Chapter 18 #2
“It’s not your fault. He ran away from home, Tean.
He ran away from his parents. What do you think would have happened if you’d made him go back to Lucy?
Unless she nailed the windows shut, that boy would have been out on the street by the end of the day.
At least now we know he has a jacket and a vehicle, which means he’s warm and he’s got a place to sleep.
That’s better than he was doing before.”
Tean sighed and shook his head.
“I know you want to beat yourself up and feel bad about this, but can you save it for the next time you bully me about reading?”
“I don’t bully you!” But Tean cut off when he caught the smile on Jem’s face. “You haven’t been doing your twenty minutes, though. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.”
“He thinks he’s going to track this guy down and kill him.”
Tean tore a piece of crust from his grilled cheese.
He’d eaten a grand total of two bites of his sandwich, and although he’d drunk most of the soup, that was basically just water and salt.
“I don’t understand. Daniel was always—he was always so quiet.
God, he could be in the room and you’d barely notice he was there. Now he’s acting like a lunatic.”
“Of course he is,” Jem said. When Tean glanced at him, eyebrows drawn together, Jem said, “He was in love with Brennon. His whole world just fell apart.”
Tean frowned. “Okay, I guess he thinks he was in love with him.”
“No, he was in love with him.”
“He was fifteen.”
“Yeah?”
Tean seemed to struggle with the words before saying, “Jem, he was a victim.”
“I know. I’m not saying what Brennon did was okay. But that also doesn’t mean it wasn’t real—at least, for Daniel.”
More seconds passed. Tean’s face showed some sort of silent struggle.
Finally, with a laugh, Jem said, “Just say it.”
“I don’t know. I mean—do you really think he loved Brennon?”
“Didn’t you see how he looked when he talked about him?” When Tean didn’t answer, Jem said, “Yeah, I think he loved him. I think he was in love with him.”
Tean took longer to say, “He’s a teenager.”
“Teenagers fall in love all the time. Multiple times a day. Don’t you remember what it was like to be a teenager? You’re horny all the time, every guy you look at is hot or cute or has something that makes him interesting, everything feels like a ten?”
“That’s not really what being a teenager was like for me.”
“Come on,” Jem said. But when Tean didn’t respond, Jem prompted with a grin, “You were definitely horny.”
“Well, yes, obviously.”
“Okay.”
“But that’s not the same as being in love.”
“You didn’t have, like, a crazy connection to Ammon? You wanted to spend every minute with him? You thought he was the funniest, smartest, coolest person you’d ever met? He’d get you hard just by being near you?”
A blush rose in Tean’s cheeks, and he set down his mug.
“I’m not trying to embarrass you,” Jem said, knowing it was a moment too late.
But Tean shook his head. “It’s not—you’re not wrong.” He seemed to think for a moment. “It’s hard to remember. It was a long time ago—longer for me than for you. And I was…different then.”
Tean didn’t say closeted, but Jem heard it in his voice.
“All through high school,” Tean said, “I tried so hard not to feel any of those things. I guess, looking back, I can see what you mean. And yes, clearly I was infatuated with Ammon, and I was attracted to him. But at the time, I could tell myself that was just friendship.”
“And when you started fucking?” Jem said drily.
Tean’s blush deepened, and he fixed Jem with a look, but his voice was surprisingly level when he said, “Obviously by that point I’d figured it out, but I was significantly older by then.”
They ate in silence for a few minutes. Or rather, Jem ate—including the rest of Tean’s sandwich—while Tean brooded.
Finally, Jem said, “It makes people uncomfortable.”
“What?”
“That kids want to have sex. That they think about sex. That they like sex. People—especially religious people—want to pretend kids are, I don’t know, innocent. Pure. But God, Tean, it’s hardwired into everybody.”
“To different degrees.”
Jem waved that away. “We’re talking in general. And in general, there’s no such thing as innocent, not unless what you really mean is ignorant.”
“So, what? What happened to Daniel was okay?”
With a shrug, Jem said, “Daniel was trying to figure himself out. Against a lot of pushback, by the way, from his parents, his community, all of that. Brennon was a piece of shit; that’s pretty obvious.
And yeah, it would have been better if Daniel had met some cute gay boy his age, and if they’d been able to figure this stuff out together.
But it is what it is at this point, and nothing anybody can do will change how Daniel feels about Brennon.
So, of course he wants to get revenge. This asshole, whoever he is, killed the first person Daniel loved. That pain doesn’t go away.”
Tean ran his thumb along the edge of his plate, his face distant, expression troubled.
“Do you think I’m wrong?” Jem asked.
“No,” Tean said slowly. “You’re right. Biology, physiology, biochemistry—that’s pretty much the definition of adolescence, that teens are reaching sexual maturity.
But I don’t think it’s as simple as you’re making it.
There’s also that developmental gap as the brain continues to grow. I don’t want to be sex negative—”
“Oh really? Because you told me we could talk about having sex, because it’s a work night.”
Tean paused for a mild frown. “—but there’s also something to be said for the fact that parents have a responsibility to help their children make safe, responsible choices about sex.”
“Sure,” Jem said. “Because every teenage boy’s natural inclination is to stick it where he shouldn’t at least once.”
Tean raised his eyebrows.
“Oh yeah, you too.” Jem nodded gravely. “Does the name Ammon ring a bell?”
To Jem’s surprise, a laugh erupted out of Tean. “Fair enough.”
“But Ammon and Lucy weren’t giving Daniel that kind of guidance. They were telling him he couldn’t be who he was. And they were seriously fucking him up by doing it. None of this would have happened if they’d been more accepting of Daniel.”
“No. I guess not. I hope not.”
Jem waited.
“I just hate the fact that—” Tean stopped. “It should be black and white. Brennon manipulated this boy. He abused him. Daniel’s a victim. Daniel shouldn’t love him.”
“Black and white isn’t a good look on pretty much anybody,” Jem said.
“No. No, I guess not. But still…” Tean drained the last of his soup and wiped his lower lip. “We have to find him.”
“Okay,” Jem said. “Any suggestions?”
Tean gave a helpless shake of his head.
“He’s looking for the killer,” Jem said. “And I think he held something back. Something he noticed about this guy’s vehicle, maybe. Because he wants to find him before we do.”
“Not that he needs to worry. We don’t have any leads.”
“We could try to track down Kazen. He had Brennon’s wallet, and there’s got to be some sort of explanation for that.”
Tean nodded, but he didn’t say anything. With the possibility of food gone, Scipio yawned and stretched out on the floor, and he gave a final wiggle before starting to snore.
“We still don’t know where Brennon was killed,” Tean said. “We don’t know where his car is. We don’t know anything about this killer except that he can apparently be contacted on Prowler.” He raised his head. “I don’t suppose…”
“Daniel didn’t go into the details. We can try hanging some bait out there, but I think our guy is going to be spooked now. He’ll lie low.”
“Brennon didn’t know him. That’s what I keep coming back to.”
“It doesn’t sound like it.”
“But that—that doesn’t make any sense. The majority of victims know their killers.
Heck, the majority of victims are killed by friends or family.
If Brennon was killed by someone he met on Prowler, that means this was all chance.
And chance killings are infinitely more difficult to solve because there’s no connection between the victim and the killer. ”
“The police do solve them, though,” Jem said. “They might be harder to solve, but that doesn’t mean they’re impossible.”
“But the police have resources we don’t. They have tools and technology that aren’t available to us. And they’re still fixated on Ammon, which means it doesn’t matter.”
“They always start with the crime scene, right?” Jem said. “They find evidence. They look for witnesses.” When Tean only stared morosely into space, Jem said, “Tean?”
“Yes, I suppose. But we don’t have a crime scene because we don’t know where Brennon was killed.”
“No, we don’t.”
“And we’re not going to be given access to any of the medical examiner’s findings. We’ve been lucky in the past, if you want to call it that, because there was an animal component. There’s nothing like that now.”
“But we do have something,” Jem said.
“The attack on Daniel? I thought about that. But he didn’t succeed in killing Daniel, and anyway, the police have already been all over the park. There won’t be anything left for us.”
“Nope,” Jem said. “We know something about the killer. Something important. Something the killer didn’t want us to know.”
“Daniel’s description isn’t exactly what I’d call helpful.
The soft voice, the fact that he’s shorter than Daniel—they could describe tens of thousands of men.
And the scar? It might be helpful for identification, Jem, but what are we going to do?
Put out a statewide alert for anyone with a scar on their arm? ”
“Not the description,” Jem said. “The body.”
Tean frowned. “The medical examiner—”
“No. Where he left the body. Where he tried to hide it.”
Tean opened his mouth. Then he shut it again.
“Think about it,” Jem said. “The killing must have happened around South Jordan—Brennon wasn’t going to go far, and then the killer attacked Daniel in relatively the same area.”
“But the body was found in the Uinta Basin,” Tean said slowly. “That’s a couple of hours’ drive at least, depending on where exactly you’re going.”
“Why drive that far with a body? There’s got to be somewhere closer you could hide it.”
“Maybe not. Maybe this area’s too populated.”
“Are you kidding me?” Jem made a scoffing sound. “If the killer was from around here, he’d have driven it up one of the canyons and dropped it down a ravine. Why drive all the way to the Uinta Basin?”
“Because he knows it. He’s familiar with it.”
“Bingo, bango, bongo,” Jem said with a tight smile. “Dollars to donuts, that’s where he’s from.”
“Or he works there. Or he has some sort of association there.” Tean’s words were careful, but a note of—not exactly excitement, maybe closer to renewed intensity—filled his voice.
He met Jem’s gaze. “We need to go look around. See where he tried to hide the body. But there are a million places he could have hidden the body. And I don’t think they’ve released that information to the public. ”
“They haven’t,” Jem said. “But they did say that a UFOlogist found the body. How many UFOlogists who found a dead body are going to be in the Uinta Basin?”
Resolve steeled Tean’s expression. But he checked Jem, and his voice was hesitant when he said, “We can stop. We should stop. Let the police handle it.”
Jem snorted. “We can’t stop. Daniel’s going to get himself killed if we don’t find this guy.
And Ammon’s not going anywhere because he was stupid enough to give a confession.
The police are halfway convinced that if Ammon didn’t do it, we did—or that we’re helping him.
If we sit on our asses, we’ll be lucky if they don’t arrest us as accomplices. ”
The furnace came on. Lukewarm air licked the back of Jem’s legs.
“Tomorrow,” Tean said. “After work?”
Jem grinned. “It’s a date.”