Chapter 27 #2
“What about Stephen?” Aiden said with that same manic desperation. “Why aren’t we talking about Stephen?”
“Dude,” Sawyer barked, “shut up!”
“Something happened Friday morning,” Tean said. “Something that set the rest of this in motion. From what I understand, several of you met with Gerald that morning.”
Dean glanced at Mckell and then at the floor.
“Tafton talked to him,” Quinn said.
Nora glared at him.
“Don’t look at him like that,” Beckett said. “You want me to rip out those extensions right now?”
Quinn put a hand on Beckett’s thigh, but all he said was “Nora, it’s not like it was a secret. He met with Tafton.”
“And Tafton thought he had found a way to get around Stripling,” Beckett said. “Which, obviously, he couldn’t, and that’s what he and President Fitzpatrick argued about. We heard them yelling.”
“No,” Nora said. She was crying again, pressing the tissues against her eyes. “I would have known. President Fitzpatrick would have told me.” And then, a beat too late: “Tafton wouldn’t have done something like that.”
“I don’t know if it’s helpful to focus on Tafton right now,” Tean said. “Who else met with Gerald that morning?”
“Dean,” Sawyer said.
Dean hunched his shoulders and dropped his gaze to the floor.
“You were in there a long time,” Sawyer said.
“How do you know that?” Jem asked.
“Because I was after Dean.” For the first time since Jem had knocked him down, Sawyer offered that flat smile again. “I’ll tell you all about it after Dean confesses.”
“There’s nothing to confess,” Dean said. His voice was low, and he was talking to the floor.
“What did you and Gerald talk about?” Tean asked.
“He doesn’t have to tell you that,” Mckell said. “It’s private. I mean, it’s sacred.”
“It’s part of a murder investigation,” Jem said. “If he doesn’t tell us, he can tell the sheriff.”
“He knew something was wrong,” Dean said. His shoulders, if anything, rose higher. “He could tell. He kept asking me.”
“What’d you do?” Beckett asked. “Play spanky with Little Dean?”
Quinn shushed him.
“No,” Dean said, and his tone was half warning and half challenge. “Nothing. I told him nothing was wrong. He was sure I wasn’t telling him something, so he kept asking. That’s why it took me so long.”
But his eyes went back to Mckell.
“There you go,” Mckell said.
“Huh,” Jem said.
Mckell’s cheeks reddened, but she wouldn’t look at him.
“What?” Quinn asked.
“You guys notice that? It smells like bullshit all of a sudden.” Jem leaned forward, elbows on knees. “Why’d you two start acting like you’ve got ants in your pants?”
“Nothing,” Mckell said.
“It doesn’t have anything to do with this,” Dean said.
“Dean!”
“So,” Jem said, “there is something.”
Dean opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, Mckell said, “We’re getting divorced.”
Dean shut his mouth. He blinked rapidly, eyes downcast. After a moment, he wiped his cheek.
“Are you happy?” Mckell asked. “That’s what we didn’t want to tell you. Does that help with your murder investigation?”
Jem didn’t say anything. He was still leaning forward in his seat, still watching her.
“Dude,” Quinn said. “I’m sorry.”
Dean shook his head.
“Did you tell Gerald you were getting divorced?” Tean asked.
Dean shook his head again. “I was waiting.” He didn’t have to say, Just in case.
“He didn’t talk to you about anything else?” Tean asked. “Did he say anything unusual? Did he act differently?”
“I told you,” Dean mumbled. But his voice grew louder as he spoke.
“It’s always the same. ‘What happened? What did you do? I can tell you don’t have the Spirit with you today.
What thoughts have you had that are driving the Spirit away?
’” He chafed his arms like he was cold, and he brought his head up, his gaze focused on some spot across the room.
“It’s so messed up. Why don’t any of us realize how messed up it is? ”
No one said anything.
“It’s not messed up,” Beckett said. He was leaning against Quinn now. “It’s fucked up. It’s massively, epically fucked up.”
“And we all go along with it,” Quinn said softly.
“It’s like—like a pressure cooker.” Beckett’s voice was hard, but his eyes were wet.
“All the time we spend together. The praying. The fasting. Telling each other everything we’ve done wrong, and feeling like we have to say something because if we don’t, that’s even worse somehow.
This whole fucking thing with accountability partners.
I’m a grown man, and I’m supposed to share a room with somebody, eat meals with somebody, tell them when I’m going to pee, so that I don’t get five fucking minutes to myself when I might jack off.
God, the whole thing is fucking psycho. What the fuck is wrong with us? ”
Tears ran down Dean’s cheeks; he was shaking his head, his gaze still fixed on nothing. Mckell was watching him, like she wanted to catch his eye, but he wouldn’t look at her.
“Beckett and I are hooking up,” Quinn said.
It was like everyone in the room took a breath at the same time.
Then Sawyer laughed. “What?”
“We’re fucking,” Beckett said. “We’ve been fucking since the first time we roomed together.”
“Holy shit,” Sawyer said through more laughter. “No wonder you two always wanted to be accountability partners. Aiden never let me fuck him.”
“You never asked!” Aiden’s outrage transformed into horror as he realized what he’d said.
But before he could take it back, everyone started laughing. Tean was even surprised to find himself laughing—in part because of the ludicrousness of the moment, but also out of relief as the tension that had been running through the weekend suddenly snapped.
“Oh my gosh,” Quinn was saying through his laughter. He was running one hand through his hair. “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I said that.”
“I can’t believe Aiden said that,” Beckett said. Without making a big deal about it, he took Quinn’s arm and pulled it around his waist. The surprise on Quinn’s face was barely a flicker, and then he settled into the new position, hugging Beckett against him.
“I don’t see what’s so funny.” That was when Tean realized that not everyone had been laughing.
Nora’s cheeks and forehead were mottled with red, and her nostrils were white as she breathed harshly through her nose.
“I don’t know why everyone’s laughing. We all made sacred covenants to keep the commandments.
That’s why we’re here. We’re here so you can get better! ”
Pain etched lines on Quinn’s face, and he turned his head away.
“Maybe we don’t want to get better,” Beckett said. “Maybe we’re fine the way we are. God, you people.”
“You can’t say, ‘You people.’” Nora’s voice pitched sharply. “You wanted to change! You wanted him to make you better!”
“He’s not making us better. He’s making us crazy!”
“Okay,” Jem said. “That’s enough.”
“You should be grateful.” Nora’s voice was so unsteady she was almost impossible to understand. “You cried when President Fitzpatrick gave you a blessing! You told him he was saving your life!”
“That’s enough,” Jem said.
“You’re all glad that he’s dead,” Nora said, turning to take them all in.
“And you can pretend you don’t remember.
But I remember. You all wanted him to help you.
You were all desperate for anyone who could make you normal.
So, you can laugh and act like now you’re free.
But I remember you crying, I remember you praying, I remember you sharing your testimonies of how President Fitzpatrick brought the power of the Atonement into your life. ”
Jem opened his mouth like he might say something, but before he could, Nora stalked into the bedroom and slammed the door.
Mckell blinked rapidly and turned her head down. Dean grabbed the back of the couch with both hands. Aiden stopped pacing and simply stood there, arms wrapped around his stomach.
Sawyer said, “She’s just mad because her mom and dad are going to throw a fit.”
“Wow,” Quinn said. “Come on, Sawyer.”
But Sawyer only shrugged.
“What about you?” Jem said. “You met with him Friday morning.”
“Oh yeah,” Sawyer said. “And I really pissed him off.”
“You’re such a fucking tool,” Beckett said.
“You want my tool?” Sawyer said. He spread his legs and cupped himself. “I get it. Quinn doesn’t exactly fill out his joggers.”
“Grow up,” Quinn said, but from the grip he had on Beckett’s waistband, it wasn’t clear which one he was talking to.
“What did you and Gerald talk about?” Tean asked.
“Stephen,” Sawyer said. “He’s a fake. I tried telling President Fitzpatrick, but he didn’t want to hear it. He started yelling, and I figured whatever, it’s his problem, not mine. If he’d listened to me, he probably would still be alive.”
“Oh my gosh,” Beckett said. “You are such an asshole.”
“What? Stephen killed him. I tried to warn him. He didn’t listen. It’s pretty obvious.”
“What did you try to tell him about Stephen?” Tean asked.
And at the same time, Jem said, “What do you mean he’s a fake?”
“He’s pretending. It’s all an act.” Sawyer stared around the room. “Come on, you guys didn’t buy that whole ‘He made me straight on my mission’ story, did you?”
Aiden gaped at him, which suggested maybe he, at least, had believed. Dean’s round face creased with uncertainty. But Quinn didn’t react, and Beckett snorted.
“Tried to get in his pants?” Sawyer asked with a smirk.
Beckett straightened like he might snap something back. Instead, after a moment, he laughed. “I didn’t try. But I wondered why he didn’t…pay more attention.”
“Babe,” Quinn said in an underbreath.
“What? He didn’t look at my ass, not even once.”
Sawyer’s smirk had gotten bigger. “Yeah, well, that’s not the only thing he lied about.
He definitely didn’t go to Argentina on his mission.
I said something to him in Spanish once, and he just stared at me.
Didn’t understand a single word. So, I kept talking.
You could see it in his face he didn’t like it, so I kept going, bullshitting him, waiting to see if he’d admit he didn’t know what I was saying.
Finally, he told me that President Fitzpatrick had made a rule that we only spoke in English at group meetings, and he’d appreciate it if I’d follow the rules. ”
“If he didn’t know Gerald from his mission,” Tean said, “and he wasn’t gay, what was he doing here?”
“Raking in money,” Sawyer said. “Like, a ton of it.”
“What do you mean?” Jem asked.
“Guess who handled all the money?” Sawyer said.
“Stephen?” Tean asked.
“No,” Aiden said, but the word was shrill, like he knew he’d already lost an argument. “We wrote the checks out to an LLC.”
“But we gave the checks to Stephen,” Dean said miserably.
“How much?” Jem asked.
“Five hundred dollars a month.”
“Holy shit.”
“You paid five hundred dollars a month,” Sawyer said. “Aiden, how much were you paying, buddy?”
Aiden stiffened, but he didn’t answer.
“Aiden,” Sawyer said, “was paying—”
“Don’t tell them!”
“—a thousand dollars a month. It was supposed to be twelve hundred, but he got a discount for paying for the year in advance.”
For the first time since Tean had met the wiry man, Aiden’s face grew splotchy. He pressed his hands over his eyes and shook his head.
“Jesus,” Jem said.
“I’ll bet you anything Nora and Tafton were paying more,” Sawyer said in an offhand tone.
“They were,” Dean said.
“Dean,” Mckell said.
“He’s dead,” Dean said with surprising harshness. “It’s not like he cares. He and Nora were complaining about money being tight, and he said something about how he could have bought a new car with the money they were spending on this. And he’d only been coming for six or eight months.”
“But that’s so much more than the price on the website,” Tean said.
“Stephen said that was just the starting price. There are different packages.”
“And let me guess,” Jem said. “Gerald never talked to you about money.”
Dean looked at Mckell. Aiden, eyes still covered, shook his head again. Quinn made a face and tightened his hold on Beckett.
“Stephen handled the administrative side of things,” Mckell said. Her voice was faint, as though she couldn’t believe what she’d heard. “He never— He told us how much, and we paid. We never really talked about it.”
“You want to know another reason I know he wasn’t gay?” Sawyer asked. He was rubbing his chest as he spoke, eyeing Jem. Tean remembered the look on his face from playground bullies. “He was screwing Brigitte.”