Chapter 42 #2
“I think I’d like that. It’d be good, you know? Maybe then it’d be like something good came out of, you know, everything.”
Tean nodded. And he tried not to hear the nightmares behind everything. He didn’t even mean to ask, but he opened his mouth, and the question fell out. “Are you okay?”
This time, Jem’s grin was bright and full, but it only lasted a moment.
“Yeah. I’m okay.” But his hand slowed on Tean’s knee, and the whisper of his palm against the denim quieted.
“I never knew her. That’s what I figured out.
I was a kid when they took me away, and it’s not like I had conversations with her, it’s not like I had this deep insight into who she was as a person.
She was just my mom. But I didn’t know her, not really. ”
“I think that’s part of growing up,” Tean said. “Discovering that your parents are people too, and that they’re not who you thought they were.”
Jem nodded, but his gaze stayed fixed on the yard. “I wanted her to want me. That’s the other thing I figured out. Even more than I wanted a mom, I just wanted her to want me. How messed up is that?”
“It’s not messed up.”
But Jem shook his head.
“Of course you wanted her to want you,” Tean said. “You were a child. She was your primary source of attachment. How could you not want her to come back for you, to choose you, to love you?”
Jem ran his hand under his nose. The sunset hammered copper into his beard.
His voice, when he spoke, was trying for light, but it was too rough, too unsteady.
“Well, she didn’t. And that’s fine. That’s life, right?
It’s like you always say. We’re in this meaningless universe, and we’re always alone, and all we can do is try to connect for a few moments before it’s all over.
” He tried to make his voice light when he added, “I can tell you one thing: after last weekend, I’m definitely not so stressed about a boring call center job. ”
The porch was almost entirely in shadow now, and when the wind pushed against them, Tean shivered.
He tried to think of a way to say it. And he couldn’t, because as usual, everything with Jem took him outside the safe space he’d staked out for himself.
It was like swimming out beyond the buoys into dark water.
But Jem was out there too. Alone.
So, he tried.
“Do you know, from a certain point of view, there’s a biological incentive to seek out as many partners as possible?”
Jem’s eyebrows went up. “Uh.”
“The idea being,” Tean continued, “that we’re programmed at a genetic level to want to preserve our DNA, which means passing it on to as many offspring as possible in the hope that some of them will survive, and consequently, the more partners we can mate with, the better the chance that our genetic material will carry on. ”
“Is this the threesome conversation?”
It took Tean half a second to re-orient himself. “What?”
“Because if this is the threesome conversation, I need one to five beers.”
“What about a threesome?” Daniel asked, popping upright in the yard. Even Scipio looked over, although his look suggested a deep disappointment in Jem and Tean for distracting his playmate.
“Mind your own beeswax,” Jem shouted.
Daniel rolled his eyes, but when Scipio nudged him, he went back to wrestling with the Lab.
“Oh my gosh,” Tean muttered.
“Go on,” Jem said.
“This isn’t— It’s not— I thought we agreed on that!”
“Yeah, no threesomes. That’s, like, rule number seven. What are you talking about?”
“Wait, what are the first six? Never mind, I don’t want to know.” Tean drew a deep breath. “What I was trying to say is that, in spite of this accepted view of the biological imperative to reproduce, there are a lot of species that practice social monogamy.”
“That definitely sounds like there’s still room for a threesome.”
Tean chose to hurry on. “Social monogamy benefits mates for lots of reasons. The young of some species require high amounts of time and energy, and a mate helps alleviate that cost. In resource-scarce areas, social monogamy allows animals to use resources more efficiently and defend their territory more effectively. The risks of courtship, especially when competing with other potential mates, are eliminated, which is particularly important if suitable mates are scarce.”
Jem was rubbing his forehead with one finger.
“I guess that makes sense. I mean, that’s why in a perfect world, most people would raise kids together rather than trying to do it alone.
And I get what you’re saying. It wasn’t easy for her.
She was a single mom. I don’t know what her life was like, where she came from, what happened to her.
I know if she’d had her way, she wouldn’t have chosen for things to turn out the way they did.
And yeah, I guess she’s going to need help with Maeve and Milo, and I’m going to do whatever I can to make sure they’re okay. ”
“No,” Tean said. “I mean, yes, that’s all true, but no, that’s not what I’m trying to say.”
“It’s not?”
And Tean was surprised to discover he was starting to cry.
The tears slid down his cheeks faster and faster, and he fought to keep his voice stable as he said, “No, I’m trying to say—” He stopped, because he couldn’t think of how to frame it.
And then it came to him, and he smiled and wiped his cheeks and said, “How did I ever do this without you?”
“Do what? Are you okay? Why are you crying?”
“Life. How did I ever do life without you, Jem? I don’t know how I ever did this without waking up to you, without coming home to you, without turning over in bed to see you there.
” Wiping his cheeks, he drew in a breath; the worst of the storm was past, and his voice firmed up as he continued, “I know I said all that stuff. What you said. About being alone in the universe. About everything being meaningless. I know what I said about how families are just biology, and marriage is just an expensive contract, and how none of it matters. But I also thought I’d never be happy, Jem. And I was wrong.”
For a moment, Jem stared at him, face clouded. And then, slowly, he began to grin. He ran the back of his hand over his eyes. He said, “Oh my God,” like he was falling, and then he had to wipe his eyes again, but somehow, his smile got even bigger.
“Will you marry me?” Tean asked.
“Yes,” Jem said. “Yeah. Yes.” He wiped his eyes again, but the tears fell anyway. “Yes.” He kissed him, and his voice broke, and he whispered again, “Yes.”