Chapter 13 #2
“Being gay isn’t a challenge,” Tean said, but it veered toward a shout.
“You’re done,” Jem said in a low voice.
Tean shook off his touch.
“Go talk to them,” Jem said, taking Tean’s arm again. He squeezed until Tean glanced at him—anger made his eyes almost unrecognizable. “Get the basics: name, age, place of birth. Find out where they were last night. And that’s it. No arguments. No debates.”
Tean sat so stiffly in his chair that for a moment, Jem was sure he was going to refuse. But then he slid down from his seat and crossed the room.
“I’m sorry this is so hard for him,” Mckell said. “I didn’t mean to upset him.”
Jem made a sharp gesture with one hand. He tried to keep it out of his voice when he said, “So, that’s it? Everybody’s here for help with same-sex attraction?”
“Well, not Nora. And not me. We’re here to support our husbands.”
For a moment, Jem considered her. Then he said, “You don’t want to get divorced?”
“Oh my gosh, no. I love Dean.”
“And Dean loves dick.”
That splotchy color showed under her tan again, and her voice had lost some of its sweetness when she said, “We made a sacred covenant in the temple to support each other, no matter what happened. This is his trial. Of course I want to help him, the same way he’d help me if I got sick.”
Jem almost said, But he’s not sick. He caught himself, but he could hear it now—the unrelenting flow of words, the slick reasoning, the way there was always an answer. Jesus Christ, he thought. No wonder Tean was about to explode.
“Can you tell me about the retreat?” he asked instead. “What’s the schedule like?”
“Well, we have our morning devotional. Then President Fitzpatrick and the men have meetings—some of them are one-on-one, and some of them are together as a group.”
“What are the guys doing when they’re not together? During the one-on-ones, for example?”
“Well, the other guys stay together. They’ve got talks to read. Or scriptures. They also have some time for prayer and pondering.”
Jem figured he’d last for about two minutes of prayer and pondering before he went back to doodling The Big Red Spank or whatever he was going to call his masterpiece.
“They break for lunch,” Mckell continued, “and President Fitzpatrick always encourages the wives to join them. It helps remind the men of the most sacred relationships in their lives, and of course, it’s important for them to spend time with their families.”
“Right,” Jem said. Which was about all he could manage besides a barfing noise. But then a question came to him. “Brigitte always goes to lunch?”
“Oh yes. President and Sister Fitzpatrick are adorable together. They’re totally couple goals, you know?”
“What about after lunch?”
“The men have more meetings. Then there’s dinner—”
“Together again?”
Mckell nodded. “And then there’s free time in the evening. President Fitzpatrick encourages us to spend it with our families.”
“Uh huh. And what about the single guys?”
“Well, they’re supposed to be journaling, or they study their scriptures, or they go for a walk.” She glanced at the window, where flurries batted at the glass. “Not this weekend, obviously.”
“You’ve been on these retreats before?” Jem asked.
“Oh yes. They’re so powerful. We always go home with such a spiritual high.”
“What do you do when the men are busy?”
“It depends. If it’s nice weather, I like to do some sightseeing.
I was planning on going into Park City to do some shopping.
” She shrugged and gestured at the window.
“But the lodge is nice. There’s a place here you can get your nails done, and there are some cute stores.
I got this top; Dean would die if he knew how much it cost.”
“And what about last night?”
“Nora and I went to a movie. You know they have their own theater here?”
“What happened to family time?”
“Oh, Dean and I spent some time together. But then he and the other guys were going to do their evening scripture study, and Nora and I were on our own again.”
“What time was the movie?”
“I don’t know. Nine? Nine-thirty?” She paused. “Why?”
“Like I said, you never know what details matter. What’s Stephen’s part in all this?”
She hesitated, a question in her eyes. But then she said, “Stephen is amazing. You met him, so you already know. He literally does everything. And he’s so in tune with the Spirit.
One day, Dean was having such a hard time, and nobody knew—not even me.
But Stephen picked up on it right away. I’m telling you, that changed Dean’s life.
I don’t know what would have happened if Stephen hadn’t been there for him. ”
“And he’s Gerald’s personal assistant?”
“I guess that’s his job, if that’s what he told you. But he does so much more than that.”
“What was their relationship like?”
“What?”
Jem gave an easy smile. “No, sorry, that’s not what I meant. Did they get along? Were they friendly?”
“Stephen loved President Fitzpatrick. He was— I don’t even know how to explain it.
It was like President Fitzpatrick saved his life.
Which he did, I guess. President Fitzpatrick was Stephen’s mission president.
And Stephen came out to him. Told him he was going to go home because he couldn’t live a lie.
And that’s when President Fitzpatrick started helping people.
He helped Stephen deal with his same-sex attraction, and Stephen finished his mission, and they’ve been helping more men ever since. ”
Jem had already said Uh huh once; he decided twice might be pushing it. “And was Stephen at scripture study with the guys?”
“I don’t think so. That wasn’t an official part of the retreat, you know? But nighttime is when temptations get stronger, and some of the guys like to help each other, you know? Get through that hard part of the day?”
“Some of the guys?”
Mckell’s hand suddenly sprang to life again, running over her hair again in quick, rapid strokes.
She blinked, and her eyes were wet. “You think something happened to President Fitzpatrick, don’t you?
Sister Fitzpatrick said it was an accident, but if it was an accident, you wouldn’t be asking all these questions. ”
“Why?” Jem said. “Is there something you want to tell me?”
She glanced over her shoulder. The rest of the group was focused on Tean, who was asking questions and taking notes on his phone. When she turned back at Jem, she was blinking more rapidly than ever. “Quinn and Beckett aren’t here.”
“Who?”
“Quinn and Beckett. They’re part of the group too. But they’re not here.” She swallowed, and it looked like a struggle. The tears finally won out and spilled down her cheeks. “They weren’t in their room, and no one can find them.”