Chapter 23
Chatting with the lonely miners helped Temperance pass the time, even though it did little to ease her own loneliness. She shouldn’t be lonely, given she had wonderful friends in Jane and Mavis. She was busy with her bookkeeping work, which was a good distraction, but none of that stopped her from eating her heart out over Owen.
Sometimes she wondered if she was being stubborn for the sake of it, but then she remembered that going back to him would only prolong the inevitable. She had to learn to stand on her own feet and, slowly, she was finding ways to do that.
“Hi, Mick,” she called as she entered the mercantile.
She faltered when she saw he was speaking to Woodrow Greenly.
“Mr. Greenly,” she greeted stiffly, still resentful of the way he and his son had derailed her almanac. She had spitefully sent her notes to her father, encouraging him to have them printed if he thought they could be of any use.
Woodrow only glared at her, so she turned abruptly down an aisle, coming face to face with Elmer’s wife, Katherine. She was even more noticeably pregnant and widened her eyes in mild alarm.
Oh, perfect. If she hadn’t promised to bring back cornstarch for Freddie’s bottom, Temperance would have walked out and done her shopping another time.
She gave Katherine a vague smile and moved to the next aisle where she blindly stared at pickling salt and other goods she had no use for.
The men’s voices receded, and the floorboards creaked as Katherine came around the end of the shelving.
“May I talk to you for a moment?” Katherine asked. She spoke softly and stood taller, looking around to ensure they had no eavesdroppers.
“Is Mrs. Greenly here?” Temperance asked with a reflexive cringe. This day could definitely get more uncomfortable than it already was.
“No. I came with Woodrow. But that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. Please accept my apology for the way my mother-in-law has treated you.”
“That’s kind of you, but it’s not your responsibility to apologize for her.” Temperance waved it away. “I don’t hold her actions against you.” She was far more annoyed with Katherine’s husband, but poor Katherine wasn’t responsible for him, either. “It was only the one time that she was rude to me.” Temperance had managed to avoid the woman ever since.
“Actually—” Katherine cut herself off and sent another quick look around. “If I tell you something, will you tell me something in return?”
“Um...” Temperance returned a box of saleratus to the shelf. “About?”
“Ivy is the one who threw the horseshoe through the window at the saloon,” Katherine whispered.
“Are you—” Temperance clapped her hand over her mouth. Now it was her turn to look around before ducking her head closer to ask in a whisper. “Are you certain? Why?”
“She was angry that you’d bought the fabric she wanted. Or that Mr. Stames did,” she corrected. “There was enough for both of you, but she didn’t want to wear the same gown as—” Katherine rolled her lips inward.
A saloon girl. It actually would’ve been funny if it hadn’t cost Owen a window.
“It happened very late at night, though,” Temperance had to point out. It wasn’t an hour a lady would be out. It hadn’t been that late, though, now she thought of it. The days had already been growing shorter. She and Owen had turned in early.
“It was definitely her,” Katherine said with a nod. “She was walking the dog with Woodrow. He was furious. I heard them arguing about it.”
Temperance wasn’t sure what to make of that except to be relieved it hadn’t been Sureshot trying to settle a score.
“Thank you for telling me.” She didn’t know what she would do with this information beyond sharing it, and her outrage, with Owen.
“I thought you should know.” Katherine gave her a flickering smile, then looked toward where the men’s voices seemed to be droning near the door into Mick’s warehouse. “Now, will you tell me something? If you know?”
“I’ll try,” Temperance said with a cautious nod.
Katherine leaned to ensure no one was on either of the nearby aisles.
“You’re at the Bijou, aren’t you? That’s the saloon where the owner married one of his girls? And she has a baby?”
Oh God. Temperance felt her color draining into her boots. She tried to swallow the dry lump forming in her throat.
“Yes?” Her voice was the flakiest husk off the driest onion.
“She’s from Springfield, isn’t she?”
“Katherine...” Don’t ask. You don’t want to know.
“I knew it.” Katherine set her hand on her swollen waist. Her brow was wrinkled. Her mouth became a tight, flat line. “You don’t want to tell me which tells me everything.”
“My friend Mavis is very happily married,” Temperance said, hurrying to allay some of what Katherine must be worrying over. “She has no wish to cause any trouble for anyone.”
“I don’t blame her.” Katherine blinked lashes that had grown damp. “I’m glad she got something from him because— My father said this would be a good match. He said Elmer owns half of Denver, but he throws our money away. My money, that my father gave us. He goes out every night. I think he gambles.” Her words spilled out like a burst dam, flooding the conversation with whispered secrets she’d likely held onto for months. “That booklet idea that he stole from you? He took advertising money from all the businesses in town, but he can’t pay for the printing costs.” She shrugged with anxious bafflement. “He’s already spent it.”
How awful.
Temperance wanted to hug her or offer some other comfort, but what could she do?
“Katherine?” Woodrow called gruffly as he came back to the counter with Mick. He scowled as he noticed Temperance was standing so close to his daughter-in-law. “Have you finished your shopping?”
“I have. Thank you for this.” Katherine brought her glove up where Woodrow could see it. “I didn’t notice I had dropped it. Good day.” Her voice was cool and stiff, as though none of their revealing conversation had taken place.
Temperance swallowed and collected the few things she’d come for and took them home.
Temperance was still thinkingof Katherine two days later, when she happened to be visiting the mercantile again and found Owen rolling casks of whiskey into his wagon.
She would have stood there, breathless, staring at his motionless figure staring at her, but Clarence came up to bump his nose against her, insisting she greet him properly.
She started, then asked, “Is Emmett still here?” purely for something to say. She already knew he must have left because he wasn’t coming into the Bijou to see Jane.
“No.” Owen cleared his throat and took off his gloves to tuck them into his waistband. “He left this morning. Felix went with him.”
That meant Owen would soon have his confirmation that Felix was really the uncle of Marigold and Pearl. Given how warmly and casually Felix spoke of the women, Temperance was already more than convinced.
“If I had known I would see you here, I would have brought your letter. Emmett didn’t want to open it. He said it’s from Chicago.”
“Oh.” She was full of profundity today, wasn’t she? “Jane is expecting me back with some buttons. I’ll come by this afternoon.”
“I’ll see you then.” He closed the gate on the wagon. “Do you...” He nodded jerkily at Clarence. “Do you want to take him with you?”
“If he waits for me while I do my shopping, that would be nice. Thank you.”
They both stared at each other for another moment, waiting for the other to speak. Then Owen nodded and climbed into the wagon. As he rolled away, she and Clarence stood outside the mercantile in the cold.
That had been as stilted and uncomfortable as anyone could imagine, yet she wished it was still going on. She missed him.
She was still muddled and aching with yearning when she got back to the Bijou.
“You’ve brought a visitor.” Jane smiled when Clarence waggled in the door. “I apologize, sir. I only made enough coffee for myself and Temperance.” Jane set aside her sewing and scrubbed behind Clarence’s ears. “He didn’t come find you here, did he?”
“No, I saw Owen at the mercantile. He said I have a letter waiting at the Horseshoe. I said I would go to collect it.” Temperance put away her few items then poured from the pot Jane had made. “Do you want to walk with us? I’m starting to worry about you, sitting in this dim little room sewing all day.”
“I’ll come as far as the bridge.” Jane sighed and rose to put on her coat. “I could use the fresh air, but I’m thinking I can finish by dark if I keep at this one. How is Owen?”
“I think he’s fine? Neither of us knows what to say.” Temperance hadn’t told Jane about her conversation with Katherine. It seemed too private a thing to gossip about, but she couldn’t help asking, “Do you think it’s worse to be married to a man who doesn’t love or respect you, or live unmarried, but at least know that you have a man’s genuine care and regard?”
Owen had never stolen from her or left her pregnant the way Elmer had treated the women in his life.
“If you’re asking me whether I think you should go back to living with Owen, you know I’m partial to having you here. But if I had to choose between your living at the Horseshoe or in Chicago, I’d vote for the Horseshoe. Even though you are melancholy company at times,” she added in a gentle tease. “Not today, of course. Not when you bring Mr. Sunshine with you.” She found the spot that made Clarence thump his foot.
“I keep trying to imagine my life if I went back to Chicago,” Temperance confided, sitting down to sip her coffee. “I don’t even know if Adelaide would allow me to see much of my siblings, which is the main reason I want to go, but they’re not babies anymore. They don’t need me the way they used to.”
“It’s a different relationship as you grow older.” Jane nodded. “I was angry with my brother when he left. He said he’d send for us, but Mama said she would never leave. Too many women needed her there. I understand now that he wanted to find something better for all of us, especially for himself. I can’t begrudge him that.”
Temperance appreciated hearing that, since her greatest worry was that her siblings would resent her if she didn’t come back.
“Did he find something better?” Temperance asked carefully. “Your brother?”
“I think so.” Jane let out a frustrated breath. “I went to St. Louis, which is where I believed him to be. They said he’d gone north into Canada. I’d like to write to a newspaper there, to place an ad, see if I can get a letter from him.”
“My father might be able to help. He still has contacts there. Maybe that’s where you and I should go, Jane. I enjoyed my time in Canada,” Temperance said wistfully. “Of course, the twins weren’t born yet. Adelaide wasn’t so harried. Things felt simpler.”
“They always do when we’re young, don’t they?”
“They do,” Temperance agreed.
“Are you really going to give up on Owen?” Jane asked gently.
“I don’t know. Does it make any sense to leave one heartache to go back to where I suffered my first one? At least I’m not embarrassed by my love for Owen. He doesn’t believe he’s worth loving, but I know he is. I have other people I love here too.” She smiled mistily at Jane. “And you,” she said to Clarence as he came to set his chin on her knee.
“I have friends here,” Temperance continued. “The ones in Chicago had already moved on with making their own families, or they turned their backs after gossip got around about me and Dewey. Here people seem to appreciate me, even if all I do is bring them a drink. That’s all I wanted from Adelaide, just once, to hear that she appreciated my help with the children, or that I made Papa’s life that little bit easier. He couldn’t have provided the lectures that paid the bills if I hadn’t helped him write them, but she never saw it that way.”
“Owen values your work,” Jane pointed out.
“I know he does. It’s hard, though. It’s so hard to see him and not know what to say.” She thought about those moments this morning when love and lust and yearning had tangled up her tongue. From the very beginning, making love with him had been incredibly?—
“Oh, Jane!” She clunked down her cup. “I’ve been so distracted by other things I forgot something that Katherine Greenly told me.”
“When did you speak to her?” Jane set down her own cup, startled.
“A couple of days ago. She told me that Ivy Greenly threw the horseshoe through Owen’s window. I can’t believe I didn’t tell Owen when I saw him earlier.” She drained her coffee and rose to collect her purse and gloves. “I have to go tell him right now.”
Owen didn’t knowwhat was in the letter Temperance had received from Chicago. It could be anything from a stage ticket and an invitation to come home to another rejection by her family. Either way, it spurred him to declare his own feelings.
What if he couldn’t be everything she needed, though?
They had never talked about whether she wanted children, but she missed her siblings. He expected she would want a family. Was he ready to become a father? Perhaps not today, but he had to admit he enjoyed Virgil’s children. He had no trouble imagining that he would love his own to hell and back, but that was the issue. What if hell arrived, and it was his own damned fault?
For most of his life, he’d used the excuse of being too poor and irresponsible to marry and start a family. He could afford to support a wife and children now, though. Perhaps not in high fashion, but comfortably. He wanted Temperance to feel secure. It bothered him that she was still feeling every day was as tenuous as the last. He’d lived like that for too long himself to want that for her, especially when he could make things easier for her.
Yet, the fear of failure that clenched around him when he thought of holding an infant or trying to keep a passel of children from danger and disease was real. Most importantly, he didn’t want to fail and watch Temperance’s love for him die. That would kill him, it really would.
But he couldn’t keep hurting her by holding back his heart, either. And when he looked around and saw what he could accomplish with her, he wasn’t as worried that he’d make mistakes. Her strengths made up for his shortcomings. And he found himself wanting to bring his own strengths to bear for her. He wanted to enrich her life with more than gainful employment or a laugh or a satisfying roll in the hay—God, he definitely wanted to do that.
Mostly, he wanted to be the best man he could be for her, so she’d know she could rely on him. Maybe there would be tribulations to overcome, but he wouldn’t have a gold mine or a saloon if he had allowed fear keep him from trying.
Yes, when she arrived for her letter, he would definitely tell her how he felt.
He finished unloading his second barrel into the hole and dropped the doors, latching them shut. Then he walked his horse and wagon into the wagon house.
He had just tucked Cobalt into his stall and was closing the stall door when he realized there was someone behind him.
Before he could turn, the cold barrel of a pistol pressed into the base of his skull freezing him in place.
“I’m taking this,” a guttural voice said, relieving him of the pistol he wore on his hip. “Now let’s visit your safe.” The pistol dug harder into his scalp.
Owen didn’t care much about his own life, except that he had just decided to use what was left of it to make Temperance happy, if she’d have him.
Dammit, she would be here any minute.