couldn’t happen without the help of so many people.
The lovely Linda and Deandra,” he says, nodding at his ex-wives, “have worked so hard with Julia to make this the perfect day. And I feel very lucky to be surrounded by my loves of the past along with my love of the present and future.” He leans down to kiss Julia’s cheek. “So thank you, angels.”
Linda and Deandra beam back at him.
“And my boys.” He looks around because the six of them are scattered among the crowd. “Thank you for all being here. And for making me the proudest father I could be.” His eyes crinkle.
“And finally, but not last. Never last. I’d like to thank Julia for being everything a man could want in his partner for life. She’s kind, gorgeous, funny.” He lifts a brow. “And most importantly, she knows how to keep me in my place.”
Julia shakes her head, smiling.
“And on top of that, she’s given me one more thing. The thing that we’ve been wishing for over the past ten years. She’s going to make me a father again.”
A collective gasp comes from the guests. Myles’ face doesn’t alter one bit. The only sign he’s even heard his dad is when he tightens his grip on his champagne glass. Linda and Deandra let out a squeal and run up to hug Julia, who looks like she’s about to cry with happiness.
From the corner of my eye I see Liam, Myles’ closest brother, glance at him. Myles shrugs. I guess none of them knew.
“And with that bombshell, I’d like to raise a toast to my wife and our future child.” Rupert lifts his glass. “To Julia and our baby. Thank you for making me the happiest man in the world.”
“To Julia and the baby,” everyone choruses, before lifting their champagne glasses up. Myles drains his own glass, then holds his hand out for mine. I pass it to him – I’m not drinking it after all – and he drains that one, too.
MYLES
I drain my glass of whiskey and gesture at the barman to refill it. The bar was built at the side of the wooden dancefloor the construction company erected by the lake, and for one night only it’s full of people.
But I only have eyes for one.
She’s laughing with Liam right now, as he leans down to say something in her ear. Her face lights up, her pretty lips curl, and all I can think is that I want her like I’ve never wanted anything in my life.
So why are you getting drunk at the bar and not dancing with her?
Mostly because I’m a fucking idiot. But also because my dad and Julia blindsided me. I thought my days of having new siblings were over. I thought I’d done my duty, but now it feels like it’s starting all over again.
I’m about to be a brother again. And yes, so are Liam, Eli, and the rest. But their experience of brotherhood is different to mine. Mine is more like being a father.
I love them all, but I’ve spent most of my life taking care of them in one way or another.
Eli holds his hand out to Ava and she takes it, glancing over at me before letting my brother lead her to the dance floor.
A pulse of irritation washes over me but I push it away.
I asked Eli to take care of her earlier, after all.
Despite our group messages the other day, I know he has no intention of trying anything with Ava.
He was just trying to goad me, and right now he’s just trying to entertain her.
I should be happy that she’s having fun. And I am… but…
It should be me dancing with her. It should be me making her smile. But the truth is, I have no idea how to do that. She’s so full of sunshine, and she deserves somebody who always brings that out in her. Not my grumpy, black soul that only brings things down.
“Another?” the bartender asks, noticing my empty glass.
“Yeah.” My word slurs. That’s a new one. I don’t drink often, and never to excess. But there’s a softness to my thoughts and I kind of like it. I like watching her, too, especially when she doesn’t know I’m watching. And yes, I’m aware that’s potentially icky, but damn, I like this woman.
I just don’t know how to handle it. How to make her happy. And there’s nothing I want more than that. To make her smile, to make her glow, to make her pregnant.
I’ll do anything for her. Even sacrifice myself.
AVA
As the sun slides down behind the mountains and we finish dinner, the music strikes up and just like last night, people start to fill the dance floor.
I dance with Eli, who apologizes again, even though I’ve told him it’s fine, and then with Liam who turns out to be the best dancer ever.
When the song finishes, I look around to find Myles, but he’s not at his table or with his family.
Eventually, I realize he’s still at the bar, a whiskey in his hand.
“Hi,” I say, offering a smile. “I’ve been looking for you.”
“What can I do for you?” His voice is low and throaty.
“Are you okay?” I shake my head at the bartender when he offers me a drink. Myles, on the other hand, holds out his glass to be filled up, and I wonder how many times he’s done that.
“I’m just great. I’m going to be a brother again, did you hear that?”
“I was with you,” I remind him. “And yes, congratulations.”
He lifts the glass to his lips and swallows a mouthful of his fiery drink. “It was supposed to be you.”
“What was?”
“Being pregnant. With my baby.”
“My baby,” I correct, because I can’t think of it as his. As ours. I’m already messed up about him, I don’t need to mess this baby up, too.
“Potato potahto,” he says, taking another mouthful of whiskey. He looks at me over the rim of his glass. His eyes are wide and a little hazy. They’re the only giveaway that he’s drunk.
“We should go back to the cabin,” I say, because I don’t like this.
I feel like he’s on the edge of something, about to topple over. I want to save him and that’s stupid because he’s not mine to save.
“Why?” he asks, running his finger around the rim of his glass. “Do you need me to impregnate you?”
“You make it sound so romantic,” I joke, wanting to see his beautiful smile again.
But he’s all serious. “I want you to get pregnant. I want to see your stomach swell. I want to see you bloom.”
I exhale heavily. “You won’t see any of that. You’ll be back in New York and I’ll be in Charleston.”
He runs the tip of his tongue along his bottom lip, capturing a bead of whiskey. “You could come with me. You know Jean-Baptiste wants you there. You could stay at my place. I’d take care of you. You know I would.”
“You’ve drunk too much,” I tell him, because I can’t let him put ideas like that in my head. I don’t need him to take care of me. I don’t need him to care.
But I want him to, and that’s just stupid.
“Do you know I got drunk once when I was eighteen?” There’s the slightest slur to his words now.
“I didn’t realize alcohol made you so chatty,” I say. “I’d have gotten you drunk months ago.”
He smiles again and leans forward until I can feel his warm breath against my cheek.
“It was the only time. And I had to go to the hospital because Brooks had broken his arm at a friend’s house and his mom and Dad were away with my mom on a cruise.
I’ve never sobered up so quickly in my life.
I realized then that I can’t ever lose control. ”
“Everybody gets drunk when they first try alcohol,” I tell him. “It’s a normal growing up experience.”
“I didn’t. Not after that.”
“You’re drunk now,” I point out.
“I’m…” His brows knit as he thinks it through. “Mildly intoxicated.”
“Potato potahto.”
“Are you using my words back at me, Miss Quinn?” He reaches out to trace my jaw, sending a shiver down my spine.
“I’m pointing out that you may not be in complete control right now. And anything you say you might regret in the morning.”
“Like I think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen?” he asks, cupping my jaw. “Or that I haven’t stopped thinking about being inside of you since last night?”
I open my mouth to reply, but no words come. Just a heat that rises up from my belly and suffuses my skin.
“Do you know how out of control you make me feel?” he asks, though it doesn’t appear he expects an answer. “How much I want to make you pregnant?” he whispers. “How much I want to make you happy?”
My heart beats wildly in my chest. He drops his brow until it’s touching mine, his gaze full of emotions I can’t quite name. “Ava Quinn,” he murmurs. “So nice. So fucking nice.”
I swallow.
“You know what I want to do to you? I want to corrupt you. I want to make you feel so good you can’t walk for three weeks.”
“You’re going to regret this in the morning,” I whisper.
“I’m not. I’m really not. Sometimes the truth just gets so big it has to get out there. Sometimes it hurts too much to keep it in.”
“Myles,” I whisper. “We’re at your father’s vow renewal. We’re surrounded by your family. You need to keep quiet.”
“I don’t want to keep quiet. I want them to know. I want them all to know. You’re mine, Ava. You’re fucking mine.”
I slide my hand into his and tug. “Come back to the cabin. Now.” I’m using my best school teacher voice, cultivated by years of visits to elementaries.
He blinks. “Will you stay with me if I do?”
“Yes.” I nod. “I’m not going anywhere.”
There’s a look of trust in his eyes, and it kills me more than anything else. “Who looks after you?” I ask him.
He gives me a strange look. “What do you mean?”
“Who looks after you when you’re so busy looking after everybody else?” There has to be somebody. I have Lauren and Sophie. We take turns being each others’ rocks. And even my mom. I know I keep a lot from her, but if I needed her she’d be there.
But who does Myles have?
He shakes his head as though my words don’t compute. “I look after myself.”
“Tonight, let me look after you,” I say, sliding my fingers between his. He looks down at our intertwined hand and his brow scrunches. “Let me take you back to the cabin and make you happy.”
“How will you do that?” He lifts a brow.
“Not like that.” I smile. “Let me make you a drink. Make a fire. Give you a shoulder massage. Let me take care of you the way you take care of everybody else.”
His eyes scan my face like he’s looking for answers. My chest contracts because he’s just so beautiful, even when he’s drunk. “Okay…” he says slowly. “But you need to promise me one thing.”
“Name it and it’s yours.”
“Don’t make me fall in love with you. Liam said I shouldn’t.”
My eyes widen. “I won’t,” I say solemnly. His hand tightens around mine and we start to walk away from the bar, past the dance floor where the music is louder. He says something but it’s swallowed by the beat.
It sounds like, “It’s too late. I already have.”
But it can’t be that, can it?