Chapter 27 #2
“But somebody needs to tell you, sweetheart. You need to relax. Have fun. Meet a guy. Let him ruin your insides.”
“I thought you hated guys.” I ignore the part about ruining my insides. That’s not a direction I need this conversation to go in.
“I love men. I just don’t need to plight my troth to one.”
“Plight your what?” I shake my head. “Never mind. Can we change the subject?” I glance at my watch. “Actually, it’s getting late. I should go home. I need to let the office know I’ll be late tomorrow.”
“You don’t have to take me to court,” she says.
“I’m taking you.” Because I still don’t trust her not to strip naked. I should probably call Lisa and suggest we keep Mom and Raeanne separated. Together they’re a lethal combination.
“Whatever,” she says, but secretly she looks pleased. And I feel guilty because she doesn’t ask for a lot. Just a little of my attention. Apparently getting naked and arrested is the only way she can do it.
My phone buzzes and a text message appears from Myles. A smile immediately pulls at my lips as I open it.
And then it freezes when I see the image attached to the message. Myles, naked from the chest up, scowling at me through the camera.
Just doing laundry.
My body doesn’t know what to do first. Blush because dammit, Myles Salinger naked from the chest up is something to behold.
His skin is golden, his muscles taut and firm.
But it’s his face that draws me in. The way he’s grimacing at the camera, as though the last thing he wants to do is take a selfie.
And yet he’s doing it. For me. And it warms everything inside of me. Not just the buzzing desire that always takes over me when he’s around, but the other, emotional side.
The one that appreciates Myles for who he is, not what he can do.
“Oh my.” Mom lets out a low whistle. “He’s even sexier when he’s naked.”
“Mom! Stop staring.”
“If he wanted me to stop staring he wouldn’t have sent that photo.”
“He sent it to me, not you,” I point out.
“Yes, and why is that?” she asks, her voice worryingly sweet. “I thought you two were just friends.”
“I never said that.” I never said anything. I always find with my mom that the less I lie the better. She always catches me.
“So you’re not just friends?”
I let out a long breath, really wishing she hadn’t seen that. “It’s complicated.”
“That’s what we used to say when the guy wouldn’t commit,” she says lightly. “Is that what he’s doing? Using you for your body?”
“Maybe I’m using him for his.” It’s not a lie because I have been. Until we went away I was using him for the one thing I wanted most.
“I’d use him every day of the week and twice on Sundays,” she says. “Does he go to the gym or is he naturally buff?”
“Mom!”
“What? I’m just taking an interest in your friends.” She frowns. “Isn’t that what you want me to do? You complain that I know nothing about you and then you hide things like this from me.”
“When do I complain that you don’t know me?”
“When you graduated college.”
“That was fifteen years ago,” I point out. “I’m okay with you not knowing about me now.”
“But I want to know about you,” she says softly. “I’m your mom, I care about you.”
Guilt washes over me. “I know. And there’s nothing to know about Myles and me. As I said it’s complicated.”
“Do you love him?”
My heart hammers wildly against my chest. “Yes.”
“What’s so complicated about that?” she asks, confused.
“As much as I hate the patriarchy, love is a biological thing. We can’t help it.
It’s mother nature’s way of making us bond with our mate.
It’s humans that have subverted it and made it into subjugation.
But love, Ava, that’s a wonderful emotion. ”
It is. But there’s an ache in my throat that won’t disappear. “We work together,” I tell her.
“So what? You’re at the same level, aren’t you? There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“He lives in New York,” I add.
She shrugs. “He can move or you can move or you can have a long distance relationship. There’s a lot to be said for that. You get to live your own life, build your own dreams, and get regular orgasms.”
I’m never going to get used to hearing my mom say that word.
I open my mouth to tell her all the reasons why it couldn’t work. But it actually boils down to one. “I want a baby,” I whisper.
A smile pulls at her lips. “You do?”
I nod.
“That’s wonderful. Oh Ava, I thought I’d put you off motherhood for life. I was such a bad role model.”
“No you weren’t.” My eyes prick with tears. “You were a great mom.”
“I was embarrassing. I know that. Your friends never came around when I was there. I wanted to be different. I tried a few times. I never wanted you to feel like you had to hide me away.”
I guess that’s what I did do. I hate the thought of it. She’s a good person, she just approaches life different than I do. But I love her so much.
I grab her hand and squeeze it. “You were the best mom,” I tell her. “And my friends love you. Sophie and Lauren are always asking about your latest escapades.”
She smiles. “They’re good friends to you.”
“Yes they are.”
“But sometimes we need more than friends,” she says. “Sometimes we need lovers or partners or fathers to our babies.” She lowers her voice. “Do you think Myles wants a baby?”
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I feel closer to her than ever but I can’t tell her what we’ve been doing. It’s too personal. Too painful.
Too confusing.
“You’re right,” she says, taking my silence for a negative.
“It’s too soon for you to think about that with him.
You two need to spend time together, maybe move in together first.” She nods her head.
“But don’t take too long. I know we’re all superwomen nowadays but Mother Nature can be a bitch as well as a goddess.
And your biological clock isn’t getting any slower. ”
And there we go. Another reminder that time is running out. If I told her what we were really doing she’d want to know every little detail. I’m just not ready for that.
“I should go,” I tell her. “I need to unpack and get some sleep if I’m going to be back here in the morning.”
She pats my hand. “Of course. Thank you for taking care of me.”
“You’re welcome.”